Disclaimer: We don't own NGE. Gainax does. Hideaki Anno directed it. This fic contains spoilers, although the only important one is about how Maya dies in episode seventeen of the show.
Icky-Nasty SI Part 8,
Or "How Mary-Sue Ended Up in the Wrong Side of a Bathtub with Acid"
The Dane sat hunched over his two ancient books, reading them quietly and reverently. These tomes comprised a compendium of selected spells and teachings from the Necronomicon, the Keys of Solomon, Microwave Instant Classics, and other volumes of wisdom and lore. Most were even older than the fabled Book of Black Earth.
He heard something rustle, but assumed it was the wind, or Asuka sneaking a beer, or perhaps Pen-Pen looking for beef jerky to munch on. As he continued reading, however, the rustle grew a little louder and suddenly he heard a voice ask, "whatcha reading?"
The Dane snapped the book closed and whipped around to face Misato, panic evident in his expression. Anyone who had not been trained in sorcerous magic and attained a certain level of expertise could be driven insane by trying to read the books. There was danger of an attack of sheer terror, or just being overwhelmed by the mind-shattering power of the spells they contained. Those who were not thrown into gibbering lunacy might be made slave to the books until their minds finally did break, for these tomes were possessed of a will of their own: the souls of the two sorcerers who had long ago created them were bound to the very words on the pages by the power contained therein. Damn, that was a long sentence.
"Is it something dirty, or what?" said the oblivious Major with a wide grin. "Come on, let me have a peek." She pouted cutely and gave The Dane a look that would have melted his heart had he not been panicking.
"Please, keep away from these books! It's dangerous! And for the sake of us all, NEVER sneak up on me like that again!"
Misato wondered why the young man would behave so oddly, but figured she was better off not knowing some things. "Suit yourself, you weird gaijin." She shrugged, but was surprised when the young man grabbed her wrist.
"I mean it. This isn't something to keep until later, nor is it a game. Keep away from these books. They're extremely dangerous for untrained persons such as yourself."
Misato was now puzzled. "Untrained in what?" she asked as she leveled her 'I'm ordering you to explain what the Hell's going on' look at The Dane. He sighed and got up painfully from his chair, motioning for Misato to follow him as he walked over to the window and opened it.
"Behold," he said, drawing a giggle from the guardian.
"Mm… I love it when guys get all biblical," she purred in a husky voice. However, the Dane remained grim. He began chanting in a strange language and drawing sigils in the air, which in itself would have been strange enough for Misato, but they actually burned with blue flames as he created them. Then he shouted the last word, drew a circle around the symbols, and with the flat of his hand, he struck the disk that had formed. Misato gasped and shielded her face with her arms as the disk slammed into a big dead tree across the road from where they lived, reducing it to a pile of smoldering ash.
The Dane shrugged casually. "That's what I'm trained in."
Misato just nodded and blinked dumbly. She accepted the beer that the Dane handed her; he chuckled and opened another one for himself. "Cheers, babe," he said, downing the lager in several big gulps. Misato swallowed hers in one.
Across the street, in an unmarked black van, sat three very upset women.
"The specs never said he was capable of doing things like that," commented one in Russian.
"This is bad enough, but what if it's true that the Exiles sent him a protector?" said the Swede.
"Then we bring in the heavy artillery," said the driver. Having ended the discussion, she drove away from the house into the night.
-
A tall man, looking in his late twenties, dressed in a black Armani suit, stood at the Tokyo-3 light rail station. He glanced at a piece of paper from his breast pocket and grinned smugly. He looked around, seeming to find the information he desired as he walked over to where the taxis were. He squinted for a couple of seconds at the kanji on the signs there, then bent to enter one of the cabs.
A quarter of an hour later, the man got out of the taxi some hundred meters from the Akagi/Katsuragi household. He looked at his piece of paper again and narrowed his eyes, then walked purposefully towards the house, his long legs crossing the distance quickly. He went to what he guessed to be the front door and rang the buzzer.
"Who is it?" asked a young woman in Japanese, her voice laced with a faint yet distinctive European accent.
"I am a friend of the one known as 'The Dane,' also known officially as Kusanagi Tetsuo. I believe he lives here, correct?" The man spoke curtly in English. The young woman, who turned out to be a redheaded German Mischrasse, hesitated and then opened the door.
"Thank you, Miss." The man inclined his head in thanks.
"You're welcome. It's always nice to meet civilized people. I gather you're not from around here?"
The man smiled. "No. I am not from anywhere. I have no home."
That made Asuka gasp. "Then, that means that you're an—"
"Exiled Dane. Yes, Miss. Where is other one?"
Asuka's trembling hand indicated the doorway at the end of the room. "Just down the hall; it's the second from last room on the left."
The man inclined his head again. "Thank you very much. I will go take care of the matter now." He strode down the hall, stopping at the appropriate door. He knocked.
Asuka scurried into the kitchen, where Rei was fascinated by Shinji's demonstration of the noble art of Boil Water for Tea. They turned to look at her.
"There's another one!" she said. "Another crazy one. Another Dane. Another crazy Exile-Dane; he just strolled on in wearing a suit worth half a million yen, and he's going to hobnob with the other one and together they'll be more than twice as crazy as the sum of their parts!"
Shinji blinked as the smoke of confusion poured from his ears. Rei pondered for a moment, then held out a tin of packets.
"We're making Irish Breakfast," she said. "Would you like some?"
Meanwhile, Thomas had received no answer, so he knocked again. There was a rustle from within and he heard the click of the door unlocking. A young man slid the door open; the older one looked at the picture he had been given and then at the youngster again.
"Yes? Who are you and what do you want?" said The Dane shortly, annoyed that his reading had been interrupted yet again. At least it wasn't Pen-Pen and that female penguin from down the street this time, but it was still annoying.
"Have you forgotten your manners, young one?" said the older man, and held out an ID card. "Thomas Sørensen of the former Royal Hunter Soldiers." He saluted smartly and stood at attention. "I've been sent by the Danish People's Parliament for your protection. I will take residence here and/or follow you wherever you choose to live/go." The Dane just looked at the guy, amazed that somebody could actually say the slashes out loud and not sound stupid.
"They never used to give youse any fuckin' Armanis…" he muttered as he looked at the man, now very suspicious. "Aggemam?" The Dane suddenly said. The other Dane grinned.
"Nej, det' ikk' mam. Det' en motions-cykel," he responded.
"Ikk' mam?" The Dane asked, grinning.
"Ikk' mam," replied the older man, a smile spreading across his face as well.
"Aggemam?!" The Dane went off again.
"Maybe we should just put on the Gramsespektrum CD," commented Thomas with a chuckle.
"Can't blame me for testing you," said the Dane. Thomas nodded.
"Indeed. It was wise of you to try me like that." He looked around.
"Is this where all the Eva pilots live? Are you that many?"
The Dane grinned. "Nope, NERV's just showing off. But this means that there's a load of space for everyone and then some. We could board you for a week and nobody would notice."
Thomas looked around again. "Then I shall take residence here. I just hope that all problems will be sorted out… or was that an unlucky thing to say?"
Suddenly there was the sound of a gun being cocked, and Misato rushed down the hall, pointing a .45 at Thomas' head. "I don't know what you're doing here, but I'm giving you two seconds to get away from the—"
Misato never finished her sentence, because Thomas ducked, swept her legs from underneath her and grabbed the hand with the pistol, all in one fluid motion. Then he put one leg across her upper body, pinning her arms. With one hand, he held the captured gun to her chest, and with the other, he laid a knife from up his sleeve across her throat.
"Thomas, meet Misato. Misato, meet Thomas," The Dane said sarcastically. "She's the household guardian and NERV operations officer. He's my… what's your function, anyway? Bodyguard, or what?" He looked quizzically at Thomas, who released Misato slowly.
"The appropriate term would be 'protector.'" He grudgingly gave Misato her gun back. "Pardon my behavior, but I am assigned to protect this young man here, and you posed a perceived threat."
Misato rubbed her neck and moved her head about to loosen the muscles. "And any threat is to be eliminated?" she grumbled. Thomas nodded, smiling.
"Yes, exactly. I am glad that you see it my way. Should you find yourself wanting to repay my help with that, I know some—"
The smack of Misato's lightning-fast "Open Palm of Female Fury" upon Thomas's cheekbone resounded through the neighborhood and scared off flocks of birds.
"Ow," murmured The Dane as Thomas's head whipped to one side.
"An eye for an eye, buddy. If you think payback's only a bitch, you have another think coming!" The furious Major turned on her heel and stalked off. Thomas was amazed.
"Wow. I have never experienced such a swift and powerful blow in my entire life." He rubbed his cheek and winced a bit.
"In anime circles, we call it the female's 'hentai reflex'…. Welcome to the Akagi/Katsuragi household," said Worldmage from behind Thomas, grinning.
The protector whirled around, grabbed Worldmage's face, and slammed his head to the floor. Then he stopped. "Is he a threat?" he asked The Dane.
"…No." The Dane sat down heavily in his wheelchair and bent over to help his friend up. "He's my companion and fellow pilot and… student of… ancient philosophy."
Worldmage stood up and offered his hand and a smile. "Well, I'm sure you'll be a good help when you finally do meet a threat," he said pleasantly.
Gottenyu, not another psycho Dane, was what Worldmage thought behind his smile.
Careful, buddy. I can read your thoughts. The Dane grinned at Worldmage.
Just great, thought the exasperated Kabbalist, and shook his head.
Thomas looked at the two young men, not quite understanding the exchange between them, but not really caring either. "I have to accommodate myself. Would anyone care to show me my quarters?"
Worldmage looked at Thomas wearily. "Take any room that's not already occupied. There're plenty, and they're huge. Just don't touch the room with all the books at the back of the house."
Thomas smiled and nodded. "Good. Then I shall take the one across the hall from the young one's quarters, the better to fulfill my function."
Worldmage tried not to smile too broadly. "'The young one'?"
Thomas nodded towards The Dane. "Him. That is his designation: 'the young one.'" Thomas sheathed the oyabun knife back up his sleeve; Worldmage noticed the weapon.
"Do you know Ninjitsu? I've been wanting to learn, but there are alarmingly few ninja left in Japan. Could you teach me?" Worldmage asked, explained, and asked.
"I know several kinds of martial arts. I can use almost all weapons known to mankind, and I can kill a man in more than six thousand ways," Thomas said as he opened the door to the room across the hall from The Dane's. Then he vanished into the room.
"Cute," Worldmage muttered. The Dane just chuckled and slapped him on the back.
"Feeling up for a drink?" he asked.
Worldmage nodded tiredly. "Mulled red wine, please." The Dane grinned as he and Worldmage made their way to the kitchen, also known as 'booze-central'.
The next morning, the second-best scientist in the known anime universe was annoyed at yet another addition to the table, especially because Thomas did not seem to be getting along well with Dennis. She was giving the Danes an earful about house rules when her fellow NERV officer staggered into the room with an icepack clutched against her temple.
"Ritsuko, just leave them alone," Misato groaned. "I have a headache, and they're going to be late for school. I can't see straight enough to drive them, so you'll have to."
Then The Dane got an idea. Everybody saw the light bulb appear, as he was still SD from being yelled at. "Uh-oh," was the unanimous reaction.
The Dane graciously ignored it. "Why doesn't Misato call in sick today? I can drive; give me the keys to the van and I'll take us all to school." The Dane smiled innocently. "Pleeeaaasse?" He upgraded his SD status to chibi, and his eyes grew huge and watery. He batted his eyelashes a few times and looked as innocent as humanly possible until at last Misato gave in.
"Fine. You can drive the van next to my car in the garage. But I'm gonna kill you if you scratch it," the Major warned. The Dane continued to give her his most innocent smile.
"Don't worry, I'm gonna take care of her as if she was my own. Except I'm smart enough to NOT buy crappy French cars like that bashed up Renault of yours."
He winked at Misato and elegantly dodged her thrown beer-can. Shinji, however, was not as swift as he entered the kitchen. A 'bonk' noise resounded in the kitchen, followed by the thud of Shinji's body hitting the hard tiled floor.
"Ow…" the Eva pilot moaned. The Dane gave an evil chuckle as Misato hurried to her young charge. Ritsuko rubbed her temples, her left eye twitching.
"It's too early in the morning for me to handle this without a smoke and a cup of coffee," she groaned and started fishing in her pockets.
"Here, have one of mine. They're hand-made 'cause I couldn't find my cigarette machine, but they should do well." The Dane winked at Ritsuko and offered her a package. "Just take the pack; I have more than enough." He lit up her smoke and handed it to her. Ritsuko gratefully accepted the proffered cigarette and took a long, hard drag.
One brief moment of brain damage later, everything just became—cool. It was just… cool. Ritsuko chuckled to herself and took another drag of the cigarette as The Dane hurried the children out of the house and into the waiting car. Dennis was stowed inside a magic circle in The Dane's room, with a computer for company. "After all," Worldmage had reasoned, "the Internet keeps millions of children sedated. Why not a demon-child? And besides, The Dane will the one who has to deal with the porn that Dennis is sure to download."
The Dane put the key into the ignition and savored the sound of the van's engine. "Now THAT'S German engineering: aggressive, assertive and powerful! But maybe I should meddle with it a bit." The Dane listened to the engine sound for another couple of seconds until an annoyed Asuka smacked him on the side of the head.
"Get moving, baka! I don't want to be late for school because you're busy getting off over some damn motor!" the redhead snapped.
The Dane snorted. "Ok, if you're really in THAT much of a hurry—!" He put the pedal to the metal and headed out for the road. Asuka immediately regretted what she had said about needing speed, especially since none of the pilots had buckled their seatbelts yet, and were now flung into the back of the van. Worldmage, already secured, just clung to the armrests of the front passenger seat.
"You do know what you're doing, right?" he asked his friend apprehensively. The Dane just nodded, keeping his eyes on the road.
"The way there isn't a problem; she has an electronic map with GPS Uplink, so it's not that. The trick is for me to get used to right-steering and left-driving."
Everybody in the van sweat-dropped except for Rei, who was staring straight ahead.
"Hey, I'm sure it's just gonna take me a moment or so to get adjusted—I hope." The Dane shifted into the fifth gear and pressed the car on.
-
The Volkswagen roared onto the parking lot of the school and circled around. The driver fitted it snugly between two cars up against the curb, using the hand brake to spin it into position.
"Like that, huh? I saw it in a Blues Brothers movie." The Dane unbuckled his seatbelt and looked over his shoulder. "As promised, I got us here with time to spare." Then he saw the terrified faces of Asuka and Shinji staring back at him. The two were clutching onto each other as if their lives depended on it, which they probably had, given The Dane's driving. Rei just sat there, her red gaze seeming to bore through the seat in front of her. The Dane turned to Worldmage, who was still gripping the armrests of the front passenger seat with a fervor that belied his calm face. "Fahrvergnügen," muttered the Kabbalist.
"Well, I'm gonna go to class. You guys can just hang out here if you feel like it." The Dane exited the van and went to find some of the other people from the class to socialize with.
Rei was the first to speak.
"That was a deeply unsettling experience. I am unsure whether or not I prefer him to Major Katsuragi as a driver. However, I am sure of one thing."
Shinji unfroze and looked at Rei. "What is that, Ayanami-kun?"
The albino turned her head towards Shinji and grimaced. "I am NEVER going to put up with something like that, EVER AGAIN!" she hissed, then slapped Shinji, straddled over him, and exited the van in a huff.
"Wow—did Wondergirl just display an emotion?" said an unsettled Asuka.
"Yes," Shinji answered. He was shaking violently.
During class, Worldmage looked down at his laptop. His MSN Messenger service was indicating an incoming message from The Dane.
Dane: I said I'd getcha!
WMage: You are a sick, sick individual.
Dane: But you've gotta admit that I'm good behind the wheel.
WMage: If you ever do any of the things you did this morning again, with me as passenger, I shall make sure that you never have any kind of beer ever again.
Dane: You wouldn't
WMage: Wanna call my bluff?
Dane: …
WMage: I thought not.
Dane: You're no fun. I'm gonna bug Shinji instead.
WMage: You do that.
The Dane chuckled as the virus he had planted in Worldmage's laptop during their conversation seeded and began to work. The Dane then initiated the chatroom function.
Dane: Shinji, feeling fresh enough to skip the last few classes? ^_~
S. Ikari: Why? O.o;;
Dane: To help me check up on a little home experiment. Unless Ritsuko left for work, in that case we'd have to go down to NERV.
S. Ikari: Sure, why not... I doubt that the Sensei will even notice us being away.
Suzuhara: Can I tag along as well?
SpectacledGunman: Me too!
Dane: Sure, Kensuke. I don't see why not.
Red: What are you baka boys talking about now? It better not be me!
Dane: I doubt the language would be THIS civil if it were about you, Asuka.
Red: Screw you guys!
Dane: I thought you were saving yourself until the right man came along, but if you REALLY want it THAT bad I think we can arrange a schedule of sorts...
Suzuhara: *lol*
S. Ikari: What, shifts? Count me in!
SpectacledGunman: She's pretty, but I wouldn't do it for all the money in the world, man!
ClassRep: You perverted baka-gaijin! Ecchi hentai!
Red: WHAT WAS THAT? VERDAMMTE HOLTZKOP!
The Dane felt something heavy and hard crash against the back of his head. His face slammed into the table. He looked up to see Asuka twiddling her fingers innocently beside him, her laptop broken in half. He looked at her viciously and then wrote her a little note, which he passed to her. She read it, paled and wrote something on the back of it, then handed it back to The Dane.
He read her note and gave her his most vicious and evil grin. He nodded a few times and then resumed his chatting. Asuka gritted her teeth and shot a lethal stare at her fellow Norseman. The class stared at this exchange, excepting only the sensei, and Worldmage, who was typing and clicking furiously in an attempt to save his hard drive.
Dane: Now she's at least semi-pacified, and more importantly, she can't monitor our chat.
SpectacledGunman: Man… that looked nasty. I 'm surprised the sensei didn't notice it...
Suzuhara: And that your nose didn't break. But the sensei's halfway deaf and blind. The only thing he can do is ramble on about 2I.
S. Ikari: That's right. Hey, anybody want to see the darkfic I wrote?
Horaki: Would you idiots pay attention to the class in progress!
Suzuhara: Hey, I'm listening to the sensei! ^_^
Horaki: That's good, Touji-chan.
SpectacledGunman: You're SO whipped!
Suzuhara: I am not!
Demon: If anyone's whipped, it's Shin-kun. And he's not even getting anything for it. *ROTFLMAO*
Suzuhara: All you people think about is sex. I think you're disgusting!
Horaki: You tell them, Touji! I just LOVE it when you get all assertive and macho.
SpectacledGunman: Carpetbagger!
WMage: Hey, what's Dennis doing here? I thought it was a closed network!
Demon: I have my methods.
SpectacledGunman: Funny you mention it. SysMon detects an unauthorized user, guys.
WMage: That's fine. I got something for you from your COUSIN, Dennis. Hope you don't mind I added a couple lines to the code.
+ FILE TRANSFER INITIATED +
Demon: What's this? You
+ Demon HAS LEFT THE CHATROOM +
Dane: Class is ending soon. All who wanna come with me, just follow me out of the room and down to Misato's van.
The Dane grinned as he logged off. He turned his head toward Worldmage and got a disgusted look. But nonetheless, Worldmage followed his compatriot out of the room and down to the van with the others when class ended.
"Man, I'm really glad that Misato got this vehicle. Otherwise there wouldn't be enough room for all of us." The Dane grinned as he saw all the people assembled: Touji, Kensuke, and Shinji, Hikari and Asuka were all present. Worldmage had brought up the rear with Rei, of all people.
The Dane caught a meaningful glance from Worldmage as he ignited the engine, and growled some utterly vile oaths under his breath.
-
The little experiment that The Dane referred to was now in full progress as Fuyutsuki and Gendo were witness to a very disturbing sight: a quiet and relaxed Ritsuko.
"Man, I feel so much better. I've been stressing like a maniac all these years without really stopping to smell the roses." She was sitting in her chair at the bridge and smoking what looked like homemade cigarettes. Gendo recognized the smell immediately.
"Ganja… go get that gaijin! This time he has gone too far!" Gendo's brows had folded, and his entire face darkened, in an unusual display of anger. He was on the urge of popping a vein when his chief scientist drawled from below the commander's platform.
"You know, this way I can get twice the work done. Now I can just take a drag, and look at it all from a fresh perspective." Ritsuko got up and gave a cat-like stretch and a yawn. "I feel great, and a fresh perspective gives one fresh inspiration… for all sorts of things… right, Gen-chan?" purred Ritsuko. Gendo called off the headhunters as he fought to suppress a nosebleed. Contrary to Ritsuko's predictions, they weren't going to get much work done at NERV that day.
-
"Well, I'm impressed," Asuka said, with only the slightest hint of sarcasm in her voice. "You actually got us there quickly, yet without any insane stunts. Not even a hand brake turn. You ARE good." She patted The Dane on the shoulder as the van pulled up in front of the Katsuragi/Akagi household.
"You have no idea how hard it was for me not to make any stunts," the now disheveled-looking man moaned. Worldmage chuckled.
"You really should appreciate that compliment. After all, she's not likely to hand them out on a regular basis."
The Dane turned to Worldmage and grinned. "Right now, I don't care. I have an experiment to check up on." With that cryptic statement, he also entered house, laughing ominously. Worldmage just sighed and shook his head.
"I wish he'd tell me what's going on inside that head of his once in a while! I hate having to read through his thoughts, it's scary…."
-
The house was empty except for a very annoyed Dennis, who had thrice-cursed his computer after it had crashed on him. After the bust, a clearly annoyed Dane drove the group, with Dennis along for the ride, to NERV. He looked as if he needed to channel some aggressive energy—which is what he did.
"I thought that we had established a driving etiquette," Worldmage growled as The Dane wove in and out of the traffic at approximately 200 kilometers per hour.
The Dane turned his head a bit to look at Worldmage. "Huh? What do you want? I'm concentrating here." He narrowly avoided slamming into a semi-trailer truck as Worldmage subtly redirected his friend's attention to driving.
"EYES ON THE ROAD, MAN!" Worldmage closed his eyes and began muttering as they fit with less than an inch to spare between a bus and a metal rail. "Lord, I'm about to die. Sh'ma Yisrael, Adonai Eloheynu, Adonai Echad…."
The Dane huffed and returned his full attention to his driving.
Meanwhile, the other inhabitants of the van were in a similar state of disarray. Shinji was clutching at the sick-bags. Rei was wondering what a car-crash would feel like—she had not died like that before. Kensuke was wondering if he should kiss Rei or Asuka, and which one he'd be more likely to succeed with. Dennis hoped that a near-death experience would cause his corporeal body to dissipate into smoke and banish him back to the Abyss for one hundred years. Not that he particularly wanted to return to this world ever. Asuka was thinking about either kissing Shinji or killing The Dane before he got them killed. Hikari and Touji were making out; he had taken advantage of her clutching onto him in a moment of fear. Finally, the car screeched to a stop. The Dane turned off the engine, opened his door, and jumped out into the NERV parking lot #812.
"Dude, what are you doing?" asked Touji, sounding winded.
"We're here. I can't drive longer than this, man."
Worldmage snapped out of the daze he had sunk into. "Wha?"
The Dane laughed softly. "We're there. No need for driving any longer, and you guys can come along and see the fun." That drew some minimal cheers from the group of youngsters as they slowly exited the van on wobbly legs.
"So, what's the big rush?" an annoyed Worldmage asked The Dane on the elevator ride down to Central Dogma. "What's so great you had to risk our lives on the way over to see it?"
"You'll see. When we enter the bridge, we should see Ritsuko…" he trailed off dramatically as the elevator door opened to reveal—nothing.
"We'll see what, baka?" sneered Asuka, drawing a hostile look from The Dane.
"Hmm… I'm sure that the stuff I gave her was the hardest I had," The Dane muttered under his breath. Then he suddenly heard Ritsuko and Gendo's voices. Grinning evilly, he hurried towards where the voices came from.
"Hey, dude. This's just like college, man." Gendo was sitting cross-legged in his commander-box with Fuyutsuki and Ritsuko, taking puffs of the weird 'cigarettes' Ritsuko had gotten from The Dane earlier that morning.
"Good God. They smoked all that weed; it was fuckin' pure. No real tobacco at all!" The Dane seemed crestfallen. Worldmage reacted no less emotionally.
"We're all going to die!" he groaned. "Die! You've single-handedly killed the human race!"
"It seems like they did quite a lot of the stuff in college," remarked Touji, drawing an annoyed glance from Hikari.
"Yeah, but who doesn't?" Dennis chuckled, nudging Asuka in her side with an elbow, getting a whap over the head in return.
Worldmage just shook his head and muttered, "Damn kids…."
Kensuke turned to him. "How old are you?" he asked. "You don't look over twenty."
"I'm over five thousand years old, and right now I'm feeling every second of it. Too damn tired." Without further ado, Worldmage crumbled into a pile of dust.
-
Just kidding!
—
Authors' notes: A lot of crazy stuff's goin' down. When will it all make sense? When will Gendo's plans be revealed? When will our, um, heroes finally escape? When will the brain damage from all that pot kill Fuyutsuki? When will we figure out that when Gendo was in college, Fuyutsuki was already a professor and Ritsuko was still in grade school? When will The Dane start driving like a responsible person?
Never, never, never, never, never, and never! Well, maybe.