Disclaimer: Don't sue me. I own nothing. I don't even have my own computer anymore. sigh
Summary: So what goes on inside the brilliant mind of a certain Lily Evans? She's Head Girl…she's respectable…she's intelligent…she writes an awful lot about a certain dark haired boy…. and she's most likely going slightly insane.
A/N: Wow, lots of review questions so I'll answer them just as one big thing ok? Some of you asked the same questions.
Lily and Charles have not broken up yet.
Then dance is in two weeks. Roughly.
James is popular. Very. (happy JAMES' FREAK?)
You'll find out a bit more about Chelsea's spell knowledge soon.
You want a prank? Hmm…
I can't just TELL you what's up with James and Shelly. That'd take the fun out of all the confusion I've created. :D
I probably will be writing other stories after this one.
IAAOCAG forever!
Oh, and a sentence everyone should love:
This will not be the last chapter.
Happy now? Thought so. Oh, and a quick question, do you want the story to go past their getting together?
The Diary of Lily Evans Chapter Eleven
Charms – Numb
Numb, Lily?
Yes. Numb.
Why?
Because that's how I feel. Numb.
Do you want me to curse her?
As tempting as that is, no.
NO!
She makes James happy, obviously. And I want James to be happy.
Alright, I'm a big fan of your new found sanity, but that's just like giving up Lily. This is your future husband we're talking about!
My would-have-been-future-husband-if-I-wasn't-so-stupid, you mean.
Lily! But what about what Sirius said? He's James' best friend and he wouldn't lie to you!
Well he must have been operating off old intell. As we've found out, James loves Shelly.
The wanker. I had high hopes for him but then he goes and does this. I don't suppose I'm allowed to curse him, am I.
No, Chelsea, you can't.
You know, you were a lot more fun when you were crazy.
You're just saying that because you're hell-bent on cursing someone. Besides, I read your entries, you were always worried when I had lost my sanity.
Yeah but now your just…Numb.
Yeah I know.
That's not good Lils. I mean honestly, you need to snap out of this and become yourself again. The smart, witty, intelligent one who was level-headed and yet slightly crazy who was madly in love with James Potter and had him wrapped around her finger. The one who wouldn't let Shelly have him without a fight!
But what's the point? James loves Shelly.
Stop saying that HORRID sentence! Lily, snap out of this!
I don't think I can, Chelsea.
Well then I'll make you.
How?
I don't know yet. Hey look, James looks kind of alarmed over there.
About what?
I don't know, but I could find out…
Oh no, not that eves dropping spell again. And quit grinning like a maniac.
It's the same grin you wore dear Lily when you were plotting.
If you don't mind, I'd like to forget my plotting days for the moment. They started this whole mess.
Noted. But can I Lily? Please let me drop some eves? I love to drop them! They're just so droppable!
Last time you told me it wasn't eves dropping, it was 'like a story'.
I decided to change tactics. Please Lily?
I don't know…
Pretty please with a cherry on top?
Fine.
YAY!
Eveiosa Droppium Spell: Recording>
"---love Shelly." James finished, looking warily at his fellow Mauraders.
"No wonder Lily's been so quiet," Remus mussed, "She must have heard."
"Why would she care?" Peter asked, his brow furrowing. James had looked up as well. Sirius glanced nervously as Remus.
"She wouldn't, I think it just struck her funny, you know? James, you've been chasing her for years and now word gets out that you love Shelly," Remus said, speaking rather quickly. James opened his mouth to speak.
Eveiosa Droppium Spell: Terminated >
You know what? I think I've had enough of that spell.
Yeah, me too.
Lily, I'm sorry.
It's ok Chelsea, I'll be ok.
Gryffindor Common Room – Chatting with Chelsea
You know, I like the sound of that, 'Chatting with Chelsea'. I should have a talk show named that.
You just tend to like anything that's an alliteration.
And with good reason! It sounds cool.
Mhmm….Oh MERLIN.
What is it?
Charles is headed this way.
Now's a good chance to break up with him…
I CAN'T! I'm not prepared! I don't know what to say!
Just say 'Yo, Charles, I don't like you.'
What happened to letting him down easy?
He's too clingy. He's always sitting near us. And he makes oogly faces at you.
Yeah, I know he's clingy but oogly faces? I've never seen any oogly faces.
He only oogles when you're not looking. He's a secret oogler.
"Hello, Lily," Charles says.
What? Don't I get a 'hello'? Not that I want one from a sneaky oogly oogler like him anyways.
You do realize 'oogle' isn't even a word, right?
Oh it will be. Webster is my brother from another mother. We're tight, him and I.
Goodness you're insane.
You realize you haven't said hi to Charles yet, right?
Crud.
"Hello Charles."
"Listen Lily, I think we need to talk."
"Um, alright."
"In private."
"Ok…"
WAIT! WAIT! YOU CAN'T JUST LEAVE ME OUT OF THE LOOP!
I'll be right back Chelsea!
BREAK UP WITH THE OOGLY OOGLER!
Chelsea has lost it, she really has. It's like we're incapable of both having a brain at the same time. I loose mine, she has one. I have one, she looses hers.Charles and I have moved over to a quiet corner of the common room.
"Lily---"
"Charles---"
We both started at the same time.
"You go first," Charles offers. Well, as quickly as I want to get this over, I'm slightly curious as to what he has to say. Although, if he says he loves me, I may have to slap the oogly oogler silly until he comes to his senses. Oh no…the word 'oogle' has begun to seep into my vocabulary.
"No, it's ok," I say, "You can go first."
Charles looks nervous, and he looks around the common room before speaking.
"I've noticed over the past while that, well, things aren't working," he whispers, "I just, well, you're very pretty Lily, and I often catch myself staring at you, but…"
The oogler pauses for a moment. This isn't good. What's he trying to get at?
"…there's someone else. I know this will be hard for you, but I think we should break up."
Wait, WHAT!
"WHAT!" my voice echoes loudly, catching the attention of everyone in the room, including the Marauders, minus James as he's at Quidditch practice, thank Merlin.
Charles looks like he's about to panic.
"Shhhhh, Lily, no need to shout! You're a wonderful person, but my heart just isn't in it anymore. I tried to force it, but it just wasn't working. I'm sorry," he says, turning and walking away.
I can't believe it. I got DUMPED by an oogling oogler who I don't even like.
An oogling oogler who I was going to dump!
An oogling oogler who I would have dumped if I had gone first!
DAMN CURIOSITY!
Charles is making his way through the portrait hole as I yell, "YEAH WELL I DUMP YOU, YOU OOGLING OOGLER!"
Ok, that probably wasn't the best insult…but darn Chelsea and her catchy words.
Speaking of Chelsea, she's walking over here, along with Charlie. The rest of the common room is politely pretending they heard nothing. The Marauders (minus James), I've noticed, are gone.
"Nice one," Chelsea says, patting me on the back, "I'm proud of you. You were very mature, using the words 'oogling oogler'."
Yeah, yeah, shut up. I poke her and then cross my arms. Charlie smirks, his dark blue eyes twinkling with that annoying wise-ness.
"Look on the bright side, Lily, you're broken up and you didn't have to hurt him."
You know what, Charlies, you're not helping this time. But I say nothing and just continue to scowl.
I was dumped by an oogling oogler.
Divination – Merlin this class is boring
Oh wise crystal ball, tell me what I wish to know! What do you see in my future?
Fog apparently.
Lots and lots of fog.
I hate this class.
I've believe you've said so before. But, on another note, you seem different. Less...numb, perhaps?
Yeah, I don't know what's up. I think that whole scene with Charles kind of helped me snap back to myself. It lessened some stress too. I still don't think I can handle talking to James though. And he and I are supposed to work on finalizing our plan for the Halloween Dance. It's next Friday.
Well, you never know. Things could change quite quickly.
What's THAT supposed to mean?
I'm just feeding off the divination atmosphere. I wanted to sound mystical.
I still don't trust you. You're up to something.
Am not. I think you're suffering from incense-induced paranoia. Merlin knows there's enough of it in here.
Maybe, but still…
Oh relax Lily, what on earth could I do?
Numerous things, like trying to fix the crazy Potter Problem.
Only a crazy person would attempt that.
Exactly.
Oh Lily don't be ridiculous. You said your self, James loves Shelly and you want him to be happy. So unless James doesn't like Shelly, then I wouldn't do anything.
You're talking cryptically.
I am not. I'm just stating the truth. You want James to be happy, so I won't do anything that will stop James from being happy.
Right but---
Oh look, here comes Miss. Inner-Eye, better find something in that crystal ball, Lils.
The Quidditch Pitch – Gryffindor versus Slytherin
Chelsea is up to something. I know she is. I just don't know what. We're sitting here, waiting for the game to begin, and for some reason, she invited Sirius, Remus and Peter to join us. They're all talking, so they haven't noticed I'm writing in here.
Oh and the game's starting now. There's James. Goodness…I forgot how hot he looked in all his Quidditch gear and zooming around like that.
The only thing that quells that tingly feeling in my stomach is the fact that Shelly, a few rows behind us, is cheering and screaming about how much she loves him.
James doesn't seem to hear her and therefore I am spared seeming him blow her a kiss or some other revolting action of affection.
In the minutes that the game's started, Gryffindor has already scored a goal.
Hahaha! Take that Slytherin! YOU SUCK!
James is circling above, looking for the snitch. He is the worlds hottest seeker ever.
"I LOVE YOU JAMES!" Shelly has just yelled.
Oh goodness how I want to smack that girl. But I mustn't. James loves her.
But I can still WANT to. I just can't ACTUALLY smack her.
AND GRYFFINDOR SCORES AGAIN! HAHAHAHA!
Everyone is cheering. That's all you can hear is cheering. Except Chelsea, Sirius and Remus------OH MY GAWD.
Hospital Wing – Contemplating who I want to hit more, Chelsea, Sirius or Remus
I can't BELIEVE what they've done!
James is unconscious thanks to them.
They made him fall from his broom!
He fell and fell and then hit the ground.
He had a broken arm until Madam Pomfrey fixed it, but he passed out from the pain.
Gryffindor lost the game too.
And they did all of this because…
I have no idea. What's the purpose?
Kill him so Shelly can't have him just because I can't?
Chelsea said that she wouldn't do anything to make James unhappy.
Well I don't know about her but I'd be pretty unhappy right about now.
Unless it's all some ploy so that I'll be sitting here for James to wake up to and then he'll know I care about him and then he'll dump Shelly and---
"Lily?"
Oh my gawd. He's awake.
"Lily, what happened?"
Well I have to tell him the truth.
"Chelsea, Sirius and Remus tried to kill you."
"What?" he asks, looking adorably confused. No! SHUT UP BRAIN! He's…Shelly's…man. Ugh.
"They made you fall for some reason. It seems to be some sick and twisted master plan of theirs. Look, I'll go find Shelly for you. I think she's out in the hall bawling her eyes out because she thinks you're dead."
"Shelly? Why would I want to see Shelly?"
Does he have amnesia?
"Because she's your girlfriend and you love her?"
"What ever gave you that idea?"
Uh, duh, because you're dating her you amnesiac twit.
"Because you're dating her and I heard her in the Three Broomsticks telling her friends that you said that you loved her."
James is laughing.
The raving lunatic is LAUGHING.
"What's so funny, James?" I ask, slightly indignant.
"Remus, that liar. I get it now."
I'm glad someone knows what's going on. I sure don't.
"James, what's going on?"
"Lily, lets get a few things straight right now, ok?
FINALLY. I nod.
"I broke up with Shelly that day she went into the Three Broomsticks. She didn't quite get what I meant by 'I don't like you' and 'I'm breaking up with you' and instead turned around and told her friends that I said I loved her."
"You have got to be kidding me."
"'Fraid not."
"Chelsea, Remus and Sirius planned this so that we'd talk and figure out the truth."
"That seems to be the case."
At that moment, when I felt like I was about o burst with joy, Shelly came running in.
"Oh JAMSIE-PIE! I WAS SO WORRIED!"
James cringed and would have pulled away had she not just thrown herself on top of him in a gigantic hug. Something in me that had been fighting to get free finally succeeded.
I grab Shelly by the neck of her robes and yank her back wards.
"You," I'm saying, pointing at her, "are a liar."
She glares at me suddenly.
"I am not! James loves me!"
"No I don't." James answers. Shelly gasps.
"Jamsie-Pie! You have amnesia!"
Now she's rounded on me again. Crap.
"You…you…YOU MAN STEALER! You've made him think he doesn't love me!"
And then I slapped her.
Merlin that felt good.
I can hear James chuckling.
"Shelly," James is saying, "I have never loved you and I never will love you. The whole reason I was dating you," he pauses for a moment, and glances at me, "was to make Lily jealous."
I can feel a smirk on my face as a look of horror crosses onto Shelly's and she runs from the room.
Before I get to talk to James alone, the other three quarters of the Marauders and Chelsea waltz in, looking very proud of them selves.
"So Prongsie my best mate, looks as if Shelly finally got the message," Sirius says, sitting down on the end of James' bed.
"Yeah, but did you have to throw me off my broom to do it?"
"Well, we were trying to kill two birds with one stone," Remus answers, glancing at me slightly.
Chelsea walks over.
"You know, you could have just TOLD me what was going on with James and Shelly. It would have saved me a lot of pain," I tell her. She just smirks.
"I asked Remus after we eves dropped on them about what was going on. We decided that this was the best way. Besides, you probably wouldn't have believed me. Plus, I quite enjoy plotting."
I just laugh.
I still don't completely get what happened here today, but I can't help but feel a sense of hope bubling up inside of me again.
Life suddenly isn't so bad anymore.
On the contrary, life is looking good.
Life is looking very good.
A/N: LOOK! LOOK! I POSTED! AND IT'S A NICE LONG CHAPTER!
I just hope this makes sense.
Now, remember, THIS IS NOT THE LAST CHAPTER!
Well, that should be quite obvious because hey…Lily and James aren't ACTUALLY dating yet…
I find this chapter funnier than the last few I've posted. I'm quite proud of myself. If you think it's weird how much Lily's mood and demeanor changes well…that's probably because I base some of it around what I would do…and my mood bounces around a lot. Hence why she can be numb and docile and then, WHAM hysterical and mad and slightly crazy the next. Anyways, I hope your pleased with this chapter. I expect you all to review now… And don't forget to tell me if you want the story to go past their getting together!