Disclaimer: "Is a dungeon a cold dark scary place with bars on the windows and doors and really bad food?"

(An: Well, I forgot to beg for suggestions at the end of that last chapter. Bad me. So at the end of this one there's going to be a double. A Cute but Pyscho Bunny: That is without a doubt the longest and most entertaining review I've ever recieved. That's practically a story in itself! Captain Jack Sparrow! SAVVY is the best word evar. I kind of like Evan, but he's there and people requested that I torture him and I never deny a reviewer! Uh, the Ray/Rob killin' each other is picked up from All In the Family by Rogue Maverick. That was the first humor fanfic I read and it left a mark as you can tell. All of the stuff that I ended up doing in the first story was either requested or inspired by that. Chica De Los Ojos Cafe: It's kind of an injoke. There was this really good story I read called "De Penguins, De Penguins!" by AddieLogan where Remy had a phobia of penguins after Rogue dumped him in Antarctica. And then of course when my family dragged me to the zoo on holiday I saw a creepy penguin with red eyes. The idea is that comic!Remy's fear has leaked over to his other incarnations. RITR: Hi! -waves- Ooh, penguin squeaking! Pyguin art! Ooh! -claps in happiness- HH: Yes it was, but it was late and I had to go do my stupid Christmas program for my school so I needed somethin' to get my mind off it. I love my reviewers! -hugs them- And now the chapter!)

"We're lost, aren't we?" Ororo asked.

"Yes, we are," Hank agreed.

"WE AIN'T LOST!!!"

"Ooh, somebody's, like, in denial!" Kitty crowed. Rogue squeaked her penguin in agreement. "Are you ever gonna, like, cut that out?" Rogue just grinned.

Meanwhile, at the back of the bus, Remy was still cowering beneath the seat. "Dat penguin will be de death o' me..." he mumbled. Pyro, who was really bored now, went to the back of the bus to chat with his old Acolyte pal.

"So, Remy, whatcha doin'?"

"Hidin'," said Remy, huddling farther under the seat.

"Why?"

"Because Rogue's got an evil penguin dat's gonna kill us all."

"Oh," said Pyro, and gave up on the subject. He began bouncing up and down on the seat, nearly squashing Remy.

Kurt turned around in his seat and decided to go bug them since he too was bored and Kitty was too busy trying to figure out WTF was up with Rogue. Kurt hopped down the middle of the aisle and joined John on the one long back bus seat. "Whatcha doin'?" he asked Pyro, who was jiggling the handle on the emergency exit.

"Trying to open this stupid door," said Pyro. Piotr, as the last member of the Acolytes, felt it his duty to keep his eye on his.. ahm, less mature teammates.

"I wouldn't do that if-" he began, but too late! the door came open, and the three came flying out. In the way of things in a humor story, the door shut and latched itself after them. Piotr slid down in his seat, wondering whether he should inform the others or just let the three most troublesome X-men find their own way to D.C. After a moment's thought he decided to keep his mouth shut and time how long it took the others to find out.

Don't worry, we'll chronicle their adventures at the end of every chapter, but right now, it's time for a pit stop.

"I wanna Happy Meal!" Jamie shouted as they passed through the first town.

"Squirt, we've only been on this bus for an hour and a half," said Bobby.

"I'm still hungry!" He then made dupes of himself and began singing The Song That Never Ends at the top of his- er, their lungs.

Rogue was the only X-person that noticed that Remy, Kurt, and John were gone. She was bouncing up and down in her seat and squeaking her penguin desperately at Kitty. Kitty, who did not speak penguin, was utterly perplexed. "Do you want a happy meal too?"

-SQUEAK... squeak squeak- SQUEAK SQUEAK SQUEAK!- Translated, that means: "NO... well, yes- BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT!"

Jubilee tapped Kitty on the shoulder. "What're are you guys yelling about?" she asked. She had a bit of a hangover from partying all night with Logan and Ororo.

"It's like she's trying to speak to me, I just, like, know it!" Kitty cried, pointing at Rogue.

Rogue squeaked her penguin at Jubilee. -Squeak squeak squeak squeaky?- "Do you speak penguin?"

"..."

The penguin gave a deflated kind of squeak. Rogue sat down with a humph. Oh, well, it's not like it's any great loss...

"THIS IS THE SONG THAT NEVER ENDS-"

"All right, all right, we'll stop for a Happy Meal!" Logan shouted (1). "JUST SHUT UP!!!"

Jamie drew his dupes back with a big smirk.

"Hank, get the squirt a Happy Meal!"

"Hey, I wanna Happy Meal!" said Tabby.

Choruses of "Me too!" were heard throughout the bus.

"Doesn't anyone want something healthy... like tofu?" Ororo asked, quasi-hopefully.

Crickets were now heard throughout the bus.

"Well, at least I tried... Hank, stop at the nearest death shop- I mean McDonalds," said Ororo, sounding defeated.

"Ok, that's a big ten-four there good buddy," said Hank.

"We need to take away his radio, don't we," said Ororo.

"Yes we do," Logan agreed.

After a bit of a hassle, they managed to get the X-bus to the drive-through at a McDonalds. "Yes, I'd like sixteen Happy Meals and a vanilla milkshake. No drinks," said Logan.

"Cool bus!" came a teenager's voice through the speaker. "Please, like, drive up to the second window!"

"That'll be $35.2-" -snikt- "Um... it's on me!"

"I love my claws," said Logan, grinning.

Rogue, really desperate now, accepted her happy meal and then began squeaking her penguin again. Kitty and Jubilee were amusing themselves by trying to understand her. "You want a different toy?"

Rogue shook her head. -Squeak squeak squeak, squeaky, squeak squeak squeak SQUEAK!!!- "The swamp rat, Pyro, and Kurt are GONE!!!"

Kitty and Jubilee shrugged, completely stumped. "Why don't you just tell us?" Kitty asked.

Rogue pointed at her mouth, then at Jean, who was still in a fetal position. Scott was attempting to feed her. It wasn't really working. To undercomplicate things again, she had a bunch of mashed up chicken McNuggets and fries on her face.

"Um..." said Kitty and Jubilee in unison.

Rogue strangled the air, then started banging her head against the seat.

"Doesn't that hurt?" Jamie asked through a mouthful of burger.

Rogue looked up, stared at him for a second, then went back to banging.

Jamie shrugged and started playing with his toy.

THE ADVENTURES OF GAMBIT, NIGHTCRAWLER, AND PYRO!

Remy blinked. He had no idea where he was, or why Pyro and Kurt were on top of him. The last thing he remembered was hiding from Rogue's Spawn of Satan (a.k.a. her penguin) and Pyro playing with the door handle... He sat up, shoving John and Kurt off him, and looked around. "Ok, we're lost, and John and Kurt are unconcious. Dis is bad." He looked around. He was on the side of the road, near a forest.

"Do you make it a habit to talk to yourself?" asked a guy leaning on a tree.

Remy looked around, startled. "Well, not usually no, but I'm lost and I got hit on de head pretty hard..."

"Ah," said the guy. "Lost, really." He gestured at the highway. "Follow the yellow brick road, then," he suggested.

"Y're no help," Remy said.

"Nope," said the guy. "It's fun to confuse travelers like yourself." He climbed the tree and grinned at Gambit.

"Dieu," Remy muttered. "I'm lost and stuck with a talking monkey."

"I am not a monkey," said the guy indignantly. He swung down from the tree and bowed. "My name happens to be Morph." (2)

"Good f'r y'," Remy snapped. "Dey could be miles from here by now," he groaned, sitting on the ground.

"Who's 'dey'?" Morph asked, imitating Remy's accent.

"De X-men," said Remy absently, now standing up and looking around.

"Ooh! Let me guess," said Morph. "Cut rate superheroes (3)? Almost anyone with a hyphen in their name is!"

"We are not cut-rate!" Remy replied.

"But you are superheroes," said Morph. He tapped his lips with a finger in thought. "Tell ya what. You let me come with, and I'll show you where your bus went."

"Y' mean y' saw it?"

"Yep. So... do we have a deal?"

"Sure, whatever," said Remy. "Now how in hell 'm I supposed t' wake dese two up?"

"That's easy!" said Morph cheerfully. "Just a moment." He dashed off into the forest, and returned with a bucket of water. He dumped it on the two unconcious X-men.

Pyro sprang up with a shriek. "AAH! Water! It's worse than sporks! GETITOFF GETITOFF GETITOFF!!"

Kurt blinked and then stood up. His inducer wasn't working thanks to the water. He looked around, saw Morph still holding the bucket, and walked a bit closer. He then shook himself somewhat like a dog, drenching him.

Morph blinked.

Pyro was still dancing around in the background, screaming about water and sporks.

"Shall we get goin' den?" said Remy, who had managed to stop laughing.

(Another chapter down. Now here's where I beg for suggestions: PLEASY PLEASY PLEASE!!! SUGGESTIONS OF RANDOM INSANITY! And again: SUGGESTIONS GIVE ME LIFE!!!)

(1) Anyone who knows which fic of mine this is from gets a bunny.

(2) It's Morph! I think Morph rocks, and he's going to sneak into a lot of my fics. -hugs mini-Morph-

(3) Anyone who recognizes where this quote comes from and why I had Morph say it gets a super bunny.