Dedication & Chapter 1

For Beatrice –

I swore I would never let you down –

A week later:

I lowered you into the ground.

Chapter 1: Abandoned

I'm sure if you had good parents who really cared about your well-being they would have made sure you knew it was never a good idea to talk to strangers. This is because you never know what a stranger could do to you. He could try to poison you, take you away and molest you, or even force you to read morose and terribly tragic books such as this one. Unfortunately, the Baudelaire orphans did not have a choice but to speak to strangers because they were once again going to have a complete stranger for their guardian and not speaking to him or her would be incredibly rude after he or she welcomed them into his or her humble home.

So, if you cannot bear to watch the three Baudelaire orphans once again have to do something their parents most likely warned them time after time not to do; I urge you to put this book down right now and pick up a completely different story that involves happy kids and jocular adults because I assure you, you will find no such thing in this book.

"Your next guardian is a wonderful lady and I am sure you will have a great time together," Mr. Poe said while handing the Baudelaire children their belongings – of which their was very little – while unpacking his car.

If you are familiar with the Baudelaires you already know quite a bit about them. But for those of you who still aren't completely aware of their series of unfortunate events, I feel it is my duty to warn you that, once again, this story will involve a certain one-eyebrowed man. So even if you enjoy their new guardian; don't get too attached to her; she will not be with them very long.

"What does she do?" Violet asked. Violet Baudelaire was the eldest of the three orphans and was the inventor of the family. There was nothing she enjoyed more then tying her hair up in a ribbon to keep her hair out of her eyes and making something that does something spectacular.

"Oh," Mr. Poe answered, "I'm not sure. You'd have to ask her." Mr. Poe was a banker from Mulctuary Money Management and had always worked with the orphans to find them suitable – a word here which means "unsuitable" – guardians. One of the chief defects of Mr. Poe's choices was the fact that he knew absolutely nothing about the people he was making the children stay with. This often resulted in them staying with someone who should not, under any circumstances, raise a child; much less three.

"How is she related to us, Mr. Poe?" prompted Klaus. Klaus was the middle child and was the researcher of the family. He read almost everything he could get his hands on ranging from anacondas to Zodiac symbols. It is with his knowledge from these books that the Baudelaire children were able to find their ways out of many sticky situations – and by "sticky situations" I mean "perilous places the Baudelaires were coerced into by someone calling himself Count Olaf."

"I believe she is your fourth cousin twice removed, or something like that," he answered. "But oh-my," he said with a glance at his watch, "look at the time! I have to go! The banking day is nearly half-over and I've got important people to handle. You know the cities sixth most successful financial adviser doesn't sit around and wait for just anybody. You'll find Mrs. Allgood's cottage on the outskirts of that forest over there beyond that clock tower," he said pointing out the appropriate landmarks.

"Can't you just drop us off over there instead of making us walk?" Sunny said – Well technically she said "Effrt?" but that is what she meant to say; luckily, Violet was there to translate for her.

"No, no," Mr. Poe said. "The roads were blocked off due to the recent flooding of the Grim River. The car would get stuck if we tried. Besides, -" he began then broke off into a fit of coughing. When he regained enough composure to speak again he started where he left off, "I simply do not have the time. I'll contact you in a week or so to see how you're doing. Until then, be good!" and with that he jumped into his car and drove off giving them one last wave before he turned the corner and went out of sight.

Abandoned again, the Baudelaires looked at each other in anguish with the unspoken question hanging in the acrid air, "What about Count Olaf?"

Athor Notes: Be sure to read and review; Nothing is more thrilling to an author then knowing people are reading his or her stories! Good or bad, reviews keep the shrink away for another week or so.

Beware! The next chapter brings mud and clogs.
Quit reading now; prevent your sobs.