Diary Entry Two: August 03
Oh wow. I completely suck at eating. Somehow while drinking a simple carbontaed beverage and eating some potato chips, I landed a huge mess all over myself. So I gues if I ever spill something on you, don't take it too personally.
As for right now, I have this highly simple to-do list.
1. Beg Hermione for forgiveness because I stained her white shirt.
2. Tell Hermione I took her white shirt (preferably before I do number one.)
3. Put a laxative in George's (NOT FRED's) milk... bastard
4. Try to get the thoughts of the stupid git out of my head.
5. Convince Mom not to go on the muggle's bloody Atkin's diet.
And finally 6. Decide who previously-said "stupid git" is.
It's probbaly Harry. It has to be, really. There's nothing else to it. He's been bloody well ignoring me basically since he broke my "poor fragile heeart". Or at least that's the term I heard Ron use when telling him to stay away from me. Oh well. What-bloody-ever, yeah? Yeah. Exactly. Bug GOD, Diary. I just can't help it. I can't help but think of him at almost every moment. Don't you dare call me a sap, missy. It sucks.
And it's not like the fate's are being very nice. Someone up there just loves mixing us together. Hell, just last week I woke up from a nightmare and went down stares, only to run into him.
So here I was, looking for a grapefruit in the fridge, wearing a hoddie and a pair of boxers I stole from him, when I heard him cough.
Pulling the wannabe orange from the fridge, I turned to see him nursing a cup of water at the table. And of course he was staring at me with this horrible-gut-wrenchingly sad smile. Then he spoke to me, the first time he had really adressed me in the month he'd been staying with us.
"Hi Gin."
At this point, I just felt my heart start to tumble. Seriously, it just started doing flips in my chest. "Hi Harry," i said back to him. "Can't sleep?"
"Nah," he answered, gesturing to the chair across from him. Of course I sat down. Here's the boy I'm still bloody in love with. Of course I'm going to sit. "What about you?"
"Nightmare," I said, simply enough, digging my nails in the peel of my fruit. I grinned, and looked up at him. "You know what it's like, eh?"
"I'm so sorry, Gin." He reached across the table, and tucked some of my hair behind my ear. Yeah, heart-break city, Diary. Oh boy, and did i feel that painful heart crack that happened when his fingers touched my skin. Why does this boy have to mean so sodding much to me?
I guess he must have saw that emotion playing in my eyes, because he had dropped his hand.
"You know I'll always care for you, Gin," Harry told me, his fingers tightening around his water glass.
I sniffed. "Sure," I answered, turning my head, and looking away.He had told me that when we broke up. And I believed him then too. "That feeling is mutual," I said, my head still turned. My chest hurt. Physical pain, and I was trying really hard not to start openly crying.
"That's part of the problem, Gin. See, my love has changed." The silence in the air was defeaning. I can't believe he didn't hear my heart shatter, for possibly the fifth time that evening.
My head snapped back, and my eyes filled with tears. My hands itched to slap his face. He was as emotionless as ever. Nothing was visible in his freen eyes.
"Yeah, well mine hasn't. So get-fucking-used to it."
My words must have stung as I slammed the chair back into the table. I heard the way they wiplashed through the air and you have no idea how much conviction I said them with. I wanted so badly to just... I don't know, Diary. I just wanted him to feel how much I was hurting. Because, maybe if he did, he would realize that he still cared about me. Maybe, right? At least there was some chance of it. Some hope in my heart.
I miss him. So much. I regret saying that to him. I regret it feircely. I don't wnat him to go through any more pain. I still love him, I really really do.And he has been through so much. Sometimes I wish I can be around him, be his friend again, and to just quell all those feelings in my heart. But I know better. I am the only thing Harry can't control himself around.
I know he still cares. He has to. There's no sodding way that he could just stop loving me. although that's what he said happend. But I know better. He's so good at turning off his feelings. So good it scares me, really. He'll end up alone. And that is really the last thing I wnat for him. Even if he's not with me, I want him to be happy.
Yeah, real bloody mature of me, eh? But I can't really help it. That's what happens when you love someone I suppose.
There was one last comment that I heard him say that night, Diary. And I can't believe he said it. "Find someone else to love, Gin. Before it ruins the both of us."
GYAH! I can't get out how absolutely FURIOUS that makes me to even write it!! I don't WANT anyone else, you bloody genius! I want you. I love YOU Harry. Merlin! Get your bloody head out of your bloody arse and open your sodding eyes and SEE that, will you?
God, I love him so much. I know he still cares. He has to, or I'm a lost cause.
I don't understand boys. At all. We were so close, so happy. And its not like he found some other girl to shag, Nppe. I guess he just felt the urge to run. Either that, or it's because he thinks I'm in danger for being with him. Oh, bloody hell. Of course he'd think that, wouldn't he?
That is so like him. Oh well. At least he could be honest with me and tell me that.
Or maybe...maybe his feelings really did go back to freidnship. Yeah. That's probably it. Don't kid yourself Virginia. Don't be stupid enough to think that he's being "noble" by dumping you. He can't love me. If he did, he wouldn't be dumb enough to let me go.
Oh well. Whatcha gonna do about it, eh? Maybe I should find someone else. Someone like...
Oh god!!! Horrible, stupid thought. Heh. GOtta admit he's hot though, if not completely insufferable. Yeah, me dating Malfoy. Ahahahahahahhaha.
Yup. I'm off my rocker. And done in here, Diary. I think I should go find that laxative...
Ginny
Authors note: now this is pretty short, and I thought about adding the third installment here, but I barely have any of that written. Please review! Oh, and I apologize PROFUSELY for bad typos and whatnot...i wrote it out on paper, and was just reading and typing... I don't have a spell-checker, either. Anyway. Happy Trails.
Oh wow. I completely suck at eating. Somehow while drinking a simple carbontaed beverage and eating some potato chips, I landed a huge mess all over myself. So I gues if I ever spill something on you, don't take it too personally.
As for right now, I have this highly simple to-do list.
1. Beg Hermione for forgiveness because I stained her white shirt.
2. Tell Hermione I took her white shirt (preferably before I do number one.)
3. Put a laxative in George's (NOT FRED's) milk... bastard
4. Try to get the thoughts of the stupid git out of my head.
5. Convince Mom not to go on the muggle's bloody Atkin's diet.
And finally 6. Decide who previously-said "stupid git" is.
It's probbaly Harry. It has to be, really. There's nothing else to it. He's been bloody well ignoring me basically since he broke my "poor fragile heeart". Or at least that's the term I heard Ron use when telling him to stay away from me. Oh well. What-bloody-ever, yeah? Yeah. Exactly. Bug GOD, Diary. I just can't help it. I can't help but think of him at almost every moment. Don't you dare call me a sap, missy. It sucks.
And it's not like the fate's are being very nice. Someone up there just loves mixing us together. Hell, just last week I woke up from a nightmare and went down stares, only to run into him.
So here I was, looking for a grapefruit in the fridge, wearing a hoddie and a pair of boxers I stole from him, when I heard him cough.
Pulling the wannabe orange from the fridge, I turned to see him nursing a cup of water at the table. And of course he was staring at me with this horrible-gut-wrenchingly sad smile. Then he spoke to me, the first time he had really adressed me in the month he'd been staying with us.
"Hi Gin."
At this point, I just felt my heart start to tumble. Seriously, it just started doing flips in my chest. "Hi Harry," i said back to him. "Can't sleep?"
"Nah," he answered, gesturing to the chair across from him. Of course I sat down. Here's the boy I'm still bloody in love with. Of course I'm going to sit. "What about you?"
"Nightmare," I said, simply enough, digging my nails in the peel of my fruit. I grinned, and looked up at him. "You know what it's like, eh?"
"I'm so sorry, Gin." He reached across the table, and tucked some of my hair behind my ear. Yeah, heart-break city, Diary. Oh boy, and did i feel that painful heart crack that happened when his fingers touched my skin. Why does this boy have to mean so sodding much to me?
I guess he must have saw that emotion playing in my eyes, because he had dropped his hand.
"You know I'll always care for you, Gin," Harry told me, his fingers tightening around his water glass.
I sniffed. "Sure," I answered, turning my head, and looking away.He had told me that when we broke up. And I believed him then too. "That feeling is mutual," I said, my head still turned. My chest hurt. Physical pain, and I was trying really hard not to start openly crying.
"That's part of the problem, Gin. See, my love has changed." The silence in the air was defeaning. I can't believe he didn't hear my heart shatter, for possibly the fifth time that evening.
My head snapped back, and my eyes filled with tears. My hands itched to slap his face. He was as emotionless as ever. Nothing was visible in his freen eyes.
"Yeah, well mine hasn't. So get-fucking-used to it."
My words must have stung as I slammed the chair back into the table. I heard the way they wiplashed through the air and you have no idea how much conviction I said them with. I wanted so badly to just... I don't know, Diary. I just wanted him to feel how much I was hurting. Because, maybe if he did, he would realize that he still cared about me. Maybe, right? At least there was some chance of it. Some hope in my heart.
I miss him. So much. I regret saying that to him. I regret it feircely. I don't wnat him to go through any more pain. I still love him, I really really do.And he has been through so much. Sometimes I wish I can be around him, be his friend again, and to just quell all those feelings in my heart. But I know better. I am the only thing Harry can't control himself around.
I know he still cares. He has to. There's no sodding way that he could just stop loving me. although that's what he said happend. But I know better. He's so good at turning off his feelings. So good it scares me, really. He'll end up alone. And that is really the last thing I wnat for him. Even if he's not with me, I want him to be happy.
Yeah, real bloody mature of me, eh? But I can't really help it. That's what happens when you love someone I suppose.
There was one last comment that I heard him say that night, Diary. And I can't believe he said it. "Find someone else to love, Gin. Before it ruins the both of us."
GYAH! I can't get out how absolutely FURIOUS that makes me to even write it!! I don't WANT anyone else, you bloody genius! I want you. I love YOU Harry. Merlin! Get your bloody head out of your bloody arse and open your sodding eyes and SEE that, will you?
God, I love him so much. I know he still cares. He has to, or I'm a lost cause.
I don't understand boys. At all. We were so close, so happy. And its not like he found some other girl to shag, Nppe. I guess he just felt the urge to run. Either that, or it's because he thinks I'm in danger for being with him. Oh, bloody hell. Of course he'd think that, wouldn't he?
That is so like him. Oh well. At least he could be honest with me and tell me that.
Or maybe...maybe his feelings really did go back to freidnship. Yeah. That's probably it. Don't kid yourself Virginia. Don't be stupid enough to think that he's being "noble" by dumping you. He can't love me. If he did, he wouldn't be dumb enough to let me go.
Oh well. Whatcha gonna do about it, eh? Maybe I should find someone else. Someone like...
Oh god!!! Horrible, stupid thought. Heh. GOtta admit he's hot though, if not completely insufferable. Yeah, me dating Malfoy. Ahahahahahahhaha.
Yup. I'm off my rocker. And done in here, Diary. I think I should go find that laxative...
Ginny
Authors note: now this is pretty short, and I thought about adding the third installment here, but I barely have any of that written. Please review! Oh, and I apologize PROFUSELY for bad typos and whatnot...i wrote it out on paper, and was just reading and typing... I don't have a spell-checker, either. Anyway. Happy Trails.