Thank you reviewers. Sorry this is so late. I'm working on other stories too.
Disclaimer: Don't own.
Now standing in front of the dark lord, Harry wonders how the lord got so ugly. He had seen what Voldemort had looked like when he was younger and Harry had to admit he was one hot guy. Dazzling green eyes that sparkled when the light hit them just right, vibrant blackish hair that was styled in just the right way, strong arms, a sexy bottom, and a face like it was craved by angels.
Now, what stood before him was a ugly reptile looking thing. It looked as if the main man had had one to many plastic surgeries that were good for him. His nose was missing, his eyes no longer sparkled in the light but always looked like two pools of blood, all muscles in his body were gone, one would not even want to check out his ass and his face was most definitely not carved by angels, more like a second grade student with a chisel.
"What may I ask gives me the honor to this visit, Mr. Potter?" The ugly man asked.
"Well, honestly I got lost. I think I was coming here earlier though. I don't remember for what though. I got lost on my way here and ended up in Snape's room where I got distracted by a unicorn."
"Why does he have a unicorn in his room?"
"He said he was a fine art collector or something. He thinks he's like a unicorn, can you believe that."
"It was probably sarcasm that he was using. You should get used to it. Now, you probably were on your way to see me because you want to know what you are to be doing."
"Oh yeah."
"Well, it's quite simple. If one of my men want a sexual favor done I call on you and you give it to them."
"What if two men want it at the same time? Do they have to fight to the death? That would be so cool!"
"No, then there will be a threesome."
"I can't except this job."
"Why not?"
"I'm a virgin. I don't know how to do anything like that. Besides, I wouldn't touch your men if the world depended on it. Except for Snape because I plan on bedding him."
"Really? You'll never do it. That guy is like a monk."
"I can to do it!"
"How much you want to bet?"
"How about this, if I succeed in bedding Snape in- let's say a month- you have to surrender this war and go into retirement in the Antarctic. If I fail, then I will give up and I shall be your slave."
"Don't I already have that?"
"I haven't given up, nor have I said I would be your slave."
"Fine, you have a deal. Now, no cheating, no love potions, no spells, no charms."
"It's a deal then."
The two shook hands and Harry departed for his room. This time he made it to his room without turning in a wrong direction. Very shocking isn't it?
Now, Harry had to figure out how he was going to get the slimy potions master into bed with him. He also had to figure out what it was he was going to be doing in bed with his least favorite professor. He hadn't the slightest idea how two men got it on. He thought that maybe Snape would be a sport and show him through it. That would mean that Snape would actually want to have sex with him, which he probably didn't.
"I need to be clever about this," Harry said, "I need a plan that is flawless. I need this to work. How will I accomplish this seemingly impossible plan?"
"Why don't you just ask him if he wants sex? You are posing as Mr. Mort's whore," said the sexy man in the picture above Harry's bed.
"Brilliant idea. I'll just ask him. Wait, what if he says no? I'll need a more clever plan than that. Why don't you keep the plans to real people you stupid painting?"
The man in the picture stuck his tongue out at Harry before disappearing. Harry didn't care if the painting left, he had more important things to think about than that.
After thinking for approximately 3 minutes, Harry left his room and ventured back to Snape's. He found the man taking down the unicorn picture and replacing it with a picture of a woman being tortured.
"I think that one suits you better, sir," Harry said.
Snape, being the man that he is, was not startled by Harry being in his room. No, he had heard someone enter and was quite sure he knew who it was. Harry speaking only proved that he was right. It did, however, annoy Snape that the boy was there once again, but he knew that he probably wasn't going to be getting rid of the boy anytime soon.
"Sir, can I speak with you?" Harry asked.
"I believe you already are speaking with me," Snape said.
"I was wondering if you would help me."
"You need my help? This is such a surprise. I've only been saving your butt for the last five or something years."
"And I thank you for all those times. I was wondering if you could teach me how to have sex."
Snape was dumbfounded. The boy had actually had the guts to ask him about sex education. He may be a teacher, but he was not going to teach this boy about the birds and the bees.
"This is your guardians responsibility not mine. If you wish to know more about sex go home and ask your aunt and uncle."
"They wouldn't tell me if I asked. Besides that's not really what I meant. I just spoke with Tom and he told me he wants me to sleep with his men when they wish it. I don't know what to do, sir. I want you to show me."
Snape whipped around to face the boy his face showing disgust.
"That's preposterous, Mr. Potter!" Snape said in anger, spit propelling from his mouth.
"No it's not. I trust you the most, so I think that it's reasonable," Harry said, "Well, I trust you the most out of the peopehere. If we were back at Hogwarts than I wouldn't be in this predicament and. . .never mind."
"Perhaps I can ask Lucius to have his son come and give you a lesson in sex. I'm sure he's much better suited to teach you than I am." Snape said, still in anger and shock.
"Well, that is very tempting. Actually that's extremely tempting, but I think I prefer you. I prefer your sexy smirk, your delicate hands, your . . .I'm not even going to lie to I don't prefer you at all. I think I'm going to go puke now, but I'll be back and then we'll have hot sex. Mark my words Snape, I'll be back for you!"
Wow. Yeah, now is the time for you to review. Yep. So, please do that and I'll update again in the future.