Disclaimer: "I do whatever my Rice Krispies tell me to."
(An: Well, here it is. Last chapter. Sob sob, sniffle sniffle. Oh, btw, I can't be arsed to do the cameo's thoughts- mainly because I can't remember who's here and who's not. Otak: You flatter me... do it again! I know, that line is awesome; it made me burst out laughing. Go to goodquotesdotcom if you want more of the kind. TF: Jason should stop hiding what's inside. He'll explode sooner or later. DCDDFD: I've never actually watched Family Guy... my friend Shelly just said that once and I thought it was hilarious, so it stuck in my brain. Confused much? Mmm, RHPS. Funfun.)
AT THE X-MANSION...
"Sanity!" cried Piotr. Everyone stared at him. "Well, you know, relative terms..."
"He's weird," Kitty muttered.
Piotr began to sob, hearing this.
"Case in point," said Kitty.
JP, of course, butted in. "Mmm, but he's sexy," he pointed out. (1)
"Who asked you!" Kurt demanded. "This series ships Kurtty! KURTTY!"
"You're right, now that I think about it," said Kitty, ignoring Kurt. "He's got a nice ass."
Kurt's jaw dropped and JP snickered.
"Run," Bobby advised. "If you value your life more than your girlfriend, RLF!"
"What's that mean?" Kurt asked, all innocence.
"Oh, no, I'm not gonna be the one to go over the swear counter for this story!" Bobby declared, strolling off.
"He's weird," said Kitty.
"Ah, oui," said JP, "mais c'est l'amour." (Yes, but that's love. Bwahahah! French I rules! I don't have to run everything through a translator anymore... just... you know... most of it...)
"I still can't believe you got dibs on him," Aurora sulked.
"There's a sad metal man over there," JP replied. "Why don't you go bother him?"
"Oooh, good idea!" Aurora fairly skipped off.
"She's weirder, though," said Kitty.
"Yeah, well, you can't pick your relatives."
Kitty squeaked. "Holy hell, we were serious there for a moment! Somebody hit the button!"
"What button?" JP and all the other random we've-never-been-in-these-fics-before characters cried.
"The big red one!" Kitty replied.
"What's it do?" JP asked. "Do I really wanna find out?"
"The final thoughts button!" Rogue cried. "Why touch that!"
"Because I don't want to write another 'I did this in the other two, so I'm doing it again' bit," M.A. whispered to Zee, who stared.
"I'll do it! Because I like exclamation points!" Kurt cried, and dived for the big red button... which, in the way of all things X-band, had appeared out of nowhere.
There was a muffled explosion. Everyone looked at Gambit. "Why is that whenever this happens y'all look at me?" he demanded. (2)
"Because you're the only one around here with powers to that effect?" Kitty pointed out.
"...Damn... I didn't do it, dammit!"
"Nobody cares, Rem," Rogue replied.
"Must've been the wrong button," Kurt said. "No final thoughts here..."
"¿Por qué no intentamos ESE botón?" Soy suggested, pointing at a smaller red button sticking out of the side of the mansion, labeled "THIS is the final thoughts button, you dumbass!" (Why don't we try THAT button?)
"Oh my GOD!" Rob yelled. "Did you just... come up with a good idea!"
"There's something unpleasantly familiar about this," Kurt muttered. (3)
Soy ignored that last bit, saying, "¡Porqué sí, lo hice sí!" (Why yes, yes I did!)
Renee glanced at him, then attempted to run away screaming. "L'apocalypse vient! Courez comme la baise, vous les personnes stupides!" (The Apocalypse is coming! RLF, you stupid people! ...see, this is one of those "most of the time"s...)
"Someone just press the button, so we can END this," Rogue begged, facepalming.
Kurt hit the button with his tail.
Rogue: Oh, thank GOD! It's over! For me! Sort of!
Remy: Seriously, why does everyone always look at ME when these things come up? Sure, I was waaaay shadier in Evo than all of my comic selves combined, but I'm not evil! ...well... if I say I'm not, I'm not, dammit!
Kurt: I hate running jokes... I mean, uh, Amanda! ...except this is Kurtty! I just said so... oh, my head hurts!
Xavier: My tinfoil hat has been eaten by my banana nut muffins... oh, woe is me.
Ororo: I wish this would just end... now, the question is... do I do a random makeout session, or go drinking?
Logan: I can't believe the author made me in love with a- is that RODNA! Logan then ran off screaming.
"Does he do that a lot, you think?" Aurora asked JP, cocking her head.
"...What?" JP said, after a second.
"You were staring at his ass, weren't you."
"...No..."
"You paused. You were staring at his ass."
"Can we please get off this subject and back onto finishing this stupid series hopefully once and for all?" Bobby cried.
JP cleared his throat. "Right."
Hank: Did I ever get a real part in this? Besides the whole whipped cream bit... ack... must resist urge to curl up into fetal position!
Kitty: What did I have here last time?
Bobby: Thank GOD I don't have to deal with that anymore... except in parodies... someone up there must hate me.
Amara: And to think, this is the only X-band I got a real part in. Wow.
Jamie: I get to be a DJ in the next X-band again! ...oh, wait, we're not supposed to forebode... um... -elevator music-!
Rahne: I'm just glad there aren't any giant spiders around here... or giant white bats... or monkeys... I HATE running jokes.
Jubilee: Stupid French guys... always stealing my boyfriends... I should go drinking with Logan and Tabby, since Ororo will be 'involved' all night...
Sam: Ah finally got a part... and a fic... and a permanent running joke.
Ray: Gotta think the same thing as the guy I hate...
Rob: Gotta think the same thing as the guy I hate...
Tabitha: Headache... my brain... gone... was it ever there?
Piotr: Must enjoy... last few moments of being ignored...
John: Flick it open, flick it shut... flick it open, flick it shut... what, you were expecting BuRn?
JP: Da na da na, dude looks like a lady! Da na da na, dude looks like a lady! (4)
Aurora: So I'm happy here, inside these padded walls, makin' obscene telephone calls, and throwin' TV dinners to the hogs... wait... where's my tinfoil hat! The alien cornflakes are attacking! THEY'RE READING MY BRAIN! (5) As often happens in these fics, Aurora got up, and ran off screaming... about cornflakes.
"Oh, God, not again," JP muttered, facepalming. "Somebody get some milk!"
Everyone ignored him, deciding this was a good course of action.
Renee: J'ai besoin d'une soute pour se cacher dans... pourquoi n'y a pas il une soute! J'ai besoin d'une soute, dammit! ...I comme des lapins... ils sont délicieux. (I need a bunker to hide in... why isn't there a bunker! ...I like bunnies... they're yummy.)
Soy: Cávelo empuje del oh oh oh que él el oh oh oh... allí es un australiano aquí. Él es todo como "compañero de WTF?" Pero él será pronto... canguros que cogen muertos. (Dig it oh oh oh Dig it oh oh oh There's an Australian here. He's all like "WTF mate?" But he'll be dead soon... coughcoughSTUPIDcoughcough kangaroos...) (6)
Forge: I'm scared of bunnies. My ancestors would be so proud. (7)
Warren: -elevator music- (8)
Cookie: ...I SHALL CONQUER THE WORLD! ...you didn't hear that.
Magneto: I'm named after a car part, my son is an idiot, and my daughter's a psychopath. I wonder if there is such a thing as death by muffins...
Sabretooth: Born free... as free as the wind blows... as free as your heart shows- WTF? Where did THAT come from? (9)
"...Is it over?" Bobby asked, after a minute.
"I think so," said Jubilee.
"Not just yet..." said Rogue.
Ororo tackled Forge.
"Now it's over."
"EEEW!"
"Shut up Jamie!"
SOMEWHERE IN HOLLYWOOD...
Sue Anna (tm) was sitting on a chair by a pool, sipping margaritas.
"So, how, exactly, did you get so famous so fast, Sue Anna (tm)?" asked an INRRJPD (I'm Not Really a Reporter, Just a Plot Device; you'd think you guys'd gotten the idea by now).
A sign came up. "It's mostly from trademarking my name. That and the death rays."
"Oh. Right."
"Get me another drink."
"But I don't work here."
"I've got a cockroach ray, too, you know."
"Yes, ma'am!"
I love this job.
A RANDOM GUTBOMB...
Stuart the random cameo person wandered into the local Gutbomb. (10)
"Can I take your order?"
"...Are you blue?"
"Why, yes, yes I am, sir. Now, here's the important part." Mesmero jumped out of the back and began to harmonize with Apocalypse the service mutant as he sang: "Would you like an apple pie with tha-at? Would you like an apple pie with tha-at?"
Stuart ran out screaming.
"They all do that," Apocalypse sighed.
And now for the REALLY fun part: DELETED SCENES!
Take one:
-Somewhere in DC, during the Pyro Insanity chapter-
Pyro: Gotta get away from the crazy people with the rocks... -runs into park-
-Cheesy music starts to play-
Pyro: Oh, God, no.
-Random dancers pop out of nowhere-
Random Dancers: -dancing and singing- Lobster man, oh, you know it, it's lobster man! Lobster man! He can do what a lobster can!
-And then... you know it! Lobster man pops out of nowhere-
Lobster Man: I've got the ability to snap things, and I taste really good with butter! (11)
Pyro: Dancing shellfish. Oh, God. Somebody shoot me.
-No wonder this got deleted.-
Take two:
-At the Spider Monkey Temple-
Spiders: -tapdancing- One day we had a notion to sail across the ocean but we can't, cause we're extinct! (12)
Katie: It's like my worst nightmare... come to life... and singing off key! -starts to sob quietly-
M.A.: ...SOMEBODY GET THE SEDATIVE!
Jubilee: You mean the brick?
M.A.: Shh.
-...Yeah.-
Take three:
-At the mansion-
Magneto: -to Sabretooth- Would you like some more tea, Mrs. Nesbit?
Mastermind: I thought your name was Sabretooth.
Sabretooth: -stands up, screaming and pointing at his hat- I'M MRS. NESBIT! MRS. NESBIT, DAMMIT! SEE THE HAT! B SEE /B IT! (13)
Mastermind: ...
-Poor guy needs a banana.-
Take four:
-Malaysia-
Rodna: -humming-
-Logan comes running in; nope, he hasn't stopped since his final thought, nope nope-
Logan: -hearts start popping over his head-
Rodna: -screams a hamstery scream and runs away-
Logan: -tackles Rodna- Let's get drunk!
Rodna: Help... me...
The Almighty Shikaka: -wipes a tear from his eye, with subtitles- I love a happy ending.
-So do I. But that's a little creepy.-
Take five:
Rogue: That's all. That's the end. There is no take five, not really.
Kitty: She's right you know. It's all in your mind.
Pillze: -is a squirrely cameo- Drugs in your head! With the pill poppin pop pop pop more medication for all! (14)
Rogue: ...Oh, dear God.
(And that really is the end. I promise. I swear. It is. ...ok, ok, there's another X-band. But it's not Evo! So ha! It's movieverse! And it's weird! And it has Remy (unlike the lameass third movie which will have no Storgey goodness). And I know this took me an age and a day; I was working on my National Novel Writing Month project. Fanfiction takes a backseat to that. Blame my friend x1 for all the nutsness of this chapter. I really have no idea why it's so stupid. So... anyway... peace, love, and review. More muffins for all.)
(1) An alternate version of JP was the son of the Canadian Prime Minister and had a thing for Piotr. Bobby/JP is so much more kickass, though.
(2) I was watching "X-men: Revisiting Profit" again... there's a gag where Hank says "I have determined that there is indeed a traitor in our midst. Again." and everyone looks at Gambit.
(3) ...-whistles-
(4) I have never actually heard this song... I just copied that from some other fic.
(5) "Nobody Here but us Frogs." This is a real song by Weird Al, I swear!
(6) Two for one ref! The song "Dig It" off the Holes soundtrack, and the animation "End of Ze World." For the record, I like kangaroos.
(7) This is a crack I made when somebody wrote a fic for Toddfan about... well it's complicated. But there was a scene where the OC (who could talk to animals) tried to explain Forge's phobia to some rabbits. Forge passes out after screaming girlishly.
(8) It's a RUNNING JOKE. I had to stick it in there! Really!
(9) I don't know the song "Born Free" and neither does Sabertooth.
(10) Stuart is Toddfan's equivalent of Fred the Pizza Mutant.
(11) Ok... so a while ago I started trading emails with Freak87, and I have no clue how or why, but we started discussing Lobster man. And I said he was going to be in the X-band. And he was. So there.
(12) Paraphrased from the show "The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy."
(13) Toy Story reference, duh.
(14) Pillzee! He's from the Foamy stuff. If you know not of our Lord and Master... you sad sad little non-cult-member you. So I'm sitting here at eleven thirty-two now, writing this out. I must be on crack.