January 5 2005
Friend,
My aunt Cara is very sick, and the doctors think she might not live much longer. I really don't know her very well. Mother was crying, but… Is it horrid of me that I don't feel sad?
One of the ladies that mother knows, Miss Haliss, is putting together a play, and she somehow got the idea that we would like to act in it. It's Shakespeare's Hamlet. I'd rather do A Midsummer Night's Dream, but Hamlet's okay. Actually, I'd rather not act at all. Tony will be Hamlet, Maximillion is Laertes, Mary is Gertrude, John (an older boy who is always very uptight) is Polonius and Hamlet's ghost (he wears a mask when he's the ghost!), and his even older brother Lann is Claudius. I get to be Ophelia, which isn't so bad. Oh right, and the twins Sue and Mark play everyone else. We had to alter some lines and cut out poor Guildenstern entirely. We've only practiced a couple of times, just reading through the parts. It seems like it's going to take a long time to learn this all. Miss Haliss says there's no hurry, when we're ready we're ready.
Maximillion gave me a Josh Groban CD. He said that that's what he wanted to sound like when his voice matured. "Canto Alla Vita" Is so much fun to dance to. Maximillion says his favorite is "Vincent," and it is sooo sad and beautiful!
"A silver thorn, a bloody rose lie crushed and broken on the virgin snow"
I wish I understood what was so wonderful about love poems. Everyone seems to be so moved by them. In the movies, the older person always says "you'll understand when you're older." Why? What changes? Well, besides THAT, I mean. I'm not sure I want to change.
January 28, 2005
My Dear Friend,
Aunt Cara died. Mother is very upset. Sue asked me discreetly what she died of, and I realize that I don't know.
I've begun liking the practices, it's fun to play Ophelia. Maximillion is not a very good actor, he he. Tony's not bad at all, and neither is Lann. I hope I am doing alright.
I decided to try writing poetry:
On a bright and shining star
Somewhere near, not too far
Light of moon shine in the sky
Shine on angels as they fly
How was that?
Oh yes, and Maximillion painted me today. He's so good. I'll learn to write poetry well so I have something to make for him, too!
November 25, 2005
Friend,
Today we acted out parts of Hamlet. It took all afternoon, because we kept using 'inappropriate gestures', by inappropriate I mean not how Shakespeare intended. Tony, however, was making truly inappropriate gestures to me. He likes the play scene too much. Should I confront Miss Haliss about this? I don't want to change everything just because Tony makes me uncomfortable, but…
November 27, 2005
Friend,
It's painful to remember what happened, but I must write it. Here's what happened:
We were acting out the scene where Hamlet enter's Ophelia's room all disheveled and kisses her. We acted it out a few times and Tony was a gentleman. Then when we took a break Tony asked me to look at something with him off stage. I went, of course. I followed him. Then he… I can hardly bear to write this… he threw his arms around me and kissed me hard, and slid his hands….
Anyway, I slapped him hard and pushed him away and fled to the stage, where Maximillion and Mary were. Both of them came to me and asked what was wrong, and I think I blushed and Tony came out from behind at that moment with a red mark on his cheek. I started crying, and they let me go home and rest.
I didn't tell anyone. The look Tony gave me…
But I did tell Miss Haliss that I didn't want to be Ophelia anymore.
I'm crying now, as I write this. My first kiss, and I didn't even want it. Aren't first kisses supposed to be special? My first kiss. Unwelcome.
Maximillion asked me just a little while ago if there was anything he could do to make me feel better. I'm so grateful that he didn't ask what was wrong. It's nice to have a true friend, not like Tony.
My first kiss… Ah me!
November 29, 2005
Friend.
Miss Haliss told Tony he'd be a better Claudius. Maximillion is playing Hamlet. We played the same scene as before, and I was afraid he would be like Tony. No! He didn't even kiss my mouth, just my hand, and Miss Haliss told him to make it authentic, and grinned. He blushed and muttered something about working up to it. I'm smiling over this! The first time I've smiled since the Tony incident.