1A/N: OMiGAWRSH, I updated! Don't worry, I would have never abandoned this fic. I just got side tracked is all! I finally got my new computer (yay!) So I decided that after being awake for the last 19 hours and only having 24oz. Of coffee and half of a 2L bottle of pepsi I should write a chapter! I tried to write my other story by that failed xD. So instead you get a chapter in this story. I wasn't able to put as much humor into it as I would have liked because of my lack of sleeping at all tonight but I think I did a good job. Enjoy!

WARNING: Stupidity, poor humour, poor grammar, characters being OOC, obsession over Itachi, Naruto and Sesshomaru, yaoi /shonen ai/what ever you call it (YAOI IS BOY ON BOY ACTION! Which I personally think is the best kind of action there is. If you don't like it then I suggest you don't read this… as you may never see any of the characters the same way again…)

Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto, little children wouldn't be allowed to watch it... but I don't, so w/e.

If I misspelled the name of any of the weapons or the names of the characters please don't hesitate to correct me in you reviews.

Chapter 2: Fate Spits at People it doesn't like

Naruto was fuming.

How dare this woman come here and kill a poor defenseless animal! Especially when his paycheck depended on the well being of that animal!

"Listen lady, I don't know who you are or where you came from but I'm going to kick your ass for what you did to my payche– that cat!" Naruto growled, rolling up his selves.

Sesshomaru's right eye twitched violently. It was like Naruto was begging for him to kill him. I mean, how can you mistake Sesshomaru for a woman? Sure he has the long flowing silky hair, his fair, pale skin and a smooth narrow chin... well... I guess he does look a bit femmy. But that's not the point!

Wether he did look femmy or not, NO ONE insults his royal highness---- er, Sesshomaru and gets away with it!

Sesshomaru cracked his knuckles menacingly and glared intensely at Naruto, intent on ripping him limb from limb. You could almost taste the killer intent rolling off of him!

But Naruto never was the brightest crayon in the box (though he made up for it with the brightness of his outfit!), so he made a rather sad attempt to return the glare... poor, stupid, cute Naruto.

Sasuke, who was stalking Naruto near by felt the killer intent rolling off of the strange woman (stupid Sasuke) and having known Naruto for as long as he did he knew the blond would take no notice to it, he would surely get killed, he just hoped to whatever god was out there that Naruto didn't do anything stupid.

Darn, Naruto just charged the extremely dangerous woman.

'Stupid Gods, they never get off of their lazy ass'' Sasuke thought in frustration.

Somewhere else a chain smoking alcoholic and a neat freak sneezed.

"Looks are deceiving, you're even stupider than you look..." Sesshomaru muttered, preparing for a fatal blow.

But just as he was about to land his hit a little voice inside of his head said.

'You really shouldn't be doing this.'

The sudden presence of that one thought was enough to cause Sesshomaru to flinch... and he missed. Naruto was merely knocked back several feet, but even though he landed a blow he MISSED his target. Sesshomaru started at the offending limb like he just discovered it had been attached to his shoulder. Sesshomaru, though for a moment, was shocked (the stalker thought his heart had stopped)

'You IDIOT! You made me miss!' Sesshomaru thought 'Who are you and how DARE you invade my mind!'

'Ummm... I'm your conscience?' The little voice said unconvincingly.

'There's no such thing!' Sesshomaru snapped back mentally, though he did feel some sort of deja vu.

Of course Sesshomaru's little 'episode' only lasted all of 5 seconds in the real world. Resolving to end the little urchins life once and for all, Sesshomaru lunged at Naruto while he was still down and recovering from Sesshomaru's last. Ignoring the pleas from his mental intruder, Sesshomaru aimed for the blondes heart. Nothing could make him miss now!

Poor Sesshomaru, don't you know not to think such things when the author is feeling ever so mean?

Suddenly out of nowhere (against all odds and all probability!) A foot came shooting out into Sesshomaru's view, kicking his striking arm away from the annoying urchin. (Stalker: MEANIE! author sticks out tongue) Once again Sesshomaru missed.

'I TOLD you, you shouldn't be doing this' Damn annoying voices in his head.

'SILENCE!' Sesshomaru mentally roared as he picked himself off of the spot on which he had fallen.

He looked at the newcomer. Another human, and a child no less! A raven haired youth clad in navy and white. Okay, the urchin can wait, this one dies NOW!

The newcomer, Sasuke (though he was already there, just watching from the bushes) eyed Sesshomaru menacingly. No one touched his Naruto! Forgetting that the members of the NSC, including himself, had all agreed that Naruto belonged to ALL of them.

While Sesshomaru was thinking up a horrendous fate for Sasuke, he finally remembered where he had heard that damn annoying voice in his head. It had always come in when he was about to deal the finishing blow to that damn brother of his and his brothers annoying mortal friends! It always made him miss the critical points or to conveniently leave them alive, or even when they pulled something out of their asses that conveniently saves the day! It can't be all coincidence!

(Author sighs Poor Sesshomaru has finally made the connection. Its inhumanely possible to kill the main character or main supporting characters! Plot bunnies have to reproduce at very fast rates to keep main characters alive.)

Sesshomaru was pissed. Not only was fate frowning on him, it was also spitting in his eye! Sesshomaru went to reposition himself, but a presence, or rather a smell, told him otherwise. He slowly turned around to face the one who had disrupted the 'mood'. His glowing demonic eyes fell on one rather lazy and maybe perverted looking eye of a tall silver haired HUMAN male.

"You shouldn't be attacking children you know. Especially when they're my students." the man said lazily, not giving off the slightest hint that he might be disturbed by Sesshomaru's piercing demonic eyes. Just by that Sesshomaru knew it wasn't wise to fight this man, besides, he was rather good looking, for a human.

After sizing up the masked jounin, Sesshomaru snorted.

"These human brats attacked me." he retorted un-Sesshomaru like.

Uuber-secret Meeting Place In Town

An emergency meeting of the Naruto Stalkers Club had been called. It wasn't a normal occurance, but it wasn't unheard of. Hinata, the president of the club had called all the members for the meeting only 10 mintues ago. No one needed to ask why, they all knew, they're Naruto senses have been tingling non stop for a while now. Of course there where members what went able to make it due to they're distance from the city itself (though Gaara had tried his best to get there) but all the Leaf (missing leaf-nins included) members where all accounted for, excluding Sasuke of course.

Neji and Shino glared at Itachi and Orochimaru murderously. No one wanted missing-nins in their really cool secret club ('cept maybe the Akatsuki) but since Itachi and Orochimaru had found out the password they had to let them in. When they told them about the purpose of the club they where sure they would leave, but much to everyone's surprise and distaste they desided to say! Even though they did nothing at all.

"Why did you three join again?" Neji asked angrily.

Kabuto shrugged, "Everyone was doing it, and it's a good exercise for my spying skills"

"To gain information on Naruto so I can kidnap him for my organizations own purposes of course!" Itachi said

"I just wanted to be popular... " Orochimaru mummbled.

Everyone stared at Orochimaru like he had grown two heads, five arms and seven extra toes.

"What? It gets lonely in my house!" Orochimaru exclaimed, but Kabuto looked hurt.

"Is that why your after my brother?" Itachi questioned slyly.

Orochimaru glared daggers at Itachi.

"At least I don't have a fettish for committing genocide and leaving the youngest alive. Telling them you grow-up hating you and live the the most pathetic way!"

"Pfft, I'm teaching them a valuable life lesson" Itachi responded, nose stuck high in the air.

"Red eyed psycho!"

"PEDOPHILE!"

Everyone rolled their eyes (which was pretty hard for the Hyuugas). They where always fighting over the same things.

"As you all must have felt by now, it seems out precious Naruto has been put in jeopardy. To protect him and our way of life!" Hinata exclaimed.

It would have been weird if the members hadn't known Hinata through the club. She was the president because she had been watching Naruto for just about 10 years, over twice as long as anyone in the room. And for some odd reason, when she wasn't talking to Naruto himself, she was VERY enthusiastic about the subject of Naruto.

Everyone nodded vigorously at Hinata's statement, well... excluding the missing-nins, they where still arguing ("I bet you practice your sharingan on mice!" "Shut it, you... you ... kinky-bastard!" "Well at least— wait, what?" "Its.. That damn tongue of yours... its just not natural..." "Oh, you mean this?" "Ewww! Stop that!" "Your such a baby Uchiha!" "Well... I'm better looking than you!" "I'm smarter!" "Are not!" "Are too!" "Are not times infinity!" "Damn you Uchiha!") Well... you get the idea.

"I think we should split up and go looking for Naruto! It is our sworn duty to protect him!" Hinata smiled.

"Agreed!" Shino and Neji chorused.

"We'll just stay here." Kabuto said meekly, glancing over at Itachi and Orochimaru who had somehow gotten into a staring contest.

Everyone else frowned. The missing nins always stayed behind and did nothing... well.. They did clean up the place once and a while, but it was more like Kabuto cleaning up after the other two.

Frowning, Hinata walked towards the exit only to find it blocked by a rather tall, and rather fishy looking mand.

"Oi, Itachi. Is this where you've been spending all your time?" The fishy man asked

Annoyed that the man had broken his concentration on the staring match, causing him to lose, Itachi turned the fishy man.

"Yes Kisame" He growled.

"With these brats and that kinky-bastard?"

Orochimaru raised an eyebrow at the last remark

"Hn" was the only responce Kisame got.

"So is this some kind of secret club?" Kisame wondered out loud

"Yes it is shark face" Orochimaru smirked

"Oh! Can I join!"

Hinata just groaned.

A/N: LMAO, I love the argument I did between Itachi and Orochimaru. They're out of character because they're funnier out of character. Sorry for Stalker-sans lack of apperance. Don't worry, I'm going to some how manage some SessIta in the next chapter, maybe some KabuOro (one sided, poor Kabuto) and maybe even some KakaMiro... hell, I think I'll bring in Shippo and make him fall in love with a lamp post or something D! Hopefully Sakura bashing next chapter! Sorry I was mean to Inuyasha, but his roll wasn't important in the story so I made him stupid so I could get him out of the way quickly. Personally I sorta like Inuyasha (I hate Kagome though, she stays dead D) See you next chapter and don't forget to feed my ego by reviewing. Heck, recommend it to some friends!