Chapter 2: Stroll Down Muddy Lane
When I first learned about the Baudelaire children's walk down Muddy Lane I could only think of the phrase "Happy as a clam at high tide." This basically means that clams love to lie in the mud, but when it is low tide clam hunters can get to them and take them away from their beloved mud.
This particular expressions comes to mind because as the orphans walked down Muddy Lane they could feel the mud seep up over the rims of their sneakers and fill their shoes – a feeling that clams would love to have, because, as we all know, clams love mud, unfortunately the Baudelaire orphans were not clams and couldn't enjoy the mud as the clams would have in their position. Every step they took fell with a gross squash and the mud began caking their shoes making them soggy and heavy. If you have ever stepped on soft ground and your foot became submerged in soft mud you already know how this feels. Just imagine doing it every step for slightly less then a mile. Your shoes would get very heavy after a while. And remember, Sunny had to crawl through it.
So, when I say that traveling down the road was slow for the Baudelaire orphans, I mean it with absolute sincerity because every third step they had to pause and dig one of their shoes out of the mud, put it back on, and continue their trek to the cottage. Only a deeply ingrained sense of social propriety kept the children from forgetting about the shoes and walking barefoot.
As they walked down the street and saw unfamiliar faces walk by them they couldn't help but think they were laughing at them. They didn't know what they were doing that was so amusing to these townspeople; but whatever it was, they seemed to be getting a good kick out of it – a phrase here which means "getting a good kick out of it."
It was because of this that when they finally arrived at the cottage Mr. Poe had directed them to, the orphans felt like a clam – but not at all like a happy one. When they knocked at the door it was answered by a lady wearing brown pants a forest green ranger's jacket – and by "ranger's jacket," I do not mean the sports teams – with the appropriate badge where most people usually put their badges. "You must be the Baudelaires," she greeted them warmly. She frowned looking Klaus and Violet over from head to mud encased foot, "Mr. Poe must have forgotten about the clogs, the townspeople must've thought it was hilarious. No one is really fond of tourists, you know. Oh well, just take your shoes off here and I'll pick some up for you next time I head to town." Then she looked over at Sunny and managed to stifle a laugh with maximum effort, "Oh my!" Where the two eldest Baudelaire orphans managed to escape with mud shoes, the youngest was subjected to becoming a mud monster.
She seemed nice, the Baudelaires decided as they took their shoes off right inside the door like she asked and looked around the house. "It's not much," their new caretaker said, "but it's home."
It certainly wasn't much indeed, not compared to the Baudelaire mansion or even Aunt Josephine's house, but it was cozy and warm and the Baudelaires felt like they would like it here – and they did too, while it lasted.
"Um," Violet finally worked up the nerve to speak, "Mr. Poe didn't tell us that much about you." Violet hinted oh-so-subtly.
Their new caretaker nodded and relieved the children of their belongings and started taking them into a small room not far from the front door, "Here is where you will be staying. I'm sorry it's not very big but I really only have this one room that's empty so I'm afraid you'll all have to sleep in the same room."
The children nodded – there was lot of nodding going on – and smiled at her, "Lately, we actually prefer sleeping in the same room." They didn't used to, but since their stay at Uncle Monty's they have taken solace in being in a group.
The women didn't seem at all convinced though and looked as if she felt bad for forcing the children to live in such cramped conditions, "Perhaps if it's nice out we could all go camping out in the Flannigan Forest together. The tent is easily big enough for all of us."
"Ma'am," Violet tried again, "we really don't know anything about you. And we should warn you about Count Olaf, he's been trying to get his hands on our fortune ever since our parents died."
The women smiled condescendingly at Violet, "Don't worry about that Mr. Olaf. Mr. Poe told me all about him and I have my fellow forest rangers keeping an eye out for him. If he comes within a five mile radius of this town I'll know about it."
Violet sighed, she was beginning to believe that Mr. Poe had no idea what Count Olaf looked like despite seeing him so many times, "He's always disguised too. He's not going to look like the description necessarily."
Their new caretaker smiled again, it was really quite patronizing, "Don't you worry about him, Violet. Rangers are trained to see through disguises."
Violet looked at Klaus and he just shook his head. Nothing he read about rangers said they were trained for that sort of thing. In fact, the only thing he knew about rangers was that they were trained to prevent and put out forest fires. This women was seriously underestimating the creativity of a villain bent on getting his hands on a fortune.
Author Notes: Keep reviewing! I'm trying to top my sisters. I don't think it's going to happen though; they cheat and do harry potter. You can find them writing as Dhrelva and Quilynn; they are both really good writers and I urge you to read their stories as well. This was not my best chapter, but do not fret; the next is one of my best, in my opinion.
The next chapter makes the children meet a creature.
Quickly quit reading now; prevent your seizure.