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Chapter 5
Kara shifted from one foot to the other impatiently. She was standing in the hangar deck waiting for Lee to return with the President. Roslin supposedly had a surprise to give the expecting couple. The only consolation that Kara could draw was the fact that Lee knew even less about the surprise than she did. Something that didn't surprise her. Three months into her pregnancy and Lee was finally beginning to believe it. Of course, that might have something to do with the fact that she was starting to show a little; and she was beginning to take his regulation pants. Kara drew the line at the maternity clothes that had been donated to the fleet for expectant mothers. There was no fracking way she would ever wear a dress that looked like a grandmother should wear.
"Nervous?" asked Cally coming to stand beside Kara.
"A little. The last time Roslin brought a surprise, she brought all those books on being pregnant. Then Lee took them away from me. But Crashdown said he caught Lee reading them during one of their breaks."
"Think he's paranoid?"
"I think he's worried about the baby. He's been waking me up every four hours and making me eat something. He doesn't believe I'm eating enough for the kid."
Cally giggled. "It's about time he started acting like an adult with you. Last I heard you two were fighting over strawberry shortcakes."
"He ate the whole fracking thing without my permission!" exclaimed Kara hotly. Cally raised her eyebrows but lapsed into silence as the raptor carrying the President opened up.
President Roslin walked onto the hangar deck and looked around expectantly. "Aw, Lieutenant Thrace, just the person I wanted to see. I have quite a surprise for you and Lee."
"Is it more books?" asked Kara eagerly. "Lee took the last ones you gave me away."
"Really? I'll have to have a talk with the Captain about that later. No, this time I brought something better along." Roslin pulled a tiny disc out of her pocket and handed it to Kara.
"What is it?" murmured Lee trying to inspect the disc in Kara's hands.
"Old recordings of Lamaze. It'll help the two of you prepare for the baby," answered Roslin with a smile. Kara's eyes lit up dangerously as she thought ahead to the many hours she could spend torturing Lee.
"Perfect!" announced the blonde pilot clutching the disc to her chest. Lee frowned but nodded along with Kara. He remembered rumors about Lamaze. It was pure torture for every man in the Colonies.
"I'm glad you like it, because I also found a Lamaze expert to guide you along with the disc." Roslin motioned to another woman to step out of the raptor. Lee barely suppressed his groan. He had met Roslin's companion on Colonial One during the pick-up. The lady was ancient. "I would like you to meet Lady Vagalal."
Lady Vagalal was a pudgy woman with short arms and short legs. Her eyes were set in a permanent squint, and wrinkles seemed to hide the rest of her face. Her white hair was pulled back into a bun, but several strands were sticking out on the top of her head in a wild manner. "I am pleeeesed to meeeeet youuuu," intoned the woman shaking Cally's hand. She then turned to Chief Tyrol and patted his stomach.
"Huh," she muttered to herself. "I have come on time. You are gaining too much weight with the child. I will have to put you on a strict diet!"
"Um," Kara was about to speak when Roslin shook her head.
"She's a little blind, but she's the best Lamaze coach in the Colonies," whispered Roslin softly.
"From the looks of it, she's the only Lamaze coach in the Colonies," muttered Lee as Lady Vagalal turned to Hotdog and told him he was the ugliest woman she had ever seen.
The President shrugged. "Your father asked me to find someone to guide you two along with this baby. He said it would be better for the entire ship if you were kept from being underfoot."
Lee groaned. "That's because Colonel Tigh is still recovering from listening to Kara and her theories. He wouldn't get up out of bed for a week straight."
"Whatever, Lee. He didn't mind my theories. He was excited about being offered the babysitting job once the kid is born. Hey, Madam President, do you want to be a babysitter too? I could use some more options other than Colonel Tigh and the Commander."
President Roslin plastered a pleased smile on her face and nodded in agreement. In all actuality she wasn't sure she wanted to baby-sit the child of Kara and Lee. From what she had heard the Commander complain about last week this child was practically the spawn of pure evil. Something to do with Kara sitting in a viper and refusing to get out until someone cleaned a single spot off the window.
"Come on, Kara," sighed Lee, "We should probably rescue the Chief from Lady Vagalal."
Kara frowned. "What for? Its kinda fun watching him be told he's too fat."
"He's not the pregnant one. You are."
"Party pooper."
"Crybaby."
Kara issued a death glare over at Lee, but followed him over to Lady Vagalal. The old crone was busy telling the Chief and Cally they were unfit parents.
"And another thing!" cried out the woman shrilly. "You must feed your husband! He is as thin as a stick! If he dies, who will change the diapers?"
"Excuse me," started Lee stepping in between Lady Vagalal and Cally. "I'm Lee Adama. How are you?"
"Troubled! We must start at once! There is no time to lose!"
"I got the disc," sang out Kara waving the disc in the air. Lee took a deep breath and proceeded out of the hangar deck with Lady Vagalal on his arm and Kara following behind. He brought them to the sparring room and waited for Kara to put the disc into the wall slot. A screen slid down onto the wall and soon an old school Lamaze lesson began to play. Kara sat cross-legged on the floor as Lady Vagalal began to do leg stretches. Lee watched in amusement as the old woman reached to her knees and then straightened back up as though she had actually touched her feet.
"Meeeester Leeeee," said Lady Vagalal suddenly.
Lee jumped in surprise. "Yes?"
"Do laps."
"Excuse me?"
"Laps! Run like a dog! Now! I want two hundred laps in this room before we get down to business!"
Lee made a face but finally took to jogging around the room muttering under his breath. Kara chuckled until Lady Vagalal came over to her.
"Meeesus Leeeee, I want you to lie on your back and close your eyes."
"What for?" asked Kara.
"Just do ittttt!" screeched the crone. Kara bit her tongue down and finally lay down on her back and closed her eyes as the old lady continued talking. "Now, imagine you are an oyster and your stomach contains the pearl. Be the oyster, Meeeesus Leeee, be the oyster! Feed the pearl! Feed the pearl!"
"And how the hell am I supposed to do that?" demanded Kara opening her eyes. But Lady Vagalal was already humming out of tune as she waved her arms wildly over Kara's stomach. Soon the woman was dancing around, one foot out of the time and shaking her butt.
"You've got to be kidding me," murmured Kara closing her eyes again to block out the horrible sight.
"Alright…Lady…Vaga…lal…I'm…done," panted Lee. "Now…what?"
"Do as I do," ordered the woman without missing a beat. Lee gulped down some air and watched Lady Vagalal incredulously.
"What for?"
"She is an oyster, carrying a pearl. We must feed the pearl! Feed it!"
Lee snapped to attention and slowly began to mimic the old crone's actions. He was going to kill someone for this, and it would be a very slow death. Below, Kara smirked and placed her arms beneath her head as she closed her eyes one last time. From the look and sound of it, the whole dancing mumbo-jumbo could go on for quite awhile. She wasn't about to try and keep a straight face the entire time. No, Kara was definitely due for some major beauty sleep.
"Graceful! Be a swan, Meeester Lee. Must I teach you ballet? You are a swan, she is an oyster. Feed the pearl!"
Oh yes, someone was going to die for this alright. And Lee had all day to decide who.
A/N—Alrighty, another chapter up! I hope y'all enjoy, and thanks for being so patient. School's in motion again, so it's hard to motivate myself to write chapters regularly. Sorry. But I am trying my best to keep you guys entertained. Thanks.