Chapter Sixteen

Two weeks later, September was surprisingly warm for the time of the year, and children were running around outside and watching the new schoolhouse go up. School was to open within a week, but the problem was that a teacher hadn't been chosen yet. It seemed that nobody wanted to teach school children out in the middle of nowhere. Julianna didn't know it, but the townsfolk were eyeing her. She was sophisticated and a writer. That had to mean something good. Surely she was capable of educating twenty children a few hours a day.

Julianna hadn't decided when to leave Colorado Springs yet. She felt like her soul was taking root here. She loved the people, for the most part, and she had never felt so inspired before! She stayed out of Lydia's way, because she knew that Lydia was uncomfortable around her. Unfortunately, there was nothing anybody could do about that. Albert was kind to her, and he always asked her how she was doing when they passed each other on the street. See, Albert and Lydia were now the proud owners of a home at the end of town near the Martin's home.

Julianna was sipping her overly sweetened coffee as she sat at Grace's, and she heard Lydia and Albert speaking from two tables away.

"Oh, we had better go, darling. The stagecoach will be here any moment, and Andrew should be on it." Julianna nearly spit out her coffee. Andrew was here. Her heart was racing, and her blood was starting to pulse at her temples. Oh God.

"Hello Julianna," Michaela said, entering the café with Katie in her arms. Julianna smiled at the lady doctor.

"Michaela," she replied. "Hello little Miss." She grinned at Katie, and Katie stared at her for a moment before closing her eyes and going to sleep. Michaela grinned and kissed the top of Katie's bonneted head. "Would you like to sit?"

"No, no, I was just passing through. I have a patient to tend to."

"Your first patient? How exciting!" Michaela flushed.

"Well, not quite. Katie's not feeling well, so I'm taking her home. If you see Sully, would you let him know?"

"Of course. I hope she feels better." Michaela nodded. She started to step away, but she turned back to Julianna. "Was there something else?"

"The school is opening soon, and we don't have a teacher."

"Yes, I heard," Julianna replied, sipping the last bit of her coffee.

"How long were you planning to stay?"

"Not as long as I have," she admitted. "For a while, I was considering moving here and doing my writing from out here."
"Why don't you?" Michaela wondered. Julianna laughed a little and shook her head, her blonde hair falling into her face a little.

"I wouldn't want you put you out."

"It would be no trouble. As you can see, I haven't had any patients yet."

"Yet you sit in your office eight hours a day. I don't see how you do it, Michaela."

"I have this little lady to keep me company." She grinned at Katie. She sighed a little, however.

"It's not easy being new in town. I'm newer than you are."

"They really like you here. I'm sure you have the qualifications to become a teacher." Julianna's eyes went wide.

"I do, but a teacher is a permanent position, Michaela."

"It doesn't have to be. The town council is considering you, and they want to ask you. You're not supposed to know this yet, but I thought I would warn you." She laughed a little, and Julianna put her payment down on Grace's tablecloth.

"Thank you for telling me, Michaela. I'm sure I won't be here long enough to…"

"Just think about it," Michaela urged. "You said that you were thinking of moving here." Julianna sighed a little, too tired to argue. She hadn't slept well lately.

"I'll think about it. Thank you, Michaela." Michaela smiled and hurried off with Katie. Julianna was just turning to leave the café when she bumped into Abagail Martin, who doubled over for a moment. "Abagail! Are you all right?"

"I'm fine. Ya just startled me," she said, obviously out of breath.

"I could run after Michaela. You don't look well."

"I'm fine. I'm…I'm fine." Abagail straightened up, and Julianna noticed her clenching the sides of her skirt.

"If you're sure…"

"I am. Don't worry." Abagail gave her a smile, and she walked away. Tears began to stream down her face, and she fought off the pain. It hadn't come so much lately, but now it was worse than ever. She knew she needed a doctor, but she feared what the doctor would have to say.

"Andy!" Lydia exclaimed, practically jumping into her cousin's arms as he departed the stagecoach. The man, a good ten years older than her, pulled her into a happy embrace. "Oh, it's so good to see you!" He was starting to gray at the temples, but he looked so handsome, his glasses reflecting the sun into her eyes. She took his glasses off. "Let me look at you."

"Lyddie," he laughed, "I'm like your older brother. Stop acting like my mother." She kissed him upon the cheek.

"I'm sorry. I've missed you!" The townsfolk watched the sight, shaking their heads and grinning at Lydia with this visitor. Lydia just lit up when she saw her cousin. He had been her best friend as a child, and she had missed him so much! She tugged on his hand and led him away from the crowd, as Albert found Andrew's bags. Soon, they were all gathered on the porch of the clinic. "Andy, this is my husband Albert.. Albert, this is Andy. I've wanted you two to meet for so long. Andy's a doctor. Albert's a lawyer." Her face was flushed with excitement, as her husband and favorite cousin shook hands.

"I've heard so much about you, Dr. Strauss," Albert said humbly.

"Please. Call me Andrew. Only Lyddie has permission to call me Andy. She's called me that ever since she could beat me up when we were children." Lydia laughed and hugged her cousin again. "It's nice to meet you, Albert."

"Let's take your things to the house, and then we can show you around," Albert suggested. Andrew nodded in satisfaction, and he walked away with his cousin and her husband.

Julianna's jaw gaped open as she watched them walk away. He was Andrew Strauss. He was a doctor. He was from California. But he wasn't her Andrew Strauss. No, it couldn't be coincidental. Where was her Andrew Strauss?

Colleen and Brian huddled under a blanket in the back of the wagon. They were lost. They were in a dusty old town and parked beside a saloon. Each town seemed to get dustier and older as they moved further westward. This wasn't the way they went before with Charlotte, and they weren't quite sure how much ground they'd covered in the past two weeks. Where were they? When would get be reunited with their little sister?

Matthew seemed to get older as they moved further westward as well. His body was tired, and his eyes were full of wisdom as they moved from place to place, scraping for food. They loved their brother, yes, but they weren't sure he knew what he was doing anymore. He stopped by saloons in every town they came across, and he played cards for hours, as they listened to the music, sometimes in tune, float out with the cheap women and the drunken men.

"C'mon, Brian," Colleen said softly. "Let's go find some kids to play with. This might take a while." She took his hand, and they jumped out of the wagon. Not long after, Matthew walked out of the bar, five dollars richer but smelling of the cheap drinks and cigars that had been passed around.

The sun was bright, and he thought it was playing tricks on him, when he noticed that his little brother and sister were not in the wagon. He rushed over, nearly tripping over himself as he pulled the blanket out.

"Colleen! Brian!" He turned quickly, nearly running right into a young woman of about his age.

"Oh!" she exclaimed, her piercing blue eyes staring straight into his, her dark hair falling into her face for a moment.

"I'm sorry, Miss," he said softly. "I'm…"

"It's quite all right," she said, smoothing out her fancy dress. Matthew stepped back, taking in her features. She was small, thin and pale, porcelain white. Her eyes were the bluest he had ever seen, and her dark hair framed her rounded face like a portrait.

"Lissie! C'mon!" yelled a young man from a fancy, fringed carriage. "We'll be late!"

"I'm coming!" she called. "Tell Father I'll be just a moment, Andrew!" She turned back toward Matthew. "I'm very sorry. I wasn't watching where I was going."

"It was my fault. My brother and sister…have you seen them? A girl and a boy. The look like me." Lissie smiled and nodded.

"They ran past me," she said, her laughter like a symphony. She pointed, and Matthew's enchanted gaze followed.

"Thank you." He cleared his throat. "Ya don't look like you're from 'round here."

"I'm not," she replied. "We could be taking the train back to Boston, but Father insists on taking the scenic route for the next few days." Matthew chuckled a little. His eyes couldn't leave hers. She was stunning!

"Lissie! Come on!" the boy called again.

"My brother," she laughed. "It was nice meeting you, Mr…"

"Cooper."

"It was nice meeting you, Mr. Cooper," she said, extending his hand. He slowly took it, feeling her delicate hand in his. That hand was small, but it seemed to hold the power of the world in it. "I'm…"

"Come along!" another voice said impatiently. He stuck his head out of the carriage window. She sighed.

"I'll be right there, Joseph!" There was almost a sense of fear and irritation in her voice. She turned back to Matthew, her face flushing.

"Goodbye, Mr. Cooper." She turned and hurried back toward the carriage. He watched her run off, and he couldn't help but feel that he would see her again someday. Someday.

"Goodbye…" The carriage pulled away, throwing up dust behind its path. Matthew watched until it disappeared from sight, and he realized that he needed to find Colleen and Brian. So, he took off in the direction the beautiful young woman had gone in. He didn't even know her name. Lissie. Surely that wasn't it. He sighed heavily. No. He'd never see her again. He couldn't be that lucky.

The demon is gone from my thoughts, and I am completely in control. I feel more alive than I have in years. I want to make up for it all. I know I can never pay enough for what I did to Michaela. My mind hurts sometimes, and my heart has been broken a million times over. I don't think I ever learned to love, because the people who brought me into this life showed me a world of only pain, terror and suffering. I wanted to love, but they showed me the kind of love that only comes in nightmares. They touched me in ways that make me shudder with disgust. And they called themselves my mother and father. I can't remember a happy moment except for the day they stopped breathing by my hands. They were monsters, and my fate was already decided before I was born. I would live and breathe the sin they committed, and I would follow in their footsteps to bring harm to everyone pure and good in my life. I have a child growing now. I'd never hurt him, but a part of me wants to just to make them proud. Why should I make them proud when they did nothing but hurt me? Lydia will raise him right, and if she's sane, she'll keep him far from me, no matter what lengths I go to in order to get to him. I can't promise I won't kill her. I can't promise I won't tear away the clothes that cover her body and have my way with her without consent. I can't promise that I won't try to hurt Michaela again, and I can't promise that Julianna will want me after what my body wants to do to hers. But, I want to be good. I want to be loved, but nobody can love me. Andrew is gone from my mind now. If he comes back, I'll kill him. If I ever see him again, I'll kill him. He'll hurt them worse than I could by telling them the truth about me. He saw me when I started to lose my grip. He tried to save me, but I was beyond saving. Maybe I can save myself. Maybe I'll end up buried in the cold, hard ground before I make it to Colorado Springs. I'm not ready to go yet. I'm ready, but I can't. It's not time. My broken heart will tell me when. It will carry me away.

He closed his book, and he gripped it tightly. He was running out of pages. Someday he would have to start on a fresh first page and a new set of damning thoughts and words. He walked toward the mirror that had been replaced in his room, and he stared at himself, studying his bad eye. The patch was gone, and though he knew he should purchase another one, he didn't want to. He had been passed by the authorities, who were probably on alert to look for him, and they hadn't recognized him as a potential escapee from an asylum. He had shaved, and he looked much different that the prisoner who had escaped. He couldn't remember how long he'd been free from that cell, and he couldn't remember the last time he felt free. Right now, he still felt confined to his dark world and thoughts. Nobody could understand him except for…for her. She didn't know him, but she understood that he was troubled. He could see it in her eyes.

"Julianna," he said quietly, seeing her face clearly as he closed his eyes. He pictured her there with him, telling him he wasn't evil. She made him feel right and guilty at the same time. It drove him insane, but it gave him a rush that he hadn't felt in so long. Then, Michaela's beautiful smile flashed through his memories, stirring things he hadn't felt since they had courted. He had foolishly let her get away. It was his fault, and now she was with Sully. She was happy. It killed him to think that Sully could hold her and kiss her and make her smile. Those were things David wanted to do. He'd had the chance once, but he had taken what they had had together for granted. He didn't want to risk his heart anymore. It was too big of a chance to take. He didn't want to give up on love, but he wasn't sure it even existed anymore.

"There now, sweetheart," Michaela crooned as she pulled the blanket over Katie. "You're fed, changed and ready to sleep." She smiled as Katie kicked her feet and reached up and out. Michaela grinned and kissed her baby's fingers. "Sleep well, my darling." She slowly left the room and walked downstairs to start fixing lunch. A knock to the door surprised her, and she walked over to find Jake Slicker standing on the other side. He removed his hat.

"Afternoon Dr. Mike," he said quietly, getting used to the nickname that the town had adopted for her.

"Good afternoon, Mr. Slicker. What brings you here?"

"Got a sick patient in town. I did the best I could for 'im, but he's hurtin' real bad. I think it's his heart." Michaela sighed heavily and looked toward the stairs. She knew she couldn't leave and take Katie back into town, but she couldn't ignore a medical crisis.

"I…" She hurried over to grab her medical bag. "Just give me a moment." She gathered as many things as she thought she might need.

"It's Jeb Anderson, by the way." Michaela looked up.

"Martin's father?"

"Yeah. He ain't been doin' too good the past few years." Just then, Sully walked through the back door. She breathed a sigh of relief.

"Michaela?"

"In the kitchen!" she called. Jake stood in the doorway and watched as Sully came to greet his wife with a kiss. He grimaced at their affection toward one another, and Sully looked toward Jake, finally noticing his presence. "Sully, there's an emergency. I have to go into town. I've fed and changed Katie. She's sleeping upstairs."

"Michaela, I…"

"Please, Sully. This is important," she said quickly. He sighed heavily, knowing she was certainly needed.

"I'll be here when ya get back."

"Thank you." Michaela hurried outside with Jake and shut the door behind herself. Sully moved toward the window and watched Jake help her into the wagon, and as the wagon rattled away, he let out a heavy sigh. He had promised Cloud Dancing that he would help him at the Reservation, so he hoped his brother would understand. Michaela's job was important yes, but they were going to have to find a way to work their schedules around caring for Katie. His daughter was most important, yes, but there were some things he knew might come up that dropping everything may be difficult to do.

Katie began to fuss upstairs, and Sully hurried up the stairs to tend to her. He burst into the room to find her screaming, her little face turning red. He picked her up into his arms, and he felt her forehead.

"You're burnin' up," he breathed, his heart leaping into his throat. "Wish your ma was here." He kissed her forehead. "It's gonna be all right. Papa's gonna take real good care of ya. Don't worry. Mama will be back soon." He carried her downstairs and began to work to bring her fever down, hoping he was doing it the right way.

"I'm very sorry Martin," Michaela whispered, coming out of the clinic. "He had a very weak heart, and I…" Martin pulled Abagail close, and Michaela noticed her wince in pain. "I'm very sorry." Martin nodded sadly, his emotions showing in his face, but he didn't want to cry in front of his wife.

"Can I see him?" he asked.

"Of course you can," Michaela breathed, feeling disappointed in herself for not being able to save Jeb. She knew it wasn't her fault, but it still made her own heart ache. She gently squeezed Martin's shoulder, and he started for the door.

"I'll be here if you need me," Abagail called after him. He went inside, closing the door. The crowd that had gathered began to break apart, and Michaela looked at Abagail.

"Abagail? What's wrong?"

"Well, my husband's pa just died," Abagail said quickly.

"You know what I mean. You looked as if you were in pain. Has he…"

"No!" she exclaimed. "I'm fine."
"Abagail, I'm a doctor. If there's something wrong…"

"It's nothing."

"So there is something?"

"It's really not that bad," Abagail said softly. Michaela frowned.

"Would you like to come inside?" Abagail pondered this for a moment but finally nodded, and she slowly followed Michaela into the clinic. The door to the upstairs was open, and she knew that Martin was up there. So, she shut it and pulled out the divider to block the exam table from view. "Is it a female problem?"

"I…I don't know. I mean, I thought it was my monthly, but the bleedin' got so bad. But, it's been fine for a couple weeks. Now it's startin' to hurt and bleed again." Michaela couldn't help but frown.

"Just lay back, Abagail. I'm sure everything's going to be fine." At that moment, Abagail clutched her stomach and doubled over in pain, an agonizing scream escaping her lips. It was then that Michaela saw the blood, and Abagail passed out onto the table.