When Dreams Come True
NOTE: Just to let you know, I haven't seen the episodes on Soujiro's past so I might be a little fuzzy on them so please don't get man at me if I say or do something wrong. That's basically it…just a warning I guess…
…The days seem too long,
And the world seems so cruel,
Life begins to feel so wrong,
With no reason to fuel.
What happened last time…"You heard what I said, now spill deaf-man."
Soujiro lowered his head, he couldn't put it off any longer…
"Well, I was born nineteen years ago in an unknown city…"
Chapter fourteen – Exchange of Issues
"Well, I was born nineteen years ago in an unknown city…"
He drifted off, not really knowing where to go with his story. He lowered his eyes just he could escape Misao's vision. He felt like such a nothing compared to the young woman in front of him, "I don't know Misao, you might get a little bored with it."
Misao's eyes grew anxious, "No Sou! Keep going! You have to tell me! Please!"
She grabbed his hands, which rested on the sides of his legs as he sat with them crossed. She held them tightly as Soujiro watched. He felt so horrible. He wished he could take back his entire life at that moment.
"Well, I was born somewhere in Japan to a prostitute who hadn't actually planned on having me…"
Misao eyes grew a little wide as Soujiro continued. He wished only that her expression might stay the same throughout his story, but he knew it wouldn't last long.
"I lived with her until I was around five and then things got too hard so she had to give me away. The only other family I had was in a small town near Kyoto, so she took me there and left me. Her family wasn't too pleased to take care of another child, but they agreed if I would work for them. I don't remembered exactly what happened, but I just remember I was really, really sad," he paused for a minute and took a breath before continuing, "Then after that, I just remember working all the time. The family was a rice supplier so my job was to carry rice from place to place within the house's grounds. I don't remember seeing the rest of the family working that much, but I'm pretty sure they did…," he hadn't really thought about it before. He felt a little bad for being tricked and all…
"Well, I would work every day and even sometimes they would beat me. But soon they started to enjoy beating me and they would do it more constantly. Eventually I came realize that they enjoyed seeing me hurt, so I devised a plan that every time they would beat me, I would smile at them so maybe they'd lose interest…"
He glanced at Misao who's eyes weren't wide anymore, but sad.
"It took a while to get used to, but I learned that if I practiced smiling when they weren' beating me, I would be more likely to smile when they were. And when I started to smile when they beat me, they got nervous or lost interest. So then I would start to do it all the time. And that probably was the biggest mistake I've ever made in my life."
"…"
Misao looked as if she was about to say something, but no matter how hard she tried, no words dared come out of her mouth. Soujiro took a look at Misao and said, "I don't know Misao, maybe I should stop."
Something in Misao's eyes snapped as her eyes came back to life, "Come on Sou! Finish the story already!"
In her eyes he saw eagerness and life, something he had wished to have himself his entire life.
"Well one evening I was cleaning off my wounds. I then heard someone scream and walked over to where I had heard it. And it was there when I saw a dead police officer with a man wrapped in bandages standing above him. I was silent until I stepped back because after he heard the noise I made, his head quickly turned to my direction. I fell onto my rear as he stepped towards me. I tried to hide my fear with a smile, but something about his red eyes couldn't stop me from shaking. As he held the sword up to my face, he asked me why I was smiling and if I wanted to die. I responded by saying that surly death was better than the life I was living. All the while my smile remained, and that's what must've kept him from killing me. He said something in the terms of if I kept my mouth shut about him and housed him, he would let me live. I nodded and took him to the family's storage room and that's where he stayed for a while. I would bring him food and water and spare bandages and as he ate, he would share his stories and philosophies with me. Later we somehow got on the subject of how I had so many bruises and wounds. I told him my family would beat me constantly, and that's when he gave me a sword, to protect myself. I didn't exactly know what I was to use it for, but I hid it underneath a building for safekeeping. He made me believe him so much that once I asked him if he were a good man. He denied it and it was the first time in my life when someone had done that…denied their goodness. But he told me he was strong, and that the strong live and that the weak have to die because that's the way things were. I questioned what he said, but he told me I'd have to understand by myself."
…
"What, that's it?"
Misao obviously wasn't pleased with his ending. Soujiro, a little shaken from what he had just told, was staring at her a little confused, "What do you mean?"
Misao threw her hands up, "You mean to tell me that, that's the end! That can't be! You have had to have joined Shishio somewhere at that point! Like what, did your foster parents just let you go with Mr. Killer? I don't think so! …I bet you weren't done! Tell me the rest!"
He couldn't.
She would hate him.
She would never forgive him even though he needed to be forgiven.
She…wait.
He knew he thought about Misao constantly, and him worrying about her forgiving him was no different. He…he had to heal himself first before he could let anyone else in. He had to let himself know the wrongs he had done before anyone else could save him. Right now, he was on his own and sadly, he had just realized it now.
So he took a deep breath, here was the hard part.
He just didn't know if his heart could take it…
"One rainy day someone in the house realized that some food and bandaged were missing. They were discussing what could be up until they began talking about the killer who had just killed several people in the past week. They all looked at me…not one of them doubted what they were thinking. 'It's Soujiro!' they said and 'He must be keeping the killer!' It all hit me so hard and so fast until one of them said that they should kill me. And all I could do was run. Never in my life had I felt so pathetic, never had I felt so…unneeded. But all I could do was run for my life, because it was about to end. But then Mr. Shishio's voice came into my head. 'The strong live and the weak die,' and then I thought…that maybe I wasn't so weak after all…I ran under the building and grabbed the sword, which Mr. Shishio had given me. It was heavy and cold, and it looked angry. But as soon as I saw someone crawling under the building after me with a sword, I guess I fires back. Mocking, was the last thing he did before I swung the sword. He screamed, and it frightened me to know that I caused it but as soon as I crawled out, I knew I had to finish the job. I killed every last member of my so called 'family.' And after the job was done and the rain was still pouring, I just stood there and realized what I had just done. I heard footsteps and turned to see Mr. Shishio walking towards me. 'Like I said, the strong live and the weak die.' But when he was within seeing distance, he asked me if I was crying since the rain was running down my face. I said I wasn't as I smiled. Then after that, he took me to Kyoto where I became the Tenken…the Tenken…"
Misao stared. Her eyes neither wide nor angry…she just stared.
He stared the ground below him without a smile, "But I was crying…I was…!" His eyes began to water but the tears remained in his eyes. It was a feeling he hadn't felt in a while, "I was sad that day. Ashamed! I couldn't believe I had become a killer…I'm not a killer, I don't want to be one! I never wanted to be one. And all…all because of this…smile…!"
He slowly brought his hands to his mouth…he felt like killing himself.
Yet, he could sense he was somewhat feeling better. But then he felt a hand on his cheek, "But your smile is so cute!"
He looked up, amazed by what he had just heard. Misao was smiling, but he could tell it was there just to make him feel better.
"But I killed my family! I did a horrible thing."
She set her other hand on his face, "You know it was wrong right?"
He nodded.
"And you'll never do it again."
Once again.
"It was a bad thing, and you can't always run away or hide it with something that's fake. So all you can do is move along and remember your experiences so you can learn from them. And that's always the best way to heal yourself when you feel all alone."
He stared into her eyes, she seemed so right.
She was right.
She then pulled him in and embraced him. She closed her eyes and smiled and she leaned her head against his. Soujiro looked over her shoulder out the door. Maybe he wasn't surrounded anymore. Maybe's there's always a way out of things…or a way to make things seem better.
He closed his eyes as a tear fell down his cheek.
It was so nice to feel the buildup of problems slowly fade away…
'I'm sorry…'
The breeze outside picked up and allowed the trees to sway, he wished he could stay this way forever. But if he did that, he'd be right back where he started.
'I'm sorry mother…you must be so disappointed…'
And up in the clouds above, a woman watched her boy grow up. She watched him hurt, realize and heal and find a lifelong friend.
She was so proud.
If only he knew.
Would you know my name if I saw you in heaven?
Would it be the same if I saw you in heaven?
I must be strong and carry on
'Cause I know I don't belong here in heaven.
He wondered if he would make it to heaven. He wanted to, but he had already made his promise to Mr. Shishio to see him in Hell.
But with that, he couldn't do anything about it. That was something another person had to help him with. Someone needed to give him a reason to go to heaven, or he'd never make it up there.
Maybe it all depended on how much he believed.
Now that would take a lot of believing…
But at the moment, he was busy being held by Misao. Something about it was so serene and calming. He didn't feel anything either. He just felt like he life was the most beautiful thing.
'Maybe I would have felt more like this if I hadn't met Mr. Shishio, if I just would've stayed strong for that much more…'
But Soujiro couldn't ask, he could only move forward since he was already rapidly doing so. And it was kind of funny, even though he wasn't moving, he still felt like he was getting somewhere. And it felt good. Really good. So good, that Soujiro smiled on Misao's shoulder as the tear dried up on his cheek. He lifted his arms and hugged Misao back. The whole while, Misao blushed. She didn't know why, but she did know that Soujiro had now let go of many of the demons he, for some reason, held deep and close to his heart.
And for some reason, she felt just as good as Soujiro did.
She just didn't know what was coming up the next day.
And so the next day came…
Misao walked downstairs while rubbing her eye. She had normally been a morning person but today had been an exception because of yesterday's drama. In her dreams, she only pictured a young Soujiro standing in the rain.
She took a step outside. The sun had already risen and the cool air nipped her at the elbows while she shivered. The sky was still a little clouded from the rainstorm that had occurred last night. She stretched her arms and stared off into the distance. She was so glad that Soujiro had opened up for her. It felt good to have someone to always talk to.
She only wondered if Soujiro felt the same.
She heard someone walking inside so she stepped back in. She entered the kitchen to find Omasu starting a fire so she could begin cooking. But it was weird because Omasu would never wake up this early before.
Misao became curious so she stepped up behind her and spooked Omasu, "Watcha doin?" She whispered, but it was enough to scare Omasu as she jumped a little.
Omasu turned with a meek smile plastered on her face, "Oh hello Misao-chan, what are you doing up?"
Misao gave a toothy smile, "I felt like waking up early!"
Omasu returned with a nervous laugh, which Misao caught, "What's up Omasu? You seem a little worried about something."
The older woman returned to reality, "Oh Misao, are you going to be leaving in a couple of hours with Soujiro and stay away for at least another two and a half hours?"
Misao scratched her head, that was way too precise information for her to take, "Huh?"
Omasu pushed her out of the room, "Now come back in half an hour and then leave the Aoiya a half an hour after that. Alright? Alright."
Omasu was acting weird.
But whatever, she would go along with it.
She ran upstairs to wake the still sleeping Soujiro. She slid the door open and hopped onto him, "Wake up Sou! We need to get moving! We're getting kicked out!"
She sat on his back while he laid stomach first on his mattress and mumbled, "Getting kicked out…?"
She patted his head, "Yup, by Omasu, now let's get going."
Omasu could be heard from downstairs yelling, "I did not say that!"
Misao hopped off to go down and sprint to Omasu to argue with her.
When she left, Soujiro sat up and stared out the door, which he stared at the night before when he poured his heart to Misao. Instead of being shut tight as it was yesterday, it was as wide open as it would go. It meant something to Sou even though it sounded a little corny but hey, he was feeling on top of the world.
And it was also satisfying to know Misao wasn't sick with him or avoiding him. If anything, it was like nothing changed. This made him smile. His real smile, the one that didn't scare anybody.
After about ten minutes, he walked down the stairs to find Misao running in one place in front of the door. He did a double take before chuckling and continuing walking into the kitchen.
"Omasu-san?"
BANG.
CRASH.
"Oww…"
"…Omasu-san?"
"H-hello Sou-chan…oww…"
…
Soujiro took a good look at the scene before him. He guessed in a split second, Omasu hit her head on something, slipped on something, dropped and spilled something, and fell on the ground, "That looked like it hurt…or it does hurt…"
She walked over and helped her up, "Ha, thanks Sou-chan. I guess I'm just clumsy."
He looked around her. He saw she had seen that she had been preparing something, something like a large meal, "What were you doing here? It looks like you're making a feast or something."
Omasu's head shot up, "Fine! I'll tell you! Just be quiet and come with me."
She grabbed his hand and tiptoed out the room. They even got past Misao who was still running in place in front of the door repeating something like, "Ten minutes. Ten minutes…"
Omasu pulled him out to the back and confessed, "I'm making a welcome back party for Aoshi-sama and Minako-dono!"
There was silence for a while.
"You know I didn't ask why you were making the food?"
"Oh…"
There was silence again.
"Who's Minako-dono?"
"Oh no…"
She slapped her hands onto her mouth as if she were trying to stop herself from saying anything. Soujiro smiled, "What is it Omasu-sama? It can't be that bad, if it is bad…?"
She exploded.
"MINAKO-DONO IS AOSHI'S GIRLFRIEND!"
Soujiro took a step back. He hadn't really been expecting what he had just heard, "Wha?"
Omasu realized what she had just blurted out and covered her face, "Oh no oh no oh no! I wasn't supposed to say anything! Now Jiya will be mad with me and the surprise will be ruined!"
Soujiro smiled, "So you're throwing Mr. Shinomori and Ms. Minako a welcome home party?"
She nodded.
She then explained, "And if Misao finds out, she'll be crushed! That's why I don't want her to be here!"
She covered her eyes again and Soujiro set his hand on her shoulder, "It's alright Omasu-dono. But, it doesn't sound like Mr. Shinomori to have girlfriend…"
She sighed, "I know. But in his letter he explained how she showed him a new way of things. Showed him more than any meditating could in a temple. He wrote about her calm and serene nature, something he had been searching for, for such a long time. She's supposed to be beautiful, intelligent, and wise. She seems so perfect."
Soujiro thought for a moment, "Did he meet her here in Kyoto?"
She shook her head, "No, he traveled to Nagoya for a few days on some sort of business and apparently met her there. He spent a lot of time with her and I guess he fell in love with the woman…"
She sighed once more.
An interesting story. It seemed that Aoshi was healing much quicker than he was himself. But it was still nice to hear. He wondered if he would meet this Minako-dono.
Well he would, but he didn't know just how soon.
"AOSHI-SAMA!"
It was Misao coming from the other room.
Soujiro and Omasu stood there in horror before busting out of the back and sprinted to the entrance where Misao stood.
And outside, Soujiro could see Aoshi standing next to a woman a head shorter than him in front of a carriage.
She had pitch-black hair that traveled to the middle of her back. Her eyes were thin, but kind. They too were black to match her hair. Her skin was pale, obviously not used to the sun as she held her hands together in front of her light pink kimono with a floral design.
Out of no where, Jiya, Shiro, Okon, and Kuro walked up to the entrance and all bowed. Even Okon yanked Misao's arm down so she bowed as well.
Minako bowed as well, "I'm honored that you're allowing me to stay here at the Aoiya. Thank you."
Her voice was rich and deep.
Something about her sent shivers up Soujiro spine. He heard Omasu whisper, "Oh my…"
But the whole while, he couldn't help but feel bad for Misao. It looked like her chances of being with her beloved Aoshi wouldn't be likely. I mean, Minako was quite a catch!
But deeper in his heart, he felt relieved. He didn't know why, but he knew something was lifted off his chest.
A while later while everyone was more situated, Misao was nowhere to be seen. But Soujiro was too busy helping around the house trying to clean up.
"Excuse me Mr. Seta…"
Soujiro turned to see Minako. Seeing her from this distance made him believe that she was around the same height as him.
"I was wondering if you could tell me where I could find Misao Makimachi. I've heard so much about her."
Something clicked, maybe she had to get away, "Um, I think she went to go buy some groceries in the market. She should be back soon."
Minako bowed, "Thank you Mr. Seta."
When she stood straight again, Soujiro replied, "Please, you can call me Soujiro."
She smiled, "Why thank you Soujiro. When Ms. Misao returns, can you please bring her to me?"
He nodded.
As soon as she was about to turn around, she stopped, "Oh, and don't worry about Aoshi-sama. He really does respect you. He's just a little embarrassed to know that someone actually helped him."
She smiled. But Soujiro was a little dumbfounded. Had Aoshi really opened up that much to her? Or maybe she could read Aoshi's mind…?
She giggled.
Huh?
"You must probably be thinking how I know that since Aoshi doesn't express himself in any way," Soujiro nodded, "Well you see, Aoshi didn't open up much at all, but he did meet the right people who could help him. With me, people don't need to tell me things. I can read it in their eyes. I may not be a samurai like you or Aoshi, but my father taught me how to read emotions so I could understand people more, so I use it more to my advantage. I'm sorry if I've frightened you in any way."
She giggled once more.
She really was wise.
And she was weak.
But she transformed her weakness into her strength.
Maybe Mr. Shishio missed this when he thought of his theory. Maybe if he saw the world through a little more openness, he would've seen so much more…
With that, she walked away.
But now Soujiro understood.
Aoshi and he were different. And maybe Soujiro didn't really understand Aoshi. He had no idea Aoshi was so afraid of being weak. So him being afraid was his weakness. But like Minako, he transformed his weakness into his strength by finding someone who could help him express his feelings for him.
That must be a hard job. Like, to read Aoshi's eyes.
Soujiro smiled. He was glad for Aoshi that he had found a part of himself.
And Aoshi was a good example of a scar. Something had made Aoshi so unable to express his feelings and thoughts, that he isolated himself from the rest of the world. And that made the wound. Every day he would isolate himself, the wound would get that much deeper. It remained that way until he met Minako who could help him. But since the wound was far too deep, it left a scar that could never be fully healed. So like the scar, he could never express himself the way he wanted to, but in finding Minako, he could help it heal just that much more.
Soujiro just hoped he wasn't a scar as well.
But, it couldn't be that bad if it meant spending plenty of time with the one he cared for most. But…
…who was the person?
Just then, he thought of, 'Misao…'
Where could she be anyways?
He walked downstairs and then outside. He looked in both directions.
At that moment, he grew a little afraid.
'What could've happened to her?'
He turned left and ran wherever he felt Misao was. And come on, Kyoto's a pretty big place…how was he supposed to find Misao in such a short time!
But as soon as Soujiro was out of distance, Minako stepped out onto the deck outside, "Well it seems that Soujiro's eyes are still a little more lost than Aoshi's were. I just wonder what they were like when he was the Tenken…"
She would be sure to find out.
Back to Sou…
Soujiro ran through the streets of Kyoto. In every direction too. But Misao was nowhere. Absolutely nowhere. Gone.
After an hour of looking, he finally ran out to the outskirts of Kyoto and watched the sun set. He really was worried about Misao.
But then he heard something.
He looked to his right under a bush that sat next to him. Behind it, Misao sat there with her knees up to her face, "Misao?"
She jumped, "Sou…! What are you doing here! How did you find me!"
Soujiro walked over and sat next to her, "I got worried so I looked for you. Do you come here often?"
Misao tilted her head, "What do you mean, do I come here often?'"
Sou looked up to the sky, "Well, Shiro told me that you used to leave the Aoiya before the sun would set and come back after it did. So I'm wondering if this is the place you'd come to."
She looked down. He knew he pinned her, he just wanted her to admit it, "Yeah…"
He took her hand in his, "Why? Why would you come way out here just to watch the sun set?"
She shook her head, "No…"
She set her head back onto her knees. Soujiro felt bad for her, he had an idea what was going on, but he wasn't all the way sure.
"No what?" He whispered.
"I don't want to say…"
He squeezed her hand, "You can trust me Misao…if you want to…"
Something had overcome his heart. He didn't know what, for all he knew, he was acting normal. But he was feeling like he was overflowing.
"I…I…"
He squeezed it once more.
"You what…?"
She looked up to the sun, which was halfway gone, "I just feel so alone sometimes…"
He was right.
Alone…
He used his other hand to pull her into an embrace. He felt that's what she needed, "Sou…"
"Shh, it's ok…things will be alright. You're not alone."
She pushed away and replied, "No, you don't understand what I mean…I mean…I don't want to die alone. I don't want to have nothing in the end…"
She stood up and brushed herself off, "It's ok Sou, I wouldn't expect you to know what I'm talking about anyways…it's nothing really."
She gave him a hand up and with that, they walked back to the Aoiya.
But, Soujiro really did understand what she was talking about. She was talking about how she felt she was missing out on love. How she was missing out on something in life that he was supposed to catch.
He felt bad for her, but he wanted to help.
But something…something happened.
'Now who's the lucky young lady who has stolen your precious, dear heart?'
Something for the better.
Then something rung in his head…
'Ok, lemme try to explain again, love is…love is love is love is love!'
Soujiro had to admit, he didn't understand what love was. He wondered if it really could be explained…
'I guess the only way you can actually know how to describe it is to actually be in it.'
But if he couldn't explain it, then how would he know if and when he was in it. Stupid emotions were confusing. Why did people have them anyways? Sometimes they seemed so unnecessary sometimes.
'Walk in a straight line, and take every path possible so you make sure you don't miss anything.'
Like he thought, confusing.
Nothing seemed easy anymore. Before, he thought there was a simple saying that could explain everything to its simplest form. But now he was just learning that there was so much more to everything.
But, no matter how much he worried about his future…his mind kept drifting over to Misao, who was having troubles of her own.
And that's all…that's all he could worry about.
But why…?
…
…Misao…
Just at that moment, he realized he was the one who wanted to save her from the loneliness that bothered her so much. He was the one who wanted who wanted to help her just as she had helped him.
He wanted to serve her the world on a silver platter. He wanted to remove all of the bad from it to make sure she would be as happy as possible.
Too bad he didn't know how to.
If only someone could teach him…if only someone could show him how to live the way he wanted to…
…maybe…Minako?
End.
And they just keep getting longer and longer. Ha w00t! Anyways, I hope Minako doesn't seem like one of those, all-powerful, always right, beautiful, smart, physically strong, alpha-females. 'Cause she's not. She just actually a pretty, aristocratic woman who has her special talents. See? She's not one of them. Honest!
Also, I'm pretty sure that's the end of the poem at the beginning. I'm actually planning on making the next poem quite an actually long series. Because this is where the actual fluff begins. The realization period, you may call it. If you've read, 'Alone in a Crowd,' or 'When the Rain Stops,' those stories come into play at this point. Get it? If not, just ignore what I said and keep on reading.
Oh, and I'm going to be out of town for a while starting tomorrow so that means when I get back, I'll have to write the chapter, edit it, then check it. So the way I write, I can write from 5 lines to five pages at a sitting depending on how much I'm into it. So, I'm gonna be out of town for 3-4 days, and writing the chapter can take up to five-ten days. So if you add it all up, the earliest I can get you the next chapter will be a week maybe. But maybe even earlier because I have spring break right now…Hey I didn't even think of that…
Anyways, RATE and REVIEW! I'm serious. Honestly, I really want to hear every little bit of critiquing you can give me. Make me sweat over what I write! I do well under pressure. Man! Flame me if you want to! Feel free! I'm bout ta crack here!
Ok, I'm alright…
NaiLAUG!