Chapter three time, baby! Woot! Break out the bubbly, Pass It Along has gotten over 100 hits! Booyaka! That's like, a record for me! Hold on, I'm getting all choked up... I'd like to thank... the reviewers! Without thee, I would be nothing. Well, not literally... but... oh, whatever.

I still don't own Final Fantasy VIII, and I just think I should mention, once again, that I don't have anything against ANY of the FFVIII characters. But how can anything funny happen if I don't pick on anyone?

Pass It Along

Chapter 3: Fraternizing with the Enemy

Irvine had gotten bored with writing in the notebook very quickly. Even after flirting with it, it proved to be a very boring companion. He sat down on a bench outside the Library and flipped through the book, skimming over the previous entries. He laughed. He made a disgusted face. He made an "Awwwww!" face. He mumbled something about goats. It was then that he heard someone approaching, and looked up to see who it was.

"Oh, Rinoa! Hey, whatcha doin?"

"Not you." She replied, hand on her hip. I took a moment before Irvine realized that she had actually answered his question.

Headmaster Cid, who happened to be in the hall at the time, squealed, "OOOOH, BURN!"

"Now, that wasn't very nice!" Irvine drawled. "I think you owe me an apology." He jumped out of his seat when the girl rolled her eyes and started walking away from him. "Whoah, Rinoa! Wait up! C'mon, I just wanted to pass this notebook on to you! Just write stuff about Squall in it and give it to someone else!"

"What? Really?" she grinned. "A notebook about Squall?"

"Yep, that's what Zell said."

"Well then," Rinoa gushed, "I guess I'll have to write in it then!" She snatched the notebook from the cowboy and flipped it to the next blank page. "Hey, do you have a pen or something I could write with?"

Irvine flashed open his coat. "Will this work?"

Rinoa's eyes nearly popped out of her head. "Uh... dah!" was all she managed to mumble before she passed out, blood trickling from her nostrils.

"Fine, be that way..." Irvine zipped up his fly and left in a huff, tossing the fuzzy pink pen over his shoulder.

Rinoa regained consciousness about half an hour later. She sat up and rubbed her head, confused for a moment, before memories of what had just happened came rushing back to her.

"Irvine!" she exclaimed, face twitching slightly. "That pervert!" She rose to her feet and gathered up the notebook and pen, looking around to make sure no one was watching her. Turning her face to the heavens, Rinoa shook her fist angrily, shouting, "IRVINE KINNEAS! Wherever you are, I'LL GET MY REVENGE!"

She set off toward the front gate, smirking, which looked pretty funny because she still had tracks of dried blood coming out of her nostrils. The tracks turned away from each other before they reached her lips and had continued down her cheeks because she had fainted and ended up lying on the ground. It looked kind of like a big, reddish-brown mustache.

Now it's my turn to write about my Squally-poo! In case you haven't guessed, this is Rinoa. Squall, ….hee hee. Okay, Squall used to be really rude, but thanks to me he's a really nice guy now. Of course, he's still rude to QUISTIS, but you can't expect a miracle… hmm. Oh, hey, you know that guy, Irvine? Well, I know this is a notebook about Squall, but this juicy little tidbit is just too good to pass up. Irvine is a... umm... well, he...

If Rinoa had read Irvine's entry, she would have known that he did a good enough job tarnishing his "good" name all by himself, but unfortunately, she hadn't read his entry, and instead tried to think of the most terrible thing she could possibly write about the guy. Suddenly, her eyes lit up, and that evil smirk was back on her face.

IRVINE KINNEAS HAS GENITAL HERPES!

...well, I just thought you should know. After all, he'll probably try to sleep with you, and you really deserve a fair warning! But enough about that! Bleh! Let's think about other things. Like Squall! Squallsquallsquallsquallsquallsquallsquallsquallsquall! SQUALLLLL-LLLLLLL! Hmm, ya know what? Zone says Squall never gave him that copy of "Girl Next Door" he found.….so that's what I saw in his underwear drawer….not that I dig through his underwear drawer looking for magazines…or for any reason… heh… um, yeah, he gave me an extra key to his room. He called me the other day sayin' that he's been keeping his door locked because he thinks Selphie's stalking him. I was like, "Selphie? Yeah right!"-

"But she was stalking me!"

"Squall!" Rinoa bubbled, "Yay, you're here! Now don't be absurd, Selphie wouldn't-"

"Yes she would! She snuck into my room again last night!" Squall's eyes narrowed, glinting an icy silver. His eyes were usually grey; flecked with extra silver when he was upset, and deepening into a lovely blue only when he was relaxed or happy. Whenever his guard was down. Pity, it didn't happen often.

Irvine, who was just rounding the corner-less curve of Balamb Garden's doughnut-like walkway, walked over to the couple and put in his two cents.

"Sorry guys," he said, "but I couldn't help but overhear you! On defending Squall, Selphie wasn't with me last night. Just thought I'd let you know."

Squall ignored him. "I swear! SELPHIE'S A STALKER!"

"IS NOT!"

Zell, back from his training, trotted over to the bunch to see what the fuss was all about.

Irvine shrugged his shoulders. "I was hopin' it wouldn't come to this but…the other night Selphie was in Squall's room. And so was Squall."

Rinoa gasped, not believing her ears. She stomped up to the two men. "That," she slapped Squall, "is for seeing Selphie behind my back! And that," she slapped Irvine, "is for being a peeping tom!"

"Oh, come on! The window was wide open! What was I supposed to do, look away?"

"Yeah!" Squall jumped in, angry at being bitch-slapped. "And Selphie picked the lock—HEY! Wait a minute!" The commander's icy glare switched to focusing on Irvine. "She said you taught her how to pick locks! With hair clips, no less!" He moved in closer and looked the taller student straight in the eye. "Have you no HONOR!"

"Well," Irvine interrupted, "technically they're bobbie pins."

"So you admit it!" Squall exclaimed.

Zell gasped. "You dirty scoundrel! Teaching a girl how to pick locks! Fraternizing with the enemy!"

"Hey hey hey, exactly whose bright idea was it that women were the enemy?"

Squall thrust an accusing finger Irvine's direction. "Hey! He's changing the subject!" The gunblade specialist crossed his arms and turned to Rinoa. "I rest my case."

She nodded her head. "Guilty as charged."

The cowboy looked confused. "Wait, what the heck did I do? I thought we were mad at Selphie!"

"Don't you ever watch those stupid lawyer shows?" Squall demanded. "You were charged with, eh…" He scratched his head, and then remembered what Zell had been rambling on about. The commander pointed at Rinoa, the only girl around. "…fraternizing with the enemy!"

Zell pumped his fists in the air. "Exactly!"

"Wait, so now I'm the enemy?" Rinoa growled.

"Yeah, you're the enemy." Irvine chuckled.

Squall's eyes flashed, and his gunblade flew to Irvine's throat. "YOU WERE FRATERNIZING WITH RINOA!" he bellowed.

"Whoa there," the cowboy whimpered, "I think things are starting to get a little out of hand…"

Rinoa slapped Squall. "As IF I'd ever fraternize with that loser..." she thought.

Zell slapped Squall. "Yo! It's Slap Squall Day!"

Squall slapped Zell. "...Whatever."

Rinoa slapped Squall again. "Whatcha slappin' Zell for, foo?"

Squall just got really fed up with the repetitive sentence structure of the last couple minutes and slapped Rinoa. That... was not a good idea...

"URGH!" She screamed in frustration, "I HATE YOU ALL! You're so freakin' stupid! I hate you all so much that I wish a low-flying airplane chops off your heads and you have to get a fake head and that your brains are made of crap and it seeps out of your ears so that you leave a trail of crap wherever you go and your prosthetic eyeballs melt from the heat of the sun every time you go out during the day so you turn into vampires and you sit in a puddle of blood and everyone laughs at you and Dr. Kadowaki shoves a tampon up your ass!"

Zell had tears in his eyes. Why hadn't he just kept training? He whimpered, "You just... you just can't think of a good comeback for that..."

"Now get outta my sight before I go Angel Wing on all your asses!"

The bloody mustache was still on her face.

Author's Notes

Hah! You just don't mess with Rinoa... Anyway, please review, but please do not flame. At least not about my "hating" or "being mean to" any of the characters. I've already told you, I love 'em all, but if I treat them with the glory and honor they deserve, nothing funny would happen. So I slap 'em around a little bit, and when it's over, we all sit around the campfire and roast marshmallows like a big happy family. That is, until someone's hair catches on fire, then we all run around in circles casting water magic all over the place and causing a flash flood.

...and remember... only YOU can prevent forest fires!