Drabble number 3: Jack Vs. Downloading turned into something a little longer than I had originally anticipated. Michael Shanks would be proud. He issued a direct challenge to fanfic writers at a GateCom Convention. He said that Daniel Jackson was a nighttime ninja in Colorado Springs so I ran with it. Hope these are not scaring you guys too much! We are totally thinking about putting up another drabble series. Look for "Jack Vs. Daniel and Sam", coming to a website near you very soon, and be on the lookout for Rose Stetson's original drabble series, "Jack Vs. Stargate SG1 Fans". The first installment is called "No COmment". (and yes, the caps are correct) This of course, takes place in an alternate universe...

The SGC was rejoicing. Colonel Jack O'Neill had not bellowed for Sam to come and fix his computer for 5 days now and Daniel was considered by many to be a god. Walter even remarked that the anthropologist deserved a Nobel Peace Prize for services to humanity, not to mention the base's sanity. That precious peace was shattered one morning when a famliar shout of "CARTER!" was heard ringing all over every metal surface. She had finally solved E equals MC squared and was prepared to write a brilliant dissertation on the universal effects of the theory when her C.O's bellow reached her ears.

"Coming! Just a minute!" she replied, pleadingly.

"NOW, CARTER! THAT'S AN ORDER!" came the answer at about two times its previous volume.

Looking in front of her, Sam picked up the Goa'uld torture device in her hand and had to restrain herself from bringing it along.

"Yes sir?" Sam asked, in a more than slightly sarcastic tone.

"I need you to help me download Ninja Massacre 7: The River of Blood onto my computer."

"Don't you see enough blood, sir?"

Jack gave her an offended look.

"That's Goa'uld blood Carter...that's completely different!"

Sam rolled her eyes and rubbed her temple. She could feel a headache coming on.

"Yes, sir." she sighed.

After helping the colonel download Ninja Massacre 7 and it's 5 other sequals, she was delighted to hear him say, "Oh no! I ran out of memory!"

Looking upward, she mouthed, "Thank you...there is a God!"

"I want more memory!" he declared.

"Play those 6 first and then we'll talk." Sam growled.

She had been back in the lab for less than 5 minutes when another call of "CARTER!" reverberated throughout the base.

"Somebody please shoot me now!" She said, getting to her feet and walking back toward Jack's office.

"I was trying to finish unlocking the secrets of the universe, sir." Sam said through clenched teeth.

"Wow, Carter, you really are smarter than the average bear."

"Thank you Captain Obvious."

He looked offended. "That's Colonel to you!"

"Right...thank you Colonel Obvious." she replied.

"Take a look at this!" Jack cried in outrage. His Ninja sliced one of his foes with his katana, and 5 minutes later the enemy finally fell to the ground.

"Why is it so slow?" he complained.

Sam rolled her eyes so hard that the earth shuddered on its axis.

"Sir, it's time to face an unpleasant fact...a few of your games are going to have to go."

Jack gave her a look of horror and wrapped his arms around the computer screen. "My preciouses!" he whispered in a faux Gollum voice.

Shutting her eyes, Sam smacked her forehead lightly with her hand.

"I KNEW we never should have let you see Lord of the Rings." she groaned. "It was bad enough trying to explain all that to Teal'c!"

Looking through his games, Jack bit his lip and finally moved the cursor over the first game he had-Freecell.

"Goodbye, Freecell." he whispered.

Sam gave him a look. "Jack, it's not like you're sacrificing your first born child to the gods!" she said snarkily.

Clicking onto Freecell, he was about to move it over to the Recycle Bin when Sam sighed and said, "You can keep Freecell sir."

"YES!" he yelled, leaping to his feet and doing what looked like a seriously demented hoedown around his desk.

"Um, sir...you are going to have to get rid of the Ninjas."

Jack dropped to his knees in front of her and wrapped his arms around her knees.

"Please!" he cried. "Anything except the Ninjas! Can't you take off the internet or something?"

Sam sighed and looked down at him. "Sir, if we take off the internet, you won't be able to play internet Checkers or go on Superarcade dot comanymore."

Releasing her and going back to his chair, Jack sat down heavily.

"I guess it's a sacrifice I'm going to have to make. Farewell, my brave ninjas...you fought well. It was an honor commanding you." he said in a quivering voice as he deposited the icons in the Recycle Bin.

Sam couldn't stop a snicker from escaping her lips. Her C.O. rapidily turned his head and pegged her with a wounded expression.

"Don't make fun of my loss, Carter."

"Yes sir...may I be excused? I need to go talk to Daniel or...something." she said.

He nodded, still too grief stricken over losing his beloved Ninjas to respond verbally. Once she was out the door and had shut it safely behind her, Samantha Carter erupted into a full out belly laugh. She made her way back down to the lab, practically giggling the whole way there.

Daniel looked up as Sam came in, tears of laughter streaming down her face.

"Sam, are you all right, or did you have a few Expressos?" Daniel asked suspiciously.

"No, I didn't have any caffeine today...our revered commander is officially three fries short of a Happy Meal."

"What do you mean?"

Catching her breath, Sam replied, "He's mourning the loss of his precious ninjas."

"Ninjas?" Daniel asked, concern creeping into his voice.

"Yeah, the games on Superarcade that he downloaded." she said, eying his concerned expression. "Are you sure YOU haven't spent a little too much time with the colonel?"

Daniel shook his head, relief sweeping over him. No one had discovered his secret nightly ritual of saving Colorado Springs from organized crime using the ancient arts of the ninjas.

"Daniel, you look a little tired...what did you do last night?" Sam asked.

"Oh, nothing much." he said, his thoughts wandering.

Flashback

Daniel Jackson was atop a building, his clothing black to match the darkness he was hiding in, his trusty katana strapped to his back, and watching the scene unfolding below him. Ever since he was young, Daniel had been trained in the ways of the Ninjas and when he came to Colorado Springs to be a part of the SGC, he soon learned of the problems his new home was having against criminals and he vowed that while he was able to draw his sword, he would do what he could.

He waited for the appropriate moment. Moving stealthily along the rooftop, he slowly descended to a tree branch. He observed for a few more moments and decided now was the time. With cat like grace, he swung himself through the air and drew his sword out of its sheath. The man below him was oblivious until a loud "HEE-YAH!" was heard from above and he knew no more.

End Flashback

"Hello, Daniel? Are you in there?" Sam asked, waving a hand in front of his face.

He blinked and quickly came back to the real world. "Yeah...just a bit tired I guess." he said.

She gave him a look, then said, "I'm going to go check on the colonel..."

"I wouldn't do that...he might rope you into something else..." Daniel warned.

Sam sighed. "He'd better not or he'll be singing soprano!"

Daniel winced. "Remind me to NEVER make you angry!"

Sam smiled evily. "You'd better believe it...I'm level three for a reason!"

Sam hesitantly walked into Jack's office and found him seated in front of the computer, looking very pleased with himself.

"Um, colonel, did you get over the ninjas already?" she asked.

He jumped, and pushed "pause." "Carter...I guess you could say that."

"Sir, what did you do?" she demanded.

A look of guilt was quickly plastered on his face. "Umm...nothing!"

"Sir..."

"It's not illegal!" he replied.

"You're worrying me now...I wasn't even implying that." Sam said.

Jack hung his head and pushed the monitor around so she could see it.

"Mini Ninja!" she cried in disbelief.

He beamed. "It's like Mini Me...but better!"

Sam shook her head. "Sir, only you..."

"I'll take that as a compliment, Carter."

"It wasn't meant to be." she replied dryly.

Jack bestowed her with a look.

"Do you want to help me download more games?" he asked sweetly.

"NO!" she cried.

"Okay then...compliment accepted." he finished smugly and turned back to Mini Ninja.

"I think I'm just going to go back to unlocking the secrets of the universe and leave you to your perverse pastime." Sam said, feeling extremely weirded out. Jack was acting like a fruitloop and Daniel was being odd...well, more odd than usual.

"Okay...Mini Ninja and I will be fine here." he replied.

Walking away, Sam's eyes widened. "This whole place is going wacko!" she thought.

As she entered the lab, a cry of joy was heard from Jack O'Neill's office.

"YES! THERE'S A MINI-NINJA TWO!"

Sam groaned, and laid her head down on the table. "Why me?" she asked.