Disclaimer: "You can suck out our minds, livers, and spleens, but we will never surrender!"

(An: This chapter shall be in a timely fashion, and it shall make no sense! This, I swear. By the by, I fixed the weird formatting in the last chapter. It's all pretty now. PB: ...It was? I thought it sucked ass... weird. Good for you. I want to parody that. I've already got most of the cast worked out- and yeah, Remy makes the perfect WW... he's even got daddy issues! The Oompa Loompas rocked. Way less creepy than in the original. I think she's the midget from Willow's daughter... she's got the same accent and face shape. Uh, yeah, that would be a plothole caused by me not watching WNC in AGES... sad, ain't it. The formatting is called "EE messed up and Skysong didn't notice." I fixed it, so there. TF: Again with the chapter woot! I don't get it! -brain hurts- I was GONNA have TRtED be Storge, but then I casted Remy as Miguel and I decided that Kuroro made more sense... no matter how much it made me go WTF? Crazy Storge puppy! -happily sits and waits- :P This proves that I am not alone in the opinion that HP3 sucked. I was disappointed because it was my second-favorite book. You didn't finish the sixth? God, I couldn't put it down! I went out and got it at midnight and everything... Bugger off, ok? The lady at the bookstore gave me ice cream! Otak: Well, glad I've made you happy, mon ami. Not an orchestra, the concert! ...but that's pretty close, lol. No, that wasn't over the top... I'm pretty sure I've done something like it before, lol. ...I don't drink... fourteen-year-old here... O.o Is there a legal age in Canada, or is it like most of Europe? Because that would be seriously cool. The Stix/Sticks snafu was pointed out to me by Cassy... bleh.)

WITH THE X-FREAKS...

Bobby and Jubilee were talking. Ok, more like arguing. Ok, more like yelling on Jubes's part and desperate pleading on Bobby's.

"So, wait," said Jubes, obviously annoyed. "You spent the whole night in a sewer with a gay dude after complaining about spandex... and you want me to believe you're still straight?"

"Yeah... please?"

"I can't believe you!" Jubilee cried. She then went to sit with Tabby and sob out her troubles over Logan's Bottlemess Bottle of Beer (BBB for short).

Behind him, JP cleared his throat, and returned the scowl Bobby gave him with a cheery smile. "I hate you so much right now, it hurts," Bobby muttered.

JP and Aurora beamed eerily identical smiles at him.

"Cut that out," said Sam. "Ya two look like some creepy Christmas elves!"

Even though they'd never met Sam, the twins knew he was insane and thus ignored him.

WITH THE INFAMOUS PIXIE STICKS BANDITS... AND THOSE OTHER FREAKS...

"So what now?" Kurt asked, watching Forge run around screaming.

"We should find some way t' catch up with de others," Remy said. He was watching Warren attempt to sneak away... he wasn't very good at it since Cookie was on his head and he was humming... loudly.

"Like how?"

"We could hotwire a car..."

"Some way that's legal?"

"A train?" Di suggested.

"That works," said Kurt and Remy in unison.

"But aren't we broke?" Pyro pointed out.

"She has money, don't y'," said Remy, pointing at Di.

"Well... no... but I know someone who has," said Di, looking contemplative.

FIVE MINUTES LATER...

Di led them to a small apartment, and she didn't knock on the door. Rather, she kicked it open. "Hey! Daph! Get up!"

A silver-haired chick popped her head out from under a copious amount of blankets. "Quoi?" she mumbled. "It be too early. Go 'way."

"It's ten at night."

"Your point...?"

Kurt tripped Remy as he not-so-subtly tried to get away.

"We require cash, my friend. Up."

"Oh, all right," Daphine LeBeau muttered, standing up. (1) "What's up wit' de groupies?"

"They messed up my bar. Now I need cash. CASH woman. Do you speaky my english?" Di rubbed her fingers together.

"Why should I give it to you?"

Di kicked her.

"Fine, fine," Daph muttered. She pulled a locked box out from under her pillow, and gave the box a good hard smack. The lock fell off.

"Smooth," Di commented, taking the box.

"You're taking my cash. You're not allowed to comment."

"It was mine first, twazzack." (2)

"So you say."

Di snorted and walked out.

"Well, that was BEYOND weird," Pyro commented.

"Yes, and?" Di responded.

"Well, it was my g-"

Kurt slapped a hand over his mouth and grinned nervously. "Ixnay the ackstorybay." (3)

"What the hell did you just say?"

"Why don't we get going?" Kurt suggested, the oh-shit smile on his face even wider.

Di shrugged, one eyebrow up. "Uh, sure."

WITH THE X-FREAKS... AGAIN...

JP was still trying to console Bobby (with rather disturbing results) and now Ororo was trying to console Logan. How had that started, you ask?

ABOUT FIVE MINUTES AGO...

"So, Logan, what happened to you?" Ororo asked, innocently enough.

Logan looked at her.

Ororo blinked.

Logan burst into tears.

Ororo blinked again.

"RODNA HATES ME!"

Ororo blinked some more. Oh sweet Goddess, what have I started?

PRESENT TIME...

So now Logan was sobbing hysterically and Ororo was looking uncomfortable and the professor was spinning in circles again.

Rogue (who was unlucky enough to be sitting behind him) let out a little moan (well, in her mind, anyway). I wonder what those other idiots are doing right now...

WITH THE INFAMOUS PIXIE STICKS BANDITS... AND THOSE OTHER FREAKS...

"Well, now we have to find a train station," Kurt said.

"He's like State-the-Obvious-Man," Di commented. (4)

"Hey, look, there's one!" Morph cried, pointing at a bright pink building that had a sign that said "Cradle of Wherever the Hell We Are." (5)

"Why is it called a cradle?" Pyro asked, but everyone ignored him and went inside anyway. (6)

In the cradle was a gigantic pink monorail. It was really pink, like hot pink, like blinding pink.

Then, of course, the entire place lit up and the mono spoke. "WELL, HOW-DEE THERE, LITTLE TRAILHANDS," said the mono, in a pretty good impression of John Wayne. "I'M BLAINE THE MONORAIL." (7)

"They messed up the colors," Pyro commented. "Shouldn't he be blue?" (8)

"Uh..." said Remy. "Can we get a ride... uh, Blaine?"

"BUT OF COURSE! BUT FIRST YA GOTTA PRIME MY PUMP, BUT IT PRIMES BACKWARDS."

The entire group blinked as a little panel opened up, revealing buttons with the numbers from one to ninety-nine. (9)

"..." said the group.

"Just press all the buttons," Morph suggested.

The others shrugged. Remy reached forward and slammed all the buttons.

Blaine's door opened. "COME ON IN, LITTLE TRAILHANDS... JUST STOP MESSING WITH THE MACHINERY."

Remy took his hand off the buttons.

"THAT'S BETTER."

They boarded the train, which was surprisingly lush.

"WHERE Y'ALL HEADED?"

"Washington D.C.?" Remy suggested.

"SUPER."

The door slid shut behind them. "MAN this is weird," Pyro commented.

"GOT THAT RIGHT, TRAILHAND... AND I'M THE ONLY ONE WHO'S ALLOWED TO TALK IN CAPS LOCK!"

"You wouldn't by any chance happen to know Apocalypse, would you?" Kurt commented.

"..."

"Didn't think so."

WITH THE X-FREAKS...

"OHMIGOD!" Kitty cried, in her usual, hyper way. "We're here! D.C. AT LAST!" Just about everyone in the plane started dancing. The ones who didn't were Logan, who was still sobbing, Ororo, who was still awkwardly trying to console him, Rogue, who didn't dance, and Soy, who was still sobbing about his bazo. (That would be spleen in Spanish for people like AJ.) The professor was dancing, yes... well, sort of. He was spinning around in his wheelchair going "WHEE!" again.

Oh, boy, we're all gonna die, Rogue thought-mumbled.

"No, we're not!" M.A. protested. "...We're just gonna be mentally scarred... or maimed. Either one works."

The hell are you doing here?

"Good question!"

(That's probably a shorter read than usual, but oh well. Trust me, Blaine the Mono only gets a two-chapter cameo, so if he annoys you, he'll be gone soon... there are only four or five chapters left total, would you believe it?)

(1) Anybody remember Daph? She was in the last XB. She's Di's OC, who she asked me to borrow... thank God that's over... her story is "All That Glitters," by the by, if you were interested... I gotta stop saying that!

(2) I love the word twazzack. For no reason at all.

(3) Kurt's paranoid, remember? And I -refuse- to make full references to any of the other X-bands. REFUSE, do you hear me!

(4) That would be an X-over quote... it's me and Di's new project... we need to work on that. The next line would be "State the Obvious Bald Man," since it was originally about Xavier... yeah, we're weird.

(5) Ordinarily it'd be "The Cradle of Lud" but we're not in Lud, are we? Nobody knows where these freaks are.

(6) FYI, I've decided that Pyro is gonna be the not-clueless character for the lost people.

(7) Blaine the Mono is kind of the villain from my favorite Dark Tower book. "The Waste Lands." (that also happens to be the book from which I acquired the title for "Hyperborean Wanderer.) He's a crazy train who threatens to crash himself if the questers can't beat him in a riddle game. He's from Lud (see footnote five), which once was a technological metropolis, but now has gone downhill... a lot.

(8) This is a paraphrased Dark Tower quote. Eddie comments on the coloring. Blaine also happens to have a counterpart, Patricia, who was blue. She commited suicide... pretty weird, no?

(9) Now, see, in the book, the way to get on Blaine is to press all the prime numbers, backwards... why? Because Blain is a sadist like that. But our heroes aren't near that smart, now are they.