Chapter 12: Religious Sacrifices
There are many words one could use to describe Count Olaf – although most of them are too crude to say here – among them are evil, greedy, scary-looking, devious, standoffish, – at least according to Olaf – and down-right mean. Not among those words when Olaf saw the figure enter into the Temple was happy – unless of course one said "not-happy," then it would be in it. But, when Olaf noticed it was Mr. Poe the Baudelaires saw his eyes grow shiny – he was clearly up to something.
Violet tried to shout to Mr. Poe but the words were lost as she almost lost her balance and came to an untimely end, which would have been rather ironic to have died just as help walked in the front door.
Klaus would've called to Mr. Poe if his neck muscles weren't too tight to get very much sound out of them due to him straining his neck in order to see over his stomach to get a good look at the new arrival.
Sunny would've shouted something from her discrete hiding place behind a plumed statue of a serpent in the corner of the room, that she sneaked into only moments before Mr. Poe arrived at the entrance, but she knew the clown wouldn't be of much help even if she did. Clowns were never any help.
"Hello, hello," Count Olaf called to Mr. Poe who was still ambling at the entrance trying to figure out what was going on, "You're just in time for the ceremony."
"I-I'm sorry?" said Mr. Poe as Olaf lead him into the the room and toward a comfortable window ledge near Violet, who was tottering precariously on the log. "The what?"
"The ceremony, of course!" Olaf beamed a grin at him as he wrapped his arm around Mr. Poe's shoulders and gestured around the room to show off the Temple's extravagance, as if that helped explain what he was talking about. "My name is Pastor Artemis and today we're celebrating the God Huitzilopochtli's self-sacrifice with the usual rite of blood sacrifice as repayment for his Gift and to help sustain him for another day and thus keep us alive a little bit longer before doomsday comes along."
"If you're a pastor," began Mr. Poe as 'Artemis' sat him down on the ledge, "Why are you wearing a ranger's uniform?"
"Well, Mr. – uh?" Olaf began, then inquired Mr. Poe's name with a quirk of his eyebrow.
"Poe," he supplied.
"Well, Mr. Poe, I can see by you're suit that you and I are both working men and as working men, we know we can't make a living by doing what we want to do, we have to take other jobs to support our hobbies. Isn't that right, Mr. Poe?"
"Yes, well, I suppose," answered Mr. Poe in an attempt to follow Olaf's flawed logic to no avail.
"So, that's why I'm a ranger, as well," Olaf said and grinned a triumphant smile at Violet, whose face dropped from the initial hope of Mr. Poe actually helping them get out of this situation. Olaf won the battle of wits – a phrase here which means, "Poe is a fool," and by sheer coincidence, still looked as such to Sunny who was contemplating what she could possibly do in order to help her elder siblings escape from the red-faced demon with the forked-tail that was Olaf.
"Mr. Poe," Klaus called from his position on the altar after he gave up attempting to see him, "It's Olaf! He's going to kill us!"
Olaf pretended to be confused, "Who is this Olaf? I wont let him touch you!" Stupidity worked surprisingly well for him.
"Count Olaf is one of the children's ex-guardians and they seem to think he follows them everywhere," Mr. Poe calmly explained – a phrase here which means he didn't realize that every time the children said he was there, that he was actually there.
"He does follow us everywhere!" Klaus shouted in frustration. "'Artemis' is Olaf."
"Klaus, don't be ridiculous," Mr. Poe said.
"This is an Aztec ceremony! We're going to be human sacrifices!" Klaus yelled in an attempt to get Mr. Poe to see some sense – a word here which Mr. Poe seems to believe is an illusion and will have no dealings with it.
"Klaus!" Mr. Poe said, "Take that back right now, that's religious prejudice. I thought better of you Klaus, of all people."
"Honestly!" Olaf said, doing his best to look offended, "I get so much heat for believing in the Aztec traditions and all people can think of is, 'Oh my God, he's going to perform human sacrifices.' Not all Aztec's believe in human sacrifice you know, Klaus. There are other ways."
"Really, Klaus," chided Mr. Poe, "I will not hear another thing said against this poor pastor's religion."
"But, Mr. Poe! Human sacrifice is the basis of the Aztec religion!" Klaus said but it was a wasted effort because Mr. Poe just went into a coughing fit and couldn't hear any of it.
"I didn't hear what you said Klaus, but it doesn't matter. I'll hear no more of this cultural disrespect of yours. You need to learn some toleration," lectured Mr. Poe.
Being lectured never feels good when you are the one being lectured to as Klaus knows well, but nothing is worse than being blamed for something you didn't do for reasons of their own ignorance. Klaus sucked in his breath and was about to say something, but instead held his tongue. No need to waste the energy; it's not like Mr. Poe would understand the basic concepts of the Aztec religion if he heard it anyway.
Olaf began the incredibly short ceremony with a prayer to the Aztec God, "Huitzilopochtli, God of war, we give you this sacrifice as an aid to the rising of the sun." Olaf wielded his rusty knife – which he had never let go of – and raised it to the heavens over Klaus' squirming body where it caught a glint of the sun which was pouring in from the ceiling.
Klaus was candy. At least, Olaf thought Klaus was candy, but that was before another person entered into the Temple, Sunny jumped out of her hiding place in an attempt to rescue her siblings and Willis escaped his cocoon of ropes.
Author Notes: Shorter then usual but I wanted to get this finished and their wasn't much that was going to happen in this chapter. Next chapter though, next chapter is a dousie. It will not be out until after May 12th for reasons of my intese studing for Calculus 2 and Geology. I hate Isaac Newton.
If you care at all, all my information on the Aztec religion was found a and some site called Encyclopedia Mythica. Valid: Huitzilopochtli is the God of War. Invalid: my means of sacrificing the victims may be wrong, but i knew they were going to die this way before I read about Aztec religions. Just so you know, the only God I found that specifically accepted hanged sacrifices was Esus, a Celtic God. Artimis is a greek god that asked Agemmemnon to sacrifice his daughter to him but (according some stories) accepted a deer in her stead. I wouldn't have accepted that deer. I hope one of my classes has a random pop quiz on Aztecs now.