Chapter Six

Michaela watched as Charlotte was taken away, her helpless baby girl being left alone in her little bed. She stood there watching as the Cooper children followed the nurse who took her away. Ethan was nowhere to be found. Michaela had confirmed Charlotte's death, and now there was so much more to think about. But, all Michaela could think about was how there were four children left without a mother.

Katie began to scream for attention, and Michaela rushed to pick her up. She felt a lump forming in her throat, and she tried to swallow it, but it only grew larger. She sighed and rocked Katie back and forth. She was silent, and she held her, watching her little lips quiver in agitation.

"It's okay, sweetheart," Michaela whispered. "Your mother's in Heaven right now. She's not suffering anymore." The baby began to take big, gasping breaths through her tears, and Michaela felt utterly guilty. She started out of the ward and toward the nursery. She needed to get this baby some food quickly.

"Dr. Quinn!" Michaela spun around with a whimpering Katie in her arms. Ethan came down the hall with his hat still gripped in his hands.

"Mr. Cooper. I'm terribly sorry."

"Ya did what ya could, and I'm grateful," he said quietly, no emotion in his voice. Michaela looked down at Katie.

"I was taking her to be fed. Mr. Cooper, you'll need to learn now to feed her from a bottle," Michaela explained. Ethan took a step backward when she moved toward him. "She's going to need to get nourishment that way."

"I…to tell ya the truth, Ma'am, my wife did all the child rearin'. I was just there for discipline and to bring home the money."

"You're all they have now, Mr. Cooper."

"No," Ethan said quickly. "I can barely take care of the family I got left. I can't take have another mouth to feed. I'm sorry, Ma'am, but I can't take another one." Michaela's eyes went wide.

"What are you saying?"

"I'm sayin' that I'm sure there are ways of doin' things in special circumstances."

"Special circumstances? Mr. Cooper! Your wife just died, and your family needs you! All of your family." Ethan backed away.

"I'm sorry. I can't take on another mouth to feed when I barely got enough money to feed the ones I got. Find her a good home, Dr. Quinn. Find her a home where she'll have a Ma to love her just as much as Charlotte did." Ethan turned and walked away.

"Mr. Cooper! Ethan!" But, he didn't turn around. He kept walking; walking away from his youngest daughter. Michaela suddenly felt a wave of discomfort, and she felt dizzy again. She looked down at the child in her arms, and she tried to force the tears to go away, but they didn't stop.

She burst through the doors of the nursery and deposited the baby into Penelope's arms.

"Dr. Quinn?"

"She needs to be fed," Michaela replied softly. Penelope nodded slowly.

"Are you all right? You look…"

"I'm fine," Michaela replied quickly. "Please, take care of her for a while. I'll be back later." Penelope nodded her head and watched with worry as Michaela walked away, feeling guilty for leaving that little girl alone without nobody to care for her except a nurse who knew absolutely nothing about her. She also felt guilty to admit to herself that she could distinguish Katie's hungry cry from her wet one. That wasn't supposed to be her job. That was supposed to be Charlotte's, and Charlotte was gone now. Katie was virtually an orphan, unwanted by her own father.

Matthew stared off at nothing as he sat in the hall with each arm wrapped around one of his siblings. His head pounded with ache, his cheeks burned with tears, and his heart hurt from breaking so much. Ethan was gone. He'd said he wanted to get a breath of fresh air. Matthew almost hoped he wouldn't come back, but something told him that God wouldn't be so kind to him.

His eyes burned, and he closed them. Every time he closed them, he saw his mother lying there asleep…dead…asleep. Every time he thought of her, he remembered the day they laid his twin brother to rest. He'd always felt guilty for not being there. He hated himself for not being there. He hated Ethan for making him leave. He remembered the last time he'd seen Mitchell alive.

It had been the first day of Spring the year Matthew and Mitchell turned five years old. Mitchell was sick, as usual, and the fishing trip that Ethan had been planning for months could not be cancelled because of a sick child. Matthew hadn't wanted to go without his brother, mostly because he felt guilty that he was born healthy, while his brother suffered bouts of illness once or twice a month.

"I ain't goin' if you ain't goin'," Matthew said as he knelt beside his identical twin brother's bed. Charlotte paced back and forth with baby Colleen in her arms. "I'll stay here."

"No," Mitchell said feebly. "You go on. Pa's waitin' for ya out there."

"But it ain't right," Matthew protested. "C'mon, Mitch. I don't gotta go. I wanna stay here with you. We're brothers. We ain't s'posed to leave each other behind." Mitchell smiled and sat up in bed. He pulled something out from under his pillow. "Your lucky fishhook?"

"Catch somethin' big for me, Matty." Matthew sighed heavily.

"Ya promise you'll rest and feel better when I get back?"

"I promise."

"Really promise?"

"Yup," Mitchell said with a grin, his two-front teeth missing. Matthew still had his two front teeth. Mitchell seemed so much younger than him, though he always lost his teeth first. He seemed so frail and small compared to his healthy brother. They barely looked identical. Mitchell's hair was paler than Matthew's, almost white, and dark circles shadowed his eyes. He was tired all of the time, and the doctors weren't sure how to help him.

"Well, only if you're sure," Matthew replied.

"Go on! Pa's waitin' on ya!" Mitchell insisted. "Have fun, Matthew." Matthew watched his brother for a minute before gripping the fishhook in the palm of his hand, turning around and sloshing out the door in fishing boots two sizes too big.

"See ya in a week!" Matthew called to his brother. The door shut behind him, and he rushed out to meet his father at the wagon.

Matthew remembered it all so clearly, and he remembered coming back like it was yesterday. They'd come home to find Charlotte standing outside with Colleen on her hip. She was in tears, and Ethan rushed in to see what was wrong. Matthew had gone up to his mother, and all she could do was hug him with her free arm. It had been so confusing for such a small boy, but he'd run in to tell Mitchell about the big fish he'd caught that had gotten away. Nothing mattered but telling that to his brother to see the proud smile and the shine in his eyes. He would be proud to hear that his lucky fishhook caught it.

"Mitch!" Matthew exclaimed, running past his mother into the house. When he got inside, Ethan's hand stopped him. "Pa! Is he sleepin'?" He lowered his voice considerably. Ethan knelt down in front of him.

"Son, somethin' happened," he said quietly. Matthew cocked his head to the side.

"Whaddya mean?" Ethan pulled the boy close.

"Ya know how Mitchell was always real sick, right?"

"Not all the time. We're s'posed to go down to the creek when he's feelin' better."

"No, son."

"We can't? Did he get in trouble? Lemme go yell at him. I was gone a week, and he's already getting in trouble?"

"No, boy, listen to me." Matthew sighed heavily.

"What, Pa? He ain't gonna get a whippin' is he? Lemme go talk to him. I'm sure he didn't mean it, Pa, honest!" Ethan placed his hands on Matthew's shoulders and looked him in the eyes. This was the first time Matthew had ever seen him cry. "Pa? Don't cry. Whatever happened…I'll fix it. I'll fix it for ya. Ya don't gotta worry."

"He's gone, Matthew."

"Gone? Did he run away? Kay, I take it back. You can whip him."

"No. He didn't run away. Matthew, your brother…he's…he's gone. He's with God now."

"Why!" Matthew asked, shock and confusion in his voice. "He ain't s'posed to be up there! He ain't old enough."

"God thought it was his time, son."

"But…why didn't he say goodbye, Pa? Why?"

"It was his time, boy. Sometimes ya don't get the chance to say goodbye to the people you love." Charlotte walked into the house, and Ethan stood to go to her. He pulled her into his arms. "When'd it happen?"

"Early this mornin'. He held out as long as he could, but he couldn't hold on anymore." Matthew watched his parents with confusion dripping from the fear in his head. What were they talking about? He couldn't be gone. What was gone anyway? Was it the same as being dead? When you were dead, you didn't come back. Maybe Mitchell was just visiting God. Maybe he would come back.

"Mitch!" Matthew called, running to the back of the house where his brother's still form lay in the bed. He looked so small, even smaller than he had a week ago. "Wake up now. Don't go botherin' God." Matthew touched his brother's cool shoulder and shook him. He pulled back at the feel of him, and he began to cry. "Don't go to sleep! Wake up! Wake up!"

"Wake her up, Matthew. Wake her up." Brian's whimpering broke Matthew from his dream. God, Brian reminded him so much of himself. Losing Mitchell had been like losing his best friend. That had also been the first time he'd ever seen Ethan act like a good father and husband. Those times had been few and far between, but that one he remembered most of all.

"I can't, Brian," Matthew said, his voice quivering. "Ma's in a better place now. She ain't hurtin' no more." That's what Charlotte and Ethan had told him about Mitchell. He knew it was difficult for a five-year-old to comprehend. He felt guilty for having to show his brother the truth of the world at such a young age. It was heartbreaking really. People were born, they got sick, and a lot of times, they died because of those illnesses. That was how the world had been working for generations. Now, the world had caught up to Charlotte, and it had carried her off to her final resting place.

He was sick inside, and all of the memories of the losses in his life were flooding back to him, pulling him under with the tide and drowning him. Brian began to cry louder, and Colleen's tears had long since run out. She was staring off, staring at nothing and wondering why God had to take her mother away.

"Time to go," came a gruff voice. Matthew looked over to see Ethan standing with his suitcase in his hand.

"What?" Matthew asked.

"We're goin' back to Kansas. We're takin' your Ma home to be buried." Ethan watched as they all stood.

"How're we doin' that?"

"We're gonna take the train. I know you've got some money your ma saved up, so we'll use that to get us back to Kansas." Matthew looked at his brother and sister and then at Ethan again. "I'm sure she wouldn't mind ya usin' it for this. Don't think she planned to up and die." Matthew watched his father. He was hiding his emotions, it was clear, but the way he was doing it wasn't helpful to anybody.

"I don't wanna be here anymore," Colleen whispered. "Let's go pick up the baby, and we can go."

"No," Ethan replied.

"No?" Matthew asked incredulously. "What're you sayin'?"

"I'm sayin' we barely got enough to live by ourselves. One more mouth to feed's gonna make it worse, 'specially 'cause she ain't got your ma to feed her. I asked the doctor to find her a home."

"She has a home!" Colleen yelled. "She's our sister!" The children stood together on this, and Ethan shook his head.

"Lord knows I'd like to take that child with us, but the fact of the matter is that we ain't gonna be able to give her the kinda life your ma wanted her to have…the kinda life she wanted the three of ya to have. Dr. Quinn's gonna find her a home. Don't worry. She'll be in good hands." Ethan turned and moved for the door.

"We can't even say goodbye!" Brian asked, whimpering. Ethan didn't answer, and Brian ran ahead after him to try to get him to change his mind. Matthew turned to Colleen and took her hand in his.

"Trust me on this. We'll come back for her," Matthew whispered.

"What if we don't find her?"

"We will. She's our sister. Who better to find her than her own brothers and sister? C'mon. Don't you worry 'bout nothin'. We'll find a way." He felt guiltier than ever right now for leaving, but he knew that if Dr. Quinn was in charge of finding her a good home, his little sister was in good hands. He couldn't shake the nauseous feeling that gripped every part of him, but he had to be there for his brother and sister. He had to help take his mother home so she could rest in peace.

Elizabeth stared out of the parlor window, the telegram from Albert and Lydia gripped firmly in her hand. She shook her head and watched the rain sparkle in the currently present sun. A moment later, the dark clouds passed over it again, and the parlor was bathed in dim daylight.

Josef walked in with his pipe in his hand, and he noticed his wife watching out the window.

"They're not coming back, Lizzie," he said quietly. "They're going to continue on to Colorado Springs as soon as all is well."

"I feel as if I should be doing something!" Elizabeth exclaimed. "I'm sitting here drinking tea, when my daughter is sitting at her husband's bedside, worrying herself sick! It isn't right, Josef."

"I know it isn't right, Lizzie, and as much as I want to go after her and help her, she needs to be on her own with this for a while."

"That's not like you, Josef…"

"I've kept Michaela under a watchful eye all of her life. She's twenty-six years old, Lizzie, and she needs to deal with this without us giving her the answers. She's a brilliant young woman, Lizzie. She's strong and capable of doing impossible things. Just you wait. She and Sully will be just fine."

"Where is she? I need to see her," Sully said after he'd calmed down significantly. "Where is she?"

"Who? Michaela? I haven't seen her. I don't know where she is."

"Liar! I saw you…the barn."

"Sully! What are you talking about? I've just come from Colorado Springs. Papa paid my way so I could come help. I came as soon as I heard. Sully, please, focus!"

"The baby was crying. David…"

"David? Who's David?" Abagail searched her mind. "You mean Dr. Lewis? The man I met when Papa was shot in Boston?"

"David…he's going to…you…" He was getting worked up again. He was delirious, and Abagail was frightened. He'd said "I love you," thinking she was his wife. But he saw her now, and it hurt to hear that he had such disgust in his voice. Perhaps he had been dreaming, and obviously his subconscious didn't think very highly of her. "Michaela! Michaela!" Abagail moved toward the door.

"I'll find her. I promise, Sully." She rushed out of the door in search of Michaela.

She had started walking and hadn't been able to stop. She was walking around the halls, avoiding every room that hurt too badly to think about. Poor Katie was in the care of strangers, what was left of the Cooper family was nowhere to be seen, and she suspected they had taken off, because Charlotte's body had been released to the family. They were taking her home. Then there was Sully's room. She had avoided it, because she couldn't bear to see her husband so helpless. She felt selfish for staying away. They were in this through sickness and in Hell. Well, this was Hell, and she wasn't going to let some ridiculous accident step between her and her husband. She had to be stronger than that. She was stronger than that.

Her heart was pounding, screaming at her to go back to Sully. Something told her that she needed to. Her body was physically trembling for him. Something wasn't right. Her hand moved to her stomach, and she thought she felt a cramp.

"No," she breathed. She felt her world spinning, and she gripped the railing outside of the hospital doors. No, she would not let this happen. She was going to stay strong. She was going to take care of her child and her husband. She was going to keep her life on track. She wouldn't let this roadblock stop her. No. Sully would wake. She could feel it. He was getting better, and she needed to see him.

"Excuse me," she said quietly, pushing herself through the crowd. She wanted to scream and tell everyone to go away, but the crowd was so thick as they swarmed out of the hospital doors like hundreds of killer bees. She felt like she was suffocating. Her body was stinging with the need to get to her husband. "Excuse me! Let me pass!" In reality, it was only about ten people getting in her way, but she couldn't help it. She felt like they were crowding around her and preventing her from getting to her husband.

She sprinted down the hall like a mad woman, her heart practically tearing through her ribs. She could feel that he needed her. Her body was turning against her, and her mind was starting to spin, unable to wrap around the fact that she wasn't helping him by getting so worked up.

"Sully," she sobbed, feeling guilty for staying away for so long. She passed by a woman who she could have sworn looked like Loren Bray's daughter. But she didn't matter. Sully mattered.

Sully was sitting up in bed, staring at the door, a sense of peace washing over him. He was calming down. He felt that she was near. When she turned the corner, he thought his mind was fooling him. She stopped in her tracks, her hair in disarray, her cheeks streaked with hot tears. She was perfect.

"Sully." Her breath caught, and her heart stopped beating for a moment. He was awake. Her mind wasn't fooling her now. He had tears and fear in his eyes, but when he realized she was real, he was perfect again. "Sully?"

"M—," he started. "Michaela?" She moved toward the bed, and Sully scooted back a little, afraid to believe it was true. "You're alive?"

"Yes," she whispered. "I survived. Albert and Lydia too…"

"Abagail…" Michaela realized that he wasn't thinking clearly. It was to be expected. She moved toward the bed, and she sat down on the edge of it. She reached out, stroking the soft curls that poked out from under the bandages. The shaved patch on his head was covered, and a little blood stained the outside of the white.

"Sully? What are you talking about? What about Abagail?"

"She hurt you?"

"No. No, sweetheart, I haven't seen Abagail since she left Boston. It's been months."

"It was so real. She killed you. The baby…" Michaela felt her heart stop again. He shook his head. "You're not…Michaela, I'm so confused. What happened to me?"

"Lay back," Michaela whispered. She eased him onto his back and watched him for a minute. "We were in a train accident, and you were knocked unconscious. You slipped into a coma, Sully, and Dr. Bernard saved your life."

"Dr…"

"He had to…" She sighed heavily, her head pounding and her heart pumping with joy. "Never mind. You rest now, and we'll talk about it later." Sully's hand reached for hers, and he held it.

"Tell me you're real," he whispered, as he closed his eyes. "Tell me ya ain't leavin'." She smiled sadly, tears slipping down her face again.

"I'll never leave." She watched as he fell asleep again, and his hand tightened around hers. He wouldn't leave. He couldn't. He was strong, and he had proven that by waking up. She only wished she had been there when he had. It broke her heart to see him so uncertain; so scared.

"I hate you," Colleen said to her father as they sat upon the train that was taking them back to Denver. Ethan didn't look up from the newspaper he was pretending to read. They all knew he couldn't read, so why was he trying? He was hiding everything he felt, and Matthew hated him for that too. They were riding away from their little sister, and their mother was resting in a wooden box in the car behind theirs. What was wrong with that picture?

Brian picked at the hole in his boot. Ethan cleared his throat and put the paper down. He looked out the window, storm clouds threatening to spill over like his children's tears at any moment. Colleen began to sob again, and Matthew wrapped his arm tightly around her. Brian looked up at them and smiled, trying to break the tension, but when nobody smiled back, he sunk into himself and continued to pick at the hole in his boot.

A baby cried in a woman's arms a few seats away, and Matthew's icy glare bore into Ethan's heart. He wanted him to feel guilty for leaving Katie behind. This was a child that Charlotte had suffered and worked so hard for, and in the end, she died for her. Now, Katie was left in the care of strangers, and Ethan expressed no emotion over it whatsoever.

"Ma couldn't wait to hold her," Matthew spoke up, not caring if Ethan pretended not to hear him. "Those nights we were in the wagon headin' this way to find ya…she spent hours knitting blankets for the baby." His hands clutched the box that contained Charlotte's diary and the birth certificates. He'd placed a fresh one in there. Little Katie was a member of their family, no matter what Ethan said. "Ya never wanted us did ya?" Ethan looked up into Matthew's eyes, his irises clouded, his eyes unreadable. "Ya wish I woulda died like Mitchell."

"That's enough," Ethan said sharply.

"Is it?" Matthew wondered. "Did ya ever want any of us?"
"I know I ain't been the best pa…"

"Ya got that right," Matthew replied. "What kinda pa…what kinda man leaves his newborn baby in the hands of strangers? What kinda man leaves his pregnant wife to go find work without sendin' more than one letter to let her know he's still alive?" Colleen and Brian were looking down into their hands that were folded nervously in their laps. "Ya ain't a man, Ethan. Ya never were." Matthew stood and walked out of the compartment, leaving the tin box on the seat. Ethan didn't even attempt to go after him, but Brian followed. Ethan tried to catch Colleen's gaze, but she looked away, keeping Charlotte's keepsake box firmly under one hand.

"I miss her," she whispered, her fingers playing upon the glass of the window. "This is the first time Ma's ever left us. She ain't comin' back. We didn't think you would either."

He looked at the blood on his hands as he stood in front of a grungy old mirror. A few nicks and scratches on his face were courtesy of the dull blade that had been used to shave his face. His hair was trimmed, and his clothes were changed. He looked nothing like the man who had escaped and had been chased through the backwoods by hunting dogs. He still looked terrible.

David stuck his stinging hands back inside of the water basin and watched the red blood and the brown dirt mix together.

"Ya need to put somethin' on that, Mister? Those cuts look pretty bad," the barber said, sweeping off David's shoulders.

"No. I'm fine," he replied.

"Don't look like it. Where you from anyhow?"

"Nowhere." David wasn't even sure of where he was now. He knew he hadn't passed the Massachusetts border yet, but he planned to find a train station and board in a day or so. He would get to Colorado Springs in no time. He would find his Michaela and rescue her from that horrible mountain man. She needed his protection, he thought, and he wasn't going to sit by and let her hurt. She deserved to hurt, he knew, but he missed her so. He loved her. He wanted to prove his worth to her by rescuing her.

"Mister, why don't ya take a bed in the back? Have a good rest? Ya don't look so good." David never knew that this little town existed. It wasn't dusty or unsettled like the West, but these people were almost as uncivilized and uncultured. They were worthless to him. Worthless like Sully.

"I'm fine," he replied. He started for the door.

"Hey! What about my money?" David tossed two bits in the man's direction, and the coins slipped between the floorboards. But, the barber didn't go after him. Something told him to stay as far away from that stranger as possible, and he hoped he'd never have to encounter him again. David stood on the concrete porch and looked up at the rain clouds with a smile. Yes, another storm was coming.

Author's Note: Thanks for the support and feedback, everyone! It means a lot:) More coming soon!