Disclaimer: "No, it's not booby trapped, there is no homing beacon on it, Magneto is no trying to kidnap you or kill you, aliens will not be dropping in from the sky, and Mulder and Scully will not be interviewing you."
(An: Well, I have a quasi-plot for this... I say quasi because I only know how I want it to end. ACYPB: Oh I love your reviews! They always make me laugh! And yes, Morph is dead, but I don't wanna hear it 'cause I like him! HH: Morph rocketh! It's eventually to both questions... I don't really know when either, but Rogue's not gonna be able to speak until the last chapter. Sangofanatic: Oh, I love it! My first suggestion! I'm gonna use that! CDLOC: Um, I swear I didn't see your review! But I kind of accidentally copied it in this chapter. What fun! Actually, I'd appreciate it if I got some mute!Rogue suggestions.)
Kitty and Jubilee were now amusing themselves with Rogue again, having eaten their Happy Meals. Rogue ran to the back of the bus, and held up six fingers.
"Like, six words!"
Rogue nodded fervently. She then tugged on her ear.
"Um... sounds like?"
Rogue shook her head. She pulled on her ear again, and mimed a point.
Kitty and Jubes blinked back at her, utterly perplexed.
Rogue strangled the air.
"Death?"
Rogue shook her head. She then grabbed Bobby, and pointed at his blue shirt. She then tugged on her ear again.
"Blue?"
Rogue nodded, then tugged her ear.
"Um... Kurt!" Kitty guessed.
Rogue nodded fervently. She held up two fingers.
"Um, second word," said Jubes. "Two syllables?"
Rogue nodded. She then picked up her penguin, squeaked it, and mimed running away in terror.
"Oh, that's like easy. Hank!"
Rogue strangled the air again. She then mimed slapping someone, and squeaking the penguin again.
"Ohhh..." said Kitty and Jubes in unison.
"Is it, like, Remy?"
Rogue nodded, seeming pleased. She then walked over to the professor and pulled out Pyro's lighter and pet squirrel. Speaking of the professor, he had calmed down quite a bit, probably because Ororo had gotten tired of his weird laugh and had scorched his head with a bolt of lightning. Anyway, back to Rogue. She put the squirrel on her shoulder and mimed talking to it, then flicked open the lighter, and flicked it shut. Flicked it open, flicked it shut.... ect.
Kitty and Jubes just stared at her.
Rogue would have growled if she could speak at all, but she settled for gazing up at the bus roof and silently begging it for mercy. She flicked the lighter open, got a flame, and mimed maniacal laughter.
Kitty and Jubes still had blank stares.
GODDAMMIT! Rogue screamed inside her head. She held the flame in front of Kitty's face and didn't even get a blink. Are they drunk or somethin'?!
She blew on the window of the bus, causing a fog to creep across it. She then quickly wrote "Pyro" on it.
"That's against the rules," said Jubilee, frowning. "But, Pyro, I guess."
Rogue nodded and held up four fingers, then one.
"Fourth word, one syllable," said Jubilee.
Rogue nodded again. She pretended to trip and fall on her ass.
"Fall?"
Rogue frowned.
"Fell?"
She nodded, then jiggled the handle of the emergency exit.
"Um, like, Remy, Kurt, and Pyro, like, fell out?"
Rogue lit up but Jubilee ruined it by replying, "Neh, that can't be it."
Rogue began to bang her head on the window. Then she perked up again. She held out her hand and mimed writing on it.
Kitty got that one right away and handed Rogue a notebook and a pen from her backpack.
Rogue gave her a thumbs up, then hastily scribbled something on it and handed it back.
Kitty cocked her head. "Arcak smizark prozecakt tiz hupei mie?" Translation: Ask the professor to help me.
Rogue strangled the air.
"Like, sorry Rogue, but I can't, like, read your writing."
Rogue slid down in her seat. It's gonna be a loooong day.
Meanwhile, back in the front, Jamie was having... problems. "I need to go to the bathroom."
"Hank, stop at a gas station," Ororo instructed, stepping in before Logan could scream obscenities at the squirt. "We need gas anyway," she explained hastily to Logan.
Logan muttered something under his breath but didn't do anything.
Hank pulled up at a gas station and Jamie hopped out of the bus. He cautiously walked up to the bathroom. He opened the door, and ran back to the bus screaming, followed by a stamped of mutant cockroaches. He ran into Ororo and huddled by her, panting. "Calm down, child," said Ororo. "What's the matter?"
Jamie pointed at the mutant bugs that were tapping on the doors of the bus. "Ah."
Jamie squeaked and huddled under the seat. "I can't go back!"
"Why not, squirt?"
Jamie blinked up at him. "You didn't see. The bugs! The grafitti! They were gonna eat me!"
"All right squirt, how 'bout I come with you? I'll get rid of the bugs," said Logan with a snikt. He had the tone of a guy talking to a child about monster checks.
Jamie didn't look all that reassured, but he came out from beneath the seat anyway. "Well, ok..." He walked back out of the bus.
Logan opened the door. A single late mutant cockroach that was missing a leg came limping out. Logan quickly stomped it. "There, ya see? No bugs."
Jamie walked inside. "Logan, what does this word mean?" He pointed at something written on the wall which is too rude for the PG rating.
"I can't really tell ya that squirt... ask me when ya grow some hair on yer chest. Now do yer business so we can get out of here." Jamie did as he was told and Logan inspected the graffitti. "Is that... the mansion's phone number?"
A few minutes later, Jamie and Logan came back out, only to be ambushed by the bugs, enraged at the death of their comrades. "Heellllp..." But their cries went unanswered due to the general chaos in the bus. They were dragged off.
Meanwhile, on the bus, there was indeed general chaos. Ororo had done a head count and discovered that Remy, John, and Kurt were missing. There was a big argument going on as to whose fault it was.
Rogue was pointing at Piotr and mouthing 'he did it!', but no one was paying her any mind. She sat down in the seat next to him and tapped her wrist.
"Wh- Oh, it's been two hours and thirty seconds since they fell out," Piotr said, looking at his watch. He was rewarded with a lusty slap from Rogue, who stood up and walked back to her seat in a huff.
THE EVER CONTINUING ADVENTURES OF GAMBIT, NIGHTCRAWLER, PYRO AND MORPH!
After a few hours of walking, Kurt stopped short. "Is that food I smell?"
"We ain't stoppin', mon ami," Remy snapped. "Eventually dey're gonna take a turnoff and we'll lose 'em!"
"Yes, but would you like to carry me when I pass out from calorie lack?"
"Merde," Remy muttered.
"If I could be of assistance, there's a diner in the city," said Morph, thumbing back behind them. "We can stop there, get some eats, and then move on."
"Sounds good ta me!" Pyro chimed in.
"Fine, but if we miss de concert and Rogue kills us y' guys get de blame," Remy muttered.
The diner was a little old-fashioned fifties style one, with a jukebox in the corner. Apparently Morph knew the owners, as he sat down at a table in the corner and leaned back in his seat as if he owned the place. The waitress came up and rolled her eyes. "Oh Lord, the thing brought friends!"
"Oh, come on, Shel-ness (1) you know ya missed me!" Morph replied.
She tapped her foot. "Can you blokes order or do I havta hum 'Yellow Submarine?'" the waitress asked, playing with her truly gigantic hoop earrings.
Morph straightened up. "No need for such tactics!"
"The usual, then?"
"Yep!"
"And... you, with the sunglasses, what'll you have?"
"Depends on what y' want t' give m', chere," Remy purred.
"Oh, great, flirty friends," she muttered. "Order or I'll get my whacking stick."
"Oh, come on, you two just met!" Morph protested.
Hi-my-name-is-Shelly tapped her foot in response.
"Fine, fine," said Morph. "Shutting up."
"I jus' want a soda, chere," Remy replied.
"Good fer you. What kind?"
"Mountain Dew, of course."
"Ooh, score one for the Cajun!" Shelly said. "And you, Aussie!"
"Er..." said the Pyromaniac. "How about a steady date?"
"That is it! I'm complaining to the manager about these fuckin uniforms!" Shelly snapped, slamming down her order pad. "They don't respect anyone over a B cup! (2)"
"You'd better respect the nice lady before she goes mental and puts Beatles tunes on the jukebox," said Morph.
"And just what's wrong with the Beatles?" Kurt asked.
"You haven't seen Shel-ness with 'em," said Morph, shaking his head. "Be afraid, be very afraid."
In response, Shelly smacked him upside the head. "You, the German with good taste."
"Three burgers, a large order of fries, and an MD," said Kurt, slamming shut his menu.
"Sehr gut," said Shelly, "but first you have to sign a waiver in case all that grease gives you a heart attack."
A few minutes later Shelly came back with the orders. Morph's usual turned out to be a veggieburger. "Ok," said Morph, "now I don't believe we've all been properly introduced. I'm Morph. You guys are...?"
Shelly leaned against the counter.
"Why don' y' sit down, chere?" Remy asked, as John and Kurt introduced themselves.
"I prefer to keep me underwear off public display, thank you!"
"And you are...?"
"M' name's Remy."
"So what's up with the whole 'concert' thing? Do you guys run a band?" Morph asked, nibbling his burger.
"We don' really run it, we jus' play in it. De problem is, John and Kurt are de drummers and I'm de lead guitarist, so it's a problem."
"Also, our leader is a psychopathical maniac!" John pronounced.
Remy smacked him. "Rogue is not!"
"Well, she's pretty close, then," John replied.
"Ooh, sounds like an interesting girl," said Shelly.
"And why do you care?"
Shelly shrugged. "I don't have anything better to do..."
"Ah."
"So, then, what's the story behind the band?" Morph asked.
Remy sipped the MD thoughtfully. "Ok, but first, y' have t' promise a willin' suspension o' disbelief."
"What?"
"Jus' hear me out before y' decide 'm crazy," Remy snapped.
"'K."
"Right, goes like dis," Remy began. "Couple o' months ago, we, as in de X-men we-"
"Hey, I saw you guys on the news!" Shelly broke in.
"Magnefique," Remy replied dryly.
"You're not gonna kick us out, are you?" Kurt asked, pausing in his binge to speak up.
"No way! That was the coolest thing I ever saw!"
"Well, that's a new way to look at it," Pyro quipped.
"You were saying?" Morph said, turning back to Remy.
"We got bored, see, so we decided t' start a band. After a whole mess wit' rehearsal and our chaperone goin' nuts- actually a helluva lot o' people went nuts- we got involved in the Battle of Bands, in Bayville. Since we got denied our prize- a record deal- when dey found out we were all mutants, de professor broke us up. Den we got bored again and Rogue- she's like de leader-"
"And Remy's current obsession!" Pyro chimed in.
Remy stomped on his foot under the table. "Do me a favor, mon ami, and shut up! Now, can I go on?"
"Do continue," said Morph.
"Well, Rogue got bored again and decided to restart it in secret. Deir was dis whole hassle o' tryin' t' keep it a secret, den dere was dis mess wit' Apocaroach- we'll not go into him 'cause I barely understand it m'self- and den deir was de t'ing wit' de author, which we'll avoid as well since y'all'd t'ink I was nuts. Anyway, we went t' Vegas, and dere was dis whole mess dere, and den we came back. De professor decided dat he'd let us keep de band on one condition- we went t' dat big t'ing in Washington D.C. for mutant rights. It was goin' fine 'til Rogue used m' unnatural fear o' penguins against me and Kurt and John got bored. Dey messed wit' de door on de back o' de bus, we fell out, and de rest y' know. So what's y'r power, Morph?"
"Power? Why would I have a power?"
"Because y' go by a codename and y're wanderin'."
"Right then. Well, I shapeshift," said Morph.
"Shoulda known," Remy muttered, clearly unimpressed.
"So, basically, you lot are tryin' to get to Washington before the concert and this sheila Rogue kills you?" Shelly asked.
"Um, yeah, that pretty much sums it up," Pyro agreed.
"Cool! Can I come?"
"NO!" Remy and Morph shouted.
"Why not? I've been meanin' to ask the owner of this joint for a holiday anyway, and I'm not blacklisted from the half the places in this area," Shelly retorted.
"Sounds good ta me," said Pyro, leaning back in his seat. "When do we leave?"
"In a moment," said Shelly. She walked over to the jukebox, pressed a few buttons, and then gave it a good solid whack. "Yellow Submarine" began pouring from the speakers.
"Argh! Let's get outta here!" Morph dashed out the door, then peeked back in. "You guys coming?"
(That was sort of long due to that last bit. Here's my beg for suggestions, as I'm certain to have problems, what with running three sides at once: PLEASE I NEED SUGGESTIONS TO LIIIIIVE!!!)
(1) This character is based on my best friend Shelly, who I meant to but didn't put in the self-insert part of the second X-band. Now she gets a cameo, and probably cool mutant powers as well.
(2) It's sort of an injoke... Shelly has... well I don't really remember but she's got like a C cup or somethin', and she tends to complain about guys hitting on her for that. Since I stuck her in I felt obligated to make a crack about that.