Disclaimer: "Help! There's a turkey trying to eat me!" "That's nice. Great turkey impression, by the way, you must try out for the talent show."
(An: This speedy updateage is to make up for the complete lack over the past few months... it's like an insanity buildup. PB: ...OMFG. That is like the longest review I've gotten... EVER. I'm going to use most of that though... BUT WHY MALAYSIA, DAMMIT! Did I miss the fanfic memo in which Malaysia suddenly became all-powerful? Yeah, I'm gonna be using a lot of that... because it definitely sounds like something I'd come up with. Not all of it because that would be cheating. TF: I love that little alligator; I'm going to have so much fun with it later. See, now I have a mental image of Squid Boy swimming along and singing that song and Lizzie just pulling her hair out and being Shrek-like in her begging for him to shut up. CF: Domed? Like a basilica? Yes! Marvel! Because DC is for the most part a crappy copycat! SF: Using that... hee. Otak the Canadian: Oooh yes you have given me an evil plot type... thing. As close as we get to plots, anyway. Twould need some of your favorite swear words first deary. Because that's what I have these inserts do. Be straightmen and swear. A lot. Ok, there's still a lot of this to go, and if you guys keep reviewing, I'll get to 100! So keep it coming midgets!)
AT THE BAR...
Everyone was awake... except "Kurt", who had passed out.
John was poking him. "Mate... maaaate... get up... GET UP YA BUGGER!"
"CLOWNS WILL EAT ME!" (1) "Kurt" shrieked, sitting bolt upright. Then he blinked, relaxed, and keeled over.
"Dammit," John muttered.
"Try smacking him," Shelly suggested.
John shrugged, picked up a bottle of vodka, and smashed it over "Kurt's" head.
"That was my best vintage!" Di shrieked.
"All the more reason to waste it, my dear," was John's response.
"Urge... to kill... rising," Di growled.
"I'M UP!" "Kurt" shrieked... this was, of course, about a minute after he got smacked with the vodka.
"Hey, that's not Kurt!" John cried, pointing at him.
"...What makes y' say dat?" Remy asked
"Maybe it's the big 'Not Kurt' sign on his back?" Shelly suggested, pointing at it.
"Funny, never noticed dat," Remy said, scratching his head.
"Kurt" threw himself at the feet of the others... well, sort of, since they weren't all in one place and he was on the bartop. "Ok! You found me out!" "Kurt" finally shifted back to Morph.
"...Wait. If dat's Morph... den where's Kurt?"
Dun dun duuuuun...
"And where de hell is dat dramatic music coming from?"
WITH KURT... THE REAL ONE, NO QUOTATION MARKS HERE...
"We're loooost..." Kurt moaned.
"We are not," AJ chirped.
"But we don't know where we are!"
"But that doesn't mean we're lost!" (2)
Kurt sighed. "Why do you hate me so?" he asked of the ceiling.
"It's not gonna answer you, you know," AJ pointed out. "I've tried talking to the ceiling. It never does."
Kurt shot her a death glare.
AJ just beamed at him.
"I want to kill you."
"Everybody says that!"
BACK WITH THE OTHERS...
"We need t' find de real Kurt," said Remy... always the rational one... my God that sounds odd.
"Why?" everyone else asked in unison.
"BECAUSE WE DO!"
"...Day two," Pyro whispered, pulling out his omnipresent notepad, "Remy snaps." Then, just in case, he ate the note.
"I agree, we should rescue the poor midget," said Warren, who'd come down far enough from his Pixie Sticks (3) high to put pauses meriting commas in his sentences.
"He's not a midget!" Forge objected.
"He's a midget if I say he's a midget."
"Let's just look for him, ok?" Remy asked. He had a hangover coming on.
ON THE X-BUS...
"Why are we here?" JP asked of his sister.
"Because we're going to the concert too... remember?"
"No.. not really..."
"You're an idiot."
"Où l'enfer suis moi?" (Where the hell am I?) asked a certain sexy-poolboy-esque voice. Renee poked his head up from underneath the seat.
"...You put a sexy poolboy in your backpack," JP sputtered, "AND YOU DIDN'T TELL ME!"
"He's straight!"
"Oui!"
"...But he's in a Speedo..."
That one had Aurora and Renee stumped.
BACK AT THE X-HOTEL...
Warren was flattened against the wall of the hotel, arms out and humming the theme from "Mission: Impossible." "Cookie, cover me."
"He gets crazier every day," said Forge, in a sort of proud-father tone.
The rest of the group (who weren't bothering to be stealthy at all) just stared at them.
"You know what you need?" Di said to him suddenly. "You need a slap!" And with no other prelude, she backhanded him upside the head.
Forge made an incoherent noise- something like "smargh!"- and keeled over. He began to twitch.
"Aww... poor buddy," said Warren. Then he blinked, and resumed "stealth mode", creeping along the wall and now singing a tune of his own invention.
Then a completely random I'm-not-really-a-person-just-a-plot-device (hereafter referred to as INRPJPD) walked by.
Warren stopped short, holding out his arms (and his note) until the INRPJPD passed. He breathed a sigh of relief. "Man, that was close." (4)
WITH KURT...
After hours and hours and hours of rambling that no longer had a purpouse, Kurt saw what might've been the most beautiful thing in the world: an "exit" sign.
"THANK YOU GOD!" Kurt screamed, running through the door... rather, into it... face first.
"You have to turn the handle," AJ offered, on the floor now.
"...Right," Kurt agreed, undaunted.
He turned the handle and THEN ran through the door into freedom.
Now, if this were a normal fic, he'd run right into, like, Sabretooth or something. But this isn't... so instead he ran into his cohorts... who promptly ran away screaming... well, Warren did, anyway... as did Forge (who was awake again).
Warren was screaming about "being discovered by the alien fuzzy people who controlled the Pixie Sticks" and Forge was screaming... something about rabbits... I think. (5)
"Hoboy," said Shelly, facepalming.
"This is gonna take a while, isn't it?" Di said to nobody in particular.
(I know this one's kind of short but that's because the next one will be THE X-QUESTER'S AMAZING MALAYSIAN ADVENTURE (inspired by Pyschobunny and Sangofanatic)! So... yeah. It should be longer.)
(1) Ever seen that shirt that has the spiral on it with "Can't sleep, clowns will eat me?" Yep.
(2) As you can tell, this is another one of those jokes that is going to keep going and going and going...
(3) Thanks to Cassy for pointing out that they really DO spell it Sticks... fargingdammit...
(4) Emporer's New Groove anyone? I love that bit.
(5) ...Another Teacher Training joke... sorry TF but bunny-men plus Forge plus an hour or so of lurking around your Deviant Art account equals Skysong nicking jokes... for those of you who haven't read it (THE SHAME!) Forge has a crippling phobia of rabbits. And AJ's being followed by her bunny-men... make the connections, dammit!