Chapter Nineteen

"Come on, boy," Julianna urged, her body growing tired from riding so much. She had slowed the horse considerably, and they were at least four miles out of town, maybe more. She had never traveled this far away from Colorado Springs since she'd arrived, and though she knew she could just turn around and take the path right back, she was beginning to feel uneasy. "Let's go another mile, and then we'll double back." The horse whinnied in compliance, and Julianna pulled her shawl tighter around her shoulders.

For ten minutes, she rode in silence, taking in the sights around her, feeling the urge to write her thoughts down in her journal. It wasn't until the horse rounded a bend that she heard another horse whinny. She pulled back on her horse's reins.

"Shh, boy," she breathed, seeing her breath fog in the air. It was growing colder, and she knew she needed to turn back before the dark clouds overhead split open and poured fresh rain onto the ground. Where was the sun? It had been here before. It was quickly dying into the afternoon sky, behind the thick, ominous clouds that threatened to conceal it forever. She knew better than to call out, but she couldn't help herself. "Hello?" She slowly dismounted, cursing under her breath. Her feet landed firmly on the dirt path, and she looked around, searching for any sign of her stranger.

The wind began to pick up, and the thunder rumbled furiously. She gasped as the horse reared and bucked, whinnying and thrashing his head up and down. She grabbed the reins, trying to get the animal under control, but he was too much. He pulled back again, turning toward town, and she found herself falling, falling, and everything went dark. The last thing she heard before she lost the battle to stay conscious was the sound of the horse clamoring back toward town as the thunder rumbled in the near distance.

Katie cried, and Michaela watched as Colleen consoled her. They were seated around a large table in the back room of the clinic. Matthew hadn't eaten much of his lunch, but Colleen and Brian had. Michaela's appetite hadn't come back yet, and Sully was slowly sipping his coffee, keeping his eye on young Matthew. He felt bad for the boy. He knew he was lost, and he only wanted the comfort of the family he used to have. It had broken apart in less than a year, and he was having trouble facing reality.

"It's gonna be hard to say goodbye," Colleen said softly, as she pressed her lips to Katie's forehead. Michaela looked at Sully, and then she glanced at the young girl.

"Perhaps you don't have to." Matthew looked over, but he remained quiet.

"Whaddya mean?" Brian wondered.

"You could stay in Colorado Springs and be near your sister. You could play with her every day. You could visit and be a part of her life." Brian and Colleen's eyes widened at the idea.

"Ya'd really let us?" Colleen asked.

"Why not? She's your sister," Sully said with a smile. "Sure would be nice to have somebody 'round to remind her of the ma she had 'fore she came to us." Colleen and Brian looked at Matthew.

"Can we, Matthew?" Matthew cleared his throat, and he tried to hide the fact that tears were ebbing in his solemn eyes.

"We ain't got no place else to go," he replied. "We'll stay here in town. There's a hotel?"

"Not exactly," Michaela replied, "but there are plenty of rooms above this clinic." She looked at Sully, and he nodded, squeezing her hand.

"Or, if ya wanna be near Katie, ya can stay at our place." This was feeling way too much like family to Matthew, and these were not his parents.

"We'll stay in town. Thank ya. I'll find a way to pay ya."

"It's not necessary."

"I'll pay ya back. Soon as I get a job and get us a place of our own, I'm gonna pay ya back."

"Matthew…" Michaela said quietly.

"I'm gonna pay ya back!" Matthew said quickly. "Ma always taught us never to take without givin', so I ain't gonna start now. I'll re-pay ya just as soon as I can." Sully knew that Matthew was trying to be adult about it, and he nodded his head.

"You'll pay us back when ya can."

"Where can I find work 'round here?"

"What can ya do?"

"He helped Pa on the farm," Brian chimed in. "Didn't ya, Matthew?"

"That's right. I helped on our farm, and I worked with cattle at a couple farms 'round us."

"Well, Loren Bray's sister owns a ranch outside of town. She ain't around now, but I'm sure Loren could get ya workin' out there tendin' to the cattle. It ain't much, but it's a start."

"Where can I find Mr. Bray?"

"The general store across town," Michaela replied, reaching over and taking Katie into her arms. "It's time for her bottle." Matthew stood up and started for the door.

"It's gonna storm, Matthew," Colleen called. Matthew didn't listen, and he walked outside, shutting the door firmly behind himself.

"Is Matthew mad at us?" Brian asked. Sully shook his head.

"He's not mad at either of ya, Brian. He's just upset 'cause of the way things are changin'."

"He don't want ya to adopt Katie."

"That ain't his choice to make, but it'd be nice to have Katie's brothers' and sister's blessin's.

"Ya have mine," Colleen said softly. "You're both real good with her. I just don't want her to forget our real ma."

"She won't," Michaela promised, holding Katie close as she began to feed her. The rain began to pour outside, and Dr. Strauss, Albert and Lydia came rushing in.

"It's getting cold out there," Lydia said with a soft laugh and a shudder. She shook her head, and she noticed the children. "You two look awfully familiar."

"This is Colleen and Brian. They were at the Denver hospital, remember?" Michaela asked. "Katie is their sister."

"Oh! Hello children. I'm Lydia."

"Hi Lydia," Brian and Colleen said softly. Albert nodded toward them.

"Julianna with ya?" Sully asked.

"No, why?" Albert asked as Lydia removed her bonnet and shawl.

"She was out ridin'. Said she was goin' out to the Miller house, but I figured she'd be back by now." Michaela's eyes grew concerned.

"I hope she didn't get caught in the storm…" At that moment, Robert E. burst in, startling everyone and causing Katie to cry.

"That horse Julianna borrowed earlier…it came back. She ain't on it though." Sully stood quickly. "She ain't been here long, and I know we ain't had a storm this bad since she got here." Sully looked at Michaela, seeing the concern in her eyes.

"I'll go look for her."

"I don't know how much help I'll be, but I'll come too," Andrew offered. Sully nodded his thanks.

"I'm coming with you," Albert announced. He turned to Lydia, seeing the tension in her face as her posture grew rigid. "I have to Lydia. She's…we have a past, and…I still consider her…"

"You don't have to explain," Lydia whispered, kissing his cheek. "Go on. Be careful." Albert pulled her into a lingering kiss before heading out the door. Sully pulled Michaela close, embracing her, kissing her and then kissing baby Katie.

"I'll be back soon."

"Be careful. Hurry back," Michaela replied, her voice tinted with concern. The men left, and the sound of the clock ticking underneath the thunder was all that could be heard until Katie began to fuss again.

"I should put her down for a nap."

"I'll take her up," Lydia offered. "I'm going to check on Abagail anyway and lie down for a while." Michaela nodded.

"Thank you." She handed the baby to Lydia and sat down at the table across from Brian and Colleen. Nobody spoke, nobody moved, and Katie continued to cry upstairs, no doubt disturbing poor Abagail who couldn't even have children. Tears were apparent in Michaela's eyes, and her hand absent-mindedly wandered to her stomach. Colleen noticed this, but Brian didn't seem to, and he moved toward a window.

"Sure is rainin' hard," he announced. The thunder clapped hard in the sky, and a lightning bolt tore through the sky like a thousand knives. Brian jumped, and Michaela stood and moved toward him.

"Come sit down," she said softly.

"Matthew's out there," Brian said softly.

"I'm sure he's waiting out the storm at the store. Don't worry, Brian. Everything's going to be all right." He looked up at her.

"Promise?" he asked. Michaela hesitated, but she couldn't resist his sweet face.

"I promise." Then, he wrapped his arms around her waist and buried his face in the side of her skirt as he'd done back in Denver. She looked at Colleen and gently caressed the soft feather-like hair upon the boy's head. She knelt down to him and wrapped her arms around him. "Don't worry. You're safe here. Everyone's safe." Brian nodded, and Michaela brushed a tear off of his cheek, as Colleen smiled gratefully at the lady doctor.

Julianna moaned as she opened her eyes. She was surprisingly warm, but she was laying on something hard. It wasn't a bed. Where was she? As she looked around, she noticed that she was surrounded by thick, stone walls, and the heat was coming from a simple fire. She gasped, sitting up, the pain in her head starting to go away. As she peered across the flames, she saw him.

"How's your head?" He moved over by her side, and she scooted back a little. He placed his hands on her cheeks, and she thought for sure he was going to try to kiss her. She was frozen. She couldn't think. "Your pupils look normal. I couldn't wake you for a while. I was worried." Who was this man? All of the sudden he was concerned.

"Don't worry about me. You obviously didn't earlier."

"I'm sorry if I frightened you."

"You didn't frighten me," she replied, moving closer to the flames to warm her hands. "What the hell were you thinking?" He raised an eyebrow in surprise. A woman had never talked to him like that before. "Who are you?"

"You don't want to know," he replied.

"I wouldn't have bothered asking or chasing after you if I didn't want to know. You owe me an honest answer." David was silent. He handed her a cup of something.

"Drink this. It'll make the pain go away." Julianna threw the liquid into the flames. David wasn't surprised at all.

"You think I'll trust you?"

"I'm a doctor."

"From California?"

"From Boston," he replied. "If I told you my name, they'd find me."

"Who?" David drew away, but she touched his arm. "WHO?"

"If I told you, you wouldn't trust me."

"Then there's nothing to lose. Tell me." David looked into the flames, the white of his blind eye shimmering.

"David," he whispered.

"What?"

"David. My name. Dr. David Lewis." Lydia thought for a moment.

"I've heard that name before. I…" Her eyes went wide. "They put you in a sanitarium. You were in prison…" David shuddered at the memory, and he pulled up his sleeves to reveal the scars from the manacles. Her voice was almost inaudible "What did you do?"

"You don't want to know. It wasn't me. I…it was me, but I wasn't myself. You see…" Julianna shivered, her rain-soaked clothes suddenly chilling her to the bone despite the heat from the fire. But, she wasn't afraid now.

"I believe you." He looked at her. Nobody had ever said that to him before.

"What I did…was unforgivable. I was mad with…grief…with anger…with confusion. I see clearly now. I know what I want. I know how to get it, but it takes time. It takes pain. It takes suffering."

"What do you want?"

"I thought…I thought…" He rested his head in his hands, and Lydia eyed him. The more she sat here, the more the scent of her hair wafted over the flames and up into his nostrils, the more he wanted her. Did he want Michaela anymore? Yes. But he couldn't have her. He remembered now. He wanted someone else. But, he had to make Michaela see him first. He had to prove that he was changed. Maybe then she would forgive him. Maybe then she would…

"David?"

"It was so clear until…until…" His head hurt again, and he fought it off. It was rising. Andrew was coming back, and he couldn't let him. He had to be himself with Julianna. He knew it. He felt it. "NO!" Julianna's eyes widened, and she scrambled to her feet. Moving toward the entrance. David held onto the thread of sanity he held dear to him, and he rushed to block her path. "No! You can't…"

"I need to get back to town! You're not well…"

"You can't go back. You can't go back unless you swear to God you won't tell them! If you tell them, they'll put me away before I can make up for it all. You can't breathe my name. You can't mention me at all."

"David…"

"Swear it! If you don't, I'll have no choice. I'll have no choice!" He was shaking, and she knew he was insanely serious. Julianna swallowed hard, and David fell to his knees. She saw the trembling little boy inside of him, hiding in the dark corner; hiding from the demons. He was whimpering and snotting at the nose. She felt so bad for him. God, she wanted to make it all go away for him. "Swear it! Swear to God you won't say a word." Julianna swallowed hard, her eyes looking down into his scared, crying ones. Did she have a choice? Did she want to take that chance?

"I swear," she whispered. She knelt down next to him. "Whatever you've done, you want to make amends for it, don't you?" He was silent, but the way he slumped down onto the floor of the cave told her that yes, he wanted to do something to make amends for the demons that tore at his soul. "I won't say anything. But you must promise me two things." David looked at her in surprise.

"P…promise you?"

"Don't hurt anyone." David swallowed hard.

"Nobody can promise that. What else?" Julianna stared for a long moment, trying to tell herself that this was right.

"Let me write about you. It won't be your name, but it'll be you. Let me write about you for my novel."

"Why?"

"Because, you're the man I've been writing all along," she whispered. David scooted near the fire, and he reminded her very much of a child then. Thunder shattered the silence, and Julianna walked away. She turned back toward David. "All of this time, I thought he wasn't real. I thought I was writing a man my own mind had created, but I realize now, that I've been writing you." She wrung her hands on her damp skirt, and she moved toward the entrance of the cave, not looking back at him. He hadn't turned to look at her either, but his mind focused on her voice. He closed his eyes, seeing her. Seeing her clearly. "Stay here. It's safe and dry." As she moved out into the dissipating rain, her heart broke a little. Something was clearly wrong with him, and whatever he had done was something he wanted to make up for. He was the man in her book. Whether or not he'd come to life from her imagination wasn't important. What mattered was that he had been so desperate to make her swear not to let anyone know about him. God…what could he have done that was so terrible? She couldn't find out. She had to wait. She had to wait and try to trust that he would tell her. Somehow, her heart told her he would.

Matthew was still at the store making arrangements with Mr. Bray. Michaela looked out the window every few minutes, and it seemed as if a deal was being made. Colleen and Brian were resting upstairs, as was an exhausted Lydia, who didn't feel like walking home in the rain. The rain had stopped a while ago, but it threatened to pour again at any moment. She had nothing to keep herself occupied with, because even little Katie was still napping, as well as Martin, who slept near his recovering wife.

Michaela sighed, looking at the clock. It was nearly suppertime. Her appetite was coming back slowly, but she didn't feel like she could possibly eat anything. The thunder started up again, and she could hear the rain began to pour down. She sighed and shook her head. She paced the floor, waiting…waiting. Each noise made her jump, hoping Sully was back, but he wasn't. She wished she were home in front of a roaring fire, reading as she lay in her husband's arms. Right now, she was cold, and every few minutes, she would stir the ashes in the stove.

The room grew darker as the clouds grew thicker in the afternoon sky. She hoped they would return soon, though she knew that a search could take a long time. God, she hoped that Julianna was all right. Being stuck out in the rain at a time like this wouldn't be easy, and she hoped the woman had enough sense to find shelter.

Finally, the door opened, and Albert rushed in with Julianna in his arms. Michaela rushed to the door as Dr. Strauss, Robert E. and Sully piled in behind him. A curious Grace hurried in, taking leave of the café during the storm.

"What happened!" They were all soaked to the bone, and Julianna's face was almost as pale as the fresh linens in Michaela's cabinets.

"Found her on the road. Looked like she'd been walkin' a ways. Found her a few miles outside town," Robert E. explained. Michaela swallowed hard and immediately took action.

"Take Julianna upstairs. Grace?" Grace looked at Michaela, eager to help out. "Would you put Julianna into something warm and dry? There are gowns in the drawers upstairs."

"Sure," Grace replied, following Albert up the stairs.

"Robert E., I need you to bring up some warm water."

"I'll get to it." Michaela turned to Sully.

"Are you all right?"

"I'm fine. Go help Julianna," Sully replied softly, kissing his wife's forehead. "I'll look after Katie and the kids."

"Thank you." Michaela looked at Andrew.

"Would you like to assist me?"

"It'd be my pleasure." They hurried up to take care of their patient, hoping that she hadn't been caught out there for too long.

By midnight, everyone had either gone home or was resting. Lydia, Albert and Dr. Strauss had left, Julianna was resting comfortably with no signs of illness yet. They had questioned her about the bump on her head, but she had assured them she'd fallen while trying to maintain control of the horse. She had been convincing enough. The Cooper children, including an exhausted Matthew had taken a room together, while young Katie slept in another room, where Sully waited for Michaela.

She was turning down the lamps and locking up downstairs for the night. She was exhausted from standing on her feet all day, and she was ready to curl up in a warm bed with her husband.

The rain was still pouring down outside, but it was no longer worrisome. Everyone Michaela knew and cared about was safe, and she could rest easy knowing that. So, once she had put out the lamps and secured the downstairs, she started up the stairs, feeling her body giving in to exhaustion. She smiled when she opened the door a little and entered the room, seeing Sully sitting up in bed with Katie sleeping in his arms. He didn't see her, however, and he moved across the room to place the baby in her crib. He said something in Cheyenne that Michaela recognized as "I love you," and he turned down one lamp, removing his shirt and placing it over a rocking chair. She smiled, leaning against the doorframe, watching him remove the rest of his clothing. Sully preferred sleeping bare, and she figured that once winter came, he would quickly change his mind. She couldn't complain at the moment though!

Sully heard her stir, and he jumped in shock. Michaela grinned, her cheeks flushing slightly.

"Michaela! I thought you was…what if it wasn't you?" She stepped in and closed the door behind herself, slowly turning the lock.

"My, that would have been embarrassing," she replied. Sully's heartbeat began to return to normal. "Don't worry. Everybody's rooms are dark. It's quiet enough to hear a pin drop." Suddenly, she didn't feel tired any longer.

"Michaela Quinn? What's gotten into you?"

"Mmmm," she thought for a moment. "Tonight I prefer to be Mrs. Sully." He sensed a slight purr in her low voice, and it sent shivers down his spine.

"Ya feelin' okay?"

"I'm fine. It's been a long day," she replied, moving across the room and sitting on the edge of the bed to remove her shoes. He watched her, and after she'd slid her shoes and stockings off, she stood again.

"Ya think the kids are okay?"

"They've had a rough time," she said softly. "Matthew got a job working at the ranch. I think so, anyway. He hasn't spoken much to me."

"Me either," Sully replied. He shook his head. "I can't blame 'im for bein' angry, ya know? He's mad at the world now, and he's got every right to be. But those kids need him. He's just gotta make himself see that he can't do it by himself."

"They need a lot of things," Michaela replied quietly. She began to remove her blouse, but Sully moved toward her, doing it for her. All thoughts of the bad things were gone, and her eyes gleamed as they looked into his. "I'm perfectly capable of doing this, Mr. Sully." He sensed the playful tone again. He always enjoyed it when Michaela was like this. She was still shy and hesitant in this manner, but her eyes and her body told him what she wanted and needed.

"Yeah, but I want to." Michaela let him remove her blouse, leaving her in her camisole and skirt.

"Would you hand me my gown, please?" she asked him, almost thankful they had left some extra clothes at the clinic for these 'just in case' emergencies. But, her eyes were daring his. They both had something else in mind on this night.

"Don't think you'll need it tonight, Mrs. Sully."

"But it's cold."

"I'll keep ya warm," he replied teasingly, nipping at her earlobe. Michaela flushed again, feeling his lips on her bare shoulder, as he slipped her camisole off of her. She closed her eyes, reveling in the feel of his body pressed against hers. Clothes continued to be discarded, and they moved toward the bed.

"You're right. I am warm," she said softly, tugging the blankets around them both.

"C'mere," he replied with a deep chuckle, pulling her close. "I'll show ya warm." Michaela's giggles echoed throughout the room, but they soon shattered into silence, and the night was theirs.