Chapter 2:

Hear Me

I am not a pretty girl
that is not what I do
I ain't no damsel in distess
and I don't need to be rescued
so put me down punk
maybe you'd prefer a maiden fair

(lyrics by: Ani DeFranco )

"Is everything ok with you Jean?"

Jamba Juice's older employee gave her obviously younger colleague a concerned look.
"I'm fine Betty, thanks."

Jean knew exactly that neither Betty nor anyone else who could see her at the moment was convinced by this statement, but she knew Betty and that the older woman woulnd't talk about this topic any longer which Jean was more than thankful for.

Jean took two pills of a very strong medicine against headaches with a fast and well known move of her hand. For some seconds, she relished the feeling of absolut silence in her head.

It wasn't the headaches that drove her to the edge of insanity, not even the always repeating nightmares she wouldn't even wish her worst enemy to have. It was simply the emptiness that took her closer to the abyss with each and every day.

She could very well remember the time when everything seemed to have a meaning for her. She still went to college back then. She still had friends and the feeling to be loved. The feeling to be important for just some seconds in this too cold and too emotionless world.

And today? She was 22 years old, didn't have an education and no contact to other people other than at her work. She was kind of a broken toy.

Nevertheless, Jean knew that she wasn't useless.
This world outisde that seemed so evidently for everyone else, was nothing more than a battlefield for Jean.
She knew what was out there. She knew what the dark was hiding and she knew how to fight it.

No one would ever understand or conceive what Jean did for this world. No one would ever thank her for it. She was seen as a pretty girl, too pretty with her glowing green eyes and her dark curles and her breathtaking figure to actually see the world as anything else than just a playground.

No one saw how lonely she was, no one knew of all the things she had seen in her life and what she had to bear. Nobody botherd enough to take a deeper look behind her facade.

And that was something else Jean was thankful for. She neither wanted the world's thankfulness, nor its pity. The only thing Jean longed for was silence. She wanted silence in her head, she wanted to sleep just one night without nightmares.

"It's late, honey. Why don't you just go home?"

Jean gave Betty a smile, grabbed her bag and went home to her one-room apartment. She was way too tired to remind Betty that she still had to work about two hours and knew that Betty only wanted the best for her.

Back home she took a long shower and decided to go to bed without any dinner right away. With that, she sent a silent prayer to please not be hunted by nightmares this night, but knew that this plea would remain unheard, too.

Sighing, Jean lay down in bed only to be wide awake again after some seconds when she noticed the knocking on her door.

She approached the door tired and edgy, looked through the loophole and stiffened. Standing outside her door were two men. She could see the taller one pretty good and somehow he seemed familiar. The shorter one was hidden by the shadows.

Jean opened the door very carefully.

"Can I help you?" she asked in a less polite tone.

"Jean?"

That's when the world stopped moving for Jean.
She knew that voice.

When she slowly turned to the man who smiled at her she started feeling a little bit dizzy.

She knew those eyes. She knew that body.

"Jean?"

She knew that voice.

Before that man could say anything else, Jean had already gained back her consciousness and slapped his cheek with all her might. The only sound louder than that was the slamming door.

Now Jean remembered. She knew exactly who could make her life even worse than it already was.

Dean Winchester stepped back into her life and one thing was for sure: Jean wouldn't allow him to turn her life upside down again.

She wouldn't allow herself to fall in love with him all over again.