Chapter Twenty-One

It was late now, and Michaela sat in the rocking chair in her room with Katie in her arms. She was feeding the baby her bottle and watching out the balcony doors, hoping to see her husband and Albert riding into town with Lydia and Julianna. Julianna still wasn't back, and Michaela had a horrible feeling that something bad had happened. She only hoped her friends would be all right, and if they were somehow together, they wouldn't kill each other. She knew there was a great amount of tension between them, but neither of them was to blame. It was one of those strange laws of nature that there was supposed to be tension between the old wife and the new one. These were certainly odd circumstances.

Katie finally finished eating, and Michaela got her ready for bed. Once the little one was sleeping peacefully, Michaela placed her in her cradle and quickly changed into her nightgown. Just as she was turning down the covers, a knock came to the door.

"Yes?"

"Dr. Mike? It's Brian," said the sleepy little boy's voice. Michaela smiled a little.

"Come in, Brian." He turned the knob and pushed the door open.

"I couldn't sleep, and Colleen's so tired that I can't wake her up."

"Come here." Michaela sat down in the rocking chair, and Brian moved toward her. She patted her knee.

"Is it okay? The baby?"

"The baby's fine, Brian. Don't worry," Michaela replied with a smile. Brian smiled and climbed up into her lap. He rested his head against her chest, and she wrapped her arms around him.

"Ma used to rock me like this," he said softly. "I miss her."

"I know you do," Michaela breathed softly, kissing the top of his head. "Your mother was an amazing person."

"Will I ever see her again?"

"Someday, Brian," Michaela replied. "Someday you'll see her again."

"Pa too?"

"Your father too," Michaela answered with a solemn nod.

"What's gonna happen to us, Dr. Mike?" His arms encircled her neck and held on tight. A lump formed in Michaela's throat, and the tears threatened to fall. "We ain't got no home. We ain't got a ma and pa no more. I don't wanna go live in one of them homes where kids like me are." Michaela gave him a snug squeeze.

"That's not going to happen, Brian. I won't let that happen. Things will work out."
"I want a ma and a pa. I want a nice family where nobody leaves." Brian began to weep, and Michaela's own tears began to fall.

"You'll have that, Brain."

"Promise?"

"I promise." Michaela looked up to see Colleen standing in the doorway. Her eyes were sad, and Michaela could see the tears glistening on her cheeks. She held a hand out to her, and Colleen hesitantly walked across the room. She took Michaela's hand, and the lady doctor gave it a squeeze. "I think he went to sleep." Colleen nodded, and Michaela slowly stood with Brian in her arms, and she carried him down the hall to the recovery room that he and Colleen were staying in. She placed him down in his cot and pulled a blanket around him. She turned to Colleen.

"I woke up, and he was gone. I thought he left us too." Michaela pulled Colleen into a hug, and she looked toward Matthew's cot. Something wasn't right. She broke away and moved toward it. She pulled back the covers, and pillows were arranged neatly underneath it. On top of one of the pillows was a note, and Colleen gasped. "Matthew!"

"I didn't hear him leave," Michaela said frantically, rushing toward a bedside lamp. She turned the flame up, and she held the paper under the light.

Dr. Mike and Sully,

The cattle drive left early, and I had to go. They offered me good pay if I stuck with them until they came back at the beginning of the year. Don't come after me, because this is what I've gotta do. I have to make money to pay you back, and I know Colleen and Brian will be safe with you. I don't mean to burden you, but I know they're happy there. I hope it ain't too much of a problem. I'm sorry I left without saying goodbye, but it was too hard. I didn't want to see the looks in their eyes when I told them I was leaving. I didn't want to see them look at me like they looked at Pa. Please tell them I love them and that I swear to God I'll be back. Tell them to be good, and please don't worry. I'll be alright. I'll send money every chance I get.

Thanks,

Matthew

Colleen looked up at Michaela, and her eyes were wide.

"What now? We gonna go after him?" Michaela swallowed hard.

"As much as I want to, I don't think we can." She knew how badly Matthew wanted to care for his family, and she and Sully had talked about how Matthew couldn't feel like he was being parented right now, because he was too grief-stricken over his loss. He needed the chance to realize how hard it was to be grown up before he decided to be a kid again.

"You're just gonna let him do this!" Michaela closed her eyes. She didn't want him to do this, but going after him would only make it worse. She wasn't his mother. She couldn't tell him what to do, and she couldn't overstep her boundaries.

"Go back to sleep, Colleen. We'll talk about it in the morning." Colleen didn't go back to her own cot, however. She moved to Brian's and tucked herself in next to him, pulling her arms around him.

"Don't worry, Brian," she whispered to her sleeping brother. "Matthew ain't like Pa. He'll come back. I promise. He'll come back." It broke Michaela's heart, as she walked away, and she seriously contemplated riding off after the drive to pull Matthew back by his collar and show him how frightened his siblings were going to be once it really sank in that he was leaving. But, she was in no condition, and she knew it would only make things worse, and perhaps it would make him angry enough to leave with the children permanently. They were safe here, and Matthew was doing what he thought he needed to in order to help his family. Maybe this was best for everyone.

"She's not here," Albert spat, climbing back into the saddle. They'd checked every possible home that Julianna and Lydia could have visited, and they weren't there.

"We'll keep lookin'," Sully promised as the snow began to fall. "But right now, we need to get back to town, 'cause we don't wanna get caught in this when the snow gets too thick."

"I'm going to keep looking," Albert insisted.

"We'll look when it's light out, Albert. It ain't safe right now with the storm comin'. They're smart ladies, Albert. I'm sure that they've both been able to find shelter. Maybe they're even together." Albert swallowed hard.

"Maybe that's part of what I'm afraid of," he replied. Sully patted him on the back.

"Don't worry. They'll be fine. Maybe they made it back to town already."

"I feel like I'm giving up."

"Ya ain't givin' up," Sully promised him. "You're doin' what's best for Lydia by takin' care of yourself. Don't worry." Albert sighed reluctantly and nodded.

"First sign of daylight, I'm comin' back out."

"I wouldn't expect anything less from ya, Albert." The two silently brought their horses into a trot and headed back toward town.

Julianna poked at the fire, as Lydia rested. She had eaten a little from the picnic basket, but her appetite wasn't really there. Things had been quiet for a while, but the snow was falling heavily, and Julianna had a terrible feeling that they might be stuck there for a few days.

She had pulled out her journal from Royal's saddlebags, and she had written a little bit, checking over her shoulder once in awhile to make sure Lydia was all right. For a while now, Lydia's labor had progressed quietly, or so Julianna hoped. Lydia had kept telling her to check to see if she saw the baby's head. While she wasn't sure she felt right about all of this, she did so quietly. The baby's head hadn't been showing yet, though Julianna figured that when it was time, Lydia would certainly let her know quite loudly.

Lydia let out a great moan, and Julianna put everything away. She rushed to the bed and took a sponge from a basin of lukewarm water. She had melted some snow to get it, and she had been soothing Lydia by running it over her forehead.

"How are you feeling?"

"It hurts," she whispered. "I'm afraid." Tears formed in her eyes, and all of the color drained from her face. She was rightfully exhausted. "I need Albert." Julianna sighed.

"I know it would be nice to have him here, but Lydia, you don't need him right now. He can't do anything but hold your hand and tell you he loves you. You know that he loves you. This is all you, Lydia. You're the one who's doing all the work. You don't need anybody but yourself." Lydia began to sob.

"He wants a child so badly. What if…what if I can't…"

"You'll do fine. This baby is going to be healthy, Lydia. Just believe that. You're making Albert a father, and you're all three going to be so happy. Just focus on that." Lydia breathed, relaxing as the contraction passed.

"He wanted children with you," she said softly, her black hair shining as the sweat rolled back into it. Julianna looked away for a moment, but Lydia touched her hand. "He loved you."

"I know he did. But, that's the past."

"No," Lydia breathed. "You still have a connection with him, Julianna. I suppose that's why I've felt so jealous…"

"Jealous?" Julianna asked, snapping her attention back to Lydia. "Lydia, there's nothing to be jealous about."

"The way he calls you Jules…"

"You know about that?" Lydia smiled a little.

"Yes. I've heard him say it. It's slipped into conversation. He still has feelings for you."

"I'm sure he does," Julianna replied. "But, I'm sure they're nothing but feelings of friendship. We were good friends before everything else, and he's probably missed our friendship as I have." Lydia sighed softly, rubbing her stomach and sitting up a little.

"He smiled when he told me about you. I don't think he knew it."

"Lydia, he loves you so much. That's what matters. Every time I speak to him, I see the shine in his eyes. He wants nothing more than to be with you and help you bring this baby into the world." Lydia's lower lip trembled.

"And, he's not here."

"But, he'll be there when it's all said and done." Lydia nodded again, and the pain grew more intense. She cried out, and Julianna jumped back a little. "Lydia…"

"Something's happening. I…I need to push."

"No, don't push yet," Julianna replied. "Not yet." She turned and hurried to get what she might need. Under her breath, she whispered, "I'm not ready for this."

Sully walked into the recovery room to find Michaela sitting up in bed working on a quilt she was making for the baby.

"You're still up?"

"Did you find them?"

"No," he said quietly. "We were hopin' they made their way back to town."
"Do you think they're together?"

"Unless they met up somewhere, probably not. We're sendin' out two search parties in the mornin'."

"Good," Michaela replied, a frown tugging at her mouth. She picked up a piece of paper from the bedside table.

"What's that?"

"Matthew's note." Sully moved toward the bed, and he took the paper into his hands. His eyes scanned over the words, and he shook his head.

"He should've told us." He put the paper away and combed his fingers through his hair.

"Colleen's frightened. Brian doesn't know Matthew's gone yet. He's coming back, he says, but Brian's been told that before. Ethan…" She sighed heavily, as Sully sat down on the edge of the bed. "It's amazing how quickly things change, Sully. This hasn't even happened to our family, and it's tearing me apart. Those children…"

"Ya love 'em like they were a part of our family." Sully said softly. Michaela's eyes searched his.

"I do. They're wonderful, and they don't deserve what's happened to them. Matthew…he's so lost. The children…"

"Deserve a good home," Sully finished.

"I want to find that for them, but I can't even begin to think of who could possibly raise them the way Charlotte intended. I don't even know how she intended…" Sully smiled a little, taking Michaela's hand in his.

"Ya know what ya want, Michaela. I see it in your eyes."

"And, what do you want?" Michaela asked, her heart already knowing the answer. "Sully?"

"I want to wait and see what happens. I wanna enjoy what we got right now. I don't wanna worry. I don't want ya to worry." Michaela smiled a little.

"I think I'm a natural-born worrier." Sully kissed her softly.

"Let's get some sleep. I'm sure the baby's tired."

"Are you kidding? He's been kicking all day. I think he realizes how exciting it was for us to feel him move, and he wants to show off." Sully laughed.

"Takes after his ma then," he teased. She feigned offense.

"You think I show off!"

"No, Mrs. Sully, but I think ya like to let your presence be known. Ain't nothin' wrong with that." Michaela grinned as he kissed her again.

"Good answer."

"Push, Lydia!" Julianna exclaimed, pulling Lydia's skirt up a little. Lydia was gripping the sides of the bed, her face was bright red, and her body was drenched in sweat. "Come on! I see the head." Lydia groaned in pain, bringing her hands up to squeeze the backs of her knees, pulling her legs up to help herself push better. Her body was taking over, and though she had no idea of what she was doing, her body did. Her body was guiding her through the process.

Julianna was amazed at the sense of serenity that came over Lydia's face. She pursed her lips together firmly and focused on pushing and nothing else.

"Good! Another push. Come on!" Julianna ripped one of the linen sheets, tearing out a patch big enough to clean the baby with. Lydia grunted painfully, continuing to push, and Julianna's heart stopped for a moment as the child's head emerged. The eyes opened for a moment, looking out at the world; the cold world that was ready to accept and welcome this child. The little hair on the baby's head was dark like Lydia's. "The head's out. Good job, Lydia. One more. Another push. You're almost done."

"One more," Lydia coached herself softly.

Julianna quickly brought over the dry, warm linens that she had rested beside the hearth. Earlier, she had cut them into several smaller blankets to wrap the baby in.

"Oh!" Lydia cried out, giving one final push. Julianna rushed to the bed just as the child was birthed into the world. The little one slid out into Julianna's hands and let out a small squeak. Lydia's nursing skills went into action. "Clear the throat," she breathed, collapsing onto the pillow. Julianna took action, hoping she was doing the right thing, and she stuck her finger down the baby's throat, clearing the windpipes. The baby reacted with flailing legs, and Julianna quickly placed it on Lydia's belly.

"Congratulations," Julianna said, stunned. "You have a daughter." Lydia cried out, her entire body shuddering with exhaustion from the experience. Julianna wrapped the baby in one of the blankets letting Lydia hold her close.

"Let me see your eyes, little one. Let me see your eyes." She cried for joy when she noticed her own eyes staring back at her. "They're not…oh, my little one. My little one." Julianna quietly cut the cord, hoping the shears she had used were sterile enough. She had heated them over the fire and cleaned them with water.

"Congratulations, Lydia. She looks like you." Lydia sniffled and brushed her own tears away.

"Thank you for being here for me."

"You did it all, Lydia. Albert will be so proud of you." Lydia sighed softly. There was something so familiar about that child to Julianna. It wasn't the eyes, but it was the way she stopped crying as soon as her eyes opened. She stared for only a few moments before her eyes closed again. She seemed like she could see right into her mother, and it touched Julianna's heart. She already saw such a strong bond between the two, yet she felt she knew something extra about this child. It was almost secretive.

He woke, frightened and shivering. He didn't know where he was, but he knew his name was David. The pain was intense and blinding, and he knew that he was lying in the snow. But, where was he? How did he get there?

"Mother? Father?" he asked, pulling himself up and looking around. All he saw before him was blackness and the clouds of snow that billowed around him. A name crossed his thoughts. Julianna. Julianna? Who was she? "Julianna?" He didn't know who she was, but maybe she knew him. Maybe she could help him.

He slipped on the ice and fell on his hands and knees. It was then that he felt the cold trickle down his back. He put his hand on the back of his head, and he felt the blood running warm but cooling as the night air hit it.

"Where am I?" he asked. Nothing but a coyote responded, and he crawled blindly toward a snow bank. The pain overtook him again, and he fell into the snow. He lay there, hoping for a reprieve from the pain. Where was his family? Weren't they his protectors? Weren't they the ones who had protected him since he was born? Why weren't they here with him now? Why was he alone? Why was he cold? Why couldn't he remember how he'd gotten there? Who was Julianna? He lost consciousness just before two strong arms picked him up and dragged him away.