Chapter 3
Emptiness … Loneliness
The week started like any other for Hikari, first to wake, first to class and first to linger. It was a time she used to gather herself, her precious moment alone in peace. The moment withering as the first of her classmates arrived. The girls chatting away with their usual gossip and boys, the boys bragging about their latest exploits and going on about the girls, the only ones not carrying on where of course Rei who rarely said anything to anyone and Shinji.
She glanced around looking for Kensuke and Tohji, but couldn't find the pair. She could tell by the way he was sitting that he didn't expect anyone to talk to him. After the incident with the latest angel the school grapevine had come down pretty hard on him, blaming him for nearly getting Kensuke, Tohji and she killed in the battle. No one she had talked to believed her when she told them as much as she could about what had really happened. How they shouldn't have been there in the first place and that he was doing the best he could giving the situation. Hearing them telling her how she could know if he was trying or not.
It had been nearly a week since the attack and what few people would go near him after the first attack would barley acknowledge his existence. As the teacher arrived she was resolved to at least try to get to know the boy, nobody should have no one to talk to least of all someone in his position.
The day seemed to creep by for her as the professor went on about second impact, she was at least grateful that he said moved on a bit even if it still was the same over all subject. By mid day she had been ready to spend her break with him, talking about anything that he might want to discuss, but when the teacher asked her to stay a moment she lost track of him. With her official duties out of the way Hikari found herself wondering between the different areas the students would stop and eat at not finding him at any of them. She had nearly given up when she spotted him in the back courtyard.
As she approached she could see him as he ate, his motion robotic and precise, his face void of any sign emotion, surpassing that of even Ayanamis' face. It was as if he had surrender to what he saw was his fate that he'd started to give up what little hope he clung to. Seeing him like this sent a chill down her spine the memory of her mothers face when the doctors said they couldn't do anymore for her flashing through her mind, remembering the felling she said looking into that empty room where the girl had once been living in.
She could almost fell the air growing cold around her as she moved closer, as if his lifeless actions where draining away the very warmth from the air. "Hi Shinji can I join you?" asked putting as much friendliness and cheer in her voice as she could.
"If you wish." was his emotionless reply, his motions pausing only a moment to reply before resuming.
"Great!" she said sitting next to him in the shade of oak tree.
Opening her bento she glanced out the corner of her eye watching as his mechanical movements continued. Had he been alone so long he didn't recognize her trying to be friendly with him?
Signing her rested her hands on her bento looking down with closed eyes as she spoke. "Your wrong you know," she started, felling him freeze before she continued "your not just part of that machine. Not just another circuit or motor that divers it onward. You're a real person Shinji." She said somewhat melancholy.
"I'm… not so sure anymore." were his chilling words, her blood freezing in her veins at this realization.
"Then what about that little girl! You came to see her everyday! You talked with her, played games with her, even read her favorites books to her! Would a machine do that for a dieing child?" Her words filled with a little anger and concern.
"I … don't know any more Miss Horaki. I don't know if it even matters that I'm not a part of Eva anymore."
"How could you say that?" She said looking away from him. 'How could he be so empty.' she thought. "Would a machine have saved us?" she asked. "Of course not, it would have kept fighting crushing us without a second thought!"
"But you did." She said looking away from him. "You opened the plug and let us inside to protect us." Her left hand covering the faded wounds to her ribs "You risked your life to save us, and that's something no machine can do Shinji." She said moments before the sires scream filled the air announcing the arrival of another angel to the city.
Hikari was in the operations room now watching as the personal moved about the stations busily…
"The target's passing over Tonasiwa." updated Shigeru.
"Unit-1 is beginning launch sequence." Confirmed Makoto,
"Releasing primary lock bolts."
"Lock bolts released." Confirmed Shinji
"Removing secondary restarts"
"Roger"
"The target is now intruding into Lake Eshino air space."
"Eva unit-1 is ready for launch!"
"Launch Eva!" commanded Misato.
From her vantage point Hikari watched as the blip that was Shinji's Eva rose quickly through the vertical passageways that lead to the surface. The bright holographic display filling her vision as he looked up helplessly…
"We're detecting a high energy reaction inside the target." Stated Shineru his voice somewhat confused.
"What you say!" the purple haired captain said her voice filled with shock.
"The energy charge is accreting and massing upon it's self!"
"It can't be!"
She watched helpless as Shinji rose the last few meter to the surface unaware.
"Look out duck!" yelled the captain as the energy beam cut through the skyscraper between it and the Eva.
Her eyes frozen to the screen as she watched the beam start to bore its way into the Eva. Watching as the metal armor peeled away as it dug deeper into the Eva. Her hands trying desperately to block out the pain filled screams of Shinji as he was boiled in the plug from the sheer heat, his body racked with pain as he felt the relentless pressure of the weapon boring through his flesh.
"NO Shinji!"
Watching horrified as the lift started moving downward. Watching as the beam cut a line up his body as the Eva descended. A sick felling welling up in her stomach as she made her way to the cage. By the time she made it the cage he had been unloaded and was being moved to the medical wing of the base as various personal checked him as they went.
Her view of him blocked when she came to the door separating the hallway from the intensive care wing. His battered body still fresh in his mind, the angry red mark on his chest as if he'd been burned. The line left as the beam was interrupted moving up his chest just missing his neck as it went over his shoulder was a weaker red more like a sun burn then the wound on his chest.
She was there when he was wheeled into his room, looking into the room as he recovered in the coffin like device. The distant sound of the machinery dampened by the wall and glass between her and his room, her hand pressing against the glass as a slow trickle blood snaked its way out of his nose and across his cheek.
"I … don't know any more Miss Horaki. I don't know if it even matters that I'm not a part of Eva anymore."
His last words to her echoed in her mind as she looked at him. Something about the way he had said it worried her. It was like he didn't think he was a person anymore, that he had started to believe he was a part of that machine and nothing more then that. That he'd given up a part of himself.
'Why Shinji?'
She was at the temporary base now hidden in the mountains. The hastily assembled counterattack was in it last stages of preparation. The glow and hum from the light and the sound of all that electricity around filled the air as they where given their final briefing before the battle.
"Rei, you in Unit-0 will snipe the target while Hikari will provide cover for you in unit-1, this arrangement will be used due to Reis' greater experience piloting Eva and slightly higher sync ratio. As for defense you with be using a this shield, with its electromagnetic base coat section two guaranties it will last at least thirteen seconds. Rei you must hit the target on the first shot. We may not have time for a second one.
"Yes doctor."
"I know you haven't had time to full familiarize yourself with the Eva yet Miss Hikari, but with Shinji still unconscious from the last attack you will take his place for this mission as his acting backup. We have no other choice in this matter.
"I understand ma'am."
"We will be commencing our attack soon so board your Evas'."
Looking out through the giants eyes Hikari looked towards the city she called home in the distance. In the depth of night the only light emulating it was the soft glow from the Angel as it bored its way into the Geofront. The uneasy felling of being in such a machine still lingered within her, more so of what she may see then what she had to do, knowing she might find another piece of Shinji hidden with here made her uneasy.
As they took their positions, part of her mind wandered back to the conversation she had with Shinji earlier that day. The part of her mind that was focused on it buried in the back wondered about why he seemed so empty, why he always felt so distant from everyone around him.
She listened as the Major counted down the seconds till the rifle was charged to fire. Her body moving as she saw the pale blue light start to grow from within the Angel. Her massive foot crashing to the ground peeling up dirt, stone and plant life as it slide over the ground before finding firm footing. Her arms rising lifting the makeshift shield till the only view through a small slit. The outside of her arms suddenly growing warm as the angels beam weapon lashed against the shields' casing, the heat slowly warming her skin.
The once starlit sky now painted a bright purple hue as the coating started to burn away. The force of the beam pressed against her, making her lean back her butt pressing hard against the back of one foot as pushed back from her crouching position. Some energy from the blast skipping off the barrier between her and the Angel as the heat grew more intense threatening to burn away her flesh.
"Five more seconds." Said the monotone voice of Rei as a small window opened revealing her.
Hikari watched as the heat started to bend and melt parts of the shield. The outside edges turning into molten metal and flying away, listening as the Major counted the last few second as she summoned all the strength she could and slowly began to raise. A sudden burst of heat lashed against her lower legs as the rifle fired. Watching as the second beam flew through the air running parallel with the Angels'.
Seeing and felling the shields last tattered remains burn away, as a wall of heat pressed against her as she crouched using her arms and legs to take the brunt of the blast. Her senses crying out as the flesh on her limbs felt like it was burning away as she tried to protect her body from the blast. The searing pain filling her as she watched the Evas' beam inch closer and closer, felling the pressure dissipate as the blast cut through the Angel.
Her body collapsing forward now that the beam was gone, her body coming to rest, her hands and knees on the ground as her weight came to bare on her hands and legs. Watching as the melted armor poured down her arms coving her undamaged fingers dipping to the ground as it went, mixing with the molted metal from her once armored legs. The unprotected flash beneath them covered in deep burns. Her armored head rising as she watched the Angels' lifeless body fall onto the city as darkness consumed her.
Hikari awoke to find her to find herself in an open field surrounded by a distant mountain line. Sitting up she looked around confused as to find herself here as her last memory was looking up at the falling Angels' corpse. Yet there where no signs here of a battle, more over no signs that humans had even been to this place before. As she stood she caught the glimpse of a person ahead of her only her head and shoulders visible above a dip in the ground.
As she moved closer she was able to get a better look at the woman in front of her as she looked out over the valley before her. She was young maybe in her mid twenties with short brown hair neatly cut just short of her shoulders. Her white lab coat danced with the gentle breeze her short hair mimicking the action. As she approached her the woman turned to face her vanishing before turning fully.
With the woman now gone she found herself in the Eva cage facing the giant that was Unit-1.It's massive eyes focusing on her as it spoke…
"You are the one who has seen threw 'his' eyes are you not." It asked its deep voice vibrating the walkway beneath her forming tiny waves in the red liquid around it.
"Shinjis'?" she asked her voice shaking.
"Yes. You have seen what we have seen. You have felt what we have felt. Know what he knows, and lived what he has lived. Then you know what we know. That he is fading away from us and that he soon will be beyond our grasp."
"He doesn't think he is to know and live what others have…" she said sighing before continuing. "He thinks that he only exists to pilot his Eva and nothing more."
"Yes. He has never know anyone that gave his life a meaning other then her. Thus with her passing he lost the only thread that bound him to this word. As he grew he found no new threads to grasp onto and is now fading away found others."
In an instant the view around her changed again to the now familiar room where Shinji had spent many a day…
"We cannot let this happen." Whispered the young girl voice "I once gave him propose, a reason to exist. Now he believes he has none other then to pilot Eva, and if need be to die in Eva.
Once again Hikari was in that green field now looking at that woman she had seen before. Her face filled with concern and worry.
"I can no longer help him as I once did," She said smiling softly "you must help him now.
The three now shared the field with her, the little girl standing next to the woman smiling as the woman rested her hand on the girls shoulder. The shadow cast by the Eva covering them all as it knelt behind them looking down at her.
"This we leave to you."
When Hikari came to she found herself lying in a bed at the hospital. When the nurse that came to check on her she was surprised to find she had been there for two days before she woke up. The flesh on her arms and legs still ached and upon further inspection she found they had a slightly reddish hue to them but otherwise looked normal.
She was glad to be back in her bed later that day. Despite having been asleep for so long she felt so very tried. When she had gotten home her sisters where happy to see her again and had filled her in as to what had happen over the last few days. Nozomi telling about all the various things she had done at school and at home, Kodama filling her in on the events at her own school, and filling in some of the gaps in from what had happened while she was away.
The two often talked about the different goings on in each others lives and even after her placement as a pilot this hadn't changed much. Kodama had seen Shinji at the hospital the day she had been admitted but hadn't seen him in any of his classes since then. When she had came to the school that day she had over heard some of the other students in her sisters class commenting on how he hadn't been there in a few days at that he must have finally understood no one wanted him here.
Having been told of his past from what her younger sister had found out about him she knew that this withdraw from others was a further step towards his realization that he was something less then human. When Hikari told her he thought of himself more and more as just 'part of the machine" she wasn't sure what she had meant by it. With her placement as a pilot there where some things they could no longer speak of, but she like most of the younger people in the city had heard the rumor that he was the pilot of the giant mecha that had been seen in the city during Angel attacks fighting the attackers. So she took it that it was the machine her sister had spoke of.
When she had seen him he had been walking past her sisters' room that first day. The bandages on his shoulder clearly visible under his shirt, but what concerned her most about him was the look in his eyes, the way the tiny flicker of light in them everyone had seemed to fade away almost to nothingness as she past him. How he barely acknowledged her when she told him it wasn't his fault she was here. How the air around him seemed to emanate an air of resignation and hopelessness. He was like a man with no other purpose in life but to fight, live knowing that with each punch and kick he made to the enemy the people he bleed to protect cursed and spat his name, knowing that when and if he died in battle they would all fell revealed that he was finally gone. Knowing that his only use in life was to live and die in the worst way anyone could, to life and die forgotten as if he was never there to begin with. She watched as he turned and walked away a void filling her chest as he did, watching as he move silently as if the very air failed to notice him, moving silently as if he was a phantom, silent and forgotten to the world.
"He has no hope in life Hikari. All he has is his emptiness and loneliness." Kodama had told her. "And soon he may not even have them anymore…"
She knew it was true, they where all he had and had ever known save a few brief moments that where no more to him then a fleeting dream that had been long since spirited away.
'Sometime there are people who can only exist because of another Hikari. Without this they fade away like the morning mist, as if they where never really there to begin with.' Her mother once told her.
This was the last thought Hikari Horaki had before the gentle sound of slumber enshrouded her in it's embrace.
And so ends chapter 3 of Through Your Eyes. Please review.
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Next Chapter…
To Touch What Is Frozen…