Alone Again Or by Tattva
Disclaimer: See chapter 1. The word 'alcomaphrol' appears courtesy of my housemate Jo. It is a term which can be used for any alcohol, but is generally used for cocktails we've made and then forgotten what's in them.
Chapter 3: Realisation
The day was spent discussing decorations, concocting bizarre cocktails, and arguing over music. People came and went; in the afternoon James disappeared for a while and then returned with a disturbingly large bottle of absinthe, an early birthday present from Micha, apparently. At 4pm, Sirius realised that he still hadn't got dressed, and decamped to the bathroom to have a shower, glad to get away from the common room. Lily was being pedantic about some colour scheme or other, and James of course was agreeing to every word she said, while Remus was chatting to Ben (who had brought back the bicycle bell and was ringing it at ten minute intervals) about a band called The Time-Turners or something equally pathetic.
He threw the bathrobe on the floor and stepped into the stream of water. As hot rivulets ran down his face they felt like tears: tears of comprehension. It wasn't something that he'd seen coming, far from it. It's a very odd thing, to wake up one morning and realise that you're attracted to one of your best friends. Of course, it wasn't unusual for Sirius to be attracted to someone. It happened at least once a fortnight, often ending in a brief fling, or in rare cases a rejection along the lines of "No, you whore". But this seemed different. For one thing, it came with a whole set of complications, and awkwardness, and uncertainty. If he was certain that this attraction wasn't just a passing phase, and he couldn't even be certain of that yet, could he cope with rejection from so close at hand? Could their friendship cope? Could all the intertwined friendships around them cope? He would be forcing James to choose between him and Remus. He would have to sleep in the same dorm every night, probably lying awake thinking of all the might-have-beens. Sirius leant dejectedly against the tiled wall of the shower, trying to make the thin jet cover as much of his body as possible. The warmth distracted him from having to think. He had no idea whether Remus felt anything more than friendship for him.
"Stop dripping on my lab-book!"
Ben had let Sirius into the Hufflepuff common room ten minutes earlier, much to his frustration, as he was now unable to finish his potions work. It also meant that the page on the problems of the Polyjuice Potion now was covered in blotches where Sirius' wet hair had dripped on it. Sirius wasn't sure why he told Ben. If it had been anyone else, he would have told Remus, but that was now impossible. So he told Ben.
"Just kiss him," Ben said, still staring down at the page and drawing careful diagrams.
"I can't do that!" Sirius retorted, "He's my friend!"
"So?" mumbled Ben distantly, "Just get him drunk and kiss him. If he reacts badly, or doesn't react, or is awkward the next day, just say you were drunk and you're sorry. If he kisses back, then you'll know he feels the same way. There." Sirius squirmed in his seat, looking round for excuses.
"I really can't. It'll ruin our friendship". Ben looked up, a surprised expression on his face.
"It didn't ruin ours…" Sirius still didn't seem convinced.
"That was years ago. I didn't know you that well back then. It's different with someone you've known for a while." Ben burst out laughing, so much so that it was a few minutes before he sat up straight, sighing and running a hand through his fringe.
"What?" said Sirius.
"That was at Christmas. You'd had far too much mulled wine and I couldn't be arsed to object."
"Oh." Sirius sighed heavily and slumped forward onto the desk, earning a cry of outrage from Ben as damp black hair sprawled across his work. When Sirius didn't move, Ben kicked him on the leg. Sirius looked up irritably.
"What?" he said coldly. Ben smiled.
"Fuck off and get ready for the party," he grinned, "It starts in a few hours, and they'll be looking for you to help set up things." Sirius smiled humourlessly and traipsed out of the common room, ignoring the bemused glance at his dressing gown from a prim-looking girl.
It was gone 6pm by the time Sirius finally decided to get dressed, and the dorm was a hub of activity. It was almost impossible to find anything amongst the mess of paper chains, food and shot glasses, and the search for Sirius's favourite t-shirt became increasingly difficult as James tried to force him to taste-test various cocktails. He finally found the black and red shirt under a pile of paper cups and pulled it on, glancing briefly at his reflection before carrying a bundle of decorations down to the common room.
It was chaos here, too. Remus and Micha were stood on tables at either end of the room, holding a strand of bunting between them and magically pinning it to the ceiling. Rebecca and Lily were chatting animatedly to a group of rather flushed looking fifth years, whom Sirius suspected might have been treated to a little of Ben's absinthe. He glanced around once more, before downing his cocktail as he headed to the far corner of the room, where a record player had been set up. He checked his watch: 8pm. A group of sixth and seventh years were let in noisily through the portrait hole. Sirius smiled to himself and expertly slid a record out of its sleeve and onto the turntable. The needle went down as he began to stride back across the room towards James and Lily, as the first chords of 'Highway to Hell' boomed from the speakers.
The evening went with a bang: the mounds of Honeyduke's' sweets disappeared within half an hour of the third and fourth years arriving, and the alcohol had been running low until Micha disappeared with Rebecca for 20 minutes, and returned with several bottles of wine "for later". There had been some arguments regarding whether the lower years should be allowed alcohol, and when at about a quarter to midnight a Ravenclaw fifth year threw up in the fireplace, Remus insisted that everyone who wasn't a close friend of the birthday boy leave. By 12:30 the common room had emptied of all but seven tired, drunken, happy people. The smell of stale smoke and the sticky sweetness of alcohol and candy filled the air as the seventh years sat on the sofas and armchairs. Sirius earned himself a disgusted "tut" from Remus as he lit up a cigarette, using a discarded cup of cocktail as an ashtray, and as Ben opened a bottle of red wine from Micha's cellar James stood up woozily and cleared his throat.
"No-one asked you to make a speech," mumbled Rebecca, resting her head against Sirius's shoulder. There were faint sniggers from the room as James stuck out his tongue and drained his glass, before rumpling his hair and looking round at the room.
"Firstly, I'd like to thank Micha and Ben for their fansch- fantasch- brilliant selection of drinks" –cheers- "and Remus and Becca for the decorations and sweets" -more cheers- "and, of course, my good friend Padfoot for being a useless layabout who didn't even get dressed until five hours ago, never mind help out!" There were laughs from the room, and Ben pulled the bicycle bell from his pocket and began ringing it again. Sirius smiled drunkenly and threw a chocolate frog in his general direction. James cleared his throat again and the room quietened.
"But lastly, I would like to thank my beautiful girlfriend Lily, without whom I would have never got permission for this, or have been organised enough to get it off the ground." He planted a sloppy kiss on Lily's cheek, while Ben stuck his fingers down his throat. "So is you'll all raise you glasses, please, to Lily."
"To Lily," chanted the room at large, as Ben, Micha and Sirius took the opportunity to down their entire glasses of wine.
"More alcomaphrol?" enquired Remus, uncorking a bottle of white wine and filling his and his friends' glasses. Slurs of "Mmm, fill 'er up" and "Ooh yeah" echoed around the room, and as Lily began to sip elegantly from her glass Sirius interrupted her.
"There'll be no such sophistication here, if you don't mind, Lil," he smirked, idly resting his feet on the coffee table in front of him. "We're gonna play a game!" Lily rolled her eyes, Micha laughed and James and Ben heartily agreed while Remus protested resignedly.
"What'll it be then?" Remus murmured, refilling his glass and fixing Sirius with a very sceptical look. Rebecca raised her head from Sirius's shoulder and sat up cross-legged on the sofa.
"Moony has a point, y'know," she said. In response, Sirius slumped dramatically across the sofa, resting his head in her lap, and whispered, "And what's that?"
"Get off me, you perv," she laughed, twitching her legs so Sirius nearly fell of the sofa. As he moved back to his comfortable corner, Ben put his head in his hands and laughed.
"I think we ran out of drinking games a long time ago. Unless, of course, you have a new one?" Sirius smiled.
"As a matter of fact, I do," he said, his dark eyes lighting up. "It's called 'I Have Never'."
It transpired that the basic rules of the game were thus: a person tells the rest of the room something that they have never done, and if anyone in the room has done it they have to drink. If no-one in the room has done it, the person who said it has to drink. They got into the swing of it quickly: the most fun was to be had when the action in question was of a personal nature. As the laughter died down from the previous turn, Ben rapped his glass on the table to get the attention of his friends.
"I've got one," he slurred, swaying slightly as he looked around the room and grinned evilly. "I have never… woken up in bed with someone and not remembered how I got there!" There were shouts of laughter from the room, and Ben turned his gaze to Sirius, who was trying to avoid eye contact. As the room grew quiet, he looked up and groaned.
"That's victimization, that is," he said, before taking a gulp of red wine from his glass as Lily tutted.
"Well, if we're being honest…" said James slowly, as he too raised his glass. Lily looked at him in a horrified manner as he drank, then he turned round and smiled, "don't worry, it was with you!" there was another round of giggles, and James earned appreciative smirks from Sirius and Ben. Lily took her turn next, and she seemed to have thought it out well. When she said "Aside from James, I have never had a crush on anyone in this room" there was a sharp intake of breath. Carefully avoiding each other's eyes, everyone in the room drank. The game continued: Neither Rebecca nor Lily had ever been to a rock concert, everyone except Micha had thrown up as a result of drinking too much (therefore Micha had to drink, bringing her one step closer to being unable to use that line again), and Ben, Micha and Sirius were the only people present who had kissed someone of the same sex. Rebecca victimized Lily, by announcing that she had never slept with James, and it emerged that no-one had ever dared do anything romantic in the Hogwarts library (Sirius had to drink again). After half an hour, Lily called it off.
"I don't know about anyone else," she yawned, "but I'm way too tired to carry on, and I know far too much about all of you to want to spend any more time here." She smiled softly and kissed James goodnight, before she and Rebecca headed off to the girls' dormitories. Micha and Ben made their excuses too, and staggered unsteadily but happily out of the portrait hole and off to the Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff dorms.
"We really ought to clean up this mess," mumbled Remus, looking slowly round at the chaotic common room. James stirred slightly from his position in a large armchair.
"Well, Moony, I'd love to help," he slurred, "but I'm far too pissed." Sirius laughed as James struggled to stand up, then made his way towards the dormitory staircase, grabbing onto chairs and shelves to steady himself.
"'Night Birthday Boy!" Sirius called after the swaying figure, before sinking back down into his corner of the sofa.
"And I suppose you're too drunk to help, too," said Remus, glancing at Sirius before standing up and sweeping a few stray LPs off the table and back into their sleeves, stopping to wipe what looked like rum off the cover of Led Zeppelin III.
"Of course not!" said Sirius brightly, standing up slightly shakily and picking up streamers from the carpet.
"I don't understand how you've had the coordination to do this", said Remus, vanishing stains from the thick carpet with a simple spell as Sirius wandered around the room picking up the few final plastic cups that were left on the floors and tables. He vanished the cups with a flick of his wand and sat down on the sofa next to Remus.
"I can hold my drink," he smirked, placing an arm around his friend's shoulders. "It's been a good night."
"Yeah, it has," said Remus quietly, "It's been fun. Apart from when that Ravenclaw girl threw up."
"And when Micha spilt wine on my shoes."
"And Ben scratching your Alice Cooper album."
"Oh yeah," said Sirius, scratching his head absently. "Git. I'd forgotten about that. Still, I think a good time was had by all," he stated. "There's one thing that could have made it better though," Sirius murmured.
"If you're talking about that blonde Hufflepuff girl then you've no chance, I heard her telling Becca she thinks you're a right slut and-" Remus' words were cut short as Sirius pressed his lips against his own. There were a few awkward seconds before Remus pulled away, looking shocked and confused. Sirius looked at the floor and said,
"I'm sorry. I've had too much to drink. I'll go to bed now." But as he made to stand up Remus placed a hand on his knee, then kissed him again, running an ivory hand through Sirius' black hair. It seemed to last forever as their tongues moved gently against each other. When they broke apart, Sirius sighed, sad that it had to end. Remus stood up.
"I don't care how much you've had to drink, or that it's very unlikely that you'll remember this tomorrow, but I've waited so long for that to happen, I couldn't just let it go. Goodnight, Padfoot," he mumbled, as he walked across the common room and up the stairs to their dorm. Sirius sat back on the sofa, still in shock.
A/N: Woo! I updated! Sorry it took so long, wouldn't let me log in for like 3 days. But now I have The Fear (exams) and may not be able to update for a while. Also, it's possible the next chapter will be the last, I don't want this to go on forever. Thank you so much to all my reviewers. If anyone feels like reading more of my stuff, go to my homepage and check out 'Ticket To Ride', a songfic published last year which has been known to make people cry. Cheers! Tattva x