How Far 4/6
She stood in the doorway, paralyzed by fear, shock and a strange sense of excitement. What was he doing? Hadn't he had enough? Didn't he put her through enough? Didn't he cause enough pain for one day? But there he was, standing in front of her … staring at her. He was staring at her. She suddenly realized that she had been standing there for a few minutes not saying anything. All the thoughts running through her head never made it to her lips.
"Grissom what are you ... you're wet," was all she could muster.
"So are you" he said pointing to her hair.
She reached up and touched her damp hair and offered a weak smile.
"It's raining and I couldn't find a close parking spot to your building so ... I kinda had to walk a little."
She sighed, noticing his discomfort from being wet. He shifted his weight from foot to foot, waiting to be asked in. She wasn't ready for that yet.
"Grissom what are you doing here?"
"I ... um ... think we need to talk."
"About what?" she replied.
"About what happened today, about everything."
"What's left to say Grissom? You made it pretty clear exactly how you felt, what you wanted."
"Sara it's not that simple."
"Oh really? That's funny, 'cause about two hours ago it was that simple for you. You said your peace and then you walked out. You just walked away," she almost whispered as she felt the lump start to rise in her throat.
"Sara please … "
" 'Please' what Grissom? What?"
"You have to let me explain."
"Explain what? 'I can't be with you' Pretty self explanatory isn't it? That's my Grissom. Cut, dry and straight to the point."
At that moment she saw him shiver slightly. Reluctantly she opened her door a little more. All she could do was sigh as she gave him a silent invitation inside. He closed the door as she disappeared into the other room.
Grissom looked around her apartment careful not to move to much while dripping water on her floor. Entertainment center was on one wall. A desk in the corner, couch and loveseat facing the entertainment center and a coffee table in the middle of the room. Behind him was the kitchen and a small breakfast bar that separated the kitchen from the living room. Very Sara.
Sara returned handing him a towel. He removed the forensics jacket that he had been wearing for the last 36 hours and placed it on the barstool next to Sara's. Patting himself down with the towel he realized that he wasn't that wet. In fact, his shirt was dry, as were his pants. His shoes and the bottom of his pant legs were the only things still wet.
After wiping his face he handed the towel back to Sara. She retreated down the hall and Grissom heard what he thought was shuffling coming from the bedroom. When she emerged she was holding a small white piece if paper in her hands.
She handed it to him and once he read it … he understood.
"From Grissom" he whispered shaking his head.
"Straight to the point." she repeated.
"I can't believe you kept that."
"Of course I did … it was from you. The plant however met an end about 3 months ago. Sorry."
"Lasted longer than flowers right?"
They both chuckled softly. Then a sudden seriousness came over the room. If it wasn't for the country music playing in the background you could have heard a pin drop.
"If she hadn't been there … " he muttered under his breath.
"If 'who' hadn't been there?" she asked never missing a beat.
Grissom moved across the room to take a seat on the couch. He placed his elbows on his knees as he ran his hands through his hair.
"Catherine." he paused "If Catherine hadn't been there the day I sent it, I would've had the card say something different."
"Like what?" she asked.
"I don't know. Surely something better than 'From Grissom'"
"Like what?" she pushed
"I don't know Sara. Look I didn't come here to talk about some stupid card from a plant."
"Why did you come here?" she crossed her arms in front of her chest
"Like I said ... to explain"
"I said no explanation needed. I get it. You want me, but you can't take the risk. I'm an adult Grissom. I think I can figure some things like that out."
"You are young and you're so beautiful. You had your whole life ahead of you. I held you back from living it."
"I had my whole life ahead of me? Grissom my heart may be in a million pieces right now, but my life isn't over."
He finally looked up through glossy eyes. All of the anger and anguish faded from her face when she saw his eyes pleading with her. She walked over and knelt down on both knees in front of him. She kissed his hands before covering them with her own. She rested her chin on top of their joined hands. Looking into his eyes she finally realized what he couldn't find the words to say.
"Grissom that wasn't me. I'm right here in front of you, living and breathing ... for you. The only thing that Debbie and I have in common is the way we look. I am nothing like her. I would never hurt the people that love me. Or the people that I love. I would never hurt you like that."
"There is no way to be sure," he said.
"How can you say that Grissom? I drop my whole life in San Francisco four years ago to come here. To help you … to be with you. Nights off, I listen to the scanner just to see if its you that's going to respond to a scene. And if it is you, then I make up some stupid excuse to rush over there and be with you. It kinda sad really. My whole life here has been about you. Grissom I am so in love with you sometimes it is painful."
She placed a finger under his chin holding his face up to meet her eyes.
"I am so very much in love with you. Grissom … I love you. All I am asking for is a chance to show you my love. I have so much to give you Grissom." she paused tears coming down her face, "I promise if you just let me show you how much I love you. Then you might finally understand that I could never take my love away for you away without dying first."
His tears matched her own as the connection was broken by the sound of a knock on her door.
"Damn it James." she sighed getting off the floor.
She wiped the tears from her face as she once again grabbed her wallet and headed toward the door. Meanwhile, Grissom leaned back into the back of the couch taking deep breaths. Looking back towards the couch she saw Grissom building the barrier between them once again. Shit! She was so close. He was right there with her, she knew he was.
"Hey, what's up Miss Sidle?" the young blonde man said.
"Hi James."
"Yo Miss Sidle, you alright?" he asked noticing her red eyes.
"Yeah James everything's okay. How much do I owe you?"
"Um … 10.50. You sure you okay?"
"Yes I'm fine. Here ya go keep it." she said as she handed him a 20.
"Whoa!"
"To help you pay for the ring." she smiled.
"Thanks Miss Sidle. You sure everything is okay?" he asked eyeing Grissom.
"Yes James, thank you."
"Alright Miss Sidle see ya later."
"Night James."
"Night Miss Sidle." he replied walking down the hall.
She brought the food into the kitchen and fussed around trying to get some coffee together. She placed the grounds in the filter and turned on the machine. She heard the DJ on the radio and welcomed another voice into the room. She seized this as an opportunity to compose herself.
"Grissom I put some coffee on. I'll be right back." she said walking into the bathroom.
He heard the door shut as the D.J. was finishing his speech
"…here's Martina with 'How Far'"
There's a boat, I could sail away
There's the sky, I could catch a plane
There's a train, there's the tracks
I could leave and I could choose to not come back
Oh, never come back
She splashed some water on her face, trying to get her footing again.
There you are, giving up the fight
Here I am begging you to try
Talk to me, let me in
But you just put your wall back up again
Oh, when's it gonna end
Grissom sat up, elbows on his knees again. He laced his fingers together as he rested his forehead on them. Catherine was right…all she wanted was love. His love. She was going to get it.
How far do I have to go to make you understand
I wanna make this work so much it hurts, but I just can't
Keep on giving, go on living with the way things are
So I'm gonna walk away
And it's up to you to say how far
She wiped her face as she took one last look in the mirror. Now regretting the fact that she took a shower because of the mad mass of curls that covered her head. Brushing her hands through her hair she opened the door and walked towards the kitchen
There's a chance I could change my mind
But I won't, not till you decide
What you want, what you need
Do you even care if I stay or leave
Oh, what's it gonna be
She saw him sitting there with a look of fear on his face. She walked past him and back into the kitchen her back to the living room. She braced herself with both hands on the counter staring at the coffee, willing it to brew faster.
How far do I have to go to make you understand
I wanna make this work so much it hurts, but I just can't
Keep on giving, go on living with the way things are
So I'm gonna walk away
And it's up to you to say how far
Grissom looked into the kitchen and saw Sara with her back to him. She looked like she often did when she was looking at evidence on a table in the lab. He got up and made his way into the kitchen.
Out of this chair, or just across the room
Halfway down the block or halfway to the moon
'Just let me show you' the words she spoke haunted her. She knew she had made a mistake. Suddenly Sara's felt a presence…his presence behind her. That can't be she didn't hear him get up. She slowly raised her head and turned around.
How far do I have to go to make you understand
I wanna make this work so much it hurts, but I just can't
Keep on giving, go on living with the way things are
So I'm gonna walk away
And it's up to you to say
Her eyes met his and pleaded with him as the words to the song in the background helped convey everything she felt. He placed his hands along the sides of her face, just as he did 2 hours before. This time the ending would be different. So very different.
Yeah I'm gonna walk away
And it's up to you to say how far
How far
"Sara … show me." he whispered and he leaned down and began a kiss that forever changed both their lives