Chapter 7
Honey Bunches of Oats
Saturday afternoon
It was funny Megan thought as Drake dragged her to Ralph's market. Whenever she did
something to THEM she was evil and they vowed to plan their revenge. But when they
needed something done to OTHERS whom did they call upon? Megan Parker.
"Would you guys stop kissing? I'm on a schedule here!"
"Two huge jars of honey, marshmallow fluff, a gallon of water, the family size oatmeal tin
and two packages of toilet paper. This has the makings of something I don't want to
know about." Torey said as she scanned the groceries. She wondered why Drake
called off work today?
"Two words. Mindy Crenshaw." Drake handed Torey his debit card
"She did something very bad to the Boob today so Drake and I are going get her back
good." Megan explained as a pimple faced teenager boy bagged their illicit goods.
"This is why you called off work?"
"Yeah it is, Torey. I'll explain all of this later when I pick you up. It will make more sense.
Love ya."
Drake kissed Torey on the lips.
Strawberry lip-gloss was his favorite of the glosses.
"Love you too, Drake. Bye, Megan."
Megan waved Torey was certainly nicer than Mindy was. She was still getting custom
made billing statements saying that she still owed her fifteen dollars (plus accumulating
interest) over the half-shaving of Josh's moustache. There was no way she was going to
give money to Mindy especially now. Only one person could torment the Boobs of the
family and that was Megan and Megan alone.
"I wish you had your car already!"
"I'm the one carrying the bigger bag." Drake said.
He knew exactly the car he wanted. He saw an ad in the San Diego Reader this
morning for a used but still in good condition a cherry red 1988 Pontiac Fiero GT
convertible. Some of them were going for considerably more than what he had saved
up, but the owner was moving and wanted to take a loss. Drake had enough for it on his
own but his parent's half offer would help with the insurance.
"Now when we get to Mindy's house let's go in the backyard."
"Megan—"
"Drake. You came to me—and need I remind you who silly stringed you this morning?
Me. So, when I say let's go in her backyard you really should listen to me."
"Okay."
"You want to get Mindy back right?"
"Of course."
"Good."
Megan smiled. This was going to be great.
Drake and Megan hid by the side of the house as they saw Mr. and Mrs. Uppity
Crenshaw leave their property. Mindy was not with them.
"How do we know if Mindy is still home?"
"Amateur." Megan picked a rock off the ground and threw it at the backdoor.
Megan kept out of site and sure enough there was Mindy looking even more horrifying in
a blue facial mask and wearing a long white bathrobe.
She snapped a few digital pictures.
"Who's there?" Mindy was in her bare feet and didn't feel like going around to the side
of the house to see if anyone was there.
Megan showed Drake the pictures and he made a face. Josh was heartbroken over that
ugly thing?
"I'm glad I didn't eat lunch yet."
"Okay. I saw a big bucket on her back porch. Go get it."
"Shouldn't you get it, Megan? You're smaller and have the reflexes of a cat."
"Thank you, Drake."
Once Megan got the bucket. They filled it with the honey, marshmallow fluff, and
oatmeal.
"Sticky hands."
Although there were a few places other than this that Drake would find this whole
concoction minus the toilet paper appropriate.
"That's why we have the bottled water you Boob."
"I'm beginning to understand the workings of your devious mind."
"Is that so?"
Megan nodded.
"I can climb the trelace once I set the bucket. Front door or back door?"
"Back door's fine. And I got the camera, Drake."
"All right. Let's do this for Josh."
When Megan gave the all clear that Mindy was in the living room watching TV from what
she could see from the window was when Drake climbed the side trelace to get to
the part of the roof that was directly below the back door. Drake was ready to set Her
Sticky Highness with, as many rolls of toilet paper that he could and what wouldn't stick
to her would still make a nice mess in the Crenshaw's yard. Once he unwrapped the
plastic wrap Drake threw those bags and the grocery bag he had to carry them up here
in. He watched them fall down to the ground gracefully in a swirled pattern. There was so
much beauty in the world he just couldn't take it.
Megan paid five dollars to a little kid driving by on his bike to ring the doorbell and to tell
Mindy there was something going on in her backyard and she better go see what it is.
Mindy saw from the curtains that it was Megan Parker standing ever so innocently in
front of the small set of stairs.
Megan tugged on her earlobe to indicate Mindy was about to open the door.
"Meg—WHAT IN HELL?"
She was covered in the honey, marshmallow fluff, and oatmeal mixture.
Megan took pictures. "Now, Drake!"
Drake made sure most of the paper landed on Mindy. It was great seeing the mummy
scream and dance.
"This is for, Josh!"
He left out other words that he wanted to say, even though Megan probably used them
with her friends in school.
"You don't mess with our family, Mindy!"
Drake climbed off the roof to wrap her manually with the last of the toilet paper since she
wasn't going anywhere.
"Josh loved you," Drake made an opening where her ear was, "you bitch."
Then he proceeded to take some of the goo and put it in her ear.
"When you clean up tonight make sure to check my website. It's case sensitive."
Drake hoped that Torey wouldn't be too angry over what he did. It needed to be done
and besides a good hot bath would clean her up and maybe she would think twice
before she hurt a sweet guy like Josh.
Mindy pulled at her face so she could see Drake and Megan.
"I think the Creature is going to speak."
"GO AWAY!"
"We will. Our work here is done." Megan said as she took a few more pictures.
"Yeah it is. We happen to love Josh. You got exactly what you deserved. Come on,
Megan."
"What about the trash?"
"I think Mindy can take care of that."
The siblings left the Crenshaw property feeling victorious.
"You know something, Drake?"
"Yeah, Megan?"
"She should be glad I didn't see Carrie."
And Drake thought knowing Megan she would have no problem slaughtering a pig to
protect her family which made him vow to never take her last brownie ever again.
When Drake got home he was surprised to see Josh putting on his Premiere vest. He
was going to work past his usual quitting time to make up for the hours he missed this
afternoon.
Drake thought he'd have taken the whole day off like after what happened at their junior
prom.
"Hey, Josh. You're going to work today?"
"Yeah, Drake. I need to keep busy. How come you aren't at Guitar World?"
"Megan and I---just come here."
Drake brought up Megan's website on their computer.
Boob Clip of The Week: Mindy Gets Her Oats Sewed
(special thanks to Drake Parker—my brother)
(dedicated to Josh Nichols—my brother, too)
"What did you guys do?"
"There's no need to thank us. We were glad to do it."
Drake was speechless when Josh said what he said after he viewed the timeline that
started with the test picture of Mindy in her facial mask and ended with her as the sticky
toilet paper mummy of San Diego.
"Why did you do a thing like that for? Megan I can see. She's just a kid. Why Drake?
Now I'll never get her back."
"Wait a minute. I took off a day of work to help you out. Do you not remember your
breakdown on the porch and all the vicious things you told me that Mindy said? And now
you want her back? Wake up, Josh! There are other nice girls out there."
"First off, I didn't ask you or Megan to commit any crimes for my benefit. You better pray
Mindy or her family doesn't press charges. And secondly, she didn't mean those things
that she said. I could've got her back, Drake. I could have."
"I cannot believe you." Drake put his hands through his hair.
"I don't have time to have this argument. I better go to Mindy's house and apologize for
your and Megan's actions. I could've had her back. Now thanks to your and Megan's
stunt she may never want me back now. I hope that you are happy with yourself."
Josh took his keys off his dresser and quickly left their room leaving Drake to wonder
who exactly was Mindy Crenshaw and what kind of unnatural hold did she have over his
brother?
How could he want her back? Sure, Josh's self-esteem was lower than Drake's, but
even so it still didn't make much sense.
"Drake," Walter appeared in the doorway, "May I speak to you in the kitchen, please?
And bring Megan with you too."
Drake mentally rolled his eyes. Okay, he supposed it was Walter and Audrey's job to be
pissed over something like this but it still felt all surreal.
He hoped he wasn't going to get grounded over this especially after Josh's non-
thankful-and-stupidly-wanting-Mindy-back-reaction. There was no way he wasn't going
to see Torey. No way.
"I wonder if they're going to make us apologize to Mindy?" Megan asked
"Here's the thing about some apologies," Drake explained, "You don't have to mean
them."
"I know that."
"Well know this Megan," Drake whispered when they got closer to the kitchen, "If I'm
grounded for this it's not going to interrupt my plans with Torey. You can take that to the
bank."
Megan smiled. She never got punished for any of her pranks either; mainly because her
parents didn't think she had those instincts in her.
The Parker's always had to make it on their own. Good for Drake and Torey. Megan
hoped that they would get married someday.
But she was going to have to think long and hard, as she was sure Drake was, on
whether or not it was going to be worth helping Josh out ever again.