Chapter Three
Michaela and I finally had to light an oil lantern once the sun went down. We'd been locked up in our room for quite some time, and we were lying in each other's arms, enjoying the quiet. We hadn't had time alone since we were in Boston, and being on the train had been quite a hectic experience. Michaela had always been cautious due to her worry that Albert and Lydia would hear us. Though, I wasn't sure that Lydia and Albert had realized how easily we could hear on those long nights upon the train.
My hand moved under the covers and touched the sensitive skin upon her belly. She moaned a little, and my hand pressed against her. She turned to her side, and she looked up into my eyes.
"How long do you think it'll take?" she wondered.
"I dunno. I suppose it could be any time," Sully replied.
"Someone women have more trouble than others," Michaela said quietly, her eyes full of worry. "Sully? What if I can't…" I smiled and shushed her with a kiss.
"You're strong, beautiful, healthy and young, Michaela. You can do anything." I pulled my arms tightly around her. I hated when she worried, and I honestly didn't think she had anything to worry about. I kissed the top of her head, her forehead, her nose and finally her mouth, recapturing our passion. She pulled away a few minutes later, and she looked at me with tears in her eyes.
"Sully?" She looked up at me, wanting to say something but not finding the words.
"What is it?" I coaxed. "Ya can tell me anything."
"I haven't wanted to get my hopes up, and I . . . I don't want to get your hopes up." My heart began to swell with joy and pride already.
"Michaela…"
"I haven't…I mean, my monthly…" My hand caressed her belly again, and I pulled her close, kissing her.
"Michaela, I've noticed somethin' different 'bout ya," I explained. "I just didn't know what it was. Somethin' glows 'round ya. Michaela, I can't wait to see ya heavy with our child. I can't wait to feel her kickin' 'round in there." Michaela sighed and rested her head upon my shoulder. I felt a tear trickle down her cheek and onto my chest, but I didn't care. We were a part of one another. Her tears were my tears.
"I hope it's true, Sully. I want nothing more than to start a family with you. I am a little frightened."
"Me too," I admitted. "But, havin' a baby with ya…I can't think of anything I'd want more." Michaela smiled and stretched in my arms.
"Good," she whispered. She started to get up, but I pulled her back to me.
"Where ya goin'?"
"We still have so much to do, Sully!"
"It can hold 'til tomorrow, can't it?"
"Well, I suppose so," she replied, "but it'd be so much easier if we took care of it this evening," Michaela explained. I began kissing the flesh upon her neck, and she relaxed in my arms. "Or tomorrow…" And we were lost.
Hours had passed since Charlotte's water had broken, and unfortunately the doctor hadn't taken her to surgery until now. He had come out shortly after making Michaela and the children leave, and he had decided to wait a while before performing the operation. Michaela had insisted upon doing something, but he'd threatened to have her removed from the premises if she did so. He said he had the power to have her arrested, because she was a patient in this hospital, not a doctor. Michaela, knowing that she needed to be there for her husband, had decided to stay out of it, and she had kept the children under her watchful eye.
Charlotte had lost a lot of blood before the doctor took her away, and now she was fighting for her life and her child's. Michaela only prayed that the two would survive. She couldn't bare the thought of witnessing three children lose their mother and a sibling in one day, though she'd witnessed it before. So, out of her fondness of little Brian, her sympathy for all three of the children, and the need to keep an eye on Sully's condition, she had invited the children to rest in Sully's room. So, three cots were laid out. Two were sleeping while Matthew pretended to sleep to make everyone feel better. Once in awhile, Michaela would catch a glimpse of him staring right up at the ceiling, and when he'd feel her staring, he'd close his eyes and bluff a snore.
She thought she heard Sully stir, and she gave his hand a squeeze. But, Sully continued to lie there, unmoving, unchanged. Dr. Bernard had taken over Sully's case after he'd given Michaela a clean bill of health. She'd questioned him about any possible operations, and Dr. Bernard had told her that he would consider surgery if Sully didn't wake within the next twelve hours or if his condition worsened. For now, all they could do was wait and pray that he survived the next twelve hours.
Albert had brought the recovered luggage into the room, and some items had been lost. Surprisingly, Michaela found that her money pouch was still tucked away beneath her undergarments in one of the trunks. Thankfully most of the big items had been sent ahead a few days before they left Boston. She only hoped those items would be waiting for them when they arrived, though it didn't really matter right now.
Michaela sighed as another doctor slipped in, wrote something on a chart and moved out again. She hated waiting, and she despised most of the doctors except for Dr. Bernard. He was a patient, kind older gentleman, and she found that he was easy to get along with. He didn't frown upon her for who she was, and he treated her with respect and decency.
Her eyes were growing heavy, but she refused to sleep. She wanted to be awake in case Sully woke, but something in the back of her mind told her that wasn't about to happen anytime soon. She sighed, wishing this was all a dream. If it was, they could wake up and already be in Colorado Springs by now. God, she wanted that more than anything. Living in a dream world didn't seem like living, however, though that reality might be better than the one she was living now.
"Ma?" Brian asked, sitting up and rubbing his tired eyes. Michaela stood quickly to go to the boy's side, but an overwhelming wave of nausea stopped her. She gripped her stomach, feeling the events of the day hitting her fast, making her ill.
Matthew sat up in his cot and looked at his little brother.
"Ma's not here, Brian. She's still in surgery." Brian rubbed his tired eyes, and it broke Michaela's heart.
"That's right. I forgot." He looked down and folded his hands in his lap. At that moment, Michaela felt a hand grab hers, and she looked down to see Sully's hand.
"Sully!" Michaela gasped. "Sully, wake up. Please, wake up." The children looked over at the scene, and they immediately rushed to gather at the doctor's husband's bedside. "Sully, please…" He never opened his eyes, but his lips moved. Air came out from his lips into a single word.
"Baby," he breathed before he slipped back into unconsciousness.
"Hey! How'd he know about Ma's baby?" Brian wondered. Michaela shook her head.
"I don't think he meant your mother's baby, Brian," Michaela whispered softly. Tears formed in her eyes and clung to her eyelashes. She took in a shaky breath just as Dr. Bernard walked in.
"How's the patient?" he asked grimly. The children turned around quickly, and Michaela snapped her attention at him.
"He spoke," she whispered.
"What?" The doctor swiftly moved across the room to examine Sully. "This man isn't awake, Dr. Quinn. You're exhausted. Perhaps you were dreaming?"
"No! I heard it too!" Brian insisted.
"I think we all did," Colleen replied. Sully's hand was still holding Michaela's as strongly as it could be if he were awake. She picked it up and kissed his knuckles one by one.
"Come back to me," she breathed. "Come back."
"Baby," I breathed as I touched her stomach and nuzzled her neck. She grinned and ran her hands along my arms. The night was breaking into the wee hours of the morning, and Michaela and I had hardly slept. I felt guilty for keeping her awake, but she didn't seem to mind.
"We don't know for sure, Sully," Michaela whispered.
"We will soon, won't we?" I wondered. I brushed my hand against her belly again, and she sighed softly,
"Yes," she breathed. "Within the month, I would assume, and that's if we conceived right away."
"I think we did," I replied with a grin. "Felt like somethin' happened anyway." She giggled as my hand ran up her side and found her breast.
"It did," she answered, rolling onto her side to face me. "Something wonderful happened. We both felt it then."
"I feel it now." It was then that nature called, and I got out of bed. I pulled on my buckskins, and she sat up.
"Sully?" she questioned. I gave her a wink. "Come back to me." I hesitated at the door a moment. "Come back." The blush upon her face told me what she wanted and needed. I moved toward the bed and leaned down to kiss her softly. Her arms snaked around my neck and pulled me closer, but I pulled away. I didn't want to. God, she was tempting me, but I couldn't concentrate. I needed a different kind of relief.
"Too much water," I laughed against her lips. "I really gotta go." Michaela sighed softly and nodded, leaning her forehead against mine. I wondered what I was thinking, and I left her with a kiss that made us both breathless before I left the clinic to find the nearest outhouse.
"I'm sorry," Dr. Bernard said quietly. "If he did say something, it was obviously a momentary flash of life. He's not showing any other signs of waking up. You should know this, Dr. Quinn." The fact was that she did know it but hoped that miracles could happen for her husband. She felt alone without him, though somehow, she knew she'd never be alone. Something in the back of her mind and in the bottom of her heart told her that she would never be lonesome.
The children's expressions were grim again, and Michaela felt the lump in her throat almost cutting off her air supply.
"Let's go check on your mother," she suggested. She leaned down and pressed a lingering kiss to Sully's forehead. When she pulled away, the children were waiting solemnly at the door. She ushered them out with tears in her eyes.
They walked down the long corridor to find Charlotte's doctor speaking harshly with a nurse. Michaela felt a small hand tugging at hers, and she looked down to see Brian slipping his hand into her hers and squeezing it tightly. She gave his hand a squeeze too and smiled weakly at him. She felt a little better now.
"Maybe if God helps Ma get better, he'll help Sully get better too," Brian said softly. "Ya been real nice to us, so ya shouldn't have to be alone." Alone. Michaela felt that word play at her heartstrings.
"Dr. Monroe," Michaela called out, her voice wavering with uncertainty.
"How's Ma?" Matthew broke in. "Charlotte Cooper. How is she?"
"She's resting."
"Can we see her?" Colleen asked.
"I'm afraid not. She's sleeping." The doctor started to walk away, but Matthew grabbed his arm.
"The baby?" The doctor looked quite annoyed by now.
"Penelope!" he called to the nurse before she rounded the corner. She looked back, anger hidden under a mask of obedience.
"Yes?"
"Mrs. Cooper's children would like to see…" He was interrupted by another doctor and quickly walked away. Penelope nodded toward the children. She disappeared into a small room as the Cooper children waited in the hall. Michaela felt like a fly on the wall observing this scene. She didn't belong, and she knew it, but somehow, she felt like a part of the family. Colleen wiped her palms on the sides of her skirt, and Matthew removed his hat, ran his fingers through his hair and placed it back upon his head.
Michaela heard an infant's crying, and it all sounded so completely foreign to her. She wanted it to sound familiar, because she wanted a child with Sully, but his word had shaken her. He'd said it. He'd said 'baby,' and that scared her more than anything, and she didn't know why. Perhaps it was because she didn't know if she would ever get the chance to have a family with him. That's what she wanted. She wanted a family. She wanted her husband, and now she might have had it all taken from her in an instant just because she wanted to come out West.
There wasn't time for 'what ifs,' and Michaela knew it. She had a husband to think about. That was her primary concern, but the children were too. She barely knew them, but here they were, on their own in a strange city with nobody to care for them except for one another.
"For Charlotte Cooper?" Penelope said with a smile as she walked up with a bundle in her arms. The blanket was white and moving in her arms, and Michaela couldn't help but be enchanted by the sight of it. The children gathered around the nurse, and Michaela felt as if she was standing on the outside looking in. The children were smiling and touching their new sibling. It was a part of them; a part of their family, and Michaela slowly began to move away.
"Dr. Mike!" Brian called out. "Come look."
"Oh, Brian, I don't think…" She didn't feel right about it somehow. Charlotte was the one who was supposed to be witnessing their first encounter with the baby, not her! The baby cried out, and the nurse adjusted it in her arms. She slowly handed it over to Matthew, and he stared at the child with pure love in his eyes. He had another sibling. He silently vowed to love it as much as he loved Colleen and Brian and to protect it from harm.
"Is it a boy or a girl?" Brian asked eagerly, touching the soft blonde fuzz that covered the baby's head.
"You have a little sister," the nurse said with a smile. Michaela felt a pang of sadness wash over her. Sully wanted daughters.
"A girl!" Colleen exclaimed with excitement! Finally, a little sister!" Matthew smiled down at the baby and kissed her upon the forehead. "Ma wants to name her Katherine. Katie Cooper."
"Hey Katie," Matthew said softly. "Welcome to the world." He looked at the nurse. "Can we take her to Ma?"
"The doctor said…"
"I know, but Ma'd want to see her." The nurse looked over her shoulder and finally nodded.
"Only for a moment," she whispered. "Hurry." Michaela lingered in the hallway, and the nurse stepped up to her. "Miss, you can go in."
"No. I'll stay here. I don't belong with them. I'm merely watching over them for now." The nurse looked at Michaela with bewilderment.
"Well, you certainly looked like you belonged." The nurse shrugged her shoulders and walked inside to join the children. Michaela put her hand to her stomach and closed her eyes. She shook her head, wiped away the tears, and she started down the hall toward Sully's hospital room.
"Ma," Matthew whispered, taking the little one into his arms. "Ma, ya gotta wake up and see who's here."
"She needs her rest," the nurse explained. Charlotte's eyes opened slowly, and she blinked sleepily. She smiled, however, when she saw all three, no, four of her children at her bedside. "Mrs. Cooper, you have visitors."
"Ma," Colleen said softly. "It's a girl!"
"A girl," Charlotte breathed happily. "I knew it." Matthew slowly placed the baby in Charlotte's arms, and tears began to fall down her cheeks. "Oh. Oh, my. She's so beautiful." She kissed the baby's forehead tiredly. "Little Katherine. Kate. Katie." Charlotte swallowed hard.
"Congratulations, Ma," Brian said with a grin. "Can it be a boy next time?" Charlotte laughed despite the pain, and she nodded.
"I'll see what I can do." She winked and looked up at the nurse.
"Now that you're up, Mrs. Cooper, you should try feeding her." Charlotte nodded, blinked her eyes a couple of times and smiled at the children.
"I think I should."
"Children, could you give your mother a little privacy?" The children nodded quietly, and they left the room. Charlotte held her daughter in her arms and caressed her cheek. The nurse helped her with her gown, and in no time, little Katie was suckling at her breast.
"My little one," Charlotte whispered. "I worked so hard to get you here. I'm only glad I was able to see you born." Something didn't feel right, yet everything felt right now that she was holding her precious baby in her arms.
The child opened her eyes, and they stared into Charlotte's. She knew this was her mother. She looked comfortable in her mother's arms, yet she seemed weary. She seemed to sense that something wasn't right. She pulled away and began to fuss, and Charlotte held her close, her tears falling uncontrollably.
"Don't cry, sweet baby," she whispered. "You're not old enough to have somethin' to cry about yet." She kissed the soft hair upon the baby's head and sighed quietly. "Mama's gonna make sure you have a good life." She swallowed hard. "Even if I can't be the one to give it to you." She relaxed back against her pillows, and the baby began to nurse again.
Matthew walked into the stables outside of the hospital. Their wagon had broken down again, and their horses and belongings were being stored safely there. He had promised Colleen and Brian that he would be back for them, and he had left them waiting in the hallway outside of their mother's room. He needed time alone. It was today that really brought back memories of his childhood and how things should have been. Colleen and Brian didn't remember, but he did.
He found his family's possession, the few they had left, and he pulled the locked box out. He pried open the lock and took out each thing one by one. His mother's diary was placed aside along with the deed to the farm in Kansas. Then he pulled out the birth certificates, sighing heavily, and he leafed through them. Charlotte had filled them out for each birth, and each had been preserved with great care. There was Brian's, signed by a shaky hand after his traumatic birth. There was Colleen's, signed with ease after a calm birth. There was his, signed with such pride to have a firstborn son. Then there was the fourth.
"Mitchell Ethan Cooper," Matthew said quietly, running his finger across the name. He sighed heavily and shook his head. He still remembered him. He would always remember.
"What're you doin' out here, son?" came a voice from nearby. Matthew turned swiftly to see the stable master. He quickly put the items back into the box and put it away.
"N-nothin,' Matthew replied. "Just came to pick up somethin'."
"How's your ma doin'?"
"She's fine." Matthew put his hat back on his head and rushed out of the stables. He stood outside in the hot August sun, and he closed his eyes momentarily. It was then that he heard the voice.
"Matthew?" His eyes flew open, and rage immediately bubbled under the surface of his skin, bubbling up almost to the point of explosion. He turned on his heels and came face to face with Ethan Cooper.
"Pa," he said quietly with a hint of venom coursing through his veins.
"What are you doin' here, boy?" Ethan wondered, stepping closer.
"Lookin' for you," Matthew replied. "We were goin' to Colorado Springs to find ya, since ya didn't care to tell us where ya were."
"Ya left your ma all alone out on that farm?"
"No! We brought her with us."
"What? What the hell were you thinkin', Matthew?" Ethan asked. "Charlotte ain't in no condition."
"Not anymore," Matthew replied. Ethan took off his hat and scratched his head under a wiry patch of hair. "Where've you been?"
"On my way home," Ethan replied.
"It's been months since we heard anything!" He was frustrated now.
"I'm real sorry 'bout that, son, but things've been hectic. I lost all my money on the way to California, and I had to turn back. I was comin' home."
"Lost it all, did ya? How'd ya get back?"
"I made a couple dollars and won some of it back gamblin'. I was getting ready to wire ya back at the farm."
"Ain't no farm left," Matthew said quietly. "Burned down. That's why we came out here." Matthew folded his arms across his chest.
"Where are Colleen and Brian?"
"They're in the hospital with Ma."
"What's Charlotte doin' in there?" Matthew started to walk away, but Ethan grabbed his arm. Matthew shrugged him off. "Matthew!"
"How am I supposed to believe ya were actually lookin' for us?"
"Would I have called out to you if I hadn't been?" Matthew sighed. He had a point. "Take me to Charlotte." Matthew finally nodded. Maybe she would be happy to see him. He doubted it, but maybe it was worth a try for the kids' sakes.
"All right, but I don't want ya upsettin' anybody." Matthew walked off, and Ethan followed up behind to be reunited with his family.
Albert walked into Sully's hospital room to find Michaela sleeping in a chair next to Sully's bed. He slowly walked over and placed a tray of food on the bedside table. Michaela woke to the smell and put her hand over her mouth.
"I thought you might be hungry."
"I'm not," Michaela whispered. She yawned and shook her head.
"You need to eat, Michaela."
"I don't have much of an appetite, Albert. Thank you for the thought." Her stomach curdled at the thought and smell of food. Albert noticed her grimacing, and he took the tray to another patient. When he returned, Michaela was holding Sully's hand. She looked up at him. "How's Lydia?"
"She's sleeping," he said with a smile. "She's had a long day."
"The baby?"
"Still safe and sound inside of her. She's having some cramping, but the doctors aren't too worried."
"Lydia's strong and healthy. She's been through a lot for that baby. I don't think anything is going to stop her from carrying it to full term." Michaela yawned again and looked at Sully.
"Any change?"
"No," She whispered. "I've been praying for him, Albert. I don't think it's working. Maybe…maybe I should do something."
"You're doing all you can for him, Michaela. You're not in any shape to go cutting on him. You're exhausted. You're trembling. You need nourishment." Michaela shook her head.
"I'll rest and eat once I know he's going to pull through." Albert sighed heavily. She was stubborn, but she wasn't taking care of herself properly.
"Michaela, Lydia's going to be released tomorrow," Albert said quietly. "We're going to head to Colorado Springs, because I want her to rest, and I want us to get settled. But, I can come back and stay with you and Sully until he's free to come home." Michaela appreciated Albert speaking about Sully as if he was going to survive.
"No. Stay in Colorado Springs. Make sure everything is settled there. I'll be receiving a lot of things from Boston. See to it that they're taken to the clinic. You can tell Mr. Bing that I'll sign the papers as soon as I'm able." Albert nodded.
"Don't think about this right now."
"It helps," Michaela whispered. She looked down at Sully. She furrowed her brows, finally noticing that Sully's usually tanned skin was becoming paler. She swallowed hard. "Albert? Does Sully look pale to you?" Albert stepped into the candlelight.
"A little." Michaela looked up with fresh tears in her eyes.
"Go get Dr. Bernard." Albert hesitated for a moment, but he soon rushed off looking for Dr. Bernard. Michaela squeezed Sully's hand and touched his neck, feeling for a pulse. Her heart began to race. His pulse was weak now. No! This couldn't be happening. "Sully, don't do this to me! Don't you leave me." She put her hand over his chest. "I feel your heart beating, Sully. Keep breathing. Keep fighting for me. Don't leave me." At that moment, Dr. Bernard rushed in with Matthew. He did a quick examination, looked at Michaela and shook his head.
"He's slipping away. We have to operate now."