It was a combination of being scared of Elizabeth's wrath if he didn't treat Allina well and the responsibility he felt towards his impending fatherhood, mixed a little genuine remorse about hurting her, that made Rodney feel compelled to pay her a visit in the infirmary.
She was lying in bed, having been sedated so she wouldn't worry about the baby. Carson immediately intercepted Rodney as soon as he saw the scientist making his way straight for their newest patient. "What do you think you're doing?" he asked warily when he saw Rodney.
"Going to see Allina," Rodney stated the obvious. "Elizabeth told me about the paternity test, so –"
"So you finally decided to make an appearance?" Carson asked, his sarcasm lost on Rodney through his heavy accent. "I'm sure Allina will really appreciate that, after you tried twice to terminate her pregnancy."
"Hey, I didn't do it deliberately the last time!" Rodney said, then, characteristically, he whined, "Elizabeth believes me."
"Elizabeth is a fool," Carson declared, although he was tempted to believe Rodney really hadn't meant to hurt Allina. It was too callous a way to do it. Carson wouldn't put it past Rodney to have put something in Allina's food, but he wouldn't have engaged in rough sex. It was too intimate for him to do. "I don't think you should see her right now," Carson insisted.
"I don't see how that's any of your business," Rodney retorted. "She's carrying my child."
"Which you made quite clear you didn't want," Carson said.
"Because I didn't know if it was mine!" Rodney said indignantly. Seemed like a perfectly good excuse to him. Well, he was not going to stand here and squabble with Carson Becket, a man he considered to be of lesser intelligence to him. He barged past the Scottish doctor to Allina.
She was groggy, so he shook her awake. "Rodney!" Carson yelled indignantly. There really was no end to the man's audacity. "Leave her alone!"
"It's OK, Carson," Allina said when she woke up and saw Rodney standing there. Rodney had treated her shabbily but she stilled hoped to work things out with him. "I'm awake now." Carson looked disapproving and Rodney looked triumphant.
"That means go away," Rodney said to Carson. Carson looked to Allina for approval ; she gave it. Christ, he had no idea what she saw in Rodney. He must have really been something when the child had been conceived for Allina to be so eager to see him. That, or she was just a fool. Carson was more inclined to go with the latter.
"I was hoping you would come," Allina said. Her eyes clouded over with unshed tears when she thought about the passing threat to her baby.
"Did Elizabeth tell you about the test she took?" Rodney asked. Allina nodded. "Well, it came back saying I was the father so… I'm here to accept my obligations."
She stared at him. "You think this is an obligation?" she asked. Rodney nodded. "Where I come from, every child is a blessing."
Rodney grimaced. "Well, I come from a planet where we have a serious population control problem. There are thousand of pregnancies terminated every years, and thousands more that aren't wanted. I'm sorry if that's not what you wanted to hear, but I just don't come from a place where every child is a blessing." That, and his own experienced growing up were less then pleasant.
"So you're only here because you feel you should be?"
"Yes."
Allina turned away from him. "Then go away. I don't care."
It was tempting to do just that. He resented her, and he wasn't too happy about his impeding fatherhood, either. But he had a deeply ingrained sense of obligation. If Allina wouldn't have an abortion then he had a duty to help her out with the kid. "I'm not going to go away, Allina. If you're going to have this kid then I'm going to be there for it."
"We don't need you."
"Tough. I'm not going to have any kid of mine growing up and not knowing who I am."
"But you were happy to try and kill it."
"That's different. It's not a real person until you give birth."
"Alright, that's enough Rodney," Carson interrupted. He could see Allina was getting very upset. They were like chalk and cheese in their values. How they had ever gotten together was beyond Carson. He sent Rodney away and attempted to comfort a distraught Allina. It didn't help that Allina truly didn't understand the place Rodney was coming from. Not wanting a child was completely alien to her culture.
"His childhood wasn't very happy," Carson said diplomatically. He didn't know much about Rodney's childhood, only that he didn't get along with his parents and his father had been quite critical of him. "I'm sure he'll come around eventually." Allina looked at her disbelievingly.
Carson spoke to Elizabeth about it later that day. "I don't know what to do. I think in time he'll be more charitable but for the moment he can barely stand being around her."
"I'll talk to him," Elizabeth said, although she doubted her input would change his mind.
"You know, you're not helping matters much," she admonished Rodney when she had a moment alone with him. "Allina's got no idea why you're acting the way you are. She can barely understand that you don't want this child, let alone how you can take it on as an obligation nonetheless."
Rodney shrugged. "Seems pretty simple to me," he said. "I don't want it, but if she won't have an abortion, then I don't want my kid to grow up not knowing me. I don't want it but I won't neglect it."
"You're doing a damn fine job of neglecting Allina right now," Elizabeth admonished him.
"It's her own damn fault!" Rodney raged. "She manipulated me and let me fall in love with her!"
Oops, he hadn't meant to say that. He hadn't even meant to think it. "I mean – I mean –" he tried desperately to backtrack.
Elizabeth smiled smugly. She hadn't expected such a result and she was immensely pleased with herself. "You mean you're acting like someone who's been betrayed by the person he loves," she offered.
Rodney crossed his arms over his chest and pouted like a child. "I am not," he said. "Well, maybe I am, but only because she used me and I don't like being used… not because I have any feelings for her."
Elizabeth kept her peace. Rodney would admit to his feelings when he was ready and not a moment sooner (although she wouldn't be above nudging him in the right direction). "OK, well how's this," she suggested, "Allina truly doesn't understand your reaction. She might, at a stretch, grasp the concept that children aren't always a blessing in our culture, but she will never understand you saying you don't want it on one hand but you have an obligation to it on the other. That barely makes sense to me, and it won't make one iota of sense to her. So please, unless you want to drive her to go home, be supportive. She worships you, and it's not doing her health any good – or the health of the baby – to have you be so cold to her."
"What do you want me to do?"
"Be nice, be supportive, don't pick fights with her," Elizabeth pleaded. "I'm not asking you to marry her or be in a relationship with her. Just be a little more sensitive to the situation." Or at least, she added silently, as sensitive as you know how – which sometimes wasn't very.
"I'll try," Rodney said gruffly. The truth was, although he would never admit it, was that he felt a little bad for being so short with Allina. She couldn't help it if she didn't understand their ways – or his personal experience with children, having been one years ago. He was apprehensive about being a father because his own had been such a miserable one, and weren't those things genetic? At any rate, he shouldn't be taking it out on Allina. She had made him fall in love with her and stabbed him in the back, but she hadn't gotten pregnant deliberately – that had been his fault, he should have used a condom. So he couldn't hold that against her. And since she could never understand why he was acting the way he was about his impeding fatherhood, he should be making more of an effort to at least be civil about it.
Elizabeth smiled. She'd always known that talking reasonably worked much better with Rodney then yelling at him, no matter how outrageous his actions had been.
For the next two months, Rodney tried his hardest to be nice to Allina. It was hard not to approach it as an obligation, but the more time he spent with her, the more comfortable he began to feel about the prospects of fatherhood. He hoped he'd make a better father then his own had been – that was his greatest fear, that he would inflict on his child the same treatment that had been meted out to him.
In turn, Allina, at Elizabeth's suggestion, didn't do anything to encourage a romance between her and Rodney. Although she never understood how he could not want a child, let alone see it as an obligation rather then have nothing to do with it, she welcomed his involvement in her pregnancy. He never touched her intimately, seeing her as the mother – or vessel – for his child rather then his lover, but he remained polite around her, which was better then being insulting.
Elizabeth found having someone of Allina's intellect around was quite an convenience, and when the young woman expressed an interest in learning about the technology of Atlantis, she arranged to have her spend some time with Zelenka. She didn't want to know what happened if she made Rodney spend any more time with her then he considered his obligation. And Allina and Zelenka got on well. Radek was more then pleased to have an attractive young women interested in what he was doing – and learning fast. More then a few times, both he and Elizabeth thought they detected jealousy in his voice.
She'd been at Atlantis for two and a half months – bringing her pregnancy to three and a half months – when she expressed an interest in returning home. Not to stay, she understood the complications of her pregnancy and that it was best for her to stay here where they had the technology to deal with an assortment of complications, but she missed her family, her friends, her way of life. Besides, it would be good to show them they were mistreating Allina.
Elizabeth arranged for her Alpha team – John, Rodney, Ford and Teyla – to go with Allina to her home planet for what would start of as a day trip. Things had ended badly between the Atlantis expedition and the Brotherhood, but Elizabeth hoped that they could open up negotiations again. There were high spirits as the five of them set off through the Stargate…
…And were greeted with silence, dead silence. True, the planets they visited were mostly agrarian societies, and therefor didn't have the hustle of a city, but this was quiet for this planet, way too quiet. And it wasn't just that it was quiet. Buildings had been destroyed, areas of forest burned to the ground. It looked like the apocalypse had taken place.
It was initially agreed that Rodney should stay with Allina and John, Ford and Teyla would have a scout around to see what had happened. It didn't come to that, though, because an old man came running up to them once he saw they were humans and not the Wraith.
"Jaca!" Allina cried when she recognised the old man. She turned to the group. "This is my father's brother," she said, happy to see a familiar face amidst all the destruction. She turned back to her uncle. "What happened here?" she asked.
"The Wraith came," Jaca said ominously.
Allina looked shocked. She was well aware, if not personally then through her planet's history, what the Wraith were capable of – and what they were not. "But – the Wraith do not cause this destruction," she said.
Jaca looked pained. "When they learned of the power source and that it had been given to the people of Atlantis, they destroyed everything and killed almost everyone."
"I don't understand. What is so important about Atlantis?" Teyla asked.
John thought for a few seconds, then his eyes widened with comprehension. "Earth," he said. "They want the co-ordinates to Earth. The female Wraith that fed of Colonel Sumner must have found out about it from him. It would be a plentiful new feeding ground for them, especially given we, uh –"
"Woke them all up at the same time?" Teyla offered.
John looked sheepish. "Yeah, that," he said. He could imagine how jacked off the Wraith would be if, anticipating a plentiful new food source, they then ran into a race of people who informed them the only means of getting to the food source was protected by a power source that they'd helped provide. That, and the Wraith must be getting pretty hungry, with so many of them awake but the same amount of food available ; it was getting more and more common to have entire planets more or less entirely wiped out.
Allina had lost interest in John's reasons for the Wraith's brutal attack. She asked Jaca, "My father?" She could see some survivors, a tragically small group huddled a few meters behind Jaca, but she couldn't see her father among them.
Jaca looked down sadly. "It was from he that… they found out about the power source," he admitted. He did not elaborate, choosing not to inform Allina that her father had been tortured before having the life sucked out of him.
He didn't need to. Allina knew enough about the Wraith to know what they did to people. She trembled, and passed out. Rodney, who was standing behind her and knew her well enough to at least know what was coming when she started to tremble, broke her fall and lifted her awkwardly into his arms. He just wasn't good at the sweeping-a-woman-off-her-feet thing, but at least he was strong enough to carry her weight, which was more many people gave him credit for.
John turned to Rodney. "Take her home," he said. He turned to Jaca. "Are they all the survivors?" he asked.
"There are others, hiding, but not many," Jaca admitted.
"Alright," John said to Ford and Teyla. "I think it's pretty safe to say that there's going to be no imminent Wraith attack." There was simply nothing worth attacking, although he wasn't crass enough to say that out loud. "We are going to round up everyone we can find and take the to Atlantis. It's the least we owe them." Ford and Teyla nodded.
Teyla started dialling Atlantis and Rodney took Allina through. John realised he could have left Allina by the gate with one of the other survivors, his reasons for getting Rodney to escort her back to Atlantis ran deeper then that. It was obvious even to John that Rodney's feelings for Allina ran deeper then he cared to admit, he was no good to the team while he was concerned for her, so he may as well take her back to Atlantis.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Rodney! What the hell happened? Where's the rest of the team?" Elizabeth asked when, barely minutes after they'd left, Rodney's ID number was being broadcast through the Stargate.
"Planet was attacked by the Wraith, there's practically nothing left. Allina – her father was taken, she fainted," Rodney explained. He seemed awfully reluctant to hand her over to the medical team. "John, Teyla and Aidan are still on the planet, rounding up survivors. There's no threat, the Wraith aren't coming back. There's nothing for them to come back for."
Elizabeth blanched. She'd heard, with increasing occurrence, about the Wraith gobbling up entire populations of planets. She paled when Rodney explained why the Wraith had exacted such revenge. "That's why John's rounding up survivors, he feels like it's the least we owe them."
"Of course," Elizabeth said. Even in this time of disaster, she didn't miss the way Rodney's eyes were following Allina, being taken by stretcher to the infirmary, for all that he was trying to hide it by keeping his head turned in Elizabeth's direction. "Why don't you go and wait for her to come to?" Elizabeth suggested, then she added, just so Rodney could have the excuse of pretending he was only concerned about the pregnancy, "make sure everything's alright with the baby."
Rodney looked tired. "I'm needed here," he said distractedly.
Elizabeth laughed dryly. "You're no use to anyone if your mind's elsewhere," she pointed out. "I am ordering you to go." That worked ; with the excuse of being told what to do, Rodney practically raced after Allina.
An hour later, the rest of the team returned with a few dozen survivors. Elizabeth looked at the motley crew with dismay. "This was it? These are all the survivors?"
John nodded solemnly. "Afraid so," he admitted. A few dozen people from a population that had been at least in the tens of thousands – and they had been lucky to survive. The Wraith had been vicious. God knew how Atlantis would look when the word got out. Definitely do not help them, it will make the Wraith angrier.
Jaca stepped forward, and Elizabeth took him to be the designated leader for the surviving refugees. "My deepest regrets for what happened," she said. "Of course, Atlantis is open to you. It's the least we can offer you. Anything else you want – travel, settling on the mainland – just ask and I'm sure we can come to an arrangement."
Jaca nodded. "We do not hold you responsible for the Wraith attack," he said.
"That's very generous of you," Elizabeth said, feeling very responsible for the Wraith attack on these people and their planet. At least now that they had a ZPM they were relatively well defended and could offer these people safe harbour.
"The Wraith attacked us because the power source that we gave you to protect yourselves enraged them. That must make you quite a threat to them," Jaca offered insightful. "In the bigger picture, the safety of Atlantis is more important then the preservation of one planet."
"I hope we can live up to that statement," Elizabeth said wryly, and directed John to find the refugees living quarters in Atlantis.
"Where is Allina?" Jaca asked Elizabeth. John quickly explained that Jaca was Allina's uncle and Allina's father had been killed in the attacks.
"She's in the infirmary, Rodney's with her, and a doctor," Elizabeth said. "She's getting the best care. You can go and see her soon. In the meantime, why don't you try and get settled as best as you can?"
Jaca nodded, and instructed the other refugees to follow John to their new quarters. The huddled around him. It would take them a while to feel comfortable in Atlantis.
"How is Allina?" John asked Elizabeth once he'd gotten the refugees as settled as they were going to be for the time being.
"Carson had a quick look at her before he took her up to the infirmary. He thinks he just passed out from shock. I guess learning you're father's dead will do that to you. But she should be fine – in body, at least."
--------------------------------------------------------------
Allina came to slowly, her mind rebelling against the need to think about her father's death. Physically, she felt fine. Rodney catching her, awkwardly as it had been, had saved her from any injuries a fall might have caused. But mentally, she was devastated.
Rodney, seeing she was awake, was immediately by her side. Carson took note of the fact that, despite Rodney's hostility towards Allina, when she was in danger – real or imagined, it was real as far as Rodney was concerned – he stayed by her side. Even after Carson had cleared both her and the baby for any injuries, Rodney had refused to leave her side until she woke up. A man didn't do that for a woman he hated, even one who was carrying his child.
"Hey…" Rodney said gently when she opened her eyes. "You're awake."
Automatically her hands flew to her slightly-swollen stomach. "The baby?" she asked.
Rodney slipped his hand over hers, threading his fingers through the fingers of one of her hands and curling them over. Her heart fluttered just a little despite the devastating news that had been delivered to her. She and Rodney hadn't held hands since their first time together. "He's OK," Rodney said.
Allina smiled weakly. "He?" she asked. She could never get over the technology they had at Atlantis, that they had the ability to know a baby's sex six months before it was born.
"RJ," Rodney supplied in a half -hearted joke, although he had no intention of naming his son after himself. It was his own father's name, and he was trying to remove himself and his offspring from the McKay legacy as far as possible. "You're both going to be fine. You just had a shock."
"I didn't fall?" Allina asked.
"I caught you," Rodney admitted, looking a little embarrassed. "It was no biggie." Although it had felt rather masculine, having a woman faint into his arms.
Allina smiled. "Thankyou," she said. Rodney had to care in some small way if he'd caught her rather then just letting her fall, if he'd stayed with her while she'd been unconscious, if he was showing no sign of letting go of her hand. That was something, at least. She closed her eyes and thought about the death of her father… all her people who she'd tried so hard to save… she should never have left, she should never have come to Atlantis. She should have fought with them, died with him, that should have been her obligation as the leader of the Brotherhood.
He noticed her sudden melancholy, even though he'd told her both she and the baby were fine. He was sensitive enough to realise it was the shock – and possibly guilt – of having lost her father and so many of her people. Tentatively, he stroked her hair with his free hand. He wasn't good as reassuring people and he didn't know what to do. Being so close to Allina felt strange, but she had given him quite a fright in passing out and he didn't want to leave her. "It's OK," he said. "We brought all the survivors back here."
"How many?" Allina asked.
"About fifty," Rodney admitted. He hated the way her eyes reflected the torment she was feeling. He hadn't realised how emotive her eyes were. "It wasn't your fault," he said quietly.
She started to cry. "I should have been there," she insisted. He had no idea what to do, so awkwardly he lifted her into a sitting position so he could hug her.
"If you'd been with them you would most likely have been killed," he reminded her. "And killed our son with you." He had hoped such a harsh reminder would bring her to her senses, but it only served to make her cry harder. He let her cry into his chest, patting her head awkwardly as he tried to soothe her.
After a few minutes, she suddenly composed herself and withdrew from his arms. "I'm OK now," she said stiffly, and he saw the same stoic leader who had forced him to hand over the ZPM at gunpoint. "I'd like you to leave."
His eyebrows furrowed and he tried to read her. He wasn't good at reading people, let alone women, let alone women who were trained to hide their feelings. He was above telling her he wanted to stay, and since she seemed pretty resolute about wanting him to leave – "OK," he agreed, not knowing what else to say. He walked out of the infirmary, leaving Allina alone with her thoughts – and her guilt.
She should never have left the planet. She should have known Rodney didn't want her, he had made that pretty clear when she'd taken the power source away from him. Just then , he had just being nice know because he felt sorry for her. His treatment of her in the past ten weeks was testimony to the fact he didn't want her here. She should have stayed with her people. She should have been there for them, she should have fought with them, or died with them. But she should never have abandoned them.
Guilt swamped her. She had followed her heart, and what had it achieved? Except for just then, Rodney could barely contain his resentment for the havoc she'd wreaked on his life. So many of her people were dead because they'd handed over the power source, and she was alive because she'd come to Atlantis.
She didn't deserve to be alive.
She got out of bed and walked out of the infirmary, giving a cursory check to make sure she no-one had seen her leave. Not that she expected them to care, but Carson was being on the principle of saving lives so he might feel an obligation to stop her. An obligation… like Rodney had, with tolerating her presence in Atlantis.
She made her way through the halls of Atlantis. In the ten weeks she'd been here, she'd come to know the place quite well and she knew how to get to one of the balconies which had spectacular views and thousand-foot drops.
She had left the infirmary not long after Rodney, so it was fortunate that he saw he leave. His interest was immediately piqued. He thought she'd gone to see what remained of her people, and since her uncle was now living at Atlantis, he wanted to look like he was fulfilling his obligations as would-be father. And then it occurred to him that she was striding quite purposefully for someone who had no idea where she was headed. Now his interested was really piqued. What – or who – was so important that she was practically running? At a distance, he followed her, hoping she didn't look behind her.
She was heading towards the outside of Atlantis, he realised. He trailled her to a balcony and watched her lean over it, then, to his horror, start to climb over it. It had to be a hundred meter drop into the ice water, at least! His blood ran cold and in that moment he realised just how much Allina meant to him. "Allina!" he yelled, and in an instant, he was behind her, his arm around her waist, dragging her back into the hall and locking the door behind them.
It was only then that he let Allina go. His heart was pounding. She'd given him the fright of his life and he was furious at her for it. He slapped her hard across the face and she reeled back, losing her balance and ended up on the floor. "What the hell were you thinking?" he asked, advancing on her. "You scared the crap out of me! You were just going to bail like that? You were going to – oh, God…" he thought about what would have happened if he hadn't happened to have seen her leaving the infirmary. He dropped to the floor and pulled her into his arms. She was crying now. He held her close to his chest, not sure if he would be able to ever let her go. "Baby, baby," he crooned into her ear. "Don't you ever scare me like that again."
Keeping one arm wrapped tightly around her waist, he tilted her head up forcefully and mashed his mouth against hers. There was no gentleness in his kiss, just distress and possessiveness. If it was possible, he tightened his hold on her until she could barely breathe, and what oxygen she did have in her lungs was being exhausted by kissing him back. She didn't know much about men, only that they didn't kiss like this when they didn't care. He did care! She wrapped her arms around his neck, twirled his hair through her fingers and matched the hunger in his desperate, frantic kisses.
That was how Carson found them.