A/N: Hey guys. I am sorry that it has taken me so long to update this. Also I know that none of my other stories have been updated in quite a while. I'm so busy right now… between school, myspace, my love interest and my family, that I really haven't had the time. But I promise that soon I will buckle down and have a new chapter for each story.

Chapter 7-

Smile. Just think of something that makes you happy and smile. Come on now… it isn't that hard to do. Just smile, knock on the door, and wait to hear about how whory you turned out. Oh great now that you are thinking about how you are going to get yelled at and made into something that you aren't how are you going to smile. You shouldn't go up and knock while you are frowning. Who knows maybe she will not say anything about what has happened. Maybe Dawn didn't tell her. No of course Dawn did because she wants to be the favorite. All right now Buffy smile and face her. She is our own mother after all.

Buffy had done a lot of things that her mother had disapproved of. But Buffy did one thing that her mother has yet to forgive her for. Several months into the relationship with Spike, enough time to make her fall madly in love with him, Buffy's mother told Buffy and her sister Dawn, that they were moving. Buffy… who had already turned eighteen, decided that she would stay in the house at Sunnydale and let them leave. Buffy's mother had told Buffy that she was a fool and a slut for thinking that he would stay with her. Buffy's mom never had liked Spike, she always liked Riley. So Buffy stood right outside her mother's house, a fear creeping through her soul. Buffy didn't want to hear about how her mother had 'told her so'. Buffy knew that Spike still loved her, that he had meant nothing by it. Buffy put on a fake smile, walked up to the door, and knocked.

When her mother opened the door, Dawn, who was sitting on the couch, heard her screams. Dawn came running in there and ran over to hug her sister. Buffy smiled. "Hey Dawnie. Did you miss me?"

"Only everyday, but your letters helped."

Buffy shot eyes at her mother, who had just been staring at her. "Hey mom."

"Hello Buffy. I expect that Spike is parking the car."

Buffy looked at Dawn. "I didn't tell her." Dawn said.

Buffy smiled. "No mother. Spike and I aren't seeing each other anymore."

"Well… isn't that interesting. Let me guess, you let him move in with you and now you have no where to live." Her mother's tone was harsh.

"Don't mom, please." Dawn's voice was pleading and Buffy could tell that she had been listening to her mother talk about Buffy for a long time.

"No he didn't move in. I left because I wanted to see Dawnie. I can't stay for long, I have to meet someone."

"Well then I will let you have some time with Dawn." Buffy's mother said in a cold way, telling Buffy that she was still upset about Spike. "I will be upstairs if you need me." Joyce said to Dawn and then left the room.

Buffy and Dawn walked in silence to the living room. There was nothing that they could really say yet… they had to be sure that they were out of hearing range of their mother. Once the two girls were, Dawn was that first to speak. "She's been like that since we left. She refuses to say anything nice about you, she refuses to read your letter, and she refuses to be in the same room with me and dad when we talk about you."

"I know it's hard that we are fighting like this. But mom just doesn't understand that I love Spike."

"Still after all that he did?" Dawn asked.

Buffy smiled. "I know that somewhere deep inside, Spike means what he says, that is that he never meant for it to happen and that it meant nothing to him. I will love Spike forever and nothing can change that. But I have grown so use to him being there, that him being the support that I needed, that I realized how fragile I really was. I have to make something of my life too… so that Spike's life will not be so hard on me. If had something in life that was mine, a job or something, then I would have never found him with her. And I would have never known."

"Would that be better?" Dawn asked. "If you had come a different day, if had something in your life that you could call your own. Would it be better if you never knew?"

"We would be married if I didn't." Buffy said. "And to me, that's all that really mattered."

"I liked him. He was always nice to me." Dawn said. Buffy just smiled at her little sister, who suddenly got bored and went on to talk about herself.

(Internet conversation)

HotRockerWithAttitude: In moments like these, people change forever. Lives are swiftly moved to one direction or another. And then, the bond of people is broken. They separate, their lives taking swift paths away from one another, and then after that nothing is the same. You find yourself in this new place, with these new people, trying to hold onto something that is so far away you can't even see it. When this happens, and you are left all alone with scars and lies exposed, it would seem so easy to fall into the traps that are all around you. That's what life wants, for you to fail. And traps that life sets are traps that you can never escape from. You find yourself staring into the eyes of someone that you loved and that you hurt, and then you know. Then you know that life has screwed you over and all you can do is play along. I guess that's why I wrote this song, why I decided that I would share with you what's been going on in my life.

DarkSoulFire: If you think that life is bad without her, why don't you go tell her that you can't stand by and watch her slip away?

HotRockerWithAttitude: No I can't. She doesn't seem to understand, or if she does then it makes no difference. We had more then just love.

DarkSoulFire: Is there more then love?

HotRockerWithAttitude: It cannot be described.

DarkSoulFire: Sometimes I think you are too deep for me.

HotRockerWithAttitude: Sometimes I am.

DarkSoulFire: This is cryptic and strange, and I understand it all. I feel like a fly in your mind, watching all that you do.

HotRockerWithAttitude: Interesting isn't it.

DarkSoulFire: No doubt. Are we meeting again tonight?

HotRockerWithAttitude: I shouldn't.

DarkSoulFire: But you will. I know you love her… but I know that you are a man.

HotRockerWithAttitude: And if she were to find out. Or even Tommy. Faith this isn't a game.

DarkSoulFire: And I don't treat it like one. A nice go in bed is all that we have Spike. Just to make us…

HotRockerWithAttitude: Feel something. Even if it isn't what we want.

DarkSoulFire: Speak for your self. I want you… and you better be here tonight.

HotRockerWithAttitude: I will be.

Spike signed off the internet and slumped back into his seat. He had been seeing Faith since Buffy had left, being her sex partner so that the two of them could feel something. Since Tommy had left her, thinking that he in someway would still have Buffy; Faith had been more then willing to come onto Spike. Moment of weakness number two, Spike said yes. Interestingly, he felt bad for what he was doing but yet he couldn't stop. And to be honest, he didn't want to. The phone that sat beside his computer rang, the noise breaking the silence, the walls then sucking in the secret world that Spike had exposed, if only for a brief second. Spike picked the phone up and said in his best English voice. "Hello?"

"Hi."

Spike smiled. She was depressed and he always liked that. "Yes love. What can I do for ya?"

"Don't be a smart ass with me Spike. I know you better then that." Buffy said her voice music to Spike's ears.

"Right then love. I'm all ears since I know somethin' is wrong."

"Nothing it is just my mother being her stupid self. Trying so damn hard to make me break down and tell her what happened with us. I will not do it… I will not have her say…" Buffy stopped quick, remember that at times Spike was vulnerable.

"What? Don't want you mum to say 'told ya so'.

"Yeah." Buffy said. Spike smiled. He wouldn't see Faith that night, he would spend it all talking to Buffy. Sure Faith would be mad, but he didn't care.

A/N: While doing my myspace stuff… I wrote this chapter. Hope you enjoy. FunkyDevil I am working on the chapter 3.