Sometimes I Feel Like Hurting
By: KimMi
Chapter 1
KimMi: I'm ba-ack!
Clowmon: * sleeping *
KimMi: My muse gave up on me. I'm all alone now.
Clowmon: * snore *
KimMi: I don't own it. I just write it. If I owned it, I would introduce a deaf character that communicated through sign language. None of the digidestion every have any handicaps. Did anyone else notice that?
*~*~*~*~*
Terriermon peered through the crack of the bathroom door. So, his fears were true. His tamer was hurting himself. Why though? Why would Henry do something like that?
~ Somehow I don't think momentai would work right now. ~ The bunny digi quickly scampered back to his and Henry's room so he partner wouldn't be suspicious. ~ So what do I do? Well tell someone genius. But who? ~ Terriermon flopped backwards and closed his eyes.
~ Takato? He'd overreact. His dad? No. Rika? Defiantly a no there. But who else is there? ~ Henry entered the room, making sure that the bands were secure around his wrists. He quickly put on a happy face in an attempt to ruse his digimon partner.
"What are you thinking so hard about Terriermon?"
"Oh, nothin'." Terriermon replied off-handedly. ~ Who can I tell? ~
Stretching, Henry sat on the bed and pulled Terriermon into his lap. The boy stroked his digimon lightly, and the bunny sighed. ~ There has got to be somebody... ~
Jarrin knocked on her little brother's door and entered. "Hey Henry. You have a phone call. It's that Ryo guy."
"Thanks Jarrin." Henry placed his bunny digi on the bed and left the room.
~ Hmmm. That's it! ~ Terriermon sat up fast enough to pull a muscle. "Oww."
~ I'll tell Ryo. He'll understand and everything. ~
*~*~*~*~*
"Wha, what did you say?" Ryo brought his hand to his head. What his dearest friend's partner had said couldn't be true. Henry couldn't be... He just couldn't be-
"He's hurting himself." Terriermon repeated.
"Why hasn't anyone noticed?!" Ryo grasped at his hair. ~ Henry... ~
Terriermon sighed. And he'd thought Ryo would be the one that didn't overreact. "It's Henry. He knows how to hide stuff very well."
"But, how could he?" Ryo sat down, head between his hands.
Terriermon sighed. It was hard to sneak out and see Ryo. In fact he spent the entire night thinking of a way to get to the other tamer with only a paper clip, a tube of lipstick, and a bottle of hair spray... Then he threw that plan away and just snuck out when Henry went to Martial Arts class. But still... Ryo was suppose to be helping!
"I don't know." Terriermon answered. "But it has to be something big. He's, he's..." Terriermon looked at the floor and bit his lip. "He's starting to scare me."
Ryo looked at the rabbit digi, surprised. Had Terriermon just said he was afraid?
"It's just his face. When he does it, he looks happy, like he's in ecstasy." Terriermon swallowed the lump forming in his throat. "He drinks his own blood when he does it."
Ryo took in a sharp breath. "How long has he been doing this?"
Finally. A helpful response.
"I don't know." Terriermon admitted. "But what do we do about it?"
Ryo thought. They needed to tell someone, after HE found out why.
"Terriermon?"
"What?" the white digi looked up. Had Ryo finally thought of a plan to help his tamer?
"Tell Henry that I want him to come over and spend the night. You stay at home with Susie and Lopmon. I'll ask Takato if Monodramon can stay with Guilmon for the night. Leave everything to me."
"And what if your plan doesn't work?"
"Then we'll think of something else. The most important thing right now is to stop Henry from hurting himself."
*~*~*~*~*
Henry's breath caught in his throat. Had he heard his digimon right? Did the one that caused him pain really want...
"Yep. That's what he said. Ryo wants you to come over to his house alone." Terriermon repeated.
"Uhhh..." What an intelligent answer.
"Your dad already okayed it, so there's nothing stopping you Henry."
"But what about you Terriermon? Will you be okay at home with Susie?" Brilliant Henry. Think of a reason NOT to spend a night with Ryo.
"Aww, momentai. I'll be fine here with Susie. She only tortures Lopmon with Princess Pwetty Pants now."
"Well, okay. I'll go call him." Henry turned and left the room, in somewhat of a daze.
~ Good. ~ Terriermon thought. ~ Mission one accomplished. Now you just need to find a way to help him Ryo. And you darn well better. ~
*~*~*~*~*
"Come on in." Ryo lead the smaller boy into his apartment. He had been serious when he told Terriermon no one would be with them. Monodramon was with Guilmon, and he dad had to go somewhere for work for a couple of days.
"Why'd you ask me to come over?" Henry asked softly. "I mean, without Terriermon?"
"Because I wanted to talk to you about some stuff." Ryo smiled reassuringly.
"Like what?"
"It's nothing serious. I just wanted to spend some time with you without having to worry about Terriermon trying to destroy something, or Monodramon digivolving to Cyberdramon and trying to kill Terriermon."
Henry smiled. "Yeah. That's probably what would've happened."
Ryo gestured to the couch. "Sit down. Dinner'll be ready in a sec."
Henry did as he was told, wringing his hands together in a combination of nerves and excitement.
Meanwhile, in the kitchen, Ryo was going over his plan one last time. After dinner, he would 'accidentally' spill something onto Henry's wrists. Forcing Henry to take the bands off to clean them, the wounds would be seen and Ryo could begin to get his answers.
*~*~*~*~*
Dinner had gone by incredibly smoothly. No accusations were thrown, Ryo didn't feel like he was about the scream, and Henry had effectively hidden his 'crush' on the older boy.
Now that both were again in the living room, Henry's fingers began to itch. His wrists were beginning to ache dully, and the need to enter his ecstasy was growing. Feeling as if he couldn't stand it any more, he excused himself to the bathroom.
Inside, he pulled the thin blade from his pocket. Quickly, carelessly, so not to appear suspicious to Ryo for taking so long, Henry tore the blade through his wrist. The sharp action from the unforgiving blade went deeper then it ever had before. Blood gushed from the wound. So much blood. The pain he felt wasn't exhilarating. It hurt. In all blunt honestly, it hurt.
With a loud gasp and quiet moan, Henry slid against the wall. He hand clenched his forearm in an attempt the stem the burning bleeding. Gods, why didn't it feel good like it was supposed to?
*~*~*~*~*
Ryo, who was still waiting for Henry to return, began to worry. Walking to the bathroom, he knocked lightly on the door.
"Henry, are you okay?"
No answer.
Ryo knocked again, and heard a soft sound.
"Henry?"
The sound came again, a little louder this time. It sounded like a painful whimper.
Ryo was beginning to get worried, and quickly tried to open the door, only to discover it locked. Damn, what was he supposed to do now? It wasn't like the door opened with a key.
Not getting any ideas, and becoming increasingly worried from the whimpers of pain from behind the door, decided to pick the lock. After what seemed like an eternity of curses, trying to get the stupid wire to work, and torture from Henry's cries, Ryo managed to open the door.
The first thing to hit him was the coppery smell of blood that filled the room. The next was Henry's crumpled figure against the wall.
Without a single thought, Ryo rushed over to the fragile boy and enveloped him in a hug.
Henry lifted his head. "Ryo?"
"Shush." Ryo whispered, holding on as tightly as he could without further injuring the boy. "Everything's okay. Everything's going to be okay."
Henry clasped on tightly to Ryo's arm. "Ryo."
Ryo nodded into Henry's shoulder. He started to pull away, causing Henry to tighten his grasp.
"It's all right." Ryo said softly. "We just need to take care of it." Ryo motioned to the other's wrist.
Henry nodded and allowed Ryo to bandage his wrist. Ryo took Henry into his bedroom, and sat the boy on the bed.
"Henry, why are you doing this to yourself?"
The smaller boy looked at his bandaged wrist with shame. "It's not supposed to hurt."
"Henry?"
"It's not supposed to hurt. It's meant to feel better then this."
Ryo raised an eyebrow. What was Henry talking about? "What's not supposed to hurt?"
"Love."
"What does love have to do with any of this?" Ryo squeezed the smaller teen's hand.
"Love hurts." Henry answered simply. "It hurts so much." He took a deep breath and let it out shakily. "I, I need to hurt. It reminds me of love."
Ryo was still not understanding his friend. At least he was opening up though.
"Why does love hurt?"
"It's forbidden."
"How can love be forbidden?"
"It wasn't supposed to happen. It ISN'T supposed to happen."
"Why not?" Ryo took Henry into his arms. "Why isn't love supposed to happen?"
Henry whimpered slightly. "Because."
"Because why?" No. Ryo wasn't about to let up.
"Because... I fell in love with the wrong person."
"Who did you fall in love with?"
"No."
He looked down at Henry with surprise. "What? No?"
"Stop it." the boy whispered. "Stop asking questions."
"I'm only trying to help you Henry."
"I don't need help."
"Your hurting yourself." It was hard for Ryo to say this without yelling. "Of course you need help."
"It isn't bad." Henry gulped. "It helps."
Screw not yelling. Ryo needed to force Henry into seeing things the right way. "How could hurting yourself help?!"
Henry squirmed, trying to break free of the older boy's grasp. "You don't know what it's like! You don't know what it's like to love and dream and hope and know you're never going to get what you want!" suddenly, he collapsed. Just collapsed onto the older boy, sobs racking his thin frame. "You don't know what it's like to love someone and know they'll never love you back." he murmured. "So please; let me go. Just let me go."
"Not until you let me help you." Ryo tensed his grip on his best friend. "I care too much about you to let you go. We're friends Henry, best friends. We have a bond that's only surpassed by our digimon. And nothing will ever come between that bond."
The sobs subsided and a pained whisper followed. "Are we really friends Ryo?"
Ryo blinked in surprise. Of course they were friends. Everyone knew that. Everyone could see that. Why was Henry doubting their friendship?
"Of course we're friends Henry. We always will be."
Henry pulled out of Ryo's hold and wiped the tears from his eyes. "Is that all we are Ryo? Friends?"
"What else would we be?"
Henry stood. That wasn't the answer he was looking for. "Good-bye Ryo." Turning quickly, he fled for the door.
"But Henry..." Ryo bit his lip. What else could they be?
*~*~*~*~*
KimMi: Damn it that was bad. See Clowmon? That's what happens when my muse sleeps on me! * turns around and sweat drops *
Clowmon: * still asleep *
KimMi: That's it. I'm getting a beta reader. That's someone who reads my fics before I post them and tell me what they think, right? If it is, I'm taking additions right now. Anyone who signs up and I like will get free bonuses, like requesting fics, and fanart, and stuff. Pyropixie911/Firefly and Kaibagurl (whatever your pen name is) you two don't count!! As much as I love your endless ego boasts, I need someone to point out the bad things in my fic!
Clowmon: * mumbles in her sleep and turns over *
KimMi: * points to the review button * So click the pretty button and sign up, or review. I don't know if this is the last chapter or not. I planed on ending it here, but if I get a few readers who desperately want me to add another chapter, I just might. Oh, and is Henry's big sister Jarrin or Jaarin? I couldn't remember.
Buh-byes!
wuv ~KimMi~
By: KimMi
Chapter 1
KimMi: I'm ba-ack!
Clowmon: * sleeping *
KimMi: My muse gave up on me. I'm all alone now.
Clowmon: * snore *
KimMi: I don't own it. I just write it. If I owned it, I would introduce a deaf character that communicated through sign language. None of the digidestion every have any handicaps. Did anyone else notice that?
*~*~*~*~*
Terriermon peered through the crack of the bathroom door. So, his fears were true. His tamer was hurting himself. Why though? Why would Henry do something like that?
~ Somehow I don't think momentai would work right now. ~ The bunny digi quickly scampered back to his and Henry's room so he partner wouldn't be suspicious. ~ So what do I do? Well tell someone genius. But who? ~ Terriermon flopped backwards and closed his eyes.
~ Takato? He'd overreact. His dad? No. Rika? Defiantly a no there. But who else is there? ~ Henry entered the room, making sure that the bands were secure around his wrists. He quickly put on a happy face in an attempt to ruse his digimon partner.
"What are you thinking so hard about Terriermon?"
"Oh, nothin'." Terriermon replied off-handedly. ~ Who can I tell? ~
Stretching, Henry sat on the bed and pulled Terriermon into his lap. The boy stroked his digimon lightly, and the bunny sighed. ~ There has got to be somebody... ~
Jarrin knocked on her little brother's door and entered. "Hey Henry. You have a phone call. It's that Ryo guy."
"Thanks Jarrin." Henry placed his bunny digi on the bed and left the room.
~ Hmmm. That's it! ~ Terriermon sat up fast enough to pull a muscle. "Oww."
~ I'll tell Ryo. He'll understand and everything. ~
*~*~*~*~*
"Wha, what did you say?" Ryo brought his hand to his head. What his dearest friend's partner had said couldn't be true. Henry couldn't be... He just couldn't be-
"He's hurting himself." Terriermon repeated.
"Why hasn't anyone noticed?!" Ryo grasped at his hair. ~ Henry... ~
Terriermon sighed. And he'd thought Ryo would be the one that didn't overreact. "It's Henry. He knows how to hide stuff very well."
"But, how could he?" Ryo sat down, head between his hands.
Terriermon sighed. It was hard to sneak out and see Ryo. In fact he spent the entire night thinking of a way to get to the other tamer with only a paper clip, a tube of lipstick, and a bottle of hair spray... Then he threw that plan away and just snuck out when Henry went to Martial Arts class. But still... Ryo was suppose to be helping!
"I don't know." Terriermon answered. "But it has to be something big. He's, he's..." Terriermon looked at the floor and bit his lip. "He's starting to scare me."
Ryo looked at the rabbit digi, surprised. Had Terriermon just said he was afraid?
"It's just his face. When he does it, he looks happy, like he's in ecstasy." Terriermon swallowed the lump forming in his throat. "He drinks his own blood when he does it."
Ryo took in a sharp breath. "How long has he been doing this?"
Finally. A helpful response.
"I don't know." Terriermon admitted. "But what do we do about it?"
Ryo thought. They needed to tell someone, after HE found out why.
"Terriermon?"
"What?" the white digi looked up. Had Ryo finally thought of a plan to help his tamer?
"Tell Henry that I want him to come over and spend the night. You stay at home with Susie and Lopmon. I'll ask Takato if Monodramon can stay with Guilmon for the night. Leave everything to me."
"And what if your plan doesn't work?"
"Then we'll think of something else. The most important thing right now is to stop Henry from hurting himself."
*~*~*~*~*
Henry's breath caught in his throat. Had he heard his digimon right? Did the one that caused him pain really want...
"Yep. That's what he said. Ryo wants you to come over to his house alone." Terriermon repeated.
"Uhhh..." What an intelligent answer.
"Your dad already okayed it, so there's nothing stopping you Henry."
"But what about you Terriermon? Will you be okay at home with Susie?" Brilliant Henry. Think of a reason NOT to spend a night with Ryo.
"Aww, momentai. I'll be fine here with Susie. She only tortures Lopmon with Princess Pwetty Pants now."
"Well, okay. I'll go call him." Henry turned and left the room, in somewhat of a daze.
~ Good. ~ Terriermon thought. ~ Mission one accomplished. Now you just need to find a way to help him Ryo. And you darn well better. ~
*~*~*~*~*
"Come on in." Ryo lead the smaller boy into his apartment. He had been serious when he told Terriermon no one would be with them. Monodramon was with Guilmon, and he dad had to go somewhere for work for a couple of days.
"Why'd you ask me to come over?" Henry asked softly. "I mean, without Terriermon?"
"Because I wanted to talk to you about some stuff." Ryo smiled reassuringly.
"Like what?"
"It's nothing serious. I just wanted to spend some time with you without having to worry about Terriermon trying to destroy something, or Monodramon digivolving to Cyberdramon and trying to kill Terriermon."
Henry smiled. "Yeah. That's probably what would've happened."
Ryo gestured to the couch. "Sit down. Dinner'll be ready in a sec."
Henry did as he was told, wringing his hands together in a combination of nerves and excitement.
Meanwhile, in the kitchen, Ryo was going over his plan one last time. After dinner, he would 'accidentally' spill something onto Henry's wrists. Forcing Henry to take the bands off to clean them, the wounds would be seen and Ryo could begin to get his answers.
*~*~*~*~*
Dinner had gone by incredibly smoothly. No accusations were thrown, Ryo didn't feel like he was about the scream, and Henry had effectively hidden his 'crush' on the older boy.
Now that both were again in the living room, Henry's fingers began to itch. His wrists were beginning to ache dully, and the need to enter his ecstasy was growing. Feeling as if he couldn't stand it any more, he excused himself to the bathroom.
Inside, he pulled the thin blade from his pocket. Quickly, carelessly, so not to appear suspicious to Ryo for taking so long, Henry tore the blade through his wrist. The sharp action from the unforgiving blade went deeper then it ever had before. Blood gushed from the wound. So much blood. The pain he felt wasn't exhilarating. It hurt. In all blunt honestly, it hurt.
With a loud gasp and quiet moan, Henry slid against the wall. He hand clenched his forearm in an attempt the stem the burning bleeding. Gods, why didn't it feel good like it was supposed to?
*~*~*~*~*
Ryo, who was still waiting for Henry to return, began to worry. Walking to the bathroom, he knocked lightly on the door.
"Henry, are you okay?"
No answer.
Ryo knocked again, and heard a soft sound.
"Henry?"
The sound came again, a little louder this time. It sounded like a painful whimper.
Ryo was beginning to get worried, and quickly tried to open the door, only to discover it locked. Damn, what was he supposed to do now? It wasn't like the door opened with a key.
Not getting any ideas, and becoming increasingly worried from the whimpers of pain from behind the door, decided to pick the lock. After what seemed like an eternity of curses, trying to get the stupid wire to work, and torture from Henry's cries, Ryo managed to open the door.
The first thing to hit him was the coppery smell of blood that filled the room. The next was Henry's crumpled figure against the wall.
Without a single thought, Ryo rushed over to the fragile boy and enveloped him in a hug.
Henry lifted his head. "Ryo?"
"Shush." Ryo whispered, holding on as tightly as he could without further injuring the boy. "Everything's okay. Everything's going to be okay."
Henry clasped on tightly to Ryo's arm. "Ryo."
Ryo nodded into Henry's shoulder. He started to pull away, causing Henry to tighten his grasp.
"It's all right." Ryo said softly. "We just need to take care of it." Ryo motioned to the other's wrist.
Henry nodded and allowed Ryo to bandage his wrist. Ryo took Henry into his bedroom, and sat the boy on the bed.
"Henry, why are you doing this to yourself?"
The smaller boy looked at his bandaged wrist with shame. "It's not supposed to hurt."
"Henry?"
"It's not supposed to hurt. It's meant to feel better then this."
Ryo raised an eyebrow. What was Henry talking about? "What's not supposed to hurt?"
"Love."
"What does love have to do with any of this?" Ryo squeezed the smaller teen's hand.
"Love hurts." Henry answered simply. "It hurts so much." He took a deep breath and let it out shakily. "I, I need to hurt. It reminds me of love."
Ryo was still not understanding his friend. At least he was opening up though.
"Why does love hurt?"
"It's forbidden."
"How can love be forbidden?"
"It wasn't supposed to happen. It ISN'T supposed to happen."
"Why not?" Ryo took Henry into his arms. "Why isn't love supposed to happen?"
Henry whimpered slightly. "Because."
"Because why?" No. Ryo wasn't about to let up.
"Because... I fell in love with the wrong person."
"Who did you fall in love with?"
"No."
He looked down at Henry with surprise. "What? No?"
"Stop it." the boy whispered. "Stop asking questions."
"I'm only trying to help you Henry."
"I don't need help."
"Your hurting yourself." It was hard for Ryo to say this without yelling. "Of course you need help."
"It isn't bad." Henry gulped. "It helps."
Screw not yelling. Ryo needed to force Henry into seeing things the right way. "How could hurting yourself help?!"
Henry squirmed, trying to break free of the older boy's grasp. "You don't know what it's like! You don't know what it's like to love and dream and hope and know you're never going to get what you want!" suddenly, he collapsed. Just collapsed onto the older boy, sobs racking his thin frame. "You don't know what it's like to love someone and know they'll never love you back." he murmured. "So please; let me go. Just let me go."
"Not until you let me help you." Ryo tensed his grip on his best friend. "I care too much about you to let you go. We're friends Henry, best friends. We have a bond that's only surpassed by our digimon. And nothing will ever come between that bond."
The sobs subsided and a pained whisper followed. "Are we really friends Ryo?"
Ryo blinked in surprise. Of course they were friends. Everyone knew that. Everyone could see that. Why was Henry doubting their friendship?
"Of course we're friends Henry. We always will be."
Henry pulled out of Ryo's hold and wiped the tears from his eyes. "Is that all we are Ryo? Friends?"
"What else would we be?"
Henry stood. That wasn't the answer he was looking for. "Good-bye Ryo." Turning quickly, he fled for the door.
"But Henry..." Ryo bit his lip. What else could they be?
*~*~*~*~*
KimMi: Damn it that was bad. See Clowmon? That's what happens when my muse sleeps on me! * turns around and sweat drops *
Clowmon: * still asleep *
KimMi: That's it. I'm getting a beta reader. That's someone who reads my fics before I post them and tell me what they think, right? If it is, I'm taking additions right now. Anyone who signs up and I like will get free bonuses, like requesting fics, and fanart, and stuff. Pyropixie911/Firefly and Kaibagurl (whatever your pen name is) you two don't count!! As much as I love your endless ego boasts, I need someone to point out the bad things in my fic!
Clowmon: * mumbles in her sleep and turns over *
KimMi: * points to the review button * So click the pretty button and sign up, or review. I don't know if this is the last chapter or not. I planed on ending it here, but if I get a few readers who desperately want me to add another chapter, I just might. Oh, and is Henry's big sister Jarrin or Jaarin? I couldn't remember.
Buh-byes!
wuv ~KimMi~