Chapter 5: Admission

She not only impressed him with her sewing ability, but solved a little mystery he was curious about. For some time he wondered just how his people did more delicate work, such as surgery and some of the mechanical works, and assumed they just had robots or slaves do it. Tzosha, however, demonstrated that wasn't always the case: to manipulate the needle she used a highly specialized tool that resembled a cross between a pair of scissors and tweezers. At first he felt the tool looked a bit clumsy to use, but she had made it look easy and her stitch work was so good the only reason he could even see it was because she didn't have any black thread and was forced to use white.

A part of him was a bit upset that he had been proven wrong and he almost decided not to help her for that very reason. However he ultimately didn't let his pride and ego override his sense of honor, so he invited her to come with him into Dearic so he could figure out how to help her out a bit.

Once in Dearic he took her to a little shop he usually went to when he needed to get his clothes repaired or replaced. It was only his intention to get a replacement jacket for himself, Tzosha had done everything she could but ultimately the jacket was beyond hope, and new set of clothes for her. However she and the shopkeeper started talking, casually at first but the conversation quickly turned to business, and the guy ended up hiring her.

Trazu checked up on her regularly after that, noticing an increase of business to the shop since then. He also noticed the increase of confidence in her, especially when she found a low rent apartment to stay in after she earned her first paycheck. The two also became good friends as time went on: Tzosha's boss sometimes joked that they made a cute couple. Trazu was always quick to blow that joke off, though he admitted, if only to himself, that he couldn't help but feel eager to see her after being away for a while.

Lately, he had been staying extended periods of time at her place, usually sitting on the balcony talking. Tzosha did make the offer a few times for him to stay the night, but Trazu always refused, citing he never really felt comfortable sleeping indoors. In reality, he just wasn't comfortable sleeping when there was a female close by. Though he knew by now Tzosha would never do such a thing, that irrational fear was not so easy to beat: he even flinched whenever she touched him. He didn't know for sure if she noticed his unease at being touched by her and if she was to question him on it he wasn't sure how he would answer. His mind was full of conflicting emotions and instincts: one side longing for company, the other wanting to run away from it all.

As time past, the longing side was gradually gaining ground.

"So Rane was like a father figure to you." Tzosha said. The pair were sitting on the balcony bench watching the sunset. Trazu had just told her about his human mentor, even going as far as to tell her how much he missed him.

"Yeah, he was the closest thing I could refer to as a father in my life." Trazu said leaning back against the wall.

"Must have been hard, not knowing who your father is. Rather odd no one told you: usually they tell you by the time your five."

Trazu shrugged. "I've done well so far without knowing. Though I admit I am curious, I am not sure I even want to know."

"Why is that?"

"Well." Trazu straightened up. "I always had the feeling my instructors knew who sired me, or at least who dropped me off. Yet they never mentioned anything about it to me. It was just me too, everyone else in the class knew who their fathers were…and which Clan they would go to once they graduated from the class. They didn't tell me anything, it's like they had a gag order on them or something." He sighed. "I don't know…maybe my parents felt I didn't deserve to know…considering…"

"Oh don't start that again." Tzosha chided. "That is the most obvious possible explanation yes, but not necessarily true. It could be they were silent to protect your life instead."

"Hmm…true. How our people deal with rivals is rather violent…but that would imply I was the son of someone important: the everyday commoner is pretty much safe from shit like that."

Tzosha shrugged. "Who knows. Maybe you should return to Dosha and try to find out someday."

"I would…but I can't really be bothered to be honest. Why make my life more complex then it is?"

"Well if you are the child of someone important, I wouldn't be surprised if they came around looking for you. Who knows, maybe they are looking for you now."

Trazu shrugged. "If they do I'll deal with it then…not one moment before…"

"Lazy bugger." T'zosha said, poking him.

Trazu just chuckled and leaned back against the wall again.

"By the way…there's something I've been meaning to ask." She said after a moment.

"What's that?" Trazu said, looking over at her.

"You flinch every time I touch you, even when you know it's me: it's like you have an aversion to being touched. Why is that?"

Trazu visibly winced and cast his eyes toward the ground. "I didn't use to…" He said quietly, straightening up again. "But a certain 'event' changed that…"

"Wha…what happened?" Tzosha asked quietly.

He looked away, the memory of that incident assaulting his mind. While it didn't bother him as much now as it did before, it was still very distressing and he worried about how Tzosha would react if he told her. He valued her as a friend and feared the news would turn her against him, as impossible as that seemed since she had spoken harshly about that person herself: blood was thicker then water after all. Plus there was that stigma on people who'd experienced what he did, especially with males, that he'd have to worry about: would she look down upon him now due to this revelation?

"If you're uncomfortable about it you don't have to tell me." Tzosha said softly.

"No…" Trazu said, shaking his head and looking back up at her. "You need to know. I…" He swallowed hard, took a deep breath and with a bit of effort just let it out. "I was raped…Tzosha."

Her reaction was one of pure shock: her posture straightened suddenly and her eyes widened, the pupils of which constricted to slits. "My sister…?" she asked after a long moment of silence. Trazu simply nodded and she shook her head, her mouth hanging open in disbelief. "That's worse then joining the pirates…I'd never thought…" She sighed. "Never mind…you were right that day we first met: I am naïve…"

"No more naïve then I…" Trazu admitted quietly, looking at the ground. "I was overconfident with my abilities that day…ended up getting hurt to the point where there was little I could do to protect myself. All she had to do was to take my sword and threaten me with it…" He sighed. "It's a terrible feeling to be forced to choose between honor and dignity and ones own life. Life won that night…but there were times I wondered if I made the wrong choice…"

"I can't imagine was it's like to go through that…" Tzosha said softly. "I wish I knew what to do to help you…"

"You already have helped me." He said, looking up at her. "By proving to my subconscious that not all females were like your sister and helping me get used to being around people again: it would have taken me a lot longer if I hadn't met you."

Tzosha smiled and gently placed her hand on top of his. "If that's true, then I hope to continue to help you heal." She said softly. "If you let me of course."

Trazu managed a small smile. "I don't see why not…thank you."