Chapter Twenty
A month later, it was early November, and a fresh coating of snow was blanketing the ground. Julianna was just closing school for the day to give the country kids time to get home before dark. Colleen and Brian were about to start toward the clinic, where they knew a fresh basket of Grace's finest cooking would be waiting for them. They knew Matthew wouldn't be there until sundown, because he worked at the ranch, trying to get the livestock ready. They were going to be taken south in a few weeks, and little did anyone know that Matthew had been offered a job. He was sixteen now, and the ranchers knew he was good with a horse and roping a steer.
Julianna was wiping off the black board, as the children filed out of the little schoolhouse. She heard the church bell across the meadow chime two, and she quickly moved to pull on her coat. She was going to be late for her session with David. She had been going to the cave once a week to visit David, and he had been keeping himself warm and busy at the cave. She wasn't sure she wanted to know what he did to pass the time there, but the only thing he could tell her was that he was waiting for the right time. Whatever that meant.
She sighed and moved outside, locking up the schoolhouse. She moved around back and found the horse she had purchased from Robert E. Oddly enough, it had been the same horse she'd run off on the day she chased after David. She had named him Royal, simply because he walked with his head held high, like he was better than the other horses. He was dark brown, almost black with a white streak down the front of his face.
Royal marched through town, holding his head high and letting out a pompous snort. Julianna chuckled and patted his side as she rode. She stopped at the livery and walked the rest of the way to the café. A picnic basket was waiting for her.
"It's all ready for ya, Julianna," Grace said with a smile. "That sure is a lot of food for one person."
"What can I say?" Julianna asked with a mild chuckle. "This is the best cooking I've ever had." Grace laughed and thanked Julianna, and Julianna turned, hurrying back toward Royal. Robert E. held her picnic basket and handed it to her once she was securely in Royal's saddle. She thanked him and started off.
"Be careful," he called after her.
"I always am!" she shouted back. She was feeling just fine, having suffered no illness after her fall during the storm a month before. She'd been asked a hundred questions, but she had kept a cool head and explained that she'd fallen, and she had taken cover, but when she headed out again, she'd gotten caught in the rain, and she'd lost consciousness, because of the bump on her head. Nobody knew about David. That's the way he wanted it, and that's the way she promised for it to remain. She had been learning a lot about him. Nothing about his past, but she knew a lot what went on in his head. She knew that one moment he was sure of what he was doing, and the next, everything was turned around. She knew about the other personalities who tried to surface, and it was obvious that this man had been in a sanitarium for a reason. But what had he done that had been so terrible that he would have such ugly scars from those manacles? She wanted so badly to find out, but she couldn't say his name without breaking a promise to him.
"Hey Dr. Mike!" Brian exclaimed, rushing into the clinic.
"Hey Dr. Mike," Colleen said tiredly, putting her books down on Michaela's desk.
"How was school?"
"Good," Colleen said, her eyes brighter than the snow in sunlight. "Miss Garavaldi told us 'bout New York today, and we gotta write an essay 'bout what we learned."
"I ain't good at spellin' yet," Brian said softly. "Ma taught me the letters, but I ain't real good with 'em yet." He looked down, and Michaela gently knelt down beside him.
"I'll help you. Would you like that?" Brian's eyes lit up, and he nodded.
"Yeah!" Michaela grinned and stood, smoothing out her skirt. Her belly was showing a lot now. She couldn't believe how fast time was flying. In the matter of four months, she was going to be giving birth to her little one. This child meant so much to her, and she couldn't wait to hold him in her arms. The children knew about the baby, and Brian often cried at night, asking what would happen to Katie if the same thing happened to Michaela when she had her baby. Of course, neither Colleen nor Matthew told anyone about this, because they didn't want to frighten or worry Michaela.
The door opened, and Albert came in with Sully. Sully was holding a basket from Grace's.
"Sorry we're late," he chuckled. "Robert E. had to fix my tomahawk." He glanced at Albert.
"Don't look at me. You're the one who told me I could throw it," Albert replied. "You're lucky Widow Johnson didn't see that it almost hit her wagon!" Sully moved over to greet his wife, and he pulled his arm around her shoulders, pulling her in, kissing her lips and softly rubbing her belly.
"How ya feelin'?"
"Wonderful," she replied. "Not ill at the moment, so it's a perfect time to eat." Sully laughed.
"We best hurry then." He was right. The nausea came and went, and sometimes it was unexpected. Michaela took the picnic basket.
"I'll have Colleen help me set out the plates. Where's Lydia?"
"She's not back yet?" Albert asked. "She was going to sit with Widow Perkins and read to her for a while. I expected her to be back by now." He looked at the clock. Michaela smiled a little.
"I wouldn't be concerned," she replied. "Pregnant women move slower sometimes, and she may have just lost track of the time." Albert didn't look convinced.
"Her due date is so soon." Michaela frowned a little, placing her hand on her stomach.
"If ya want, I can go look for her," Sully offered. Albert swallowed hard. Suddenly, a thought crossed his mind.
"That's right. She was supposed to visit Widow Nichols afterward." He sighed heavily. "My thoughts must be all over the place."
"You're about to become a pa, Albert. I think it's normal," Sully chuckled. Albert's face flushed. Everyone went about doing what they needed to, and before too long, they were sitting down to a late lunch.
"Matthew won't be here 'til late," Brian said. "He's been workin' real hard at the ranch."
"I've noticed," Sully replied. "He's doin' a real good job."
"Now that he's sixteen, maybe he can get better jobs," Brian said. "That's what Matthew said anyway. Wonder what else he could do?"
"He's a hard worker," Sully said quietly. The truth was that Matthew was an extremely hard worker. He did his share, got paid fairly, and he came back to town at the end of the night to stay at the clinic with his brother and sister. They were never alone, however, because Julianna almost always retired to her own room before Michaela and Sully headed home for the night. But, Matthew had already started to pay Michaela and Sully back for their hospitality, though Michaela was putting the money toward Colleen and Brian's school necessities anyway.
Michaela reached across the table for the pitcher of water, and when she did, she felt a distinct jolt from the inside.
"Oh!" she exclaimed, stopping in mid-reach and placing her hands on her stomach. Everyone leaned forward and toward her.
"Michaela!" Sully asked. Michaela's face grew bright with a smile.
"Give me your hand," she whispered, tears in her eyes. Sully quickly complied, and Michaela placed it over the area that she felt a kick in.
"I don't feel nothin'," Sully said quietly.
"Just wait." Everything was quiet as if everyone was waiting for a sound. A tiny thump to Michaela's belly came again, and Sully felt it. His eyes brightened, and he laughed with Michaela, reveling in the feel of their child kicking for the first time. Michaela had felt flutters before, but this was the first strong kick she'd felt.
"What is it? What is it?" Colleen asked
"The baby's kicking," Michaela said with excitement dripping from her voice.
"Oh, can I feel!" Brian asked.
"Of course. Come give me your hand." Brian rushed over, and Sully moved away so the boy could feel.
"Hey! That's just like Katie when she kicked in Ma's tummy." Colleen moved toward Michaela, and Brian pulled his hand away. Michaela looked up at the girl, and she smiled.
"Would you like to fee it?" Colleen thought for a moment. Would her mother mind? Would Charlotte feel abandoned? She knew Charlotte loved her more than anything. Finally, she nodded and placed her hand on Michaela's tummy. Her eyes widened at the feel of the kick against her palm.
"Wow," she whispered. "Baby's strong."
"Yes he is," Michaela grinned. She felt Sully's hand grab hers and give it a squeeze. "Very strong." They continued with their meal, never noticing the dark figure standing outside of the window, watching them eat and smile and laugh together. Nobody noticed the way his eyes grew darker with each passing moment, picturing himself sitting next to her, holding her hand, touching her pregnant belly. That was supposed to be his baby, he thought. Where was Lydia? She wasn't with Albert. Where was she with his child? He'd see them all again soon, and someday, they would see him too.
Abagail made her way across town, tears in her eyes as she fled from the general store. This wasn't the first time this had happened. It was all in her head, and she knew it, but the way she felt when people looked at her made her feel about as big as an ant on the side of a mountain. She hated feeling like this. Her heart would break every time she heard a baby laugh or a child cry. She would never get to experience the joy of holding and comforting a child of her very own. She would never get to experience the pain of childbirth or the blessing of motherhood.
She broke down into sobs when she reached the comfort of the inside of her home. She shut the door and leaned against it, feeling so many emotions at once. And Martin, poor Martin had married her, and now he would never get to have the children that she knew he wanted desperately. She would never get to see his son, the spitting image of his father or their daughter with eyes like her mama's and hair just as beautiful.
The physical pain wasn't so bad, but her heart ached so much that it seemed like it was. She held it back, and she opened up her shawl, digging into a pocket she had secretly sewn in. She pulled out a bottle of something her pa had told her was for grown up men a long time ago. Men. She knew people were given whiskey for pain sometimes. What kind of pain was worse that than what she was going through? Men didn't have to feel this way.
She opened the cap and took a small swig. She sputtered, coughed and it burned her nostrils. Perhaps that was her punishment for stealing it from her father's shop. He had to understand. They all had to understand. Michaela couldn't understand, because she had little Katie. She hadn't given birth to her, but she was a mother nonetheless. She was pregnant too, and in a few months, she would have two little ones, but Abagail would still have none. She'd be alone. Martin was there of course, but there was a part of her heart that was empty, and Martin couldn't fill it no matter how hard he tried.
"Abby?" came a voice. It was Loren. She couldn't let him see her like this.
"I'm not feelin' well, Papa," she replied, trying to suppress her sobs.
"Why'd ya leave like that?"
"I'm gonna lie down," she replied.
"Want me to get Dr. Mike?"
"No. I'm fine," she replied. Finally, he went away, and Abagail retired upstairs to her bed. Dr. Mike had been wonderful, and Dr. Strauss had been as well, before he left to go back to California. He had been called back for a meeting. But, Michaela's business had soared. After she had saved Abagail's life, more people began to go to her, and now she actually had appointments scheduled. She wasn't as busy as she would be in a few years, but she had a steady flow of patients. It was that time of the year, anyway.
She placed her hand on her stomach, closing her eyes and seeing all of the children she could have had. A little girl with hair as dark as the night and eyes as blue as the day would have been named Elizabeth. A little boy with hair like his father's and eyes like his grandpa's would have been named Thomas. Another little girl would have probably followed, and her name would have been Sarah.
She began to cry again, and she noticed a picture on her bedside table. She took it into her hands and held it close to her heart. It was a family portrait. Maude and Loren looked so young, and Abagail had been a young girl of five. Then there was the boy sitting on his father's knee. James had only lived to his second birthday. She missed him. She missed being the big sister, and she smiled, remembering being so young and pretending to be his mother when Maude was out.
She clutched the frame harder to her chest. Why couldn't she be happy like she was back then? Why did life have to find a way to tear her apart from the inside out? She could still hear them laughing on their Sunday picnics. She could still remember holding James for the first time after his birth. Why did God have to take that all away? He had taken the laughter out of her life, and the only answer she saw was to numb the pain.
The bottle shook in her aching hands, but she took another drink, ignoring the bitter taste it left in her mouth. She wanted to forget. She wanted to stop feeling for just a little while, because all she could feel was pain.
Julianna hooked the full picnic basket over the horn of her saddle, and she climbed back atop Royal. David hadn't been there today, and she wondered where he was. She needed to see him in order to get more information for her book. She was already starting to re-write it. It was almost an account of David's life as only he could tell her, though she knew nothing of him now except for what he gave her from the present. Someday, she'd know his past. Someday she would know everything about him, and that frightened her. Maybe she didn't want to know. Maybe it would be better if it was all left unsaid.
She sighed heavily, and Royal snorted, not wanting to make his way back to town just yet.
"Come on, boy," she urged. "The clouds are getting dark again. We both know what that means. I don't want to be caught in another storm, especially a snow storm." She sighed as Royal whinnied and protested for a moment, but he finally gave in and led her on toward home.
Lydia sighed heavily, as she trudged through the snow. Her wagon had gotten stuck a hundred yards back, and since she was so heavily pregnant and couldn't pull herself into a saddle, let alone ride, she had turned the horses loose to go back to town. The Nichols' place was a mile away. She only wanted to go home and snuggle up in front of a cozy fire with Albert, but she had promised Widow Nichols to read to her. She couldn't break that promise.
She felt frozen to the bones, and she felt like someone was watching her. She pulled her coat tight around her body and stuck her hands in her pockets. She hummed a soft tune, rubbing her belly and trying to get her mind off of the biting cold. One more mile. Three quarters of a mile. A half of a mile. My God, was she ever going to get there?
A tree branch snapped behind her, and she gasped, spinning on the blanket of snow that covered a thin layer of icy mud.
"Who's there?" she asked, shivering more in fright than anything. When she didn't get a response, she shook her head and turned around again. Her arms moved to cradle her belly, softly whispering to the baby that they would be home soon, and Papa would make a nice pot of tea. "Don't worry, little one. Just rest now, and when we get home, I'll read to you." She smiled and began to hum again, and it wasn't long before she felt like she was being followed. She ignored it, however, and continued humming a soft tune.
He was watching her, watching the way she walked with his child deep inside of her womb. A seed he had planted months ago had grown and grown, and now here she was.
"A boy," he said quietly. "I can tell." Lydia froze at his voice, and she began to tremble.
"No," she whispered, memories of their night together, the pain he had caused Michaela and the night he had put a bullet in her. "David." She turned around, seeing the face of the man she'd once cared for. He looked so different, but she saw into his eyes, and she knew exactly who he was. "What…"
"It's almost time," he said quietly, stepping forward. She stepped backward.
"This isn't your child, David."
"We both know it is. That child is a part of me."
"No!" Lydia replied.
"I want to be there, Lydia. I don't want another man raising my child."
"It's not your child. Albert is the father. You can't be a part of this baby's life."
"I know the truth. I want to be there. I want to make up for everything."
"There is nothing you could ever do to make me want you in this child's life. What you did to Michaela..."
"She'll understand someday. She'll forgive me."
"No! I forgave you a long time ago, David. That should be enough."
"It's not enough. Not anymore. I need to be there! I need to make up for what they did wrong!" Lydia shook her head.
"I'm sorry, David. I really, truly am sorry for what's happened to you. Let me go. Let me go back into town, and they'll never know you're here. Please, just let me go." He saw the fear in her eyes, and they were bright blue, sparkling like snowflakes. She pulled away, starting back down the path.
"Please, you have to wait!" he exclaimed. "I have to explain…I have to explain why."
"I don't want to know why! Not anymore," Lydia replied, shaking her head. "Not anymore." She hurried forward, moving through the snow as fast as she could. David grabbed her arm.
"Please!"
"Let me go!" Lydia yelled. "Don't try it, David. Just stop!" She pulled back, and he moved toward her again, but his foot slid on a patch of ice, and he fell back, back, back, and his head cracked on the frozen solid ground. Lydia let out a yelp, and she stared on, as he lay there motionless, staining the snow red with his blood. "Oh my God. David!" She couldn't just leave him lying there if… She bit her trembling bottom lip and knelt down on the frozen ground. Her hands pressed against his neck, and she felt his heart beating steadily. "David…wake up. Wake up!" He groaned in pain, and that was good enough for her. "I'll send somebody for you. You're going to be all right. Just don't…don't move." She had to get back to town. She had to tell somebody. They had to get David and lock him up before he could hurt anyone else.
She rushed down the path as long as she could before her legs started to burn, and her back started to ache. She was sore all over, and as soon as she leaned against a tree to rest, a pain shot through her back.
"Oh!" she groaned, doubling over, clutching her swollen stomach in her hands. "Oh…hold on, baby. Just hold on. We'll be home soon." She bit her bottom lip and waited for the pain to pass. "It's going to be all right." She finally composed herself and was able to start back down the path. She had to get home soon. It couldn't be much farther, could it?
"She's still not back," Albert said quietly, looking out the window as the sun set in the sky. Michaela and Sully exchanged quiet glances, knowing that it wasn't like Lydia to get home so late. "Come to think of it, Julianna hasn't come back either."
"Why don't ya come out with me, and we'll see if they didn't get turned around on the path somewhere," Sully offered. "Best go out now before the light's gone and the snow starts fallin'." Albert nodded slowly, and Sully patted him on the back. "I'm sure they're fine. The snow's probably just slowin' 'em down."
"I'll go saddle my horse," Albert replied. Sully nodded, and Albert left quickly. Sully turned toward Michaela.
"We best stay in town tonight. If somethin' did happen, we're gonna need a good doctor." Michaela nodded quietly, worried about her friends.
"You think Julianna and Lydia are all right, don't you?"
"I'm sure they'll be fine, Michaela," he replied, tension in his voice. "Stay warm and rest now." Michaela nodded, enfolding her arms around her husband's neck and standing on her tiptoes to kiss him warmly.
"Be careful."
"I promise." He put on his coat and grabbed the one that Albert had forgotten in his flustered state. He gave Michaela a simple wave before hurrying out into the biting evening. Michaela moved toward the window and watched the men mount up and head out. It wasn't until Brian called for her from upstairs that she finally tore herself away and put her mind on something else.
Lydia's face was red from the cold, and her body was shivering in pain, fear, and again from the cold. She had made it as far as she could, but she couldn't move any longer. The pain was horrible. There was a little shack just up the path, but she couldn't make it any longer. She was too tired, too cold and too sore to move.
She heard a horse behind her, and for a moment, she thought it was David.
"Who's there?" came a woman's voice. Who was it? She sounded familiar. She didn't care right now. She just needed help for herself and for her baby. "Hello? Who's out there?"
"Help me, please!" Lydia replied, anguish tinting her voice. Royal, along with the two horses from Lydia's wagon appeared in sight. Julianna's eyes went wide when she saw Albert's wife slumped over on the driest patch of ground she had been able to find.
"Lydia?" Lydia winced when she saw Julianna.
"My horses…"
"I thought these were yours. I found them trying to graze along the path, and I was brining them back to town. What's happened?"
"I…he…I saw him...and…he's hurt," She groaned in pain again, and Julianna realized what was happening, and she was too panicked to worry about anything else.
"Oh my God. You're not…no, you can't be." Lydia bit her lip and groaned in pain once more.
"The pains are coming closer and closer together. I need to get back to town."
"Yes. Yes," Julianna said quietly. "Um, how much time…"
"I don't know. I…I've seen it take hours, and I've seen it take minutes. I don't know. I…OHHH!" Julianna cursed under her breath, and she moved over to kneel by Lydia. Despite the tension between these two, they only had each other right now.
"Oh God. All right. This is what we're going to do." Lydia cried out, clutching her stomach. "Are you listening?"
"Be quiet," Lydia cried out, gripping onto Julianna's arm. Once the pain was gone, she nodded. "I'm listening."
"Okay. I'm going to help you to that shack up the path, and I'm going to ride back into town to get help."
"No! Not enough time. Even if it takes hours, it'll probably be too late before you get back. I need…I need to lie down." Julianna nodded.
"Fine. All right. Can you stand?"
"I think so," Lydia replied shakily. She squeezed Julianna's arm again, and Julianna hoisted her up.
"Good?"
"Good."
"Okay. Come on." They slowly trudged through the snow and down to the rickety old shack. It wasn't much, but it was protection from the storm that was sure to hit. "It's going to snow soon."
"I need Albert," Lydia whispered, her head feeling dizzy.
"Come on. Just a little further," Julianna urged. They made it to the door, and Julianna slackened some of the ice at the bottom of the door with her foot. Finally, it creaked open, and she led Lydia inside. There was a bed off on the far wall, and Lydia and Julianna both verbally thanked God. "Just lie down. I'll…I'll see if I can start a fire." Lydia groaned, lying down on the dusty old bed. She clutched her stomach and nearly ripped the fabric of her dress. Julianna hurried outside and led the horses around to the back of the shack, took hold of the picnic basket, knowing they would be hungry later, and she found a bunch of neatly stacked firewood. She found the driest ones in the pile and carried them into the house a load at a time. Lydia's cries were growing more urgent and more painful, and Julianna wondered what she was going to do. She'd never done this before. She had never even seen a baby being born, which was rare for a woman of her age. Her mother had always done the birthing if a doctor or midwife hadn't been around, so she only hoped that she could come through for Lydia. She felt that she at least owed her that for unknowingly putting a strain on her marriage to Albert.
"It's so cold," Lydia breathed.
"I'll try to get a fire going. I'm afraid I haven't mastered the art of that yet." She began rummaging through nooks and crannies and drawers, looking for matches. There had to be some around there somewhere. Finally, she found a few, and she stacked a few logs neatly in the ashy hearth. After a few unsuccessful attempts, the fire finally came to life, and the little cold shack began to glow warmly. "Better?" Lydia nodded quietly after a contraction. Julianna searched for clean blankets, which there were very few of, and she looked around for things that might be useful for once the baby arrived.
"Michaela…she should be here."
"This is going to be okay," Julianna assured her. "You can do this, and soon, your baby will be here, and it'll all be over."
"Albert…I need him. I need him." Tears were in her eyes, and Julianna's heart leapt into her throat.
"Shh," she whispered. "Rest now. Rest." She sighed heavily and leaned against the side of the bed, as she sat on the floor. Lydia began to groan in pain again. It was going to be a very, very long night.