Disclaimer: We hereby disclaim NGE. Not claim; disclaim. If you disbelieve, you're dissin' us, man. That's disrespectful, so we'll disregard you.
SI part NEIN! Or,
"How Mary Sue never saw the truck coming and how Rakna continued bitching about chunks of stuff in the grillwork of his new truck for days on end."
Worldmage [exasperated]: I really ought to edit this more closely…
The Dane [grinning]: It's like you're asking for it, dude. I make funky titles just to see you sweat.
Worldmage: Don't "dude" me, Goy!
The Dane: I resent that.
Worldmage: Like I care…
Worldmage [to readers]: The following dialogue has been edited to an extent, mostly because my esteemed colleague don't got no good English skillz.
The Dane: Fucker…
Worldmage: Evil English skillz, on the other hand, he has in plenty.
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Dane says: Nice talkin' to ya. And remember that beer is better because you're full before you get TOO drunk.
Dane says: And never drink more than four shots after the buzz kicks in if you wanna stay somewhat reasonable.
WMage says: Who drinks beer? Wine is better.
WMage says: I'm always reasonable
Dane says: Yeah, right... and I can see Satan Claus and his dark elves running from the purple killer sheep out on the plains... :P ;)
Dane says: And I drink beer.
WMage says:
WMage says: Excellent netcomic... read the archives when you find time
Dane says: I'll see if I can remember that... or you could just send it to me ;)
WMage says: Copy-paste
Dane says: Sluggy... linked under Megatokyo?
WMage says: Don't think so.
Dane says: hm...
Dane says: Piro reminds me a little of you... maybe we should have Misato going "OH MY GOD! HE SOUNDS JUST LIKE A 15-YEAR-OLD GIRL!!!!"
Dane says: LoL And then I could try and overclock the Magi naked. LMAO
WMage says: Hey, I'm the one who caught YOU using a feminine particle, macho-Dane-boy!
Dane says: ph33r m4 l33t n3kkid 5killz!
Dane says: I don't know Japanese, I'm excused. :O
Dane says: :P
WMage says: WhatEver
Dane says: Don't you Squall me! Joboi-chan…
WMage says: Juboi
WMage says: Sounds like "Jew-boy," get it?
WMage says: Play on words on "Jubei" which is an actual name
Dane says: LoL
Dane says: Just remember that you have to undergo some serious surgery if you're ever gonna get that friggin' eyepatch...
WMage says: Why?
WMage says: You can wear patches without losing the eye
Dane says: Jubei... wasn't that that guy from Ninja scroll...
Dane says: Yeah, but you have to be all bouncy and boinky and stuff like the old Samurai said.
WMage says: Now you DIE
Dane says: BREWHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!
WMage says: [rocket array online in 10...9...8...]
Dane says: I'm not as ignorant as you might think ;)
WMage says: I'm glad you're knowledgeable, Grasshopper.
WMage says: [initiating launch sequence]
Dane says: powers up shield-spell Don't even try...
Dane says: If this can block Dragonslave, your puny missile won't even dent it. :P
Dane says: Besides, it is meant to take the full brunt of a thermonuclear blast. How do you think a Grey Guard foot soldier would survive all those spells in a battle?
WMage says: (mumble mumble mumble) RAGNA BLADE!
WMage says: WHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!
WMage says: [Chops subspace in half]
Dane says: evades and starts looking through Necronomicon for a "Binding of evil conjurors"
WMage says: Too bad I'm not evil, eh?
WMage says: Blehheheheheheheh
Dane says: If you're trying to off me you are evil.
WMage says: Nah, jes' sparrin'
WMage says: If'n you pass out I'll stop 8) [bends the wind to his will]
Dane says: Dispel.
WMage says: Oops, too bad your shield got in the way of that!
Dane says: I can always cast another one. ;)
Dane says: Oh, well. I'll just settle for an ordinary binding then.
WMage says: [Summons Monty Python rabbit in yer PANTS]
WMage says: Bind that!
WMage says: [Blurs]
WMage says: [Eats ice cream]
Dane says: "By Enlil and Istar, by Moon and sword. Come forth ye powers of ancient gods and bind this being to naught
WMage says: Which being?
Dane says: You, Kabbalist
Dane says: Breaks rabbit's neck and eats it raw.
WMage says: EEEEEWWWWW
Dane says: I'm into full-blown sorcerer-mode now.
WMage says: Are you?
WMage says: [Invisible]
Dane says: grins evilly flame shield.
Dane says: And for the finale... Nova
WMage says: "Oh binding spirits, as this is in this place and time the field of pure battle, I abjure thee. Trouble me no more"
WMage says: [Reflection]
WMage says: Deal w/your own nova
Dane says: shite...
Dane says: Shield spell full power!
Dane says: it's more of an areal spell than one designated for one.
WMage says: eh?
WMage says: An area-of-effect spell, you mean?
Dane says: areal spell as in dealing with large groups of people needing to get toasty.
WMage says: Toastyfrog!
Dane says: You can't reflect it as it ain't for you as such, just your immediate area.
WMage says: That's fine, as long as I'm not hit. [Black obsidian katana... slices bloodily thru' shield like Eva-01 through Zeruel's AT field]
Dane says: teleports Now you're gonna find out why shield-spells are meant to withstand nukes in a world without them.
WMage says: Ohhh...
WMage says: [teleports]
Dane says: (think hydrogen bomb with 30mile blast radius)
WMage says: Coolness!
Dane says: And it's only minor Nova.
WMage says: [fiddles with sticks, then teleports to right behind Dane]
Dane says: I think this is getting us nowhere... or rather anywhere but where we should be... o.0
WMage says: [Taps Dane on shoulder] Hi! Thanks for leaving the back door open! ...where should we be?
Dane says: And we're destroying Ritsu's back lawn again...
WMage says: Bloody. She might get annoyed.
WMage says: I think we killed more of her cats too
Dane says: Don't mess with an edgy guardsman... there's a reason as to why warrior-mages are the fear of the Dark Federation...
Dane says: I happen to like cats, you meanie!
WMage says: Well, YOU killed 'em, with that area-of-effect spell!
WMage says: I used precision spells!
Dane says: What about you and your throwing spirits everywhere?!
Dane says: Yeah, right, precision in hitting everything but me. :P
WMage says: Hey, just count your lucky stars the Ragna Blade didn't hit
WMage says: I just banished the spirits you summoned on me! Well, except for the sword and the rabbit. I did summon those.
Dane says: maybe I should've cooked that one...
WMage says: Echhh...
WMage says: Yup
WMage says: And taken out the poison sacs, but that's alright. 8P
Dane says: bleh... Here we go. I have the sword of the chosen.
WMage says: So?
WMage says: It's a nice sword and all that…
Dane says: Then we'd have to fence...
WMage says: oho...
Dane says: But then again, warrior mages can employ magic when fighting, so that'd leave you WIDE open. ;)
WMage says: Who says I can't?
WMage says: [battou-jutsu stance] What style?
Dane says: Sephiroth stance badass style
WMage says: hmmm....
WMage says: [waits]
Dane says: We could go two-weaponed.
WMage says: Heh
WMage says: I'm just a bit slow on the two-handed draw
Dane says: mutters word of command and sword reshapes to two longswords Cute ability, ne?
WMage says: Cute.
WMage says: But if I pull off the Final Succession draw-cut, they'll not help you
Dane says: Check this: "Angelfire!" swords burn with eldritch flames'
WMage says: Oy…
Dane says: One word: Omnislash.
Dane says: with two swords.
WMage says: ten-foot rift under Dane!
Dane says: levitation
WMage says: Gale-force winds! HAHAHAH!
WMage says: Levitators are so easy to trap that way
Dane says: focus dispel
WMage says: d'oh!
Dane says: floats towards solid ground
WMage says: Golem hand forms out of solid ground
Dane says: flame-jet
WMage says: [ducks]
WMage says: ouch...
Dane says: Don't make me nova you....
WMage says: I'm not making you do anything
WMage says: 8P
WMage says: Always with the nuke spells, hm?
Dane says: The bigger the better
WMage says: Ohhh, somebody has spell-envy! It's not the size that matters; it's what you do with it!
Dane says: We should keep a log so we could y'know make a funny fight scene outta this.
WMage says: Or at least base one off of it. We both look like total geeks.
Dane says: yep
Dane says: I don't have disks, so you'd have to save it...
WMage says: ok
WMage says: I can see the bridge crew sweat-dropping, and the two commanders wondering why we didn't break this out vs. the Angels. But let's get back to business. We were comparing size. 8P
Dane says: acid needle size this! Golem melts away
WMage says: hey!
Dane says: That oughta teach ya!
WMage says: [Base pin]
WMage says: to neutralize the acid, you know
Dane says: Summons are unfair!
WMage says: Says the guy who summoned moon- and sword-spirits to tie me down!
WMage says: Unfair, hm?
Dane says: No, I invoked them, I didn't summon them
Dane says: lightning ball dumbass golem
WMage says: [copper rod collects lightening]
WMage says: Well, I animated the arm, not summoned
Dane says: I'll counter a summon with a summon...
Dane says: Don't make me wake up Cthulhu...
WMage says: [200,000 volt difference across Dane's left pinky-toe]
WMage says: You do and I'll feed him his medicine again
Dane says: jitters and smokes
Dane says: I'm gonna get you for that...
WMage says: Awww, poor baby. [Band-Aid]
Dane says: Omnislashes golem with the two-sword style.
WMage says: [flees across field, making "woohoo" noises like an old Daffy Duck show]
WMage says: Golem says: "owie"
Dane says: Golem crumbles as a matter of fact. Earth vs. steel is quite logical
WMage says: Yup. But it still says "owie"
Dane says: did it even have time to see it coming?!
WMage says: [Flame pillar walks down field]
WMage says: I dunno. Arms can't see all that much
Dane says: douses flames with water-spell
WMage says: electrifies water
Dane says: I just summon it
WMage says: [transmute water to acid]
Dane says: I don't touch it
Dane says: ice-spell on flames
Dane says: gets rid of the acid
WMage says: [Assumes Gatotsu stance]
Dane says: ?
WMage says: Kenshin reference. Holding the sword in back hand, parallel to the horizon.
Dane says: ah...
WMage says: [Charges across field so fast feet cannot be seen, burrows thru' ice and keeps on comin'!]
Dane says: Um... I actually have to leave now. It's 1953 hours.
WMage says: [stops suddenly]
WMage says: OK
WMage says: It was fun!
WMage says: Next time I'll get you fer sure!
WMage says: 8)
Dane says: takes out mallet and whaps Worldie across the head I said I'd get you back for the pinky-toe-thing! :P ;)
Dane says: Later.
WMage says: Itai! iteteteteteee....
Dane says: ?
Dane says: ite?
WMage says: Japanese for "ouch." Mostly. Tokyo-ben.
Dane says: oh...
Dane says: Well, Ja Mata.
—
Author's Notes:
Worldmage:
This was an actual IM conversation we had once; none of it was scripted or planned out, although as noted I edited it some. For starters, The Dane uses an odd mixture of British English and "gangsta" slang, which drives me up the wall. His worst atrocities upon American English, which is what I use, never reach you the reader. For the record, English is The Dane's third Fremdsprache (foreign language) at least, so he deserves lots of credit for writing it as well as he does. Incidentally, this chapter also shows most strongly how dorky we really are. Eh.
But back to the fic. Ironically enough, I was the one who'd been drinking—most of a small bottle of imported sake over the course of the evening. Well, I wasn't drunk, but usually it's my European cohort who imbibes alcohol. I drink a couple ounces a week, usually. I'm afraid to ask him whether his marijuana references are just a joke or not. ;;
And yes, I am writing this vaguely Piroish commentary on purpose, for those of you who read it too. Although, The Dane has done most of the actual writing, by word-count, so he's the "Piro" (the principal artist) of this fic. That was a bit of an obscure reference, I guess, these days... remember when Largo was a part of the team? Wow.
I actually like this format a lot. I'd like to use it again some time; perhaps in a sort of "epilogue" episode where we answer notable questions and comments posted by the readership. But I've hijacked the plot for the foreseeable future, and may impose my own boringness on it for the rest of the fic if my esteemed colleague doesn't get off his duff and write more. Did you hear that, Tetsuo-kun? HAHAHAH!
For the record, we don't actually IM under our names. We go by our real names—but I changed them to protect the innocent, or the guilty, or whatever we are.
It's been a massively fun project so far, even if I have annoyed The Dane by failing to edit most of the other stuff he's sent me. Thanks to all of you (so far I have counted at least two loyal readers, neither of which is me) for your support and feedback and lack of mail-bombs.
The Dane:
Wow, we've got LOYAL readers? O.o;; Heh, never expected that, but then again, if I can get readers on Ikari Towers, then I guess that Worldie and I can get readers on this.
I'm just surprised that Worldmage would let people see just HOW fuckin' geekazoid we can get when one's overtired and the other's half-tipsy and both have been watching too much anime for their own good.
And no, the marijuana references ain't no joke. =P And I consume more alcohol in a good month than Worldie's consumed in his lifetime. (No kiddin' there either.)
My commentary's going to be short, though. I don't have all that much to say other than Worldmage's right about me having written most of the shit for this fic, but then again, he had a serious education and I didn't, at the time. But I'm going to get off the 'duff' and I'm going to write lots more. Don't worry. Right now I'm still recovering from a years-long writer's block, but I'll get back in business as soon as I get the time for fics. At the moment I've started trying to become a teacher, so I've got my work cut out for me.
Anyways, have fun and I hope y'all enjoy the fics to come.