Title: Too Little. Too Late.

Author: Ebony-Jayne

Notes: The case really begins to get on top of Casey as they are drawn deeper into Alleigh's life yet again. This chapter admittedly doesn't have a lot to do with the actual case but more to do with Casey's state of mind and the growing friendship between her and Olivia.

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters or the show or the storylines on the show. I do, however, own the characters that I make up so please don't steal them. Any resemblance to anyone or anyplace is a coincidence.

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Chapter Six: Deeper Still

Casey sat on the balcony of her apartment with a glass of vodka and orange juice. She stared at the street, not really seeing anything…

"Mr. Novak were you aware that your wife self-harmed?" the detective asked.

"I'd just found out. She had just been to her first counseling session. How did this happen to us?" Carl Novak buried his face in his hands. 13-year-old Casey stood on the other side of the mirror. 'Self-harmed?' she thought. 'I wonder what that is.'

"Casey get out of there! You're gonna get me in trouble!" her 15-year-old brother Reese whispered harshly, dragging her out of the interrogation room by her hand.

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One night six months later her dad came to tuck her into bed.

"Dad?"

"Yeah?"

"What does self-harmed mean?"

"Where did you hear that Casey?"

"I heard some detectives say that Mom did it. What is it Dad?"

"It's something that some people do when they don't know how to cope with their feelings. They hurt themselves to make the pain go away."

"How do they hurt themselves?"

"Well. I don't think we need to talk about this now. Time for bed. Remember to say a prayer for mom."

"Of course. Goodnight Dad."

"Goodnight Casey."

Carl turned off the light. Sleep didn't come easily to Casey that night, though it hadn't since her Mom had died six months ago. She lay in the darkness wondering what her mom had done to hurt herself. She thought about how her mom always had scratches on her arms. Did she inflict those on herself? Casey thought about something else. Ever since her mom had died she had had an almost irrepressible urge to bang her head against things. She didn't know why. It just seemed to knock all of the bad things out of her head. Her mind jumped back to her moms arms. She had always worn long sleeves, even in the summer. Once she had heard her say that hopefully one day the scars would fade and she wouldn't have to wear long sleeves all of the time. It had always baffled Casey. Until now. Suddenly she was compelled to get up and cut herself. See if she could figure out why her mother had done it. She snuck into the bathroom and took a razor blade from the box. She went back into her room, locked the door and sat on her bed. She pushed up the sleeve of her pyjama top and pressed the razor against her skin drawing it across her arm. It stung and she dropped the razor. She saw tiny beads of blood start to appear on her arm and it completely entranced her. The sting quickly faded to a dull throb and she found that for the first time she could think clearly without all her feelings clouding her mind. She picked up the razor and cut her arm again. And again. And again. Soon her arm was covered in bright red scratches. She forced herself to stop and looked at her arm. 'Uh oh. Oh what have I done? I have to hide this. Thank God it's wintertime. Oh man. What did I do that for?' Casey was so scared and confused. Her arm hurt like hell and she was totally freaked that her dad would find out. She hid the razor and went to bed. Sleep came almost straight away…

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A quiet sob escaped Casey's lips as she thought about the very first time she cut. She still asked herself why. Every single time she had held a razor to her skin she would ask herself why. She got up and went inside. Once inside she allowed the sobs to overtake her. Tears poured down her cheeks as she curled up in a ball on her couch, trying to shield herself from the ever increasing urge to start cutting again. Suddenly there was a knock on the door.

"Casey? It's Olivia," came the familiar voice.

"Hang on," Casey winced at how broken she sounded.

"Are you Ok Casey?" Olivia's voiced was laced with concern. Casey ignored the question and opened the door. Olivia took one look at Casey and pulled her into a tight hug. Casey tried desperately to hold back the sobs, but wrapped securely in the detectives arms she just failed miserably. Olivia kicked the door shut and led Casey over to the couch. She sat down against the arm of the couch and sat Casey in the vee of her legs so that she could continue to hold her close. After a while Casey's sobs tapered off to soft sniffles. Olivia was also in tears now although Casey was yet to notice this. Casey was the one who finally broke the silence.

"I'm sorry Olivia. This case…it's just opened up so many old wounds…" she took a deep breath.

"I know you're having trouble with this case. I can see it in your eyes," Olivia whispered.

Casey sat up and shifted away from Olivia. She grabbed the box of tissues off of her coffee table. As she did she glanced at Olivia and saw her trying to discreetly wipe her own tears away. Casey turned to face her. She gave an apologetic smile and held out the box of tissues. Olivia returned the smile with a grateful one and took a couple of tissues.

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"How come you're here Olivia?" Casey asked softly, a few minutes later.

"Well. There was really two reasons. One was that you didn't seem so good when you left the station. The other was that I just met with Catriona Ellington and she thinks that her mom was the one that helped Alleigh kill herself," Olivia explained.

"Wow. This case just gets more and more complicated doesn't it?" Casey shook her head slightly. "I guess we need to talk to Janine Ellington again then."

"Y'know I really think that if it was Janine it was a mercy killing. I think that maybe Alleigh did open up to Janine and that she had seen what we're beginning to see," Olivia told Casey.

"Yeah. One really desperate little girl," Casey looked at Olivia her emerald eyes shining with tears. "She just felt so unloved Olivia. I read the rest of that diary. She felt like there was no-one in her world who gave a damn about her. She felt that there was nothing in her life worth living for. She was only 14! No-one should have to think about things like that. Least of all when they're 14!" Casey had managed to hold her tears back this time but she just looked so hopeless. Olivia saw a flicker of something unexpected go through Casey's eyes: understanding.

"Casey, have you ever tried to kill yourself?" she asked quietly, reaching over and taking hold of the redheads hand.

"Once. One time, and I nearly succeeded," Casey replied softly. She pulled her hand away from Olivia's and removed her watch revealing the deep crimson scar that ran from one side of her wrist to the other. Olivia stared at it for a moment before removing her own watch and revealing an almost identical scar on her own wrist.

"Yeah. Me too," she sighed.

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