Disclaimer: "And I'm still in a tutu! He made me do a jig!" "That madman! He must be stopped! ...Please, what is a jig?"
(An: Ooooh the mad return chapter... this is always so short, though. Sad. TF: That's just downright scary. Rahmfan: CASSY! -tackle- I still can't believe you're going to see FOB... WITHOUT MEEEE! CF: Yep, Pyro insanity. I so agree with you... whee, fire! No, no, see, it's "Trample the living, hurdle the dead." SF: Yeah... I know... it took me a while... -sweatdrop- Oh, man, I am SO using that! GOD that's funny! DCDDFD: I assumed you were, because I only found out recently that eighth graders are allowed to take a year of language (I assumed you were in highschool before me). Lucky ducks... ahem. No, I have not; I'm waiting to borrow it from one of my friends, buy it, or get it from the library... it ain't gonna happen soon, in other words. I didn't know Mr. "Hey You, with the Donut" had so many fans! I'll have to stick him in the movieverse one... Yes, he is immortal. And you know, a cop. YES DAMMIT! -raps on PB's skull- Unless you let slip your password somewhere, I can't, smart one. I KNEW it was by EvilWhiteRaven! TNG. -sobs- The. Next. Generation! Oh, btw, the cartoon character was TOP CAT. You know, yellow cat, pink suit, blue sidekick? I'm going to go cry in a corner now.)
ON THE X-JET...
"So... the reason you didn't talk for like the first twenty chapters of this was because Jean put a no-talky thing on you, and then she got abducted by penguins so you couldn't get her to lift it until they came through the plothole and she recovered and you couldn't tell us that because we like totally suck at charades?" said Kitty, all in a breath. (1)
"Um... yeah, that sounds about right..." said Rogue.
"I miss the days when things were short and stupid," said Kitty.
"Yep."
"You know, I get the funny feeling we, like, forgot something," said Kitty. Then she shrugged. "Oh, well, who cares?"
BACK IN DC...
"Hey," said Scott. "Shouldn't we have gotten on the jet?" Since Jean was an idiot, she made no reply.
"There you are, GWPUTA," said General Pengy. "We haven't yet fulfilled our torture quota. Come with us so you can get a minor (but painful) mention in the final chapter!"
"Oh, God," said Scott.
"Suck it up!" said the INRPJPD.
Scott began to sob quietly.
"Someone shut it up, I need to concentrate," said General Pengy.
"FETCH THE FISHES!" yelled the INRPJPD.
"Oh, God," Scott said again. "Rotten seafood and alliteration. We are so screwed."
"Give the lad a cookie," said General Pengy, getting an evil, penguiny smirk. "Or, in that case, a rotten fish!"
"We're mean, we're rude, and worst of all, we slap GWPUTAs with fishes!" an INRPJPD cried (he had a Jewish accent). "MAN I love my job!" (2)
There was a splat and all went black for poor, poor Jott. Yeah, right.
BACK ON THE JET...
"So the X-men are a bunch of guys (and girls, but who cares about them?) who run around in spandex all day?" said JP.
Bobby, resigned, nodded.
"Sound like Alpha Flight to you?" JP asked Aurora.
She nodded. "Yep, just without the hairy guys and the Canadian accents."
They grinned at each other, and then turned to Bobby, "We're in."
"Oh, God," said Bobby.
"Oh, would you SUCK IT UP!" Ray yelled from behind him.
"Somebody slap him with a fish. Please. I'm begging you."
"NO! NO FISHES! THEY TRIED TO EAT ME!" Ray shrieked. (3)
"We'll just try to get a room far, far away from the crazy people," said Aurora.
"Good luck with that," said Rahne, watching the professor spin his wheelchair in circles.
"On second thought, we'll take what we get," JP amended, now watching him as well.
Up in the front, Logan, Jubilee, and Ororo were all getting drunk out of Logan's BBB. Business as usual. Yep. (4)
"Where do you think the professor got his neato pimp hat?" Morph inquired of Pyro. "I want one!"
"He stole it off Roberto," said Pyro. "But if you want one of your own, go to the top floor bathroom at the institute and whisper 'studmuffin' into the third sink from the door. You'll learn everything you need to know, and get a neato pimp hat." (5)
"...Riiiight."
"Trust me. I know everything."
"What's the square root of 912, then?"
Pyro quickly grabbed a glass of beer and took a lusty sip. "I make it a point never to drink and derive, sorry." (6)
Morph stared at him for a moment. "For the record," he said to Kitty, since she was the only other math geek on the bus, "it's thirty point one nine nine three three seven seven-" At this point, he had to pause to gasp for air. (7)
"Good," said Rogue. "You're done talking, now stay done."
A HANDY TIMESKIP LATER, AT THE MANSION...
"X-men, move out!" cried the professor.
Everyone ignored him, although they got off the plane anyway.
"Absolute obedience," said Xavier, wiping a tear from his eye.
"You're weird," said Warren. "Don't you think so, Cookie?"
"Like you're one to talk," Forge muttered.
"OHMIGOD!" Xavier screamed. "It's the Acolytes! To me, my X-men!"
Once again, everyone ignored them, in favor of gaping in shock at the Acolytes... and some random guy in a labcoat.
"OH MY GOD!" Morph screamed. "It's Dr. Scratchnsniff!" (8)
"Yo," said Sabretooth.
"Charles," said Magneto.
Jason made monkey sounds, and Dr. Scratchnsniff settled for "And how does zat make you feel?"
"...What are you doing?" Rogue demanded, since nobody else was sane enough to ask.
"Having tea, of course," said Magneto, holding up his cup and a scone.
"Would you like a cup of tea?" said Morph, who had apparently been unhinged by the whole Scratchnsniff thing... no, wait, he was always like that. "I would, because I'm Winston Churchill. Would you like a crumpet? I would, because I'm Winston Churchill. Would you like to wear knickers? I would, because I'm Winston Churchill." (9)
"...Let me elaborate," said Rogue. "What in HELL are you doing here!"
"Well," said Sabretooth, "we were going to attack, but you weren't here."
"And zen ve saw you had muffins!" Scratchnsniff put in.
"Care for one?" said Magneto.
Charles wheeled over. "Yes, please, I do so adore banana nut!" (10)
Rogue facepalmed. "It's almost over, it's almost over, it's almost over."
"You know," Remy said, "talking to yourself is the first sign of madness."
(And that's that. Wow. I updated quickly. Next one should come along briskly as well, since it's the final thoughts chapter, and that's always easy.)
(1) God, with the convoluted plots I write, I could be an X-men person.
(2) Reference to a line said by Pa Grape in Jonah.
(3) No, I don't have the faintest what exactly happened to Ray whilst lingering at the bottom of the pool... we may never know.
(4) For the perpetually clueless, this is a running joke through all the X-bands. Subtle thing, sort of. And since it's the last one, I can finally point it out.
(5) This is a joke at my school... all the girls cluster in this one bathroom after lunch, and if you're not one of us, you have to say "studmuffin" to be accepted.
(6) Bumper sticker: Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Please don't drink and derive.
(7) It is. I checked. And it goes out for another thirty places or so, probably.
(8) Reference to "Clover's Diary," in which the Acolyte that replaces Remy gets nicknamed "Dr. Scratchnsniff" by Clover.
(9) A Family Guy line that I have wanted to use FOREVER.
(10) Reference to "Shall We Flirt?"