Disclaimers—Still don't own it, not sure it would be a good idea if I did.

Chapter 8

"Breathe in, one, two, three, breathe out. Breathe in, one, two, three, breathe out. Good, job Starbuck, you're turning into a pro," murmured Cally encouragingly as Kara finally finished her breathing exercises for the day. Lady Vagalal had somehow roped Cally into being a Lamaze coach when the old lady was too tired to show up. For some reason, the old wrinkly woman had taken a shine to Cally. She seemed to think that the young mechanic would one day make a fine wife for the Chief and produce fine, strong boys.

"Breathe in, breathe out, it's all a load of crap," muttered Kara as Cally helped her stand. She was counting down the days until she could finally get rid of her oversized belly. She had three more months to go.

"At least you're almost there. I on the other hand, have to hide whenever Lady Vagalal decides to wake up and wander the ship."

Kara's face brightened at her young friend's problem. "Oh yeah, how's that going by the way? Last I heard, Lady Wrinkles was planning a wedding for you and the Chief. Something about no more babies born out of wedlock.

Cally made a face. "Don't remind me. Do you have any idea how embarrassing it is? Now the Chief and I are the talk of the ship! Maybe you should have Lee read some more lists on the intercom. Then he could be tortured again on a daily basis."

"Fat chance. Lee threatened to put me into the brig until the babies are born if I even so much as think about humiliating him like that ever again."

"Oh," Cally sighed, "it was worth a try."

"No kidding. Good luck with the wedding. Oh, and I wouldn't worry too much, I heard Lady Wrinkles was also planning her own wedding—of coursed, she hasn't decided who the lucky fella is yet."

"Really?"

"Yeah, it's a three way tie between Dr. Baltar, Crashdown, and Lieutenant Gaeta."

Cally chuckled as she and Kara began the slow waddle down Galactica's hallways and toward the hangar bay. Pregnant as she was, Kara still liked to make her appearance in front of the other pilots, if only to make them nervous. Kara was carrying the CAG's future children. Pilots could be killed if they so much as looked at Kara the wrong way these days.

"Hey, Kara," called out Hotdog the second Kara slowly made her way to the vipers. "Lookin'…good."

"You mean fat," snorted the blonde darkly. "Lee is never touching me again. There's no fracking way I am ever gonna end up this round once more."

"Yeah, right. And yet, you're going to marry him," said Cally with a sly wink. The younger woman silently made her escape with Kara hurling insults after her.

"I know where you sleep, Cally! As soon as I'm in shape I'm gonna kick your ass!" Kara was about to say more when Lee suddenly appeared by her side, clearing his throat for her attention.

"Feeling particularly malicious today, are we?" he asked crossing his arms over his chest.

"Breathe in, one, two, three, breathe out," recited Kara proudly.

"Uh-huh, I think it's time for your nap."

"What for? I'm not tired."

"The crew doesn't need you to threaten them today," murmured Lee guiding Kara away from the pilots hovering behind the vipers.

"But I threaten them every day. Why is today different? Are you trying to get rid of me, Captain?" demanded Kara narrowing her eyes.

Lee shrugged. "Kara, don't you think we should start planning that wedding of yours?"

"Really? Already? I'm too fat to think about weddings. Oo, wait, can I pre-order a cake design? Oo, and maybe a dress style…how about music? You know, maybe I will start planning the wedding. We gotta beat the Chief and Cally to the altar, you know?"

"I highly doubt they're going to get married because of some rumors," replied Lee wryly.

Kara snickered. "Obviously you've been avoiding the wrinkle lady lately. She's dead-set on getting those two hitched up. She thinks they'll have beautiful boys together. That and she's pretty damn scary when she wants to be. She pulled a surprise evening for two for her and Dr. Baltar. I think she likes him the most," Kara sighed wistfully.

"I think you've been spending a little too much time with Lady Vagalal. You need to find new people to play with while I'm working."

"I'm tellin' you, Lee, this is what you get for knocking me up. I get stuck with all the crazies telling me how to be a parent. Now, if you were to return those books to me, I think we could come to an agreement."

"Oh no, there's no way you're getting your grubby little hands on those damn books. They make you think like a crazy person, Kara. Theories on being pregnant? Remember what happened when you tried to share them with others?"

"Yeah, you took my books away," retorted Kara. Lee rolled his eyes. By now the couple had made it over to their future room where the Chief was hard at work on remodeling Dr. Baltar's former lab into a baby friendly environment. Sitting outside the doorway was a very distraught looking Dr. Baltar. Apparently he had yet to come to terms with leaving his old place behind for a smaller and crummier storage room.

"Hey, doc, what's up?" queried Kara brightly.

"My…my…r-room!" the small doctor broke into sobs. Both Kara and Lee involuntarily took a couple of steps backwards as Dr. Baltar brought a handkerchief to his red rimmed eyes. The Chief groaned and finally made his way over to the doorway.

"Man and I had just gotten him to stop bawling a couple of minutes ago. What did you guys do to him?" Chief Tyrol looked back and forth between Kara and Lee who were both fidgeting.

"Just asked him how he was," mumbled Kara avoiding the Chief's eyes.

"Good one, the guy's a complete basket case. He doesn't like his new lab. It didn't help that Crashdown was in charge of moving all the equipment; he rearranged it wrong, and the doc's been a little weird ever since."

Lee raised his eyebrows in amusement. "And here I thought that Kara was going to be the only moody one during this pregnancy. Guess I was wrong."

"I'll have you know that I am much more capable of holding myself together these days," stated Kara in her own defense.

"Which explains why you woke up in the middle of the night crying because you missed the blanket we sent to be cleaned," said Lee keeping a straight face as his eyes twinkled mischievously.

"It was a warm blanket."

"Right."

"Aha!" a voice broke the jovial mood as a single elderly woman bore down on the small group. "I have found you!" announced Lady Vagalal triumphantly. Kara, Lee, the Chief, and even Dr. Baltar seemed to freeze in their tracks.

"Lady…Vagalal, it's wonderful to see you," sighed Lee trying for a diplomatic air.

"I know, come! We have somewhere to be!"

"Who does?" asked Dr. Baltar suspiciously. His tears had vanished the second his elderly stalker had appeared.

"All of us! I have thrown a celebration in honor of a very momentous occasion!"

"I was afraid of that," whispered the Chief nervously. Fortunately, Lady Vagalal didn't hear him as she forced Dr. Baltar on his feet and ushered the four adults down the hallway and towards her current living quarters. Already there were President Roslin, Billy, Dee, Commander Adama, Colonel Tigh, Lieutenant Gaeta, Crashdown and Cally. Every single one of the guests was exchanging worried looks. The gods only knew what Lady Vagalal was up to.

"Think she's finally lost her mind?" hissed Kara into Lee's ear as he seated her in the only available seat in the room.

"More than likely," returned the ever pragmatic Captain.

Silence loomed in the room as Lady Vagalal spurted off about flying and babies and flowers and…monkeys. Midway through her speech, her entire audience had stopped paying attention. Lady Vagalal wasn't the most entertaining person on the ship.

"So, who will do as the monkeys do?" demanded the woman suddenly. The guests jumped, startled at the strange outburst.

"Huh?" asked Colonel Tigh scratching his head and trying to repress a yawn at the same time.

"Monkeys! Who will follow the law of the monkeys?"

President Roslin gave a weak smile before speaking aloud. "I'm particular to rabbits myself."

"Ducks," said Kara. "Lots and lots of ducks. I feel like a fracking duck every time I walk now."

"What do the monkeys do?" ventured Dee cautiously.

"What do they do? What do they do? Why they follow the laws of monkey-dom!"

"Monkey-dom? Is that even a word?" asked Gaeta. Crashdown stifled his laughter as Billy elbowed him in the stomach. There was no use setting the old woman off anymore, she had already proven herself most passionate about the oddest things.

"I need a volunteer!" shrieked the woman. Her voice went so high that someone finally pushed the Chief forward.

"Exxxxx-cellent! Another! Another!"

The Chief glared back at his comrades as they all scuffed their feet on the ground and avoided any and all eye contact with the head mechanic. "Cally, as your superior officer, I order you to get your ass over here!"

Cally gulped and timidly took a few steps forward. She looked back at Kara and Dee wistfully, but her two friends were breathing in relief that they didn't have to volunteer for some crazy stunt brought about by the wrinkly lady.

"Wonderful! Now, close your eyes and remember that you are monkeys! Turn around three times and then hop on your foot twice, and now clap your hands once over your head and voila! You are done, just like the monkeys! Was that so bad?" Lady Vagalal beamed at the two mechanics as they stared back at her with utter confusion written across their faces.

"Sure," said the Chief after a whole minute of silence. "Best time of my life. Can't wait to do it again."

"Good! Now, sign here that you accomplished the Great Monkey Dance of Monkey-dom. I must let them know that humans are beginning to respect their ancient, and traditional, ways."

Cally took the paper from the Chief and signed as well with the pen, voicing her thoughts at the same time. "Traditional ways? Is it like some kind of blessing for Kara and Lee so they have healthy babies or something?" She too had heard about the feeding the pearl dance Lee had had to undergo a few months back.

"Don't be silly, my dear. Only the ancient Snake Charm could bring them healthy babies."

"Then what the hell is this Monkey Dance?" demanded the Commander suspiciously.

"Why, it is a sacred wedding ceremony. The indigenous tribe of the Monkey-dom people back on Caprica used to perform this when they unifying their undying love for one another. I lived among those people for twenty years. Those were the best years of my life. Aw, well, no use dwelling on the past. Congratulations on your wedding. I wish you the best of luck." Lady Vagalal shook the hands of the Chief and Cally before retreating from the room with the signed paper in her hands. The room became speechless.

Kara finally broke it with a cheerful giggle and clap of her hands. "Alright! This means there's gonna be some food somewhere now, right?"

"I…I…she…we…" the Chief continued to babbly incoherently as he stared at the door.

"That wasn't legal was it?" questioned Cally. "I mean, our government isn't going to actually recognize that as a valid…right?"

Commanded Adama shared a look with President Roslin. The two were quickly hurrying out the door after Lady Vagalal.

"Lady Vagalal!" called out Roslin with a panicked voice.

"Stop that woman!" commanded Adama. Their voices died away leaving the rest of the group to stare at one another.

"What's their problem?" asked Dr. Baltar breaking the silence once more.

Colonel Tigh snorted. "They did the same dance earlier today in the C.I.C. They didn't know what it meant then, now they're probably trying to find a way to undo it."

"Wait up!" cried out the Chief grabbing Cally by the arm and dragging her out of the room to find Lady Vagalal.

"You know what this means, don't you?" murmured Gaeta shaking his head.

"They beat us to the altar?" wined Kara slumping in her seat.

"No," scolded Lee sharply. "It means my father got married without us!"

"There still better be some cake somewhere, otherwise this wedding sucks." Kara frowned as Lee shook his head in dismay. Things were starting to spiral out of control.

"Is there any way to pop those kids out earlier than planned?" asked Crashdown conspiratorially.

"Gods, I wish there was," murmured Lee. There was no way he could survive three more months of this.

A/N—So here's the promised update, I actually had fun writing this chapter. I hope you guys like it too. It's almost complete. Enjoy!