Okay, so I'm gonna split from my usual style of writing here and go into first person points of view, which I feel will better help us get a grip on Kagome and Sesshomaru's exact feelings after the big "M". Short little explanation for what comes next. And also, I'm hoping with this chapter that I'll get back into my humor thing that I pretty much abandoned the last few chapters.
It's hard to describe what I feel in these first moments of waking. All I can really tell you is that I was aware. I could feel every bone and muscle in my body like never before. I could feel the air moving on my naked flesh, and the slight chill warning of a coming storm.
I move my arm and see that the fire had almost burned out but left an almost imperceptible light in the room. With that I turn to study my...mate. He is on his side, cradling my head into the small nook in his shoulder. One of his legs is wrapped protectively or possessively (depending on how you see it) around mine. He is asleep still, and in sleep appears almost human. His white/silver hair lies over half his face, concealing most of his beauty (for he is beautiful, not handsome) from me. I use my still asleep hand to flip it over his shoulder. He stirs and turns over onto his back, releasing me and at the same time pulling me closer.
I close my eyes and briefly savor the feelings inside me. I yearn for his touch and am rewarded with a brief movement of his hand down my arm. Even practically unconscious he feels my urges, a side effect of the mating. I shudder at the word. Mating. It sounds so barbaric and primal. At the same time, it sounds comforting.
I am now mated to this...man? Beast? Demon? What do I call him? He is a demon, but is human in appearance. He is civilized but has animalistic qualities. Do I introduce him to others as "my mate" or "my lord"? Hell no to the latter, and maybe to the first. I call no one "my lord", for no one is. I am my own lord, damn it!
Beside me, Sesshomaru stirs in his sleep, feeling my indignancy at the thought of calling him "my lord." Just thinking of having to call him that brings up images of India, and women wrapped in volumes of clothe, seeing only their eyes staring out of the cover of TIME as I walk through the market.
I will never be that, no matter what the needs of my mate. I cannot allow that much control over myself to any person. I will not allow it, and Sesshomaru, no matter how I care, will not be given it. I...
Wait, care? I care for him? When did this happen? Oh, wait. I remember now. I have always cared for him haven't I? Three years in the future had caused me to forget it, but not completely. I care for Sesshomaru, and Rin, and Inuyasha, and...
Inuyasha. I seem to feel regret in my actions towards him. Should I? Should I apologize for having gotten up the cojones to get in his former lover's face and tell her to back off? Something I should have done years ago? No. I shouldn't. And I won't. I do think that I should, however, apologize for being so hard on him and the others. It's not their fault they're weak. Really.
Damn, mated for one day and I'm already getting soft.
My mate is deep in thought, and doesn't notice that I've awakened. I cocked my head to the side and watch as her forehead scrunches up in thought. I seek a pathway with my mind into her's and catch the impression of regret. Regret for what? For mating me? For not being with Inuyasha?
Will I always be this insecure over her former...intimates? Sure, she hadn't mated with Inuyasha, but even I had noticed the yearnings for him she'd had years ago. She'd cared for him and he for her. The fact that she has no interest in him should calm the beast in me demanding she never see him again, but it doesn't. It incites it.
The beast is telling me to force her to show me her true feelings. Last night had been great but calculated. Would she ever feel impulsive passion for me? Would I ever drive her wild with the need to be with me? As only a true mate should? Would her former "friends" always hold a shadow over my head?
I feel the shadows press in and I shift with the uncomfortable feeling of inadequacy that I've never felt before. Kagome shifts her gaze to me and suddenly I feel the knots of my heart settle. She smiles and my stomach jerks. Am I supposed to feel like this? So needy?
Kagome wraps her arms around my middle and cuddles close but even I can feel her frown without seeing it. I pull her close and sigh. We would have to work at it to get our easy camaraderie back...love changes every thing you know.
They rise and dress scant minutes later, both knowing that today was the day they would hopefully take on and kill Master Tashio, Sesshomaru's father. The priestess still has not returned and Kagome straightened up in hopes of placating the woman for stealing her bedroom during the night.
They start out in the early morning light with an uncomfortable silence between them. They had questions in their heads, and doubt in their hearts and neither was really in the mood to be confidante to the other. When in doubt, keep everything to yourself.
Kagome finally had enough and broke the silence. "What's wrong with you?"
"Wrong?"
"With you?"
"With me?"
"Are you dense or something? You're pulling a Rain Man on me and repeating everything I say."
"Rain Man?"
"See?"
"I am no rain man...I am merely plotting our battle."
"Why must you think everything out Sesshomaru?"
"It is the sign of a true warrior."
"No, a true warrior would be able to go into battle unprepared and kick ass."
"Are you implying..."
"Nothing, I'm just saying."
Kagome smiled as Sesshomaru sputtered next to her, with not reply forthcoming. "Come on, tell me...why are you such an over achiever?"
Sesshomaru started to reply, but Kagome interrupted him. "Wait, let me figure it out, it'll give me something to do. Okay, so I'm thinking mommy issues? Mommy didn't love you enough or something like that. Daddy remarried quickly and had another kid which caused major sibling rivalry and jealousy issues, leading you to excel in areas Inuyasha didn't, including swordsmanship, intelligence, etc. Am I close?"
Sesshomaru marveled at her insightfulness but shook his head. "I do not get jealous."
"Remember that next time your pops gets all touchy-feely with me...and by the way...eww!"
Sesshomaru smiled a little at her choice of words and shrugged. "We were not mated...I was...
"Insecure?" Kagome volunteered when Sesshomaru could not think of the appropriate word. He glowered but nodded. "Aww, Sesshy! No need to be insecure...you know I love you!" Kagome laughed and looped her arm in his, not seeing the look on his face at her words.
She loves me? Niiiice. Sesshomaru thought to himself. They didn't speak for a while, as the terrain became rougher the closer they got to Sesshomaru's childhood home. Kagome was silent, but not thinking much. She had a song stuck in her head and bobbed her head in time with it (Barbie Girl, by Aqua the most annoying recurring nightmare I have!)
Sesshomaru was nostalgic though, not thinking of his plan. He could remember picking flowers in the field they walked through with his mother, for his father was often away. He remembered sneaking into the kitchens so Elsa, the human cook, could sneak him lesser demon meat out of the food preparations (for Sesshy as a young child had enjoyed raw demon meat). He even remembered the day his mother died.
(FLASHBACK)
He'd been young, and in the centuries since had forgotten just how young. Maybe ten, maybe nine. His mother was preparing to go out in search of food, for the castle was low on demon meat that they stored for winter. Sesshy remembered the cold, for only demon children grew cold. He hadn't felt cold like that for many years, but he remembered it from that day.
His mother hadn't been wearing winter clothes, having grown used to hunting in a mere kimono that she wore in the summer. It was black, with white flowers on it, and matched perfectly the white of her hair. As an inuyoukai she had white hair, but as a female her eyes were a light, bright blue. They smiled at Sesshy as she waved good bye. She was leaving Sesshy at the castle because word of demon hunters in the region had reached them.
Sesshomaru remembered most watching her walk slowly through the heavy snow outside from a window. There had been a blizzard the day before and the snow was still drifting down as she left. It fell on her hair, but blended so well that Sesshy couldn't really tell the difference. But when she turned one final time, and blew him a kiss with snow on her eyelashes, Sesshy asked his nanny the question that was most on his mind those days.
"Is mommy an angel?"
Bessie, smiling. "No, child. She is just a mere mortal demoness, like the rest of us."
Sesshy had smiled back, but didn't believe the old fox demon. His mama was an angel. She looked like one, and acted like one, and sometimes she even seemed to fly like one. She could leap into the air and just stay there for a long time, with small clouds at her feet. Yeah, his mama was an angel.
Days later, when his steely-eyed father would lower his mother's body into the ground, he would ask Bessie the same question. This time her answer was yes, for Sesshomaru's mother was now an angel, having been dispatched from this world by exterminators and leaving behind her one son, who in the instant of knowledge knew...that there were no angels...for no angels would allow this to happen.
(End Flashback)
It looked the same, was all Sesshomaru could think. The castle, the grounds, even the people. They all looked the same. They even stared at him with the same guarded gazes. They had never trusted Sesshomaru as an adult, having heard of his victories on the battlefields. For once, however, they were grateful to see the tall demon, for a flurry of whispers had arrived and incited the village with talk of walking dead and vicious carnage.
Sesshomaru ignored the whispering but Kagome couldn't resist the temptation. She grabbed a nearby milkmaid and asked her what the whispering was about.
"My lady, have you not heard? Master Tashio has risen from the grave and is taking vengeance on the people of the castle."
"Why vengeance?"
"When the Lord and the Master fought the last time, the castle took the Lord's side, saying that the Master had grown old and feeble and they needed a new master...and the old master grew so angry that he left and went to his death. They say that he was distracted with the problems here and was taken off guard by a massive demon that killed him...but others say he killed himself out of hatred for his son...yet others-..."
"I get it!" Kagome screeched in an effort to get the mile-a-minute girl to shut up. She hurried after Sesshomaru, who had already gone halfway through the village. "So...you stole the castle from your pops?"
"What?"
"I said..."
"I know what you said. What do you mean?"
"The people are saying that you overthrew your father right before he died."
"I did not."
Kagome waited but nothing else came. "Explain."
Sesshomaru sighed but did so. "My father was in grief from Inuyasha's mother dying...he was in no position to make decisions and when I pointed that out he became uncontrollable. I forced him to take a walk before he harmed a servant and he left...but he took his sword with him and decided to try and take out some frustration and grief on another demon. He underestimated his foe and was punished by forfeiting his life."
"Oh...so totally your fault right?"
"I do not blame myself."
"Why not? You're great at it."
"It was not my fault he decided..."
"To mate a human and be surprised when she died? What about me? I'm human."
"No...You are miko..."
"And there's a difference?"
"When a miko mates a demon she becomes immortal."
Kagome froze. "What?"
Sesshomaru turned to face her. "You did not know?"
"No!"
"Yes. It is one of the reasons why demons and mikos do not mate often...we do not wish to prolong the life of a people who are already unstable from their contact with the powers of the universe."
Kagome thought for a minute. "Did you just call me unstable?"
Sesshomaru smiled to himself. "No."
"You did!" Kagome shouted and thumped him on the chest with her fist.
"You hit me," Sesshomaru said incredulously.
"We're even."
"Even?"
"Yeah...so you ready to commit patricide?" Kagome asked as they started walking again.
"As ready as I'll ever be."
"I really need to get you a sense of humor."
"Can you buy those at the town market?"
"Haha...shut up."
Okay, so next chapter is the battle! Sorry for those who got hopes up! Had to have a middle chapter...can't go from mating to killing all sudden...you have to had a transition! An eight page transition! Geez...I was on a roll or something...That's a long chapter so be happy! Oh, and I'm sorry it took so long for an update...I got addicted to this story called "The Broken Miko" which is very good and very long...I love it though...it's AWESOME!
Just so you know...technically we're not supposed to talk to reviewers in the chapters...oh, well.
royal blueKitsune: Baby doll...I love you...you're one of my favorite reviewers!
Destinyheart15: Haha, sour fruit!
Shel: I'm glad you're happy darling! It's what I live for!
SubaruWings: I strive to be different...I hate the stories where Kagome is all scorned woman from Inuyasha choosing Kikyo and all that jazz...they piss me off...can't anyone come up with a better idea than that...I CAN!
Evle: I actually don't get a lot of reviews...ten a chapter? But I can tell you that a great way to get more people to view (and sometimes review) your stories is to change the summary often...describe the story in different ways, from different points of view. That way when people read the summary, each time they'll think it's a different story than the one they passed over the week before...it also helps you to grab new viewers...
A/N Just so my peoples out there know...I will have at least ten more chapters coming...so be prepared...this might take a while to finish, as I have tons of plot points I haven't even hit yet...but it will not, I REPEAT, not be one of those sixty chapter long stories...geez, who has the time?
And once again, special thanks to KAIULANI020792, SexySesshomaru52, sheenachi, NekoYasha101, Kogasgirl142, Angel-Assain, and Hermonine for reviewing...I love you all! Also, to everyone else who put me on story alert...THIRTY ALERTS PEOPLE! HERE YOU GO!