Thanks to everyone for being so patient, and especially thanks to all my reviewers - I do love all of your comments :-) On just a slightly annoying note, I'm working and attending school a lot now, so I'm trying to keep up with a reasonable update time. Thanks for all your patience. And jwchiu, this chapter's for you! miow :-3
This fic is rated R because of language, violence, and sensuality. If any of the aforementioned offends you, please do not read.
Review if you like. No flames, please.
kaerichi
Chapter 17
"Ichigo, I…I'm afraid."
With that whispered confession, Ichigo knew indeed that something was horribly wrong. Rukia was always strong-willed; she could hardly admit to being afraid or showing weakness without regretting it later. And even then, he hesitated to wonder at what kind of conflict would make her say these words to him.
"Of what?"
"Your trial is coming up…in an hour. You won't be there, like in human trials – they just hand you the verdict. Ichigo, no hunter's ever survived a council verdict, and especially when Renji and Hitsugaya are both against you…they want you to die."
"Who's Renji and Hitsugaya?"
"They're my friends. And stop changing the subject."
"Why? All you're doing is worrying yourself needlessly."
"Needlessly? Ichigo, they're going to kill you!"
"So certain already, eh?"
"No, I meant, it's…" she paused, pressing up against his warmth closer. "I'm of the leader division and I hold the first-seat, meaning, technically, I'm the second most powerful vampire in Japan. But each division, leader and elder, has five seats. If there are three or more of each division that agree to have you put to death, neither I nor Urahara-san will be able to do anything about it!" she finished in a whisper.
"Rukia, calm down."
"Ichigo, you're going to die!"
"Gee, I never knew you could be so obsessive about something."
"Ichigo, stop playing around! It's not like I'm doing this for my own health!"
"Rukia, I know, all right? I appreciate your worry about me, but it's doing nothing right now, least of all good. When the order comes down from your council I'll just take it like I've taken everything in life. And if I die…well, I die."
"But don't you want to live? You were the one who told me yourself that you wanted to live and be a hunter!"
"I do want to live. I mean, if I see an escape route out of here, I won't hesitate in taking it. But I've done everything I wanted in life. I never had any real big goals other than killing the vampire that killed my mom, not like other people who want the money, the family, the fame. My dad and sisters can live without me."
"But Ichigo, that isn't the point! The whole point is about not dying so that you can continue to see them! Sure, they might be able to live if you were gone, but…"
Damn. Rukia was trying to stop herself from becoming overly emotional.
"…but what will I do?"
A breathless whisper.
Ichigo was silent for a moment, but then his head drifted down so that his forehead was almost to hers, closing his eyes. He wanted to will all his self-control to Rukia in that one moment, because she was strong…but in the moments she crumbled, she didn't go alone.
He was amazed that in the short time he'd known her, Rukia could still bring forth all these various emotions in her, and in him. Being emotional and protective, caring about others, and being in love…realizing these things was what had made him recognize that Rukia made him more human than anything else could in the world. No one else had ever done that, not even his family.
That was why he not only loved her, he was grateful. Sincerely.
His life up until then had been a tireless existence of destruction, of a single-minded drive to execute all vampires he knew – for it had been the vampires who had taken his most precious person from him. The day his mother was murdered was the end of innocence and his carefree childhood. Twisted and bitter Ichigo's teenage growth had been then, latched around the bubble of his remaining family and hostile to any invading approach.
But then along came Rukia, and she had shown him a truth greater and more desperate than the life that had seemed so unfulfilling to him. For the first time, it was her truth to spawn his emotion. It didn't even have to deal with the truth of her past, but just the truth and belief of her existence in the physical world. The emotion first spawned had been anger, then pity, then camaraderie, and then eventually blossomed to what it was at that day.
Rukia, in every possible way, had made him live.
And he didn't regret a moment of it. This was why he no longer felt afraid of dying, or afraid that he would have never accomplished anything if he did die. Because all the events in his life led up to this, and if it was meant to end this way, he would welcome it.
Maybe if he survived this he'd tell her, someday; the thought made him smile ruefully.
"Rukia?"
"…hm?"
"…you don't think that it's all worth it. If you're planning some kind of rescue attempt, I can tell you right now it won't work. My friends aren't like yours, who will rescue me because they feel obliged or just because they like me a lot. I'm going to die. I know it, and I know you know it too. It's part of the risk I understood when I was installed as captain of my unit, back at the hunter's base."
"But Ichigo – "
"No buts, Rukia."
"Ichigo!"
"Rukia, look at me." Once again, he put his forehead to hers, tilting her head slightly back so that she had to look in his eyes. She blinked, and he could see the barely restrained panic behind her lovely eyes.
"Rukia, it isn't worth it. Don't think that I'm worth it. What you have right now – your friends and your rank, and the respect of all the other vampires, and the peace you've finally managed to achieve after that bastard Kaien – you can't throw it away. I'm not worth it, Rukia, not matter what you might tell me."
"Ichigo–"
"Tell me, Rukia, what would happen if you sided with me?" Ichigo asked.
"Ichigo…I…"
"Think about it."
She did, and her eyes drifted away from his.
"Look at me, Rukia."
"…"
"I'm sure you can imagine it. You'd be ousted as a traitor, and they'd probably equate you with hunters, and then you'd have to spend the rest of your eternal life running from the people who you once considered your friends. And then one day you'll fight back, either out of desperation or need. And then you'll kill someone you really care about. And then you'll regret it so much nothing will compare to that pain. And when I die of old age, what will you have left then?"
She opened her mouth once, and then closed it. "I…"
"…do you finally see?"
"Ichigo…"
"You know I'm right. No matter what you say, you know I'm right."
Putting her head to his chest then, she waited in silence, and he could hear the beat of his heart along with the noticeably absent one of hers. However, just her warmth and skin on his was enough to reassure him that she was actually there, and that she was real.
"…the trial's going to start in half an hour," she finally whispered.
"You should go."
"I know, but…I just think that the next time I come here, it's going to be to say that you're going to die. I don't like that, Ichigo."
"It's all right. I'm tough," he said, giving her a cocky grin.
And she smiled at him in a way that he knew doom was just around the corner.
He didn't want her to die.
"Just remember, Rukia," he said to her as she left the cell, "I'm not worth it. Don't do anything stupid, okay?"
She said nothing.
"Rukia!"
"All right…I won't," she said softly, as the door slammed shut once again. Ichigo tried to listen to the sound of her footsteps as long as he could, but when they had disappeared, he sagged in his chains as the torch flickered its cruel shadows.
Rukia, I don't want you to suffer…
It was hours and hours later, perhaps four, Ichigo surmised, when he finally heard steps coming back down to meet him. His watch was broken beyond repair, but being a hunter for so many years had made him attuned to the passing of time.
But these steps were not soft and slow; rather, they were pounding harshly against the stone floor, sounding as if the person was running, and Ichigo was not surprised to see Rukia coming running to his cell looking absolutely distraught. She came right against him to lean against his warmth.
"Ichigo…they…they…"
"I'm going to die, aren't I?" he asked quietly, without a hint of surprise.
"I couldn't say anything! I didn't even say anything, and Hitsugaya and Kenpachi and Komamura and especially Renji…and…I can't remember them all, but they were all against you, and so Urahara-san had to agree to execute you!" Her fingers curled in his ripped jacket. "Ichigo…I couldn't even say anything…!"
"It's all right, Rukia…it's fine."
"Ichigo, how can you say that? I told you I didn't want you to die!"
"Yeah, and I told you that I'm not worth it. I'm human. I'm aging. I'll die in another fifty or so years anyway, Rukia. But you have the capacity to live a thousand times that, and even more. Look, just don't do anything stupid for my sake, all right? I'm fine. I'm going to die. I accepted it already."
She was quiet for a while, and then spoke up again. "And…they…" she took a breath, "they said that they were going to film it."
"Film? Do they always do that for the hunters they execute?" Ichigo asked sarcastically.
"No…it's supposed to be shown live to the hunters in your base…" Rukia whispered. "It was Renji's idea, because it's going to show that you should never mess around with a leader vampire…he said an eye for an eye, but I didn't see the connection." Her face turned in towards his chest. "Ichigo, two days. That's all they're giving you. Two days."
He was silent. It was actually better to say nothing, because Rukia was becoming undone faster than anything he had ever seen. In truth, the prospect of dying didn't bother him so much as it should have, but he worried about Rukia, his vampire.
Ichigowas on his last mission, the infiltration of a frequented vampire bar in order to fulfill the latest mission: the capture or assassination of vampire Kuchiki Rukia. He had not wanted to lead this particular mission, but he had no choice.
Therefore, when the fighting broke out, Ichigo was relieved. This was something he could understand, and if he did meet with Rukia, he just wouldn't challenge her and she could run away to safety – if she was indeed there at all.
All around him, people were moving, fighting…in some cases, dying. But he couldn't process everything at once. He was looking around for Rukia. If someone killed her while he wasn't watching…then he'd kill them. Hunter or no.
However, he was unprepared for the sudden punch that came his way; it was only by his sheer superb reflexes that he managed to dodge it only millimeters from his left cheek. Some of the force of the offensive aura cut his cheek, a thin line of blood spilling.
"Found you, bastard," a relatively recognizable voice said.
It was Rukia's red-head friend, the one who had been there that day when they saved her from the hunter's base. He was currently holding a smashed liquor bottle in his left hand, the other clenched while a visible aura cut over it in waves.
Ichigo smirked, as was customary for him to do. "Au contraire, mon frere, I think that it's me who found you, wouldn't you say so?" And with these words, he attacked the man in front of him, drawing his sword for the first time that night.
They battled for a while, moving past the stage of just a minor scuffle, and it seemed they were equally matched. Neither won out over the other, but, just as he was beginning to gain the upper hand, he saw the white-haired vampire out of the corner of his eye.
"No Rukia don't!" the white-haired vampire yelled, eyes set on the other side of the room, and Ichigo's head whipped that way. Rukia was there?
But he saw no one, only more people fighting, and in an instant all the panic alarms went off in his head as Ichigo realized, dimly, that he'd been tricked, and that he'd blatantly ignored the first rule of combat by letting his eyes stray from his opponent…
And then that blunt force smashed across the top of his head, and all the world had gone blurry. It was so sudden that there was no pain. And even though Ichigo knew the red-head had landed the paralyzing blow, his eyes continued to search for Rukia, as if by doing so she would materialize there in front of his eyes…
Then the world dissolved into black, and the pain only returned as he awoke.
"Just don't think about it anymore…" he said, brushing her face with his nose, and knowing that nothing he said would it whisk it away. Human hearts – and apparently, vampire hearts – didn't heal so easy after just being crushed.
"Ichigo–"
"Quiet," he interrupted, leaning down as his face came even closer to hers. The brushing of their lips was light, very unlike their regular kisses, and Ichigo pulled back a little to look her in the face. Rukia always looked so very beautiful like this, her eyes closed and unworried, lips still just a little parted and with a smile hinting at the corner.
And even as their lips met again, his hands strained against their bonds in his wish that he could just wrap them around her until all the worry and fear in him was squeezed out, until she filled his blood with the relief only she could provide.
But the touch of her mouth against his was paramount beyond anything else, and she pressed herself against him and he forgot everything, because nothing else mattered when she was by his side. And if he couldn't have forever, then he'd settle for just the now.
Rukia tried to break off their kiss, whispering his name, but he wouldn't allow that.
The entire hall was abuzz before Shihouin Yoruichi and Ichimaru Gin walked into the room, and even then the noise descended into a low murmur. Normally their presence would have been reason for complete and instant silence, but the rumors flying around had squashed that pretense.
"Quiet, quiet!" Yoruichi said. She got up on the dining table to see the crowd better; Ichimaru only climbed up onto a chair. "All right, to begin with, I'm sure you all know why we are here on this particular day, and I feel that it is my duty to begin rumor control before all this whispering and gossiping gets out of hand."
Her eyes hardened. "What you have heard is all true, to one extent. Kurosaki Ichigo, captain of the second unit division, has been sentenced to be executed by the vampire's council."
Here she grew silent as voices of outrage filled the quiet. Only after everyone was relatively calm again did Yoruichi continue to speak. "The second thing of which is true is that they will be showing this to us live as Kurosaki-taichou's execution is being carried out. Apparently, this is a warning. A threat. To anyone who should interfere with the vampires, they shall suffer the same fate."
She paused. "In my life as of yet, I have lived to witness two firsts in this war between vampires and hunters. First of all, there were the meetings, which might have been the first step to peace between us. However, the vampires betrayed the truce. The second of the firsts is this public execution display. I must admit that the idea rankles, especially at the thought of losing one of our finest and most dedicated captains." Her mouth drew into a thin line as she said this.
"There were no instructions given on to whom the execution is to be shown to. Therefore, if you wish, I am making it available to all to watch. Kurosaki-taichou is sure to welcome his death as any honorable captain should, and his sacrifice for this war will make him the martyr that all should aspire to fight for.
"Upon this day, you will see the true nature of vampires," Yoruichi said, and her amber eyes darkened. "Upon this day, but a day from now, at 18:00 sharp, you shall all be witness to the demise of a captain who was good, and great, all because he fell to the hands of soulless savages with no claim to humanity."
She paused again, and her eyes swept the crowd. With some interest, she noted that Ishida Uryuu and Inoue Orihime had different faces from the rest – the rest were furious, plans of revenge readable on their faces, but theirs were just plain shock. And if she didn't know any better, they seemed almost anxious.
But that was nonsense. It was time for the closure to her speech.
"…and so, I implore you all in this room, remember Kurosaki Ichigo for the man that he was, and how he is dying so very far before his time. Respect him, honor him, and speak no ill of the damned. Tomorrow, should any of you wish to watch…the large screen shall be set up here, in the dining hall."
And with that demoralizing end, she left the table to walk out of the hall without another word. Ichimaru caught up with her, the smirk on his face only slightly lessened by the recent events.
"So sorry, Shihouin-san, about what's happening now," he said, and she wanted to slap him. "I know what Kurosaki-kun meant to you, and to have him executed right in front of your eyes…"
She swallowed the bile in her throat. "Thank you very much for your comfort, Ichimaru-san, but there are things I must attend to." And before hostile words could escape her, she left, feeling his wide smile boring into her back.
Only when she was alone in her room did her stoic façade crack in just the slightest…it was the only place she would allow for such moments of temporary insanity. Her hands started to shake just slightly.
"Ichigo, you idiot, you damn arrogant bastard, how many times did I tell you not to get caught…" she said softly, clenching her fists. "And why didn't you do anything? Why don't you do something? You know you still can do something about this…" She inhaled tremulously. "And now, even if I want to talk to you, I just can't..."
Sagging onto her bed, the mattress making no noise as it fit her weight, Shihouin Yoruichi sat there in the brooding darkness for a very long time.
The day – or night, rather – arrived with an air of anticipation floating around the vampire base. Only Rukia was nowhere to be found, up on the top floor of their building and wondering if this was really happening.
Most unfortunately, it was. Noon approached, then afternoon, then evening…and then she had to go put on her robe to be present for the execution "in her honor," and she did it with a mindless sense of automatism that propelled her through the day…
She couldn't go down to see Ichigo. She couldn't.
And yet, as she filed into the room designated for the execution, the semi-circle of surrounding vampires suddenly looked more foreboding than she had ever seen them. A camera was set up right in the middle of the semi-circle, diving the line into quarters. A red light alerted her to the fact that it was already recording.
And then Ichigo came in. He was blindfolded and handcuffed, and he was walking relatively easily for someone having not moved for a few days. It wasn't possible for him to see her, and yet, as he passed to the middle of the semi-circle, Rukia could have sworn that his eyes turned to her for a fraction of an instant.
His eyes seemed to stare at her even as he was tied to a post and the blindfold removed. As soon as it was, it was as if there had never been a barrier between their eyes at all; nothing had stopped their connection.
Rukia was right next to the camera, and bit her lip.
Ichigo was going to die. There was nothing she could do about it. Ichigo was going to die, and there was nothing she could do about it.
Suddenly, the words of her old Master floated through her head.
"What do you mean, nothing can be done? Anything that's a fuckin' problem always has a solution. It doesn't matter who has to give or what has to be given; everything has a solution. Don't just sit there like a useless bitch!"
Those were the words that had once disturbed her to a breaking point. She didn't like that she could remember every word and line with clarity. However, now it did not bother her as much as they had before. In fact, she remembered the images associated with those words with a sort of distant reality, as if the actions themselves had never happened at all.
But this was the reality. Ichigo was going to die.
The only man who had made her live again was going to trade his life for hers.
"Hunter, you are to be executed for transgressions against the vampire Kuchiki Rukia, of the leader division, first-seat, and to all those watching you should be well aware that…"
Ichigo is going to die.
"…and in this manner, it will be through the heart…"
Ichigo is going to die.
"…by the grace of Kuchiki-dono, has asked for painless execution, and as such…"
Ichigo is going to die!
"…lesson, to all you hunters watching, that this is what will happen to all others who dare to capture and imprison one of Japan's best." Of course, Zaraki Kenpachi had volunteered the executioner position. He'd seemed vehemently against instant execution, but had to give in at her insistence. Therefore, he now hefted onto his hand a large wooden stake, in blatant irony of vampire hunting's previous beginnings.
His hand lifted…
Rukia watched the arc as her eyes suddenly went blank, feeling faint.
The person I love is going to be executed and what am I doing?
The hand swung down and her world blurred.
tsuzuku