I do not own Veronica mars or any of the characters besides Rachel, Cayden, Emilia, Erika, and Lilliana and a whole bunch of others. These people are based after my life and the people in it. If you don't already know Rachel and Emilia are based after me, what I look like, how I act and talk and the little characteristics like their defense mechanisms and their habits. They are my prides and joys! I hope you enjoy the story, it is a prequel to my first story 'The Greatest Love' I hope you like them both. Long Live the King Rob Thomas!
The sun woke me with its warmth as I started to move, my head is throbbing and the night before is blurry. But some of it is clear; I remember breaking up with Michael and making love to Cayden. I sit up and look around the room setting my glance at the sleeping body next to me. His hand is draped over my side and he has a peaceful smile while he sleeps. I nuzzle in next to him and kiss his fore head. "Hey you" I saw low and giddy.
He stirs and looks at me with a smile, "Hey yourself" he says closing his eyes then opening them again. He sits up in a sudden rush and looks around the room in fear, o god he doesn't remember. "We didn't…I mean we couldn't….." he stammers looking over the situation. I can feel my heart shattering, he didn't want me.
"Well I thought….I mean I thought you wanted." I can't come up with full thoughts myself. I can feel myself get woozy and my heart leaps into my throat waiting for his next words.
"This was a mistake" he says rolling out of bed and pulling on his pants. "I mean I have a girlfriend, and you are my best friend and, and" he is rummaging around the room looking for his clothes then stops to judge my reaction. He doesn't love me, okay common Emi put those acting skills to the test make him think this is not killing you.
"You're right it was a mistake" I say with a small smile. I am trying to hold back the tears, I will not cry, I cannot cry. I can feel the bile running up my throat. I walk into the bathroom and close the door, the heaving and hurling starts and I can feel the tears form in my eyes. His hands smoothes out my back rubbing circles. I jerk away and the heaving stops I wash out my mouth and sit on my bed clutching the pink and white teddy bear he gave me when we were 12. He sits at the bottom of the bed and is at a loss for words I can tell something I said upset him. Or maybe it was something we did? I will not let him see me cry! I will not!
"You should go" I say with no emotion more of a general comment then a request or command. He gives up and walks to the door mumbling "I am sorry" as he leaves. When the door clicks I can feel the tears running down my face. They flood me and I feel like I am drowning, my silent sobs are choking me. He doesn't love me, runs through my mind over and over.
I had taken after my parents in many things one in particular is our way of dealing with painful situations. We don't. Instead of breaking down, we become hollow, emotionless, the walking dead, secluding ourselves from the outside world and living in our own. My dad did it through meds and my mom did it through music. I chose the latter. I found my moms old CD's uploaded them on my computer and put them on my portable. Before long I was filling my brain with Abandoned Pools, Bush, and Evanescence. Music totally different from that of my generation but what helped me zone out into my world, the one I made in my mind.
All weekend people tried to talk to me, my parents, Erika, Lilly and of course Cayden. He would send messages of 'we need to talk' and 'please answer me' I deleted them all. HE would come to the house and I would send him away.
Sunday afternoon, Erika was out with Tommy, while Mom and Dad took Kevin back to school, and Patty went to visit family out of town. The house was silent as I sat on my bed tying away at my story, Amy and Tony broke up. Well that's what happens when Tony rips out Amy's heart. Tony is in a coma I am debating if he should wake up.
There is a knock at the door and I run down trying to get the Chinese I ordered like an hour ago. "You better not have forgotten my egg roll" I say opening the door and digging in my purse for the cash. I look down to see the gorgeous face of Veronica, my aunt (well kinda). "Sorry waiting for Chinese" I say opening the door and letting her into the living room. I sit on the couch and pull the pillow up to my chest my trade mark nervous gesture.
"Emi what's wrong?" she asks with worry in her eyes.
"Nothing" I say looking at the edges of the pillow.
"What happened?" she asked more 'I already know so why don't you tell me'
I can feel the tears that have been building up to start sliding down my cheeks; she cradles my head in her chest and rubs my back. "He doesn't love me" I say in between breaths.
She knows who I am talking about and just shushes me trying to get the tears to stop, and reluctantly they do. She doesn't know what to say. "You need to talk to him" she says softly with that motherly wisdom in her voice.
"I can't" I say.
"Yes you can, I need to go" she says getting up and walking to the door, I didn't even hear him come in and look up to Cayden. She patted him on the shoulder and he entered the living room sitting on the couch. Veronica left and I could hear the door close.
"What did you want to talk about?" I ask like nothing happened.
"Mimi I am so sorry" he says, and I smile at the nickname, this one he used when he knows he did something wrong.
"I know that you didn't want that to happen, I mean I know you wanted to do it with Lilly or Sammy, I just, we just" I can't think again, what it is about him that makes me forget to speak.
"Shhh, you need to listen, I am not so good with speaking like this so your going to have to be patient." He says looking at his hands.
"Mimi I never meant that what we did was wrong I meant the way we did it was wrong…. No wait….okay this is coming out wrong…. Okay I mean you just broke up, we were drunk, I still had a girlfriend, and we were both virgins." He says I can feel my smile slip, a bit. "I have always loved you, ever since we knew what love was, I was afraid that if we were together then I would loose my best friend so I tried to ignore my feelings, that's when I started looking at you sister." I can feel my fists clench at those words. I get start trying to get up but he pulls me down. "But I never felt the way I do with you, no one has ever made me feel that way, and when you said that you thought it was a mistake I thought you meant it, and it killed me"
I don't know what I can say; instead I lean in and kiss him. I wait for him to respond and he does, wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me closer. I move my legs around his middle and grind against his groin causing him to groan. I pull back and look at him before saying "I love you too, always have always will" they are the only thing I can come up with. He drinks them in and kisses me again pulling me up off the couch and carrying me to my room. He locks the door and puts me on the bed.
I can see the desire in his eyes, and a realization pops into my head causing me to smile. "Did you say you WERE dating Sammy" I say teasingly.
"Yeah we broke up" he said mirroring the smile.
"Oh that's too bad I was looking forward to a little three way" I say with a perverted gleam.
"Really?"
"Naw, she would just get in the way, I want you all to myself, and this time we will remember all of it" I say pulling him on top of me.
"Well do you remember this" he says kissing my neck.
"Uh huh" I moan.
"And this" he says rubbing his hand between my legs. I sit up and pull off my shirt exposing myself to him and he does the same. I tug at his pants and soon we are both naked and under the covers.
"I want you" I whisper into his ear. He fumbles with the condom; I got a box from Erika for my birthday. He slides inside of me and I can feel the pain, but it subsides faster and I am left with pleasure. My hips jerk and he goes deeper.
"Oh baby" he says licking my neck. His hand reaching down and rubbing my clit, this sends me over and I can feel myself tighten against him. Sending him over as well, we lay there in each others, he is still buried inside of me and I don't want him to pull out. This is all I ever wanted and now I have it. But soon he pulls out and I can feel the fear rise inside of me when I feel him move off the bed. But he soon returns cleaned and back in his boxers, he gets in and wraps his arms around me.
"So what do you want to do now?" he asks. Just as I hear the doorbell ring.
"Let's eat" having totally forgotten the Chinese food.
"So does this mean Tony gets to wake up" he says with a knowing smirk.
"Yeah, I mean I guess he will have to for him and Amy to get back together" I say innocently. God I have to stop writing that story.
Please Review! And give me criticism even if you don't like it I need to know what I need to change.