A/N: FINALLY FINISHED HURRAH! Trying to synchronize this with "when the rose falls" key word being "trying". If you want my story of the wedding and such, go there.

Jan. 19

Maximillion's mother has died. He's taking it so well, but I know it hurts him greately. He won't speak of her. He avoids it altogether, while still managing to appear normal to others, but I know he's trying not to think of it.

Jan. 20

Dearest diary!

He--We--- We're getting married!

We went to the opera last night... To the Metropolitan Opera house in New York! "Madame Butterfly." So lovely, although I do want to kill that man... what was his name? I can't even remember!

Maximillion took around Manhatten, and then to eat at Tavern on the Green, making me feel like a queen the entire day. I wondered what was up, for he was acting rather strangely... preoccupied. And at Tavern he kept making me laugh by making the most irreverant faces in the beautiful glass lining the hallway. Then he kept saying things... when I was amazed by the chandalier in the Met he told me that he would build one for me from broken wine glasses if I so much as asked. I, of course, told him I'd rather have one of his paintings than a thousand crystal chandaliers.

After dinner and after the show he took me for a ride on a carriage, and said very little. It was then I that I guessed what he was up to.

We stopped at a hotel and took a glass elevator to the very top. The city glittered like a million diamonds below us. I felt I could fly. The elevator stopped, and the doors stayed closed, so it became so silent all we could hear was our breath and the faint noise of traffic below, floating up like a dream... king and queen of a fairyland...

And then he got down on one knee... and told me that without me, his butterfly, his angel, he would never live, never have lived, and he had loved me since he first saw me so long ago at the party, and how he would love me until the twinkling stars ceased to shine and the great waters of the earth dried, and even then he would stay loyal to me forever.

And then... I found I was crying!

I couldn't help it; my knees gave out and I fell and hugged him, hard, clinging like I was never to let go ever again, and sobbing...

...I have to admit. I NEED to admit. Not all of that was happiness. Diary, I'm afraid. I am afraid I have what my aunt had. The flu simply does not last this long.

Diary, finally. Finally. Finally! What if... what if I'm dying? What if I'm taken from him? Some say I shouldn't say 'what if', but this... it makes sense. The way the doctors would not tell me the results of the test. The way mother was sad. The way I feel weak. Worse and worse as time passes.

I must consider... What if I die. What will happen to him?

What will he do, what will he do?

I see now... now that this is a possiblity... he loves me so much, he's so devoted. And I think... I think he clings to me now that his mother is gone. For support. He can be so... anal sometimes. I'm afraid he won't be able to handle it. And also... he's not handling his mother's death all that well. He refuses to think about it unless he absolutely must, and even then I feel as though he's just spitting out fact and not connecting it to himself... like his mind just will not process it. A reflex.

Something inside tells me I must not die.

Feb. 25

It is true. I am sick. The doctors are doing what they can. Maximillion knows. I see fear in his eyes every time we must speak of it. We're moving up the wedding date before I get too ill (that sounds so pessimistic!).

March 15

The wedding is tomorrow! Tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow! I can hardly bear to think it, the thought is just too wonderful!

March 17

Diary,

The red of the rose pales next to blood.

The wedding was beautiful, except... I collapsed.

Oh, Cecilia, dear, get a hold of yourself!

I can't retell the story. It's just too fresh.

And now I am bedridden, and my strength wanes so quickly. Too quickly. Alas, that fate plays such cruel games with we as its pawns.

March 20

Diary Mine,

I am weak, so words are few. I write this for Maximillion's sake.

My love... I hope you read this after I leave. Read, and realize. I love you. You know. Please, don't forget me, don't forget our love, but move on. Remember. Remeber the walks in the fields, the opera trips. The wedding. Dancing alone, just us. Painting. Music. Life. Love.

Don't forget, but live on.

Please.

I love you.

Live, for my sake.

Live for me.

Until we meet again.

end