Chapter Eight

Julianna Garavaldi pushed her way through the crowd at the Topeka depot. She didn't want to miss the train. Her hand was gripping a bound leather journal. She held onto it for dear life, and she knocked a few men forward as she continued on. She was certainly a strong force, and she turned heads as she blew past.

She was stuck behind a slow walker, and she groaned loudly as the train whistle blew.

"Get out of my way!" she said angrily. "Some people have a train to catch!" Just as she was handing her bags to a conductor, a loud popping noise sounded through the air, followed by the shudder of the locomotive. The conductor shook his head and handed the bags back to Julianna. "What was that?"

"Train needs repairs. It's gonna be at least a day…" Julianna fought back the urge to yell at the man for his incompetence, but she knew in her heart that it wasn't his fault.

"Damn," she hissed under her breath. That caused a few eyebrows to raise, but she turned and moved to sit on a bench at the depot. She opened up her journal and began to scribble furiously.

Do these people understand the concept of deadlines? If I don't finish this book, my publisher will kill me. I really think he has that capability, though he loves me too much to ever want to hurt me. How does one expect me to write a novel about mental illness when all of these delays are driving me insane? I did meet a man on the train today. Something about him intrigued me. I don't know his name, but he looks like a man who has a tortured past. Unfortunately, that's what draws me to him.

She heard his voice and looked up. There he was, standing next to a man with salt-and-pepper hair. She sat quietly, listening over the bustle and complaints of the other train-travelers. None of them were pleased about having to stay over in Topeka. She wasn't either, but she didn't have much of a choice.

"Can I help you?" the man behind the window asked the tall man with salt-and-pepper hair.

"I need to send a telegram to Michaela Quinn in Colorado Springs, Colorado." David's head popped up at the mention of that name. Ethan's hand shook, and when the man behind the window moved toward the telegraph machine, Ethan jerked backward. Was it Colorado Springs or was it Denver? He remembered the children mentioning both places. He wasn't sure where this woman doctor lived, but he wanted to make sure. He had to send word that he was grateful for her taking on his burden. "On second thought…I'll wait a while."

"Please move aside then, sir, so this fellow can tend to his business." Ethan nodded. He was a coward. He couldn't even send word to the woman who had taken on the duty of finding a good home for his youngest child. Charlotte would be disappointed, but what else was new? She had always been disappointed in him. "Sir?" David ignored him, and he watched as Ethan moved away. He spotted the strange woman from the train, and he watched as Ethan tipped his hat to her and said something completely idiotic. Perhaps he'd complimented her dress, her hair, her eyes. But David saw past that. His mind was wrapping around the fact that Ethan had said Michaela's name. No man had the right to say her name. How did he know her? Was he another suitor? He had to take care of it.

Julianna looked back down into her journal for a moment, and when she looked back up, the stranger from the train was gone. She looked around, wondering where he could have gone in such a short span of time. But, he was lost in the crowd.

She sighed softly and shook her head. She pulled another journal into her hands and ran her fingers along the smooth binding. This was her novel. It had been like a child to her. She'd given birth to the idea three years ago, and she had continued to watch that idea grow, and she had nurtured it with her melodic words, though the story was far from melodic. It was dark and mysterious, and she was being paid for it.

She looked back down at her pages and began to etch her words into the lines. She suddenly wondered who she was writing. Her main character was a rich, distinguished man of high status who had given everything for love only to be jilted and turned away like yesterday's news. He had been tortured and mocked throughout his early life, and he had created a good life for himself. But, it was too late. The early years had molded him into a creature who wanted to love but didn't know the proper way. Who was this man? She'd created him in her mind. She'd fallen in love with him despite his darkness. She fell in love with the part that wanted to love. She wanted to teach him how. Oh, if only he were real.

His eyes used to hold such hope and love, but they're filled with anger, resentment and misery now. His skin is scarred from the beatings he took, and his heart is blackened from the hateful things he'd done. But, he hadn't known any better. He'd been molded to fit this lifestyle, and he knew nothing else. He battled good and evil in his head. His conscience had become an entirely different being, and when he stared into the mirror, he spoke to it, berated it and laughed in its face. They had locked him in asylums, but he'd always broken free. He lived under different names, and each of those names became a part of his personality, and soon, those names became their own personalities.

Julianna let out a deep sigh, her heart aching. She cursed under her breath for becoming so emotionally involved with one of her characters. She felt like she was losing her mind. He wasn't real. He was a fictional character made up in her heart and mind; a sad sort of bloke who wished he could do good but was too determined to love that he could only do bad to get what he wanted. He was tragic and fictional. He wasn't real…was he?

She shook her head and slammed her book shut. She stood with her belongings and started off toward the nearest hotel with the stranger's face slowly becoming a part of her tortured, tragic, fictional character.

The stagecoach pulled out of Denver with three passengers: Michaela, Sully and young Katie. Katie was sleeping in Michaela's arms, and Sully was sitting beside his wife with his arm around her. She leaned against him, and they watched the baby carefully as the stagecoach bounced over rocks and little hills. But, Katie slept soundly.

"She's beautiful," Michaela breathed tiredly. "Sully, she deserves so much."

"She does," he replied. "She's gonna have a good life, Michaela. We'll see to that." Michaela felt her stomach knotting up, and she felt very warm. "Michaela?"

"Would you mind holding the baby? I'm not feeling well." Sully nodded without a word and took the baby into his arms. He smiled as he placed her in his lap and watched her little head rest upon his knee. Michaela leaned toward the window and took several deep breaths of fresh air. Her stomach was turning, and she was starting to perspire.

"Michaela, I could tell 'em to stop."

"No. I'll be fine. I'm just…not used to all of this traveling. We've been stuck in that hospital, and it's just…I'll be fine." She gave him a half-smile.

"C'mere," Sully urged. "Lay back." He moved Katie into the crook of his arm and Michaela rested her legs on the seats across from them. She lay back, resting her head in her husband's lap, and she closed her eyes. His hand brushed the hair out of her face, and then it found hers. He held his wife's hand and held his baby girl in his other arm.

Katie hiccupped, and Sully kissed her forehead. Yes, she was his; his and Michaela's. She had been a part of the family for a while now, and he already considered her his. She fit right in. They had become parents sooner than they had expected, but they both loved this little girl so much.

"Both my girls are sleepin'," Sully whispered, nuzzling Katie's cheek with his nose. She grunted and let out a yawn, temporarily opening her eyes. "No no, Kates. Go back to sleep. Your mama and me'll wake ya when we get home." Home. He couldn't wait to show his world to his family. He wanted to share it with them.

He had a little cradle all carved out for his firstborn child, and it would be the perfect size for Miss Katie. He couldn't wait to see the look in Michaela's eyes when he showed her their home. It was almost finished, and hopefully, if he felt well, it would be ready to move into by the end of the week. Furniture was on its way to Colorado Springs, and some would already be there when they arrived. Everything was falling into place after a horribly rough patch, and their new life was almost ready to begin.

Lydia sat at a table at Grace's, sipping water and listening quietly to a conversation between Myra Logan, Abagail and Grace. Myra was trying to keep her young daughter Samantha occupied, and Grace was going on about how she couldn't wait to meet the new lady doctor. Abagail was working on a few pieces for a quilt she was making. Lydia's mind was elsewhere, as her fingers traced patterns along her stomach on her nicest calico dress. She was thinking about Albert and the townsmen. They had all gathered out at the Sully house, all except for Hank, and they were taking in furniture that had arrived, and they were making the place look nice. They knew Sully wanted to do it all by himself, but after hearing of the train accident and all, they wanted to do something to help him out.

Sure, not everybody was a fan of Sully's, but they'd all talked each other into helping out, especially because they were quickly becoming grateful that Dr. Monroe's stay wasn't permanent. They'd liked the idea of having him around at first, but they had quickly learned that his disposition left something to be desired, and they were almost relieved that the clinic would have a woman's touch. They figured she wouldn't be arrogant and snide like Dr. Monroe. But, they were trying to be prepared for anything.

"You think she'll be surprised to see her clinic all fixed up?" Grace asked. She was looking at Lydia. Myra elbowed her.

"Hmm?"

"The clinic? Ya think she'll like it?"

"Oh. Yes, she'll love it," Lydia blushed.

"I bet she dresses real fancy," Myra said with a dreamy, wondering look in her eyes. "Bet she's got lots of fancy things."

"Well," Lydia said quietly, "I suppose so, yes." She had quickly adapted to wearing her plainest dresses, and she had even taken to altering a couple of her Boston dresses so she wouldn't look so out of place. But, with her expanding waistline, she was constantly figuring out new ways to convert her fancy dresses into casual, comfortable work dresses. "She's a lovely person."

"Well, Sully's a good man, so I'm sure she's real nice."

"She is," Abagail said with a smile. "She's been through a lot. They both have." Grace, Myra and Lydia looked at her curiously. Abagail's cheeks blushed. "I mean, the train wreck and everything…" Myra and Grace bought it, but Lydia didn't. "I'm going to go check on the store for Papa." Abagail stood quickly and left the café.

"Excuse me," Lydia said quickly. She stood as fast as she could and hurried after Abagail. She was amazed at how fast she could move in her current condition! "Abagail! Abagail, wait." Abagail froze in her tracks and turned toward Lydia. "What's happened?"

"Nothing," Abagail replied quickly.

"Don't even try that, Abagail," Lydia said sternly. "Michaela is a very good friend of mine, and I think I have the right to know if something is wrong. I want to help."

"She asked me not to tell," Abagail said quietly.

"I don't care. She's my friend, and I'm worried." Abagail sighed and nodded her head. She nodded toward the mercantile, and Lydia followed her there. Lydia shut the doors behind them when they were inside. "Tell me." Abagail realized just how serious Lydia was. Her gray eyes were shining blue, and she was wringing her hands on her skirt.

"She…she had a miscarriage," she said softly, looking down, her fingers playing with her wedding band. Lydia sucked in a sharp breath. She hadn't even known Michaela was pregnant. She moved her hands protectively to her stomach. "Please, don't act like you know. I'd feel just awful if…"

"I won't," Lydia said quietly. "Thank you for telling me." She walked out of the mercantile and leaned against the shut doors. She took a deep breath and shook her head. She hoped her friend would be able to confide in her, and she only hoped that her own pregnancy wouldn't cast a shadow over their blossoming friendship. She hoped that she could help Michaela through this, though she was sure the only person who could completely heal Michaela was Michaela.

Albert wiped his dusty hands on his pants and finished nailing up a loose board. They were putting the final touches on what Sully had left unfinished, and this house was turning into a home. Jake tossed a cigar out of an upstairs window and looked around.

"Ya don't think he's gonna mind, do ya? I mean, a man wants to build a home for himself."

"He did build it," Robert E. spoke up. "We're just getting it ready for 'im to move into. After a surgery and a long trip, I ain't sure he's gonna feel up to doin' this."

"Man's got his pride," Jake replied, lighting the tip of another cigar.

"Pride's a foolish man's burden," Robert E. said, sanding down a rough patch on the wall. "Sully knows it." Jake glanced at Albert.

"You gonna build a home for yourself and your wife?"

"Yes. I'm thinking of purchasing some land close to town. I'd feel better knowing we weren't out in the middle of nowhere."

"I ain't never getting married," Jake said with a laugh, taking a long puff. "Any woman who wants to settle down with me better know how to cook, clean and do what I say." Albert rolled his eyes.

"There are such things as compromises in a marriage."

"Ya let her pull the weight?"

"We share it," Albert said quickly.

"Well, I don't see no reason for marriage. All they do is end in somebody drinkin' himself to death, runnin' off or getting a divorce." Albert straightened up and felt himself starting to perspire. "I know a fella who got married to the woman of his dreams, and as soon as the ring was on her finger, she tried to change him. They got a divorce, she took off with his money and left him with nothin'."

"Excuse me," Albert said quickly. He left the room quickly, rushed down the stairs and made it out onto the front porch. He took out his pocket watch and checked the time. They'd be home soon.

Marriage. He loved it…now, and he admired Sully and Michaela for how they made their marriages work despite their different backgrounds. He and Lydia were a lot of like, which he loved more than anything. Lydia was the light of his life, the breath in his lungs and the beating of his heart, but she hadn't been the only woman in his life. He felt guilty. Not even she knew, and he feared that telling her now would put a strain on their marriage. He'd never thought to tell her, because they'd been so much in love.

He sighed, shaking his head. He should have told her before they were married, but he'd been so ashamed. A failed marriage was already behind him, and he was still a young man. He knew Lydia wouldn't have judged him, but now that they were married, he knew she would be angry. Divorce. What a horrible word it was. He'd been busy with his clients, and she had been busy with her book. He couldn't believe it had only been five years ago. Five years? It didn't seem like a long time in the scheme of things.

They'd met in New York, and they'd fallen madly in love, or so they had thought. But, during his stay in New York, he had been busy with clients, and she had been busy with her books. It had been a marriage that ended quickly without much argument at all. Mad love had turned into uneasy friendship, which had ended with a heartbreaking divorce. He'd wanted to start a family, but she hadn't been ready. She wanted to do things that he couldn't conceive of. She'd been too much for him, and he knew that now. She'd ended things, and he was grateful to her now. She'd left. She'd broken his heart, and he knew now, that it was the best thing that could have happened. Now he was married to the woman he loved more than life itself. All he had to do now was figure out a way to tell Lydia without hurting her. He wasn't sure if it was possible.

"Where is he?" Colleen asked as they drenched the flames in water as the afternoon wore on. "He should've been back hours ago." Matthew looked out to the horizon, but all he could see were fields and trees. Ethan was nowhere in sight, and Matthew didn't dare suggest that perhaps he wasn't coming back.

"I'll go look for 'im. Colleen, you and Brian stay in the barn. If anybody strange comes 'round, ya know what to do." Colleen nodded and pulled Brian close.

"Maybe Pa ran away," Brian suggested. "Ya think?"

"He's already done that. I think he's too tired to do it again." Matthew put on his hat and looked around the place. He found one of the oil lanterns and struck a match. He watched as the flame lit up the fire-licked, blackened windows on the small box, and when he was satisfied with the amount of light it was giving him, he nodded to the children.

"I'll be back 'fore nightfall."

"Then why're you carryin' that?" Brian asked.

"Just in case. Sometimes people don't do the things they mean to. Sometimes they gotta break their promises." He felt guilty for saying that, because he knew his words had a big impact on Brian. Unfortunately, he couldn't take it back. "Don't worry. I'll be home sooner than ya think." He started off with the lantern and a canteen, and he felt his brother and sister staring at him as he headed off toward town.

"Michaela," Sully whispered as the stagecoach turned onto the dusty road that stretched into town. Michaela opened her eyes to see that the haze of the afternoon had flooded the stagecoach and had settled in around them.

"Hmm?" she asked, sitting up and yawning.

"Look outside," he said, a smile spreading over his face. Michaela blinked and stuck her head out of the window. All she could see for miles were trees, hills and mountains. She looked up to see two hawks flying together, circling one another. A deer poked his head out of a thicket, heard the rumbling of the horse hooves and darted back into the woods. Michaela smiled and took a deep breath, inhaling the scent of the pine and honeysuckle. "We're almost home." Michaela nodded.

"Yes," she breathed. She looked at Sully, and she smiled when she saw Katie sleeping against his chest, her little cheek resting against his shoulder. Michaela bit her bottom lip and slid the baby into her arms. Katie woke for only a moment and relaxed, molding herself against her new mother's bosom. "Look, Katie. We're almost home." She nuzzled the baby's cheek with her nose, and Katie yawned in her sleep. Sully watched his girls together, and his heart swelled with pride. Michaela was definitely made to be a mother, a teacher, a doctor, a wife, a lover…She was everything.

The stagecoach rattled into town, and Michaela's olive and hazel eyes flashed with amazement as she looked at all of the simple, wooden storefronts. The people were dressed in casual work clothes, and the children ran around in patched trousers and dresses. The smile grew brighter on her face, and she held little Katie up.

"Look, Katie. This is our new home." Sully reached over and put his hand on her shoulder, and she looked at him, her eyes glistening.

"You're happy?"

"Very," she whispered. She leaned over and pressed a kiss to his lips, and she sighed against them. When they pulled back, Katie let out a grunt, and they laughed together. Despite the unsettled feeling in her stomach, she was happy. She was with her husband and little Katie, and she only briefly wondered if she was being foolish for wanting and having so much. He'd given her everything, Sully had. He'd given her a marriage, a child, a home and a place where she was needed. True, their child was gone, but they had Katie to look after, and she was just as much theirs as if she were their own child. "I only wish…our baby was here to see it." Her eyes welled with tears, and Sully pulled her close.

"He sees it," he whispered. "He sees what we see." Michaela nodded, letting her heart feel free for a moment. When the stagecoach came to a stop, Michaela immediately spotted Albert, Lydia, Abagail and Loren Bray. She waved to them, and Albert rushed to the front of the crowd. Sully opened the door and got out first, and Michaela handed Katie down to them. People whispered to one another, waiting to see the new lady doctor. Albert reached up for her hand, and she took it. The townsfolk were amazed that she wasn't wearing fancy white gloves, and the ladies marveled at the smooth paleness of her skin. Albert moved an arm around her waist and held her out. Her boots plopped into the dirt, sending it swirling up her skirt. She smiled at her friend and greeted him with a happy hug.

"Albert! It's good to see you."

"I'm glad you made it," he whispered, pulling out of the hug and kissing her cheek. He moved to Sully, and they shook hands warmly. Lydia rushed over to Michaela as Dr. Monroe climbed into the carriage without a word.

"Michaela!"

"Lydia," she smiled, trying to hide the fact that she was slightly jealous of Lydia's protruding belly. They greeted each other with a friendly hug, and Sully, after handing the baby to Michaela, helped Albert pull down their luggage.

"What a sweet baby!" Lydia exclaimed with confusion. "Who's is she?"

"Charlotte Cooper's," Michaela said softly. "We couldn't let her go to an orphanage," Michaela explained.

"That's very noble of you," Lydia said, looping her arm through Michaela's."

"No. We had to. She became our daughter," Michaela breathed. "I'm not sure how to explain it."

"You don't have to. Loving a child is an amazing feeling. I love mine with all of my heart, and it's not even here yet." Her voice faltered for a moment, and she felt guilty. Michaela noticed it, and Lydia tried to smooth it over. She wasn't supposed to know, and she couldn't let on that she did. Michaela would tell her in time. She was sure of it.

Lydia led Michaela and Katie out of the crowd, and several pair of eyes followed them. Some were friendly and inviting, while others were dark, questioning and intolerant. Michaela tucked Katie close to her and looked behind her, searching for Sully, but he was lost in the crowd, and Lydia was pulling her further away. Katie began to fuss during the commotion, and Lydia quickly led Michaela into the clinic.

"What is this place?" Michaela asked, not focusing on her surroundings but on the tiny child in her arms.

"Your office," Lydia grinned. Michaela's head snapped up, and she looked around. An examination table sat in the center of the room, her oak desk from Boston was in the corner, shelves lined the wall, cabinets held fresh linens, and crates of medical supplies were stacked upon the floor. Lydia pointed to the papers on the exam table, and Michaela moved over to them. "Mr. Bing left them for you to sign. He'll come back later to pick them up." Michaela placed Katie down on the table and swaddled her. She carried the papers over to her desk and opened the curtains to let the sunlight filter in. Lydia went around doing the same, and she watched as Michaela signed the papers.

"It's mine," Michaela said with a hint of surprise in her voice. She had a clinic of her very own now, and all she needed were patients to fill it. She heard Katie cry out, and she put the papers away and moved to care of her. "That's right, Miss Katie."

"Katie?" Lydia asked.

"Her mother named her Katherine," Michaela said with a smile. "Katherine Elizabeth Cooper."

"You're going to adopt her, aren't you?" Lydia wondered. Michaela looked at the child in her arms, and she smiled a little.

"We haven't worked all of that out, but I suppose we will. We want to give her a good home; a good life." Lydia smiled.

"She's a lucky little girl." Michaela shook her head.

"We're the lucky ones." Michaela bent down and pressed a kiss to Katie's forehead, and she turned to Lydia. "How are you? Any complications?"

"I'm just fine," Lydia said with a smile. "Luckily, I didn't have to set foot anywhere near Dr. Monroe," she said with a look of disgust in her eyes. "He's a very frustrating individual." Michaela chuckled and nodded her head. At that moment, the door burst open, and Sully came in with Albert. Michaela rushed to help them with the luggage.

"We've got it," Sully said quickly, wanting her to rest. She'd been through a lot, but so had he, so Albert was taking on most of the items.

"You should rest too," she whispered, kissing him upon the cheek.

"We got plenty of time for restin'," he replied. "But I got too much to show ya. I'll get our wagon from Robert E."

"Our wagon?" Sully nodded and winked at her.

"We gotta have a wagon now that we got a family, don't we?" Michaela smiled happily and gave him another quick kiss. She and Lydia watched as the men took the items upstairs to drop them off. She turned back to Lydia.

"How was your trip?" Lydia wondered.

"Long," Michaela laughed. "Luckily, Katie slept through it all."

"That's impressive for such a young little girl." Lydia moved toward Katie. "May I?" Michaela smiled and watched Lydia scoop the baby up into her arms. "Hello, sweet girl. You sure are lucky to have such a good mother and father. Yes you are." Katie gurgled, and Michaela laughed aloud. She felt happy, completely happy for the first time in a long time. She realized that she hadn't thought about the miscarriage in the past ten minutes, and that reminder set a frown upon her lips. "Michaela?" Michaela suddenly felt guilty for letting herself forget for even a moment. Her heart broke into tinier pieces, and she shook her head.

"Excuse me," she breathed. She moved into the side room, closing the door behind herself. She found a chair in the corner and sat down, burying her face in her hands. Her tears flowed with great ease, the dried tears before them leading them down invisible paths. She bit her trembling lip, but a sob escaped, and she heard the doorknob turning. She let the loose strands of hair fall into her face, and she sobbed with unabashed mourning. She didn't care if anyone saw her cry right now. She felt selfish for wanting to hide her sorrow from the world. She had been pregnant. She'd lost the baby. She felt guilty for her unborn child's death. Now what?

"Michaela," Lydia whispered, slowly sliding into the room without Katie in her arms. She kept the door cracked open a little, and she moved to kneel beside Michaela's chair. She took Michaela's hands in hers. "It's all right. I know."

"You…you know?" Michaela asked, sucking in a sharp breath through her nose.

"Don't be angry with her, Michaela. I made Abagail tell me, because I was worried about you. I'm so sorry."

"Don't be," Michaela whispered. "I didn't know for very long, but I was so worried about…about Sully and Charlotte. Then Charlotte died, and I had Katie to look after. Sully…I was so scared that I would lose him." She pulled her hands away from Lydia's and dried her own tears. "I was running too fast and too hard to stop. Everything was spinning, and I couldn't control it. I feel…"

"Yes?"

"I feel…I don't know what I feel. I'm angry," she breathed. She shook her head and stood up. "I'm not ready."

"I know," Lydia whispered. "When you're ready, talk to him. Listen to him. Make him listen to you." Michaela nodded her head and embraced Lydia fully.

"Thank you. Thank you for being here."

"I'll always be here," Lydia promised. They pulled apart and straightened up. Lydia brushed the loose hairs out of Michaela's face, smiling sadly. She was happy that Michaela had let herself be vulnerable and grieve. She didn't know her as well as some did, but from what she knew so far, Michaela was one who could take a lot of pain and carry it on her shoulders for a long time. She was happy that she could be there for her. She was grateful that Michaela had a wonderful husband to support her in the times she needed support the most. "Come on. Let's go see what those husbands of ours are doing." Michaela smiled and nodded her head before following Lydia out of the room.