Uninvited Guests
By C. Mage
It was a glorious Saturday afternoon when they came to call.
A black Cadillac rolled up just within sight of the main gates to the Croft Manor. The two occupants inside wore black suits, white shirts, black ties and black sunglasses. They watched the house for signs of life for a few moments, then the driver nodded and started the casual drive up to and through the gates. "What do you think, Q?" asked the man in the shotgun seat.
"Looks pretty sharp, B. For an old mansion, this place has the best home security system on Earth. Cameras, motion detectors…and I'll bet it's a real pain to heat in the winter. So what's the plan?"
"We go in, check out the place, see if the blade's there, find out if this Lara Croft is connected and then leave. Same way we handled the Ark and that damned Chalice."
Q leaned back in his seat, putting his hands behind his head in a display of nonchalant relaxation. "Piece of cake. So what's so great about this sword, anyways? Magic?"
"You could say that. Here we are. Set the video scramblers and audio dampers. We don't want to leave any traces."
The car rolled through the open gates and stopped in front of the doors. The two men got out, looking around for any gardeners or other witnesses, then walked up to the doors and knocked. B took out a slim silver rod and held it up, his thumb on a small red button.
Mannfred went to the door and opened it. "Can I help you…?" he began, but the flash from the rod cut him off before he could finish the sentence.
B lowered the rod. "Now, Mannfred, tell us what you were doing before you came to the door."
"I was polishing the silver," the butler answered in a dull, lifeless tone.
"Where is Lara Croft?"
"Upstairs working on her latest manuscript."
"Is she alone up there?"
"Yes."
"Good. Now, you're going to let us in and go back to your work. You are going to ignore us while we're here and you will forget about us completely when we leave. You will have no memory of us at all and you will comply with any further request we give you while we're here. Do you understand?"
"Yes."
"Go back to work."
Mannfred shook his head, rubbed his temples and calmly left the two men in the foyer. Q turned to B. "Let's get this over with."
"You don't like using the neuralyzer, do you?"
"It just reminds me just how screwed up our jobs are, that's all. Remember that psycho who started using his neuralyzer to tell people to jump off roofs or go up into towers with rifles? How the hell did he get past the psych test?"
"It happens. But we got him, didn't we? Now let's just go do what we came here to do."
Lara Croft finished up the chapter and stood up, stretching. She wore a casual flannel dress, her 'writing garb' as she put it. Papers littered the table in her bedroom, some neat and some not-so-neat piles placed strategically around the table. My word, but I've been lax in my work. I had no idea I was so backlogged on my deadlines. She smiled. But then, Dave can be SO distracting… she thought, remembering what they had done for her birthday.
The door to her room opened and she smiled as she looked out the window. "So, Dave…is it time for tea already?"
"Nope."
Lara turned at the strange voice and got the neuralyzer full in the face.
David came out of the study, munching on a sandwich and wondering how he ever got himself mixed up in going back to school.
After dealing with Natla and some of their own issues, David had confessed that he'd never completed college. Lara had insisted that David take up some classes again, particularly in archaeology. David had almost said no when Lara reminded him that if he'd learn about her work, he would never have to worry about being mystified by it again. David remembered how lost he'd felt when Lara was talking shop with her friends at the museum a few weeks before and David decided to take some courses, with Lara as his tutor.
A few weeks later, David found himself surrounded by old, musty books and was enjoying his lessons more than he'd thought possible. Archaeology was very much like police work…just different kinds of mysteries. He had just finished a long essay on the stonework of the ancient Etruscans, but he was loath to bring it up to Lara immediately. "Hey, Mannfred."
The butler looked up from his work. "Why, hullo, Master David. How's the schoolwork?"
"Thinking about playing hooky, to be honest with you. Did Lara go somewhere?"
"No, sir."
"That's odd." David frowned. "I thought I heard the front doors open."
"No, sir. Miss Lara has not left her room and no one has come in."
"Hm. Maybe I'm just getting a little brain-fried. I'll see if Lara's ready to grade my paper."
"Good luck, sir."
"Thanks…I'll need it."
"Well?" Q asked idly.
B frowned as the crystalline stone in his hand grew bright blue as he held it close to the entranced Lara Croft. "No doubt about it. She's the one. And that means that the sword's around here somewhere."
"Is that bad?"
"It's not good. It means that someone within her lifetime might cause a great threat to England and that she's going to bear the sword. The problem is, we don't know who she's going to give..."
"FREEZE!!" Q and B turned slowly around to see David Connors standing there, holding a gun on the both of them. "Who are you two and what have you done to Lara?? Lara? Can you hear me?"
"Yes," Lara said blankly.
"Now, my good man, stay calm. There is a perfectly good and rational explanation for all this. If you'll let me reach into my pocket, I'll show you my ID…" B put his right hand in his pocket.
David cocked the gun. "Take your hand out…real slow…!"
B smiled and hit the button on the neuralyzer as soon as the end of the rod cleared his pocket. There was a bright flash and David backed up, lowering the gun. B sighed. "Dammit, Q, I thought you said the building was empty."
"He must've been in the basement or something. Maybe he…"
"I said, FREEZE!!"
Q and B stopped, then turned to look at David, who was holding up the gun again. "Nice try, boys, but I've got one of those flashbomb things, too. Now drop it and kick it over here."
B could barely respond. HOW THE HELL…??? he thought, numbly dropping the device and half-heartedly kicking it over. David picked it up, looked at it, then walked over to the men and calmly removed their glasses.
"There…now I can see your eyes. Now spill it, boys, I don't care who starts first." Q and B were silent. David backed up and turned to Lara. "Lara, are you alright?"
"I'm fine."
"What happened here?"
"I was resting from my work, these two men came in…"
Here it comes… thought B and Q at the same time.
"Oh, really??" David turned back to the men. "Like this??" The flash of light filled the room again. When David's vision cleared, the two men were now looking at him with the same blank expression that Lara wore. "Now then, let's try this again, from the top. Who are you two?"
"We can't tell you."
"Can't…or won't?"
"Can't. We have been conditioned not to respond to any questions involving classified material while affected by a neuralyzer."
"What's a neuralyzer and what does it do…wait a second. You mean a neuralyzer like in that movie, 'MEN IN BLACK'??"
"Yes," answered Q.
"Some secret. If you guys are supposed to be so secret, why did you let the movie get released?"
"It was ventured that if a movie was made about the MiB, it would discredit the organization as a real agency and any information discovered about us, if any, would be written off as overactive fascination with the movie."
"So there really are aliens living on Earth?"
Silence.
"What are your names?"
"I am B. My partner's name is Q."
"'B'? 'Q'? Figures. Alright, let's get down to brass tacks. Can you tell me why this thing didn't work on me?" David sat down, feeling lightheaded.
"No."
"Because it's classified?"
"No."
"Why then?"
"Because we don't know."
"Great. The inventors are stumped. Hmmm…is it possible that the neuralyzer is not perfect, that it doesn't work on all human minds exactly the same way?"
"It is possible," said B.
"Has anything happened like this before?"
"Yes. There was a case where the watcher's head exploded."
David felt a migraine coming on. "Gee, thank God for small favors. Alright, I can guess what you can't tell me...what CAN you tell me involving this case?"
More silence.
"Fuck-a-duck…!" He turned to Lara, disgusted, when he realized that she was still under the "spell" of the neuralyzer's flash. "Maybe you can help me. Based on what you feel and what you know, what are the effects of the neuralyzer?"
"It places the viewer in a deep hypnotic state, open to all kinds of suggestion."
David considered, then picked up one of the sunglasses the MiB's had dropped. "Well, since they obviously don't want this happening to them, these must protect the eyes after all." He looked closer. "Ray-Bans, figures. Alright, Lara, what were they asking you? Did they tell you to do something?"
"I was asked no questions and given no commands."
"And you'll really do anything I tell you to do?"
"Yes."
"Can someone who's…well, neuralyzed, be commanded to do ANYTHING?"
B answered, "The subject is placed in so deep, that they will follow whatever orders are given."
"I thought a person who's hypnotized couldn't do anything that they would be violently against doing."
"That is misinformation circulated by MiB HQ. In actuality, if a person is placed in a deep enough state, their minds will rationalize their senses and even their memories to allow them to do what they normally would be incapable of doing."
A few thoughts flitted across David's mind, not to mention a few inspired suggestions to Lara Croft. Then he realized what he was thinking and said, feeling even more disgusted with himself, "Lara Croft, you will remember nothing that has happened since these two men came in. You will come to your senses completely and be fully alert when I snap my fingers. Do you understand?"
"Yes." David felt very strange as he snapped his fingers. Lara blinked, the vacant stare vanishing. She turned to look at the two men. "Dave, who are these two men?"
"I have no idea." He walked to the floor and picked up the crystal and held it up. It was glowing white as he did. "But it has something to do with this. Recognize it?"
"No…it's obviously arcane, but it is far too basic in construction…" She turned to the two men. "What is wrong with them?"
"They're in a trance state right now. This did it to them," David added, holding up the neuralyzer, "and to you."
"Me? You mean I was…"
"Completely mesmerized."
Lara narrowed her eyes at the men. "What happened?"
"Nothing. They didn't ask you any questions or try to get you to do anything, apparently, but they were here to do something and they won't tell me what, even 'neuralyzed.' I guess they've got contingency plans for everything."
"So what do we do with them?"
"Well, we can't turn them in to the cops…this is WAY bigger than the local police, if they are the real Men in Black. We'd better just let them go."
"Let them GO? They invaded my home, put me under…" Her eyes narrowed at David. "YOU didn't do anything to me while I was under, did you?"
"Lara Croft, I'm appalled you even asked me that!"
"Well, you did seem rather disappointed that there were some things I won't do, even in the heat of passion," she said dryly.
"And I have to respect that. But that's not the…" David stopped and turned to look at the MiB's, still standing there. "Lara, can we discuss this in private? LATER?"
"Why? THEY won't say anything."
"That's not the damn point! I just…" David stopped. "You're yanking me, aren't you?"
Lara could stand it no longer and grinned. "I'm sorry, David, but you looked so indignant, I couldn't help myself."
"Is that supposed to be funny??" David held up his hands. "I'll talk to YOU later. Right now, I've gotta explain a few things to these guys…"
A half-hour later, B and Q left the Croft mansion, satisfied that they had learned what they needed to know. "Zed's not gonna like this."
"Zed's a computer, Q."
"Yeah, but still, he's a lot more self-aware than you think. He's going to be concerned that we found someone that may ultimately bear the sword, but couldn't find the blade itself."
"That just means she probably hasn't found it yet. It'll be fine. I'm just glad we got through there without any complications. When that David guy showed up…I'm glad we neuralyzed him before he could defend himself."
"Yeah, that was close. You feel like pizza tonight?" Q opened the door to the Cadillac and got in, his partner joining him on the other side.
Up in Lara's bedroom, David and Lara watched the black car leave. "I don't like this, David."
"What's to like? We don't have a whole lotta choice in the matter, but they seem to be genuinely professional about this whole thing, and since we're all not in chains, I don't think they're the Bad Guys."
"Maybe you're hypnotized to think that."
"Oh, don't get started on all THAT. My brain's boggled enough as it is. Besides, that neuralyzer thing didn't work on me, for some reason, so it can't be that."
"I just wish I knew why they were here."
"Me, too. But I've got a feeling that we're going to find out soon enough."
"That's what bothers me."
"Ditto. But until we do, let's just keep our eyes open. Which reminds me, I still owe you for that CRACK you made earlier. What made you think I was low enough to try and hypnotize you into doing whatever I wanted you to do?? I hate to bring up recent history, but the last time I checked, slavery was abolished by some guy named Lincoln."
"The idea didn't even cross your mind? Not even once? Come on, David, having a sex slave is something every man fantasizes about at least once."
David was silent for a few moments, then admitted, "Alright, it crossed my mind."
"Then why didn't you?"
"Because I'd forever wonder if you stayed with me because you loved me or because you were 'persuaded' to stay with me." David went to a chair and sat down. Lara went over to the chair and sat in his lap.
"You know how I feel about you, Dave. I would've happily done what you would've asked. You could've hypnotized me into enjoying the idea about being your slave and I would've never known."
"Yeah…but I would've known and I've kinda got this thing about 'free will' that I just can't shake. Deal with it."
"Now, don't be like that, Dave…" Lara ran a hand through his black hair. "Don't be angry. I'm glad you feel that way about me and I'm relieved that you're not the type of man who would take advantage of me like that. It's one of the reasons why I love you. That, and you're a wonderful lay."
"LARA!" David exclaimed, scandalized.
"What, proper British girls don't talk like that?" Lara teased.
David sighed. "Let me know when one comes along and I'll ask her. You're incorrigible, you know that?"
"As you so eloquently said, David, 'deal with it.' Now I've got a book to finish, so run along and get back to your essay paper." Lara got up and went back to her desk as David got up and went to the door. He opened it, stopped, then turned to Lara Croft.
"Oh yeah, one more thing."
"What?"
"Einstein Ice Cream." David waited as Lara looked at him strangely. "Feel an urge to crawl towards me on all fours and purr?"
Lara cocked an eyebrow. "Not in the slightest."
"Damn! It didn't work!" David said, irritated, and walked out the door.
It took Lara the time it took for the door to close to realize the implications of what David had said. Her expression darkened and she picked up a very heavy book, running towards the door. "Why you…you…YANKEE…!!!" she yelled, unable to think of any insult worse than that, then ran after David with the all-consuming goal of planting the book between his legs will all her strength…