Title: Dreams
Rating: R for violence.
Summary: Something's wrong with Lupin.
Disclaimer: This doesn't belong to me. I don't claim the characters. Don't sue, I don't own anything much.
A/N: This is AU, kay?
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It was twilight by the time he caught sight of Hogwarts. It had taken the rest of the afternoon and evening to get from the cottage to Hogmeade. Part of the reason for this was his stubbornness in persisting with the Floo powder. But eventually he'd given up and decided to just walk out the front door only to discover that the cottage was situated quite close to Hogsmeade.
It was almost dark now, and looked deserted in the magical village. It was unnerving to walk down the street and look at all the familiar shops. He could almost see the ghosts of yesteryears, almost hear Hermione's words as she expounded on the history of Hogsmeade; Ron's awed expression in Dervish and Banges haunted him as he climbed over the stile where they'd met Sirius so many times before, so long ago it seemed.
So much had changed since then, but Harry hadn't forgotten how it used to be at all. Instead he felt such a fierce longing to just be able to rematerialize everything the way it had been. The bittersweet nostalgic feeling was the only thing he wanted to hold onto now. He filled his heart with all the pain and regret he could muster to cushion himself, trying not to feel the emptiness he'd felt just now, alone in the derelict white cottage. Somehow his misery comforted him.
Passing by the Shrieking Shack and remembering the dramatic moments that had marked the beginning of his relationship with Sirius made him ponder just how far he'd come through the years. All the stolen moments of happiness in the past had been nothing compared to the security and comfort that had flooded his life in recent years. Even when he had to beat the odds battling with Voldemort he'd never felt lost, never felt as if he didn't belong the way he did before he ever came to Hogwarts. And since then, since he'd found his home in Hogwarts he'd never thought that he'd ever feel that way again.
But he did. Oh god, he did…
He never wanted to love them. Never wanted to miss them. It hadn't occurred to him that somehow, they had been important to him. No. I got used to them, is all. Got used to seeing their faces and hearing their voices. They weren't really important to him, they were more like… like a pair of really comfortable socks that he'd never notice wearing them, but missed when he couldn't find them. That must be it.
As he reached the gates that led to Hogsmeade and glimpsed the shining black surface of the lake and the moon reflected on its surface it struck him that it was so ironic that he'd been trying to get away from them the whole of his life and now when it had finally happened and they were too far away to hurt him anymore he felt as if he'd give anything to have them back again. Anything to have saved them, he thought, not noticing the tears that pooled in his eyes.
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He could feel the press of the dark, their voices clamoring, their hands sweeping across his face. His thoughts couldn't focus; he seemed wrapped in the magic he floated on. The world was gray and fading, the only thing that he could hear was the beating of a heart, the feel of soft hands that melted over him. He was so caught up in the feeling, that strange feeling of not being, just anchored by the touch of a breath…
There was a steady rush of motion in the air, the breathing was so loud, it robbed him of every other sense… that feeling of breath by him. He was slowly loosing control, but it felt so good… he couldn't begin to describe the feeling…
He could feel himself waking, his heart slowing. The walls that enclosed him were tumbling down, letting loose the creatures within.
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Remus opened his eyes slowly. He could see the wind sweep the curtains inwards, making them billow and float at the windows, curtains made transparent by the candles that lined the long walls. The dark speckled sky half hidden by the delicate lace was illuminated by the moon, which seemed to pulse with that secret light he could feel penetrate his bones.
But above all, above the delicious smell of the dew and the wisp of the breeze, was the throb and whisper of life.
He lifted his muzzle and snuffled around the cozy bed of sheets, eyes closed once more as he savored the sweetness of freedom. Stretching his powerful legs, he shuffled slightly towards the source of the warm spiciness till his face was buried in softness. He took a long sniff and felt it stir then shift away. Following it eagerly, he found himself pushed suddenly away by coldness that slammed insultingly across his nose. Opening eyes in startlement, he found himself staring into tilted black eyes…
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Snape suddenly felt uneasy as he gazed into bright golden cat-like orbs. Intelligent as ever, Lupin was staring at him in that way of his, inquiring and slightly puzzled, as if he couldn't figure out why he had pushed his great ugly nose away. Snape didn't move, just sat there where he was, on the bed beside the large wolf.
He hadn't been able to keep away when he saw the pale moonbeams hit Lupin's skin, bringing on the transformation. Even when the nails elongated into wicked looking claws and teeth sprouted from beneath lips blackened and stretched. The wizard in him wanted to be as near as possible, to observe and see and know everything about the creature, and that uncomfortable desire to save him again had returned.
Even remembering that Lupin hadn't taken his Wolfsbane Potion hadn't deterred him as he sat there gently stroking the shiny gray fur.
Calmly he folded his hands in his lap and scrutinized him in return, trying not to blink as the golden eyes ran up and down his body as if debating which was the tastiest part. I dare you to bite me…
At first, Remus couldn't remember who it was who shared his bed. Then the coldness of attitude and disdainful face sparked a memory of a child he'd known once before. A little boy who had tried to kill him a long time ago, when he had been in pain and helpless to defend himself. The memory made anger spike and he felt his teeth ache with the desire to sink into that pale vulnerable flesh that was so near him. He inched closer, pretending to want to cuddle and turned his head into the black robes that separated flesh from fangs.
Snape recoiled in disgust when a patch of dark saliva appeared on his black robes, but Lupin was half reclined on him, his paws kneading the flesh as he burrowed further. Irritated at his strange behavior and feeling uncertain, he wrenched his arm away violently, dislodging Lupin. Looking around for his wand to cast a drying spell, he felt a prickling sensation on his back and turned around just in time to catch a glimpse of malicious yellow eyes and a blood soaked mouth.
"Argh!" He fell over his chair in his hurry to get away. The beast was glaring at him from on top the bed, its huge head bent towards him on the ground. The empty space beneath the bed seemed like a nice place to be in at the moment, if not for the gaping jaws that hung low and snapped at him. He scrambled back just as it leapt and flung his arms up to protect his neck, only to recall his wand in his hand. "HOMORPHUS!"
Remus howled in pain as the human brandished a glowing stick and shot a spear of silver light that flashed in his eyes and struck him painfully on his chest. It was excruciating! Leaping at the human he slashed at it with his retreating claws and bowled it over, making for the windows opened to the grounds below. With a blood-curdling cry that sounded almost human, he crashed through the glass.
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Harry jerked around at the flurry of movement that crashed towards him, his hair on end and his head ringing from the cry of pain that assaulted his ears.
Charging towards him was a nightmare. Half human half beast, its legs were bent the wrong way and its heavy head, too heavy for the slim neck it perched on swung as it sniffed the air, letting loose another scream before turning away and hurtling towards the Forbidden Forest.
Rooted to the ground, he stared from his vantage point beside the cliffs as the creature bounded past the Whomping Willow, received a bone-cracking whack and collapsed on the ground beneath the infuriated tree. He couldn't move, and the split second in which he stood staring felt like forever to him.
He recognized that body.
Harry lurched forward, each whimper that he heard from the suffering creature cutting at him, urging him to run faster. He'd nearly reached the tree, had already bent to pick up the long branch that had fallen at the force of the willows whipping, aimed it at the knob that would still the tree, when a shout stopped him in his tracks.
There, pale against the night and swathed in black robes was Snape. He ran like one possessed and gestured frantically with his hands, clearly trying to make him stop. His words were whipped away in the wind that had suddenly picked up but Harry suddenly realized his intentions. Lupin was struggling on the ground in pain, clearly trying to get away from him though it brought him increasingly near the willow. Harry backed away, horrified when he saw the werewolf's struggles cease. He stood back, waiting for Snape to arrive, his eyes glued on the figure that lay still and hardly flinched when a stray branch clubbed the ground near him.
"Get away from him," Snape hissed, out of breath from his exertion, eyes snapping with determination and anger.
"What are you going to do?" Harry asked. Lupin had stopped moving by now, only moaning softly when the ground shook from the force of the willow's blows.
"Watch and learn," Snape sneered as he drew his wand out from the sleeve of his robes and swished it in Lupin's direction. The charm darted toward Lupin and lifted him, robes curling around his body, supporting and carrying him away from the willow to the far side of the grounds near the Forest. The willow was still straining in their direction, striving to smash them to smithereens but Snape calmly walked round the radius of its reach and knelt beside Lupin on the ground.
"What's happened to him?" Harry asked, aghast at the werewolf's appearance. "Why is he like that?" He knelt beside Snape, carefully pulling away the shredded black robes that Lupin had entangled himself in. The werewolf was shaking slightly and moaning, shielding his face away from them, trying hard to control himself. Snape began to run his wand slowly down his body, pausing every now and then to examine an injury.
"It's the full moon. He hasn't taken his potion. So he's dangerous – keep away, Potter!" Snape snarled harshly, knocking away Harry's hands before reaching in his voluminous sleeves for a vial of reddish potion. Harry fell backwards onto his heels. He felt so angry and useless. Snape's explanation was hardly informative and if he hadn't been so worried about Lupin he would have yelled so at him. But as it was, it seemed that Snape knew what was going on and Harry didn't want to be the one to mess things up by distracting him.
He sat back, away from the werewolf and watched as Snape gently laid Lupin's head in his lap, avoiding his erratic twitches and growls. He forced him to drink the viscous potion then waited. Finally the werewolf went limp. Harry breathed a sigh of relief and watched Snape pocket the empty vial before lifting Lupin, hardly staggering beneath his weight and bundled him up to take him back to the castle.
Harry followed him as quickly as he could. Though he didn't look agile at all, Snape could move very fast when he wanted to. Harry could hardly keep up with his long strides as he climbed the steps carved into the cliffs and disappeared into the castle.
He followed Snape all the way to the hospital wing, watching carefully as the professor tucked Lupin into a snowy white bed then pulled the netting close. "Why didn't you give him the potion?"
Snape glared at him from beneath heavy brows and slowly walked over to a rumpled bed near Lupin's and sat down. "If you haven't noticed yet Potter," he snarled "Lupin isn't a werewolf at the moment." He stared accusingly at him.
"And why is that? If it's the full moon and you haven't given him the potion?" He couldn't, wouldn't tolerate this any longer. "Spit it out already! What's wrong with Lupin?"
"Don't you know?"
"Of course not! I wouldn't have asked you if I did."
Snape looked at him, annoyed at having to explain. "If you remember anything at all of what I'd taught you, you'd know that the Wolfsbane potion is a very potent potion that prevents the dementia that accompanies the change from man to beast. It consists of ingredients that once combined and brewed to perfection," he gazed derisively at Harry as if doubting his ability to comprehend the meaning of a perfectly brewed potion "nullifies to an extent, the loss of self that a werewolf experiences during and after the change." He stopped.
"I knew that!" Harry said. "And?"
"And at the moment, Mister Lupin's body is undergoing great change. See for yourself." He drew the filmy curtains back. "Observe his face."
Harry approached the bed and stared at where Snape's hand was pointing. Lupin's face was pale as snow and smooth in his sleep. His hair was spread out over the pillow and in the dim candlelight, had a rich honey sheen that gleamed. He looked enquiringly at Snape. "What am I supposed to be seeing?" Snape narrowed his eyes. He lifted his hand and traced the hollows beneath Lupin's eyes and the edges of his mouth, then he lifted an eyelid to reveal a yellow iris and dilated pupil.
Then it struck him. There were none of the fine lines that had run a network on his face. The crowfeet around his eyes had disappeared; the deeper clefts left by too many frowns had faded away. The perpetual dark hollows beneath Lupin's eyes that hinted at exhaustion were gone too. Lupin looked younger, though no less scruffy.
"He looks… young." Harry wondered out loud. How can it be? "What change is happening? What has the potion to do with it?"
Snape looked down at his hand twined in the bedcovers. "He can't take the potion because his body is fighting with itself," he said slowly as if he were speaking his thoughts out loud. "It would only confuse the magic that is already roiling within him, battling with the foreign curse that is gradually embedding itself into his body." He looked up sharply at Harry.
"What curse?" Harry asked, dreading the answer. Oddly he felt as if he should know the answer, he understood it from the way Snape had looked at him just now and the way he was scrutinizing his face now. As if it were so plainly written on his forehead, clearly printed there that this was his doing.
"The curse of the Living Dead." Snape black eyes flashed as he answered flatly.
TBC.