Chapter 4

The next morning Kagura woke up and started to fix breakfast. She fried some eggs, burnt them, made some bacon, burnt it, called Ritsu and had him make her breakfast instead. She munched happily on the French-toast and commented that maybe Ritsu should move in with her so he could make her meals.

"Are you serious? You want me to move in?" Ritsu was astonished "but moving in would be a hassle and that would make you tired. Oh no! I made you tired! I'M SORRY! THIS IS ALL MY FAULT! I MADE YOU TIRED AND……." Kagura clamped her hand over his mouth to stop the on flow of words.

"Ritsu! It wouldn't be a problem. And plus, then I wouldn't have to try to cook anymore! Plus, do you ever see a servant that doesn't live in the same house as their master? I don't think so."

"So, are you ready to confront the truth of our relationship and tell the family?"

"What relationship?" Kagura smirked and finished her French toast. "You're my servant. Nothing more. At the moment, anyway."

Pretty soon a U-Haul truck pulled up with the entirety of Ritsu's possessions stuffed in two cardboard boxes in the back. The driver, Fred, dropped off the boxes in front of the house and was about to leave when Ritsu said, "I thought I only had one box. Where'd the other come from?"

Fred's face lit up with comprehension. "Aaaah, that's right. One of those boxes is mine."

"So how do we tell which one's which?" Kagura asked.

"Easy enough. Just open them." Fred pawed around in the glove compartment for a while then seemed to find whatever it was he was looking for. Relieved, the monkey began to open a box. When he saw that it contained dresses, he shouted, "This one's mine!"

Fred grinned, said, "Good," and then asked Ritsu to open the other box. He picked up a rifle from the truck's passenger seat and waited. A large mallard duck flew out of the box in question. Ritsu jumped back, startled.

After waiting calmly for a bit, Fred shot the duck.

"Why did you shoot it?" Kagura squealed.

"It is my destiny. I have been fated to shoot ducks since the beginning of time. I am a duck hunter."

Fred picked up the duck and carried it back to the truck. But just before he put it inside the back, the duck squawked and flew out of Fred's arms. It started to fly away at a slow gait and Ritsu wailed "IT'S ALL MY FAULT! I COULDN'T STOP THE DUCK! I'M SOOOOOOOOO SORRY!" Fred poked Ritsu's side and Ritsu fell to the ground.

"Don't worry about the duck. I never get it. It always gets away and it has a very good medical plan." Fred sighed then climbed into his truck and waved to the girl and crumpled figure on the ground before starting up his truck and driving away.

Kagura picked Ritsu up and gave him the box to carry inside. She led him to the kitchen and told him to wait there. She went to a random closet and opened it. Out fell numerous coats and hangers. Kagura picked herself up and went to the next random closet. This time numerous boxes of instant macaroni fell out. Kagura side-stepped the falling projectiles and reached into the closet. She found a cot and took it back to the kitchen where Ritsu was sitting quietly. They set up the cot in the corner and started to unpack Ritsu's clothing which consisted of mainly dresses but also had a few pairs of pants and shirts.

Meanwhile, back at the dress shop:

Ayame cackled as he sorted through the sweet, sweet photos on his computer.

This was soooo priceless.

"Now, I must send a copy to each of the Sohmas and tell them to forward it to every single one of their contacts."

He paused, musing for a bit.

"But Kagura and Ritsu are perhaps not the most intriguing couple, if I do

say so myself. There is the slightest possibility that no-one will care." He almost started to sob, and then had a brainwave. "What if I could doctor this so that it's Kagura and Yuki? Although somewhat

un-attached to her, Kyou would be furious, being the controlling type." Then he realized he had no idea how to doctor photos. Damn. Brainwave #2: "I ought to take these to Shigure! He could surely do it! Yes, I must take

them there forthwith!"

And without a second thought he pranced out the door.

Not ten minutes after he left, Kagura stormed in, Ritsu in tow. "WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU, AYAME?" she screamed. Ritsu, meanwhile, returned the French maid outfit. He'd discovered it made his butt look fat. While he was talking to Mine, he noticed some incriminating pictures on the computer, still turned on. Surprisingly though, they weren't of Kagura and him. It was of Kisa and Momiji peacefully sleeping together.

author's note- sleeping together here just means that they're asleep in the

same bed. Nothing more.

"Awwww! So cute." Ritsu mused as he clicked through the photos. He wondered why Ayame had them and when they were taken when he saw something that made him scream. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!"

"What the heck is wrong with you!" Kagura screamed back as she raced toward the computer, stepped over Ritsu, who was lying on the floor hyperventilating, and glanced at the screen. She then screamed "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" and passed out promptly. Mine walked through the door, saw the two of them sleeping peacefully and decided not to wake them up. She snuck past them and went into the next room. When Ritsu woke up he couldn't remember all that had happened. He vaguely remembered looking at Ayaa's computer and screaming loudly. Kagura couldn't remember either, so after a glass of refreshing grape juice that was conveniently beside the computer, they viewed the screen. They both screamed again but didn't pass out. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"My hair was a mess! How could I not have noticed!" asked Kagura. After a lot more screaming and grape juice the two turned off the computer and contemplated what to do. They walked around the store and thought and thought and thought. As they walked into the room next to the computer Kagura wondered out loud, "Hey, where is Mine-chan? Ayame wouldn't just leave the store without Mine-chan to look after it."

Ironically Mine turned a corner and appeared, much to the surprise of the couple. Before she could stop herself she careened into Ritsu and a monkey lay in front of her.

"Monkey," Kagura muttered.

"Excuse me?"

"I SAID, monkey. Isn't he sooo adorable? Doesn't he just make you want a monkey of your own? He's so well-behaved and all." She picked up Ritsu and promptly started to cuddle him.

Mine cast an appraising eye at the grape juice. What had Aaya put in it this time? She didn't want to know.

Noticing Mine's gaze and the direction in which it was pointing, Kagura squealed, "Ooh! Grape juice!" and promptly drank the whole glass.

Mine sighed and left the premises. She really didn't want to be responsible for what happened next. Which, knowing the juunishi, could be anything.

Kagura continued to snuggle the little monkey. He was just sooo cute!

Her opinion of the monkey took a drastic turn for the worse with a 'poof' and a cloud of pink smoke. "EEEEEEK!"

Ritsu grabbed a skirt from one of the many racks and put it on. "What?"

Clearly whatever had been in the juice made Ritsu a lot more shameless.

So there he was standing in front of a startled Kagura. And he was in a short flowery skirt.

'He had to grab the short one! All the other skirts around it are long and flowy but he had to see the short one. He looks ok in it though. NOOOOOOOOO bad thoughts! Bad Bad Bad! He looks like a male prostitute but he is wearing flowers. That does not work at all. But he does look………nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! I am not thinking like that!' Kagura screamed at herself before collapsing. Ritsu had no idea why she had fallen so he bent down to help her. This gave the man walking by the window a new point of view. But neither Ritsu nor Kagura noticed.

"Put on a different skirt!" Kagura pleaded.

"Make me." It was evident that the juice had been spiked and Ritsu was changing.

"Well, at least put on a shirt or something. You look like a refugee from that Survivor convention last week."

Ritsu, having caught sight of himself in a mirror, didn't hear a word of it. He was too busy staring at his shirtless reflection.

Kagura waved a hand in front of his face. "Snap out of it, monkey-boy." Realizing he still was totally zoned out, she found an 'I love Survivor' T-shirt on the ground (clearly another Survivor convention refugee).

While she was jamming it over his head, he suddenly came out of his little trance. "I want more grape juice." Apparantly he had been reduced to the mentality of a three-year-old.

"Okay, monkey, we'll get you more grape juice," she coaxed. "There's a convenience store down the street. Now if you'll put on a different skirt, we'll go there."

Um, yeah, we kind of had to mess with the whole Mine thing to fit our purposes so it's a little inaccurate there.

By the way- the juice has caffeine in it.