(Four)
Gambit's efforts to hurry were in vain. He had pushed the boat's motor to the limit as he plowed through the inky black waters of the bay, watching with a kind of detached horror as the warehouse loomed larger and larger as they drew near. He had no idea what to expect when he got there. He held some grim hope because Anya had predicted that Kimble and he had some kind of future. He wouldn't have guessed at such a fate judging by the inferno he was so swiftly approaching.
Gambit turned and parked the boat with skill at a small dock just outside of the smoking warehouse. They were fortunate that the dock was far enough away from the explosion that it hadn't been damaged. He could hear sirens in the distance now, the city had been alerted to the disaster. It was kind of hard to miss, there was a plume of smoke and fire rising high into the sky.
It didn't take Remy long to see that they had rushed to the burning warehouse for nothing. The area where the explosion had originated was now a smoking ruin, whatever was combustible had ignited and burned out quickly, more than half of the building was gone, the rest was on fire. Cameron's safehouse was just a memory now. The Kings that survived the explosion had fled, the unlucky ones were chunks on the ground.
Gambit jumped off the boat and ran up the wooden dock, dodging bits of flaming debris and ash that was swirling about in the air. He stood in front of the storage area just looking at it helplessly. He didn't even know where to begin looking for Kimble, it was too much of a mess in there. Gambit did his best just the same, scrambling madly through some of the wreckage and almost heaving his guts out from fear and the smell of burning things. He was looking for Kimble, his heart already knowing the Siskan was long gone even if his brain didn't.
Rogue had come to him then, blurting out what she had seen. She had caught just a glimpse of Kyle and Kimble talking just before the warehouse storage area had exploded. She had seen that Kimble had done a terrible thing, that he had tried to destroy himself. There was no mistaking the intent of a man standing in kerosine with a lit flare. She had dodged the explosion, ready for it when it happened, and was quick enough to witness after that the pair had gotten out alive. Kyle clearly had used a telekinetic shield to protect himself and Kimble from the blast.
Rogue had been tossed away by the explosion that followed, her invulnerability the only thing keeping her from being badly burned. It never stopped her from doing her job, she had been too well trained for that. Kyle had pulled a wet and dripping Kimble from the water and took off to parts unknown. She wanted to chase after them, but the screams of the wounded and the trapped held her. She had let Kimble go to help dig out the survivors, she had been fast at work doing just that when Remy pulled up in the boat.
Remy snarled in frustration when Rogue was done telling him what had happened. He knew that even if the pilot's body hadn't been destroyed in the explosion, Kimble was still gone. Anya had pretty much spelled it out in her prediction - He can lose one and still be alive, understand? she had said. Somehow, Logan's being there made it happen. Kimble had seen something in Logan that made Wolverine go crazy. Logan then went off on Kimble, frightening him enough that the Quitter had taken over the body forever. 'Shay had decided to go out with a bang, taking a number of her Kings teammates with him. Didn't seem like she cared. Heck, why would she? Kimble was gone and all there was now was the Quitter. A queen bee bitch in a tiny child's body. In Kimble's body. The thought of it made Gambit lose control and he had to be forcibly dragged away. He wanted to dig some more in the rubble of the warehouse as if he would still find his friend buried in the rubble, but the cops were coming. They had to get out of there.
She took flight and manhandled Remy back to the boat, chanting softly as he resisted her, "Remember what Anya said, he's still alive. Ah saw him myself. He won't die, not this night. He can be saved."
She dropped Gambit off on the boat, only to put an end to another brawl as Remy next went for Wolverine again. If the pilot had gotten out alive, the Kimble personality was dead, just like Anya said, and he wanted everyone to know just whose fault it was. Logan didn't put up much of a fight, he just wordlessly shoved Gambit away and went to the back of the boat to sulk. Storm had gotten back safely from the blast, she grabbed control of the boat and sped them away, wanting only to get as far from here as she could before things got worse.
(break)
When they got back to the house, Gambit stomped off, locking himself away in his room and not speaking to anyone. He blocked out his mind, no telepaths welcome, thank you. He had come out only once. That was to go down to the Dragon to speak with Fallen. He had returned here and hadn't come out since. That was almost two days ago now.
Drunk and miserable in his room, Remy battled his pain. He was currently undressed and covered in his blankets, curled up tight with his back to the door. He had an empty bottle of Jack on the floor, an ash tray full of spent cigarette butts. He was trying really hard to keep his grief in check, but he knew he would fail. The loss was just too great. The body of his friend was alive, but the Lover was gone.
He had asked Fallen if he could keep Kimble's locked box and she let him have it, unresistant when she saw his grief stricken face. He had it up here now and it lay open, displaying all of Kimble's inner desires. Remy looked over it all, wanting the essence of his "little brother" close. He had the stack of Kimble's drawings out in front of him and was flipping through them, trying to remember the feel of Kimble's touch and the brightness of his laugh. It seemed like Kimble had been gone forever.
Remy held the picture the Lover had drawn out where he could see it. Just the sight of Kimble's love for him out in the open was too much. Remy crushed the picture to his chest as he was swept away by an uncontrollable surge of grief. He was supposed to protect his little brother and had failed miserably. He had promised himself he wasn't going to cry, but it seemed like this was one promise he wasn't going to keep. This picture had been drawn with such love and care, Remy's heart broke and he couldn't control his feelings. He curled up in a ball and sobbed silently into his pillow.
He'll come back to you, Anya had said.
Yeah, but in what shape, chere? He asked the ghost in his mind. It mattered not. Kimble was his friend and Gambit had let him down. He should have chained Logan to a wall before he left, anything to have prevented this.
He felt a sudden chill and closed his eyes as a terrible shiver took him. He could almost hear it now, the ice cold wind of Antarctica taunting him. Remy, you failed again. How stupid to think you would ever be good enough to have the woman you want or the friendship of lifetime. They are both gone now, just as they should be. You're a thief, a murdering, careless liar and a cheat.
Non! It isn't true!
You hurt everyone you've ever loved or trusted! How many women did you con out of their clothes?
Dey all loved me! I made dem 'appy, even if was jus' fo' one night!
How many houses did you rob?
Dey was all bad men! Drug dealers and crooks!
Does it matter? You think and act without a care!
Non! I do t'ink! I tried and I tried! I did! I tried to save my Kimble, I did!
You knew Logan would go there and you didn't stop him!
I-I wanted to believe 'e would stay away! Dat I could trust 'im!
Oh? Like you can be trusted?
Gambit sobbed loudly and reached under his pillow. His fingers found what they were seeking, his secret friend. He slid a switchblade out from its hiding place and snapped it out. The blade gleamed in the light of his small bedside lamp as he lay it along his wrist. It lined up perfectly with a fine old scar there, a remnant of his past. Had it been a deliberate mistake, or a miscalculation that he had failed then?
Hello darkness, my old friend...
This blade had been with him a long time. He had found it in a crack of the villain's liar, the recently departed bad guy of Antarctica. It was a tease. Use this or try to live. It had been an agonizing choice. He had been trapped in that building for five days when he found the knife, starving, freezing to death, smashed inside beyond repair. Six more days passed before he was finally found. Oh, he had come so close, so very close. He had dug the blade in but couldn't quite get it right. Of course he knew he wasn't doing it properly, that wasn't the point. It was a test of his will. He hadn't really been ready then, but he had been very close. And he was close again now.
Your wife and kids?
"You a liar, Anya...jus' like me."
All things we want, must be earned. Nothing is given.
"It's not fair! Why must I pay an' pay an pay! Why?" he shouted into his pillow, the pain gripping his guts so tightly he thought he would burst apart.
Because this is how we learn grace. This is how we become strong.
Father Duncan, from the orphanage back in New Orleans, had told him this while he was on his knees, sucking on his bruised and battered fingers. He had been caught stealing food. The orphanage he spent the first eight years of his life in did not have a lot of money, food was scarce. It had to be shared. One day, Remy lost his patience with his growling tummy. Of course he had gotten caught, he was only five and not yet the master thief he would later become. He got his knuckles rapped soundly for his mistake and a scathing lecture from the Father. It was very enlightening. He learned just how many kids were there and how little there was for all. As further punishment, he was shown off in front of the other kids and had only one meal a day for a week. It had taught him humility. He never stole from the poor again.
The real lesson here? The real things in life must be earned, it's just that some of us have to work a little harder than others, that's all. Especially loser chumps like himself.
He could almost hear Tante Mattie's voice in his ear. She was a black woman who worked for Jean Luc LeBeau, the man who later became his father. She would soothe him when he had nightmares or when he was sick. She was a mother to him, a voodoo priestess and a healer. A gift from Heaven. She said the same things as Father Duncan, pounding them into his head with finality. God's way of never letting him forget, he used to think. Her voice was yelling at him now. "You one wretched, silly, little boy! Spoiled rotten y' are! Stop all dis whinin' an' pityin'! You was put on dis Earth to work 'ard, not play so easy all de while! Put dat damn fool blade away b'fo' you hurt y'self! Damn! Gonna smack you upside yo' head! You don' learn from nuthin!"
Gambit shivered and let the knife slip to the floor, its blade clean of blood, but not of his guilt. He curled up and groaned as the chill left him, its battle lost...at least for this day. "Je suis de'sole... I'm sorry I let you down, little brother..." he mumbled to the pillow as his body ran out of tears.
He startled a little when he heard a soft knock on his door. "Remy? Can I come in?"
Rogue.
He wiped quickly at his face and gathered the drawings quickly, dumping them back into the lock box and shutting the lid. "Eh, sure, chere," he said, trying to sound natural but not quite making it.
She came in and shut the door behind her. She was grateful he had said yes, she had been worried he was never going to come out. She looked around, surprised to see Remy's room in such shambles. Kimble's lock box was long and took up a lot of space. Remy had taken out some of the items and had them out on the floor. She saw Kimble's kaleidoscope and his skates off to one side. She also noted with some surprise the restraining collar Kimble had given Gambit out on top of all the junk. She knew these collars were rare.
"You okay, Remy?"
He shrugged and gave her his ususal cocky laugh. "Gambit's okay, chere. 'E always is."
She smiled and chuckled at him. She could see his eyes were puffy and red around the edges. His eyes were always red really, but she knew the difference, she had loved him that much. His pain was chiseled on his face for all to see. "No. What he is, is a piss poor liar. What're you doin' in here? It's time for y'all t' come out."
"Wasn't doin' anyt'ing. Just t'inkin' bout Kimble, dat's all."
She walked over to the bed and lay down next to him, careful not to touch him. She still hadn't changed her trend of not covering herself up. Her arms and midriff were bare. She leaned over Remy's legs and peered at Kimble's pile of junk. "And what is this?" she asked, picking up the restraining collar.
" 'E give dat to me."
"Why?" she asked slowly, knowing the answer already.
Gambit laughed bitterly. " 'E was worried dat we weren't doin' t'ings de proper way," he teased, though his eyes remained sad. "Kimble, 'e t'ought dat would make us 'appy. 'E funny dat way."
Restraining collars for mutants were rare and hard to find. They were used to block out whatever gifts a mutant had been given. The collars were mostly used in prison situations or for detaining one's enemies. Normally, this collar would be seen as something loathed and hated, but here it had another meaning. It would block out Rogue's life draining power. If she put this on, she and Remy could touch.
"When did he give this to you?"
"A long time ago. 'E wanted to t'ank me for lettin' 'im sleep outside dat first night 'e was 'ere. Kimble tends to t'ink in sexual terms most of de time. Dat was de best 'e could come up wit on such short notice," he joked casually. They both knew just how rare and valuable that collar was.
"Why didn't ya tell me about this before?"
"I dunno. Guess Gambit didn' t'ink you would ever want to wear dat for 'im...dat we were t'rough. Guess 'e was waitin' for de right moment...one 'e didn' t'ink was ever gonna come."
She surprised him by slowly putting the collar on around her neck. "And is this the right time, darlin'?"
Gambit swallowed heavily. This he had not expected. He figured she might come looking for him but had doubted she would actually show up. The tension between them had been too great. Now, he was sitting here wallowing in self pity and grief and she was here before him like an oasis in the middle of the desert. He heard the voices of irony cry out from inside of him, Why is it dat you're 'ere when Gambit's in pain like dis, but not all de other times 'e really need you around?, but decided this was not a good time to argue with himself.
"Only if it's okay wit you, chere. Gambit, 'e is sly, but 'e didn' mean to fire you up like dis," he offered feebly, not daring to believe.
She just laughed. "You silly little boy. I know ya well enough to know what you need."
She bent down and kissed him on the mouth.
Gambit jerked involuntarily, he couldn't help it. The first time she had ever done this, she put him in a catatonic state for four days because of her mutation. When he finally woke up, he was wasted for days. It took a long time to recover. He joked that it had been worth it, but she had laid him out pretty good. That was the kiss that had cost him her trust. It wasn't much longer after that when the whole mess of his terrible secret got out. When he saw that nothing was happening now, he released his pent up passion for her and embraced her quickly, kissing her madly. He was out of his mind to be doing this. This was just another opportunity for her to rip his heart and self esteem to shreds, but he didn't care. She laughed in his ear, sending a thrill right through him.
Just like with Vanessa, her touch up close was maddening and her shine burst out around her suddenly as his senses went into hyperdrive. He hadn't been with anyone since Vanessa, spooked by Jael's little virus. He didn't startle as badly this time and recovered his stride quickly, relaxing to enjoy the gift Kimble had given him. He could smell Rogue's arousal even though she hadn't undressed yet and was intensely aware of her excited breathing so close to his ear. It filled him with an intense desire he had no wish to control. He wanted to hear her heartbeat crashing inside of his head. He wanted to feel her love blasting into him, filling him up with its warmth. He was barely aware that he was thinking on Kimble's terms. His passion was jacked up and running away with itself and he lay her down a little roughly. He fumbled clumsily at her clothes and at the blankets that had now twisted around him, unable to get them off fast enough. He began to rip and tear at her and she laughed at him, amused by his enthusiasm.
"'S okay, darlin'," she drawled, happily. "I got a whole closet full."
"Gambit steal you some more, bien?" he said, grateful that she wasn't put off by his haste.
As he continued to undress her, he calmed himself by rambling on and on about which high end department stores he was going to break into to steal some new clothes for her. He spent most of his time discussing lingerie. She let him go on and on, loving the sound of his voice and that pretty Cajun accent. She couldn't get enough of it. Remy got much quieter when he ran out of clothes to remove.
He knew her greatest need was to have her body touched, so he put all of his skills to work for her. He kissed her lips, her eyelids and the tip of her nose, making her giggle. He nibbled on her earlobe, first making it wet with a gentle flick of his tongue then blowing on it. He was thrilled by the responsive shiver she gave and the soft moan of pleasure that escaped her lips. He kept his hands busy, making the best of this as long as he could.
They had been together like this once before, a restraining collar in use, but they were held prisoner in a locked cell and not sure when the axe was going to fall. It was nice to have the brief moment of intimacy, but it was just that, brief. He'd had no time to really play her and show her just what he was capable of. When they were freed, the collars were left behind and he never had a chance to find another until Kimble gave him this one. He wasn't about to let this opportunity go to waste. This time they had all night and he was going to give her the thrill of her life.
Rogue was in delicious agony. She was quickly realizing the difference between a lover and a man who got by. Remy's spectacular foreplay was making poor Manny seem like a blind, shuffling drunk bumbling around in the dark. Every touch of Remy's hands had meaning, every stroke of his tongue a deep loving kiss. She was bucking wildly, she was so close so close...
"Ah, ah. Not yet, mon jolie petite fille," he chuckled softly and withdrew.
"You bastard!" she complained, still writhing.
He just laughed, catching his breath. He was rock hard and eager, but wanted to regain some control. He kissed the smooth flat muscles of her belly and flicked his tongue in and out of her cute little belly button. He shocked her by licking her skin suddenly and blowing bubbles loudly on her belly, making her squeal with laughter.
"Damnit, Remy! This girl's on fire, best be puttin' it out, Sugah, not foolin' around!"
"What's de rush, ey? Don' tell me you missed me?"
"Of course Ah did," she said softly, growing suddenly serious.
This he did not want. "Den Gambit make sure you don' ever run away again, mon ador'ee," he joked lightly and dove into her, causing her to shudder and gasp against him.
Remy took her passionately and was again struck by how intensely he was enjoying her. Rogue's glow was bright and shimmering all around him now, brighter now because their physical contact was more complete than he had ever had before. They were joined on levels he didn't even knew existed. Her shine was pouring into him now and damn, if it wasn't telling him things. It whispered to him, / I love you, Remy. I need you, Remy. But most of all...I love to be made love to by you, Remy. /
He couldn't explain the voice, it wasn't hers, but it came from her body and it spoke the truth. It made him crazy with desire and he was driven to a frenzy. He became as Kimble was and his driving passion backwashed into Rogue. She felt it as a huge wave of pleasure and they both cried out at the same time as they climaxed together. It overwhelmed him and he lay against her, shivering and trembling all over from feeling her love pour into him from all sides. It was real, it was tangible, and he would never doubt what she felt for him ever again. It was here in his hands like never before, substantial and his forever.
Rogue felt him quivering against her and couldn't believe how on fire and alive she felt. He had touched her like no other, stoked her passion as Manny never could. He was the best lover she had ever had, no one had ever come close to what he could do for her, restraining collar or not. She was giddy and high and warm all over. She didn't completely understand just how he had affected her, she just thought it had been so long since she had been this close to him and had forgotten what a wonderful, skilled lover he actually was.
"You okay, Sugah?" Rogue asked him with a chuckle. He was trembling all over like a child.
"Sure, Gambit okay. 'E just fo'got jus' 'ow sweet y' are." He kissed her shoulder, biting her a little, and shivered again. " 'E gonna eat you up, chere."
"Oh, my! You shoulda broke out this here collar a long time ago!"
"Gambit will make up for it, je promets."
He nibbled on her again, grateful for just this simple thing of being able to taste her skin and breathe in her smells. He took a moment to just hold her tightly and stroke his hands over her body, needing that closeness more than anything else. He buried his hands in her hair and nuzzled her neck, hearing her laugh softly as he tickled her with his nose. Anya's prediction of a wife and kids came back to him, this time with a promise of past debts paid, and he felt such a surge of hope and euphoria, he was unable to stop the shiver of pleasure that ripped right through him. He was going to take that knife, his old friend, and toss it away forever.
Rogue laughed once more, knowing that Remy had really needed her and hadn't been able to hide it. She was no longer jealous of Kimble or of his memory in spite of the debris that now littered Gambit's floor. She felt strong and powerful and important. She had needed this more than she realized. This is what she had been missing, that great big empty hole that she'd been carrying around inside of her was gone, momentarily filled.
He rose after a few minutes of gentle cuddling and tugged her with him into the small bathroom that joined his room. He started up the shower and brought her in, wanting her with him. He managed to wash up, but it took a while. He was kissing her and soaped her down, letting her feel the slick slide of his wet hands all over her back, her breasts, her firm little bottom. All the while, he did the bravest thing he had ever done. He told her again and again that he loved her, speaking more freely than he had before. He was so afraid she would leave him again and so opened himself to her like he never had. He had to make her understand that what he felt for her was real.
Rogue heard him and felt his sincerity. She couldn't believe how incredible it felt to have him touch her and the caring way he did it. She loved the feel of his body. He had the long lean physique of a marathon runner, all angles and definition. He had a light covering of russet hair on his chest that she loved to stroke. She never saw his scars, they were invisible to her now, a thing of the past. Her fingers touched him without feeling them. He reached for the shampoo and gently started to wash her hair, whispering softly to her in pleasant Cajun nonsense as he massaged her scalp with his fingers. She closed her eyes and let him pamper her, let him speak the words in her ear. She was on fire and soon enough, they made it back out to the bed again. He brought her back to the brink of exploding just with the play of his hands and the skillful art of his tongue.
When he took her again, she felt that wave of pleasure again and this time was fully aware of what it meant. This was no fluke, no miracle of restraining collar technology. He was making her high. He was filling her head with amazing sensations, something he hadn't done before...ever. Remy had come back from his journey to Cerise changed in more than one way, she knew that now. She had heard the rumors about the file exchange and had noticed how Remy always seemed guarded about talking about it.
Remy had always been an excellent lover, but this was something different. Her skin was tingling and her mind swimming with pleasure no mere loveplay could produce. She felt it when he came and not just because she knew his body so well. This was inside her head. It came at her, a wave of ecstacy so powerful, it blew her away and made her shake all over. It was great, but frightening as well. Whatever it was, it was coming from Remy and not because of the collar around her neck. She lay back and enjoyed it, but some small door closed in her mind that had been opened before. He had been changed and had hidden it. More secrets. Always with him, his secrets.