Disclaimer: "Help the good guys, fight the bad! I always mix that up!"

(An: Whelp, here we go again... CDLOC: As always, thankee for the compliment. SF: Ideas! -is SO using that- DCDDFD: That's a mouthful- worse than TATDATXM. That's actually a very good movie. Yep, I've always loved JP- always is about three weeks, of course! Bob the Mexican is a joke me and my friend Noelle made up... we were bored. -Very- bored. And of course he's going to... just wait until Bobby and JP meet Jubes... I have such evil plans- I have a plan! I amaze me sometimes. Also, I'm putting you in in this chapter, but skipping out on the description... now you've got the power to make other people see what you imagine... but I don't know your -cough- name... Redgirl44: I thought nobody noticed that! According to Toddfan Pyro is afraid of sporks... -shrug-)

AT THE X-HOTEL...

Renee the Sexy Poolboy was muttering to himself. He was being very rude, but it didn't matter because no one could understand him, anyway. "Hey, are you gay?" Hank asked him, stopping short.

"Quoi!"

"Well, you are in a Speedo," Hank pointed out.

"FERME-LA!"

"I'll take that as a no," said Hank, and kept walking.

IN THE SEWERS...

"We're completely lost, aren't we?" JP asked.

"Why would you ask that?" Bobby responded.

"Because we've been walking for almost an hour, haven't seen any more cockroach signs, and now we're standing in front of a sign that says 'here thar be dwarves'. If there's anything I hate more than homophobes, it's you Americans and your bad spelling!" (1)

"Good point. Should we keep going?"

"We don't have anything better to do, do we?"

"Again, good point."

BACK AT THE BAR... FINALLY...

Pyro, Shelly, Remy, and Di had met up, completely by accident. "Ok, so dat's us... but where's Kurt?" Remy asked.

"That is a very good question, mate," Pyro agreed.

SOMEWHERE IN THE HOTEL...

As it turned out, the hotel was a lot bigger than it looked. Kurt was freaking out. He had no idea where he was. The ground was dusty, there were no numbers on the door- either that or they'd been buried beneath all the dust- and he himself was covered in dust. "Damn it, I need a shower here!"

"Hey, do you know where we are?" asked a voice behind him. "I don't!"

"Who- what?" Kurt whirled. Hanging from the ceiling was a girl... and rabbits... or men... "WHAT THE HELL!"

"Ooh, you swore," said one of the bunny-men.

"Quiet, you," said the girl.

"How did you- why are you- what the hell are you doing here?" Kurt yelled, freaking out.

"Hmm," said the girl, tapping her lips. "Good question. I was playing with my bunnies, and then I was here!" She shrugged, and grinned down at Kurt, looking kind of like a sadistic monkey.

"Who are you?"

"I'm a cute but psycho bunny!" cried the girl and let out a worthy-of-said-title cackle.

"She is," agreed the bunny she'd spoken to.

"Um, all right," said Kurt, looking a little scared. Then he remembered why he was there. "Hey, you haven't seen a weird shape-shifting idiot bouncing around drunk, have you?"

"Huh..." said the girl, tapping her lip. "Nope, don't believe I have. Why, are you looking for one?"

"Well, why would I ask otherwise?"

"That's a very good question." The girl appeared to think about it, then blinked. "I'm sorry, do I know you? Hi, I'm a cute but pyscho bunny."

"Um, yes, you said that. And I'm Kurt."

"You have a name? Wow... do I know you?"

"I just said I'm Kurt."

"You are? You know, you look familiar." She squinted at him.

"Oh, Lord, here we go again..." muttered one of the bunny-men.

"Hi!" said the girl. "Who are you?"

"Hello, I just introduced myself twice here!"

"Oh, you did?" said the girl. Then she blinked. "Oh- oh my. You've got to know- I have short-term memory loss. It's here, it's there, and then, approximately fourty seconds later it's gone again... HI!"

"You know, it's funny how she can always remember the short-term memory loss line, but can't remember anyone's name for more than five seconds," said another random bunny-dude.

"Fourty!" cried the girl.

"Or how she can always remember the exact number of seconds it takes her to forget something," agreed another one.

"That's not weird," Kurt protested. "It's one of the author's lame running jokes."

"Who are you again?" asked all of the people in the rafters at once.

"Oh man," Kurt muttered. "This is going to take a while..."

BACK OUTSIDE...

"What do we do now?" Shelly asked, looking bored.

"Who are you again?" Alie inquired, cocking her head.

"She's right, what do we do now?" asked a voice.

"Kurt?" said Remy and Pyro in unison.

Surely enough, sitting on a random car, was Kurt... or was it? -insert evil laughter-

BACK INSIDE THE HOTEL...

"You know, suddenly I have the feeling that somewhere, somehow, someone's impersonating me," said Kurt.

"That's wonderfully specific," said PB, still hanging from the rafters. "Now, who are you again?"

"It's funny how many times that's been used lately..." said a bunny-dude.

"Actually, it's not," said PB. "It was funny maybe the first three-to-fifty times, but now it's just one of those plethora of annoying running jokes... WTF did I just say? ...Who are you people?"

"Oh, great, here we go again," said a random bunny-dude. "And my name is Bob, by the way."

"Ok, Bob works," Kurt agreed. "Just don't go into the spiel about the running jokes again, ok? I don't want to be reminded of the author more than need be."

BACK OUTSIDE THE HOTEL... this is getting annoying, isn't it?

"I hate it when we get ignored in favor of running jokes," Pyro muttered.

All of the others- except Kurt, who was doing the Happy Hamster Dance atop the random car- turned to stare at him. "You are the weirdest person I've ever met," said Shelly. "You rock."

"I know, I know," said Pyro, preening.

Remy stared at him for the obligatory five-second-stare-time, then looked back to everyone else. "I t'ink... we should get drunk. Heavily. And then do the obligatory extremely stupid stuff."

"Good idea!" everyone else yelled.

BACK AT THE X-HOTEL...

"Well, Mr. LeBeau, it would seem you are highly intoxicated," said Hank.

"Quoi?"

"You're drunk."

"C'est donné." (That's a given.)

"So, we need to get you undrunk."

"Comment?" (How?)

Hank grinned and held up a squirrel, a toy bus, and a beaver. (2)

"J'ai un sentiment très mauvais à ce sujet..." (I have a very bad feeling about this...)

DOWN IN THE SEWERS...

"Hey, Bobby..."

"Yeah?"

"You guys don't have any short friends with axes, do you?"

"Not that I know of, why?"

"Because there one is now." JP pointed. Standing in front of them was a nasty-looking dwarf, holding an axe that was almost as tall as he was.

"We're in trouble."

"ELF!" the dwarf yelled, pointing at JP's pointy ears... pun not intended. He sounded oddly like John Rhys-Davies, as a matter of fact. (3)

A bunch of other random dwarves faded out of nowhere and surrounded them.

"I AM NOT AN ELF!" JP yelled. "Honestly, I thought I dispelled that rumor!" (4)

"Spaz later, fight for your life now!"

JP just rolled his eyes, grabbed Bobby, and flew off.

"How the-?" Bobby asked, as they landed about fifty feet from the dwarves.

"Did I forget to mention I'm a mutant and gay? Honestly, there's just so much to like about me!"

"You're creepy, ok?"

"Say what you will; you know you love me."

"Ew..."

From the background there was a shout of "KILL THE ELF!"

"You know, I'm starting to think running's a good option now," Bobby said, glancing nervously over his shoulder.

"Yeah, probably."

"KILL THE ELF... and his little gay friend!"

"I AM NOT GAY!"

"Come on, let's just run," said JP, grabbing Bobby before he could do something stupid... as usual.

WHEREVER ROGUE IS...

Rogue sighed and slumped down into her seat. Ah've searched thirty-two sleazy bars, not counting that gay club, and Ah still don't have a clue where the professor is. How hard could it be to find a bald guy in a wheelchair and a pimp hat? Ask a stupid question...

"So before yaz put me in the ground, buy me another round, yaz bugger you!" (5)

Ah'd know that annoying, self-righteous voice anywhere- even if it is drunk! The professor!

"Oh, hello Rogue," said the professor, who had apparently acquired a feather in his pimp hat.

LET ME TALK, DAMMIT!

"Can't," said the obviously drunk professor... come to think of it, slurred's probably a better term.

WHY NOT!

"No need to shout... it's 'cause Jean put the bonds on you. She, as the Pheonix, is infinitely more powerful than I am-"

We haven't DONE that story arc yet!

"We haven't? I thought, since we'd done it in every other form of X-men media-"

There was a rumor, but we never acted on it, dammit! Now are ya gonna help me or not?

"Well, ok... then the reason is because I'm a sadistic, dirty old bastard and like to see you suffer. AND I'M DRUNK!"

That's obvious! Rogue kicked him- hard- right where he was currently thinking with and walked off, muttering to himself.

(Sorry I'm so slow... hope that was worth it. -sheepish grin- And Di, before you say anything, there was no long, drawn-out, witty you/Remy scene 'cause you -still- haven't done your chapter of CS... but I'll give you one more week before starting to seriously annoy you. You haven't seen anything yet. REVIEW!)

(1) Paraphrased from Dave the Barbarian.

(2) From Invader Zim.

(3) -cough cough-GIMLI-coughcough-

(4) There was a long and drawn out story arc where Aurora and JP were thought to be elves due to their pointy ears but really got played and got stuck in Valhalla or some similar place... trust me, it's confusing.

(5) -le gasp- An -actual- Dark Tower quote, as opposed to obscure references! I think I could die of happiness.