Warnings: Yaoi, 39, 85 ( - if you're not comfortable with this, turn back now. I will not be held responsible if I will somehow traumatize you or something. You have been warned!), Rated for language, Character OOC
A/N: Yay! Perfect NOT is almost done! So far, I'm quite happy with how the story has been progressing. Btw, sorry for the late update… I was kinda lazy to do this since I wrote down practically half of it (about 5-6 pages), then my dad deleted it without my knowledge or prior notice. I got so irritated that I started procrastinating. Anyways, sorry for the long wait, guys!
My reply to the reviewers:
Sorceress Sakura: Don't worry…. I don't intend on leaving this fic incomplete…
Mr.Giggles: I know! Cruelty indeed! And Sanzo's a meanie… when isn't he a meanie? hehehe
YJ: last chappie coming up!
Darkabaddon: sorry… no lemon… as much as I would love to add a lemon… I don't want this fic to be deleted or something like that because of it…
BlaCkFaia-Neko: Pilipino ka rin? Wow! Small world lang pala…. hahaha
Kiarah: I'm flattered… hehehe…
Lost little girl: All those questions will be answered in this chappie… sorry for leaving you hanging…
Allie-chan: Oh, Gojyo is OOC? Well, I'll try to fix it in this chappie, okay? Thank you very much for the review!
XXxYuUrAnXxX: Thanks!
MasQu3raiN: Thank you, and you'll be automatically alerted by FF. Net if I update seeing as you have me on your Author Alert. Thanks for adding me, btw.
KotoJuri: Happy holidays too!
Airashal moon: Poor everyone indeed…
Nored: Well, the answer to your question will be found in this chappie. Thank you!
Kaede11: Yeah, Sanzo does deserve to be punished. But as evil as he is, I can never punish my beloved Sanzo.
Crazy-Silly-Me: Finally! They're finally in character! That's all I can say…
Cheerful angel57: Thanks! Happy holidays too!
Chobit00: Er… I still hope you have happy holidays despite the turnout of the last chappie.
Destiny852: Thank you so much! And yeah, cold-hearted-ness forever!
Dragon-affinity: Thanks! I'm glad you liked it!
Akito-kun: Yeah… there're a lot of fics with Goku running into the rain and stuff… its kinda cliched… I know… but it sorta fits in the situation… but I'll try to make that scene interesting, kay?
Sakura Blosson-Cilla-85: Yeah, poor him…
Komoyo Minku: Actually, when I emailed you, I was already halfway done. So I only had another half to go which I surprisingly happened to have been able to write quite quickly…
C.T Saiyukily Twisted: I'm sorry! Was the last chappie that horrible? Don't worry, I'll make the ending happy this time… or amybe not… lol joke! I could never do that! I'm a sucker for "happily ever after's" even if they're nothing more than fairy tales… (We can never have a total "happily ever after" in real life… or so I think…)
Disclaimie: If I was that rich I would've owned them by now… lol... but I'm can't be considered rich… yet…
Wow, that's more reviews than usual! Thanks guys! Now, enough dilly-dally, on to the fic!
Karma
By: dream-eater-is-hungry
Sanzo's POV
The city was bathed in a multitude of colors. The rain, blending perfectly well with the night-lights that illuminated Kyoto, had created a sort of rainbow in the night sky. The soft pitter-patters of the raindrops were heard, along with the steady splashes of water as I ran across the wet pavement, drenched and cold to the bone. Usually, I would avoid being out on nights like these. I hated rainy nights. It brought too much bitter memories that I do not care to talk about. I bet those old fools up in oh-so-sunny heaven must be laughing their asses at me right now. Let them laugh all they want. I hope they laugh so hard they'll die from it. Screw them. Right now, I have more important things to worry about, like Goku, for instance.
"Damn it," I cursed, "where could he have gone?"You must be wondering, why the fuck am I looking for him? I mean, I am a heartless bastard who is cared by no one and cares for no one as well. After all, I've survived with this attitude for who know how long and so far so good, so why stop now?
To tell you the truth, I don't exactly know why the fucking hell am I doing this? I mean I could be sitting comfortably in my home, sipping a nice hot cup of coffee while reading the newspaper or something like that. And yet, despite the heavier weight of the pros that the latter held, I still refused the offer. I guess you can say, I felt guil- a pang of self-reproach, when I saw the first few tears that fell from Goku's chocolate orbs. I hated it. I hated that stupid feeling. I'm not supposed to feel anything. Happiness. Regret. Sadness. Pain. Nothing at all. Self- reproach included. I'm supposed to have mastered the art of indifference and apathy, and yet there's this stupid feeling in the pit of my stomach. And for some bizarre reason, I knew that this feeling of self-reproach will continue to haunt me, unless I make things right.
Wait; did I just say all that emotional crap? Damn the rain for fucking up my mind.
Gojyo's POV
I gazed at the beautiful night sky, enjoying the cold breeze that would send my red hair dancing. 'It's about to rain…' I mused, resting my left arm on the backrest of the bench I was sitting on.
Yet the thought of rain didn't seem to bother me at all. In fact, I could care less about the rain, or anything at all. Right now, I just want to get this over with. I reached for the envelope in the back pocket of my jeans. Staring for it for the nth time today, only one thought had occupied my mind.
'There's no turning back now…'
Hakkai's POV
As I approached the park, my once steady heartbeat started to pick up its pace. I took a deep breath, hoping it would calm my nerves. On almost any other occasion, it would've easily pacified me and appeased my anxiety. It would soothe me and bring the necessary clarity to my mind to be able take control of the situation and like clay, manipulate it to create the outcome that I want. Unfortunately, I had a feeling that tonight didn't fit the category of "on almost any other occasion".
Hugging my sweater closer to myself, I made my way inside the park. After wandering around, lost in my thoughts, I spotted a familiar mop of red hair, swaying with the soft breeze, on one of the wooden benches a short distance away. For a moment, the scene in front of me seemed to mesmerize me. It was as if a multitude of bloodied cherry blossoms were dancing and playing like the air nymphs you read about in folklore and fairy tales.
Part of me wished I could just stand there the entire evening and just watch the beautiful display in front of me. But as much as I wanted to, I didn't come here to just watch a show and enjoy myself. Gojyo said he wanted to talk to me. And by the tone of his voice over the telephone earlier this evening, it seemed like it was something of great importance.
Gracing a small smile onto my lips, I made my way over to Gojyo. "Hey, you said you wanted to talk to me?" I said, greeting my companion.
"Hakkai!" Gojyo exclaimed, jumping in his seat, obviously surprised by my presence, "how long have you been standing there?"
I held up five fingers for Gojyo to see. "Oh, about five seconds…" I replied, keeping a cheerful disposition. "I hope you didn't wait too long…" I added, my smile faltering ever so slightly at the thought that I made Gojyo wait, when in fact, I was standing there behind him doing nothing but wasting his time staring at him.
"No… not really…" Gojyo replied quietly, looking down, his mood quite contrary to the temperament I'm displaying. I sighed. No use trying to cheer things up with smiles, Hakkai.
I took a seat next to Gojyo and contented myself to staring at a tree a few feet away from us. For a while, neither of us said anything. Only the sound of breathing and the occasional whistles that the soft breeze made were heard.
Growing tired of the view that I had been busying myself with for the past few minutes, I turned my attention to Gojyo. It was only then that I noticed a some sort of white thing peeking out of Gojyo's right hand, which was resting a few millimeters apart from his right thigh where his arm was also lazily laying. (1) It looked familiar… What was it?
It seemed that I was gaping at it for so longer than I had realized, trying to figure out why it had seemed so familiar, that Gojyo was now staring me. "Hakkai?" he called, waving his hand in front of my face.
I jumped, having been snapped out of my trance. "Sorry," I replied sheepishly, "I was looking at the white thing you were holding. Who knew such an ordinary thing can be such an attention grabber?" I joked.
I can't help but smile when Gojyo gave out a quiet chuckle. "To tell you the truth," he started, "this is what I wanted to talk to you about."
"Oh?" I asked, raising an eyebrow, "what about it?"
"Here, I think it'll be better if you read it first…" he suggested, holding out the white thing or rather, a white envelope, to me.
At that moment, time seemed to stop. As I fixed my eyes on the envelope, I now realize why it had looked so familiar. Sure, it was just a plain white ordinary envelope. There was tons of it in the world! But that envelope, the plain white one with Gojyo's name scripted neatly on the front… It was no ordinary envelope… it was my love letter that had been missing!
I took the envelope from Gojyo, my hands shaking uncontrollably. I opened it and proceeded to read its familiar contents. Feigning a smile, I laid the letter onto my lap and turned to Gojyo.
"Well, it's clearly a love letter" I stated, forcing some cheer into my voice, "I'm sure you get tons of those, considering how you and Goku are such heartthrobs in school. So what about it? Anything peculiar about this particular letter?"
I turned to Gojyo, waiting for an answer. Minutes ticked by, but no answer has been given. If I hadn't known better, Gojyo was staring off to space and haven't heard a single word that I've said. Just as I was about to break his silent trance, he spoke.
"Ever heard of the quote: Don't judge a book by its cover, Hakkai?" He asked nonchalantly.
"Yes, what about it?" I replied.
"If there was one quote, that would most apply to my life, it would be that one…" he explained.
"Why so?" I questioned, curious by his answer.
Looking up, he closed his eyes and gave a deep breath. "I never got any up until now…" he stated randomly, "A love letter I mean. I never really got one until this one…"
Gojyo's POV
"I never really got one until this one…" I admitted.
Out of the corner of my eye, I can see Hakkai gape at surprise. Figures. Everyone thinks that just because you're a heartthrob with many girls adoring you, doesn't mean you'd get millions or even more, love letters each declaring their undying love for you. Nope. That's actually why the latter quote fits my life oh-so perfectly. Everyone always thinks. They always assume this and that just because of my outward appearance or social standing in school. Just like what Hakkai did just then. He assumed that I receive tons of love letters because I'm a heartthrob when in fact, it was the complete opposite. Sure, I do receive a lot of fan mail filled with lines about how I look so handsome and how they love me and all. I don't know about you, but that is not a love letter… Heck, they don't really mean it when they say they love me. It's nothing more than just a harmless crush easily mistaken for love.
Whoa, did I just say all that deep stuff? I guess Hakkai must be rubbing onto me…
"All the notes I've receive are always full of praises about me and my looks…" I continued, "all of them telling me how handsome I am and how I'm their Prince Charming… Those aren't love letters… After all, all those compliments come from the fact that they have a crush on me…" "They all say they love me… when it's nothing more than just a mere crush…" I whispered.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Hakkai looking at me at astonishment. Chuckling at his reaction, I asked: "Are you shocked by the fact I just sounded like an old Buddhist monk speaking of a profound truth, or maybe just by this new revelation about me."
"Both!" he exclaimed.
I laughed at his answer. "Hey, like I said before: Never judge a book by its cover," I replied, giving him a smile.
After a while, my laughter was soon lost in the silence of the night. "So, what am I going to do, Hakkai?" I asked, my voice barely audible, "like I said, I never got a love letter before. What will I do?"
"Well," Hakkai started, hesitant to answer, "I guess you've got to tell that person how you feel…"
"Oh…" I commented, "But what if, I already like someone else…? Should I just turn her down? After all, she did confess to me his feelings and they sound true. And I may be a womanizer, but I'm not the type who enjoys breaking the hearts of women you know..."
Hakkai's POV
At that moment, I felt it was as if my heart just shattered into a million pieces. 'I guess it was too late then,' I thought forlornly, 'he already likes someone else…'
Who was I kidding? It was pure stupidity to even think that there was even a slight possibility that he'll like me. Who was I to think that Sha Gojyo would ever like me, Cho Hakkai? That's a laugh. I guess you can say, it was just never meant to be…
"I see…" I replied, my voice somewhat cracking from the sorrow of rejection, "If that's the case, you better just tell her the whole truth. She may love you, but what can she do if you already love another? After all, no one can ever control how you feel. You are the only one who decides whom you want to love."
"I guess…" he whispered.
Moments have passed with silence accompanying us. Worried that I might break down in front of Gojyo any minute now, I stood up and prepared to leave. "I better go, Gojyo. It's pretty late and I still have some school work that I have to finish. I hope I was of help to you." I said all in a rush, my back turned against Gojyo as I tried to control the tears that were slowly threatening to fall.
"Wait," he exclaimed, grabbing my arm. "Before you go," he whispered, "I have something important to tell you…"
Part of me wanted to just brush Gojyo off and tell him to just leave me alone. Couldn't he see that I wanted to leave? But despite this, I knew it would hurt me, more than it would to him if I do that. Making up my mind, I took a deep breath and composed myself.
"What is it then?" I asked, hiding the obvious sadness and irritation in my voice.
"I just wanted you to know…" he whispered, "the person that I like… it's not a she, Hakkai…"
Gojyo's POV
"You're the only one who controls you heart…" Hakkai answered.
"I see…" I said, my voice barely audible.
After that, silence dawned upon us yet again. But its steady trance was soon broken by Hakkai who abruptly stood up and from the looks of it, is about to leave.
"I better go, Gojyo. It's pretty late and I still have some school work that I have to finish. I hope I was of help to you," he said hurriedly.
At this, I panicked. 'Shit. He can't leave yet!' I thought, 'No he mustn't leave until I tell him.'
Suddenly, in a desperate attempt to stop him, I grabbed his arm. "Wait!"
Shit, what will I tell him? Fuck. Maybe I should tell him now? Should I? It's not exactly how I imagined my confession to be… I was thinking something more romantic and fitting you know! This is not turning out the way I always thought it would be but what other fucking choice do I have! Its really now or never. I guess there's no turning back now, Gojyo. You can do this.
"Before you go," I started, "I have something important to tell you…"
Hakkai seemed to consider this and after a moment's hesitation, he spoke up. "What is it?" he asked, a small tint of annoyance in his voice.
"I just wanted you to know," I said, my voice reduced to but a mere whisper, the person that I like… it's not a she, Hakkai…"
Hakkai stiffened at this statement. I let go of Hakkai's arm and stood up. "I'm really sorry if I wasted your time… calling you over here tonight and all. But before you go, I want you to meet this person you know."
"So where is he then?" Hakkai said, his voice quivering.
I took a deep breath. This is it. I opened my mouth to answer him, just as the first few drops of rain finally began to fall down onto the earth. "He's standing right here beside me…"
Goku's POV
I was hungry, cold and tired from running and yet I still continued to push myself to the limit, letting my legs take me to God-who-knows-where. But to tell you the truth, it doesn't really matter that much to me where I'm whisked off to. May it be heaven, hell or even to the next city for all I care. Heck, I don't even mind being run over by car right now or something like that. After all, I'm sure no one would miss me if I died. I wouldn't even be surprised if everyone would be happier once I'm gone. Everyone especially Sanzo.
Yeah, that foul-mouthed cold hearted blond that I just happened to fall in love with. I'd bet you all my family fortune that he'd even be thankful that I was wiped out from the living world. Fuck him. I wish I never fell in love with him. And then maybe, it wouldn't hurt this much.
Blinded by the never ending tears, I tripped, not noticing a crack in the pavement. My head wound bled, having been reopened when it collided with the cold cement. I tried pulling myself from the ground but it proved useless for my wrist wasn't able to withstand my weight it, having been injured and I once again met rear-end with the pavement.
I stayed there, having no more energy or enough will power to pull myself back together, not caring a damn if I got sick tomorrow. I just wished that lightning would strike me and take my life, or if the gods would 'generously spare my damned life', then at least I hope they'd be kind enough to give me amnesia and then maybe, I'd forget about all those harsh things Sanzo told me. Not only that, I'd also forget that I've fallen in love with him in the first place.
Sanzo's POV
"Fuck. Where is he?" I cursed under my breath.
God I really screwed up this time. I screwed up really bad. I always knew my smart ass mouth and my fucking pride would get me into trouble. Heck, I almost got beaten up because of it(2) but did it take the hint? No.
Just as I thought I would never find Goku, I saw a figure sprawled on the pavement a short distance away. Even though it was raining really hard and it was hard to see through the rain, I immediately recognized those distinct chocolate locks.
"Goku!" I exclaimed, running towards his shivering form.
As I got closer to him, I noticed that he was bleeding again. "Kuso…" I cursed.
Not wasting any time, I locked my arms together around his small yet built form and under his armpits pull him up.
"Let me go…" he whispered.
"No," I answered, "we've got to get you out of the rain or else you might get sick."
"Why would you care?" he spat, venom lacing his every word, "after all, you never gave a damn to me before so why start now? Feeling guilty you hurt my feelings? Whatever. Nothing you do now can ever change the past."
I was taken aback, not to mention hurt by his words. It felt as if a dagger had just been stabbed into my heart. It seemed as if the places were switches. It had been almost been past an hour that Sanzo had done the exact same thing to Goku in his house causing the youth to run off crying. And now, here they were, out in the rain, to what seems to be a déjà vu except this time, it was Goku not Sanzo, whose mouth were spitting words of venom.
I felt my arms go limp as those words echoed around my head. 'Is this how it feels…? Is this how Goku felt…?'
I looked up and faced Goku who was now standing well without my help. "Now you know how it feels like don't you," he whispered, "to be hurt? Feels painful right?" Goku looked up into the night sky, letting the rain fall onto his face. "And to think just a few hours ago, it was you speaking those exact same words… karma I guess…"
"Goku I'm really sor—," I started, this time, really meaning every word I said.
"Save it…" Goku interrupted, "I don't need your stupid apologies… I'm only sorry that I fell in love with you in the first place."
(1)His sitting position is similar to how guys you often see sit. You know, leaning down their seat further than usual with one arm on the backrest of the chair, couch, whatever; their legs, slightly apart; their other arm, resting lazily on their thigh with their hand only a few centimeters away from the inner thigh.
(2) Remember chapter 1? When Sanzo got beaten up by a bully?
Wow, it was a bit longer than I expected. Apparently, it's not the ending… yet. I apologize that this chappie is 58 centric but I needed a good ending for them too right? And besides, save the best for last so please don't be too mad at me… the last chapter will be filled with 39 to make it all up to you okay? btw, is it just me or does anyone else think that Gojyo's and Sanzo's last POV is rushed? I feel as if it lacks description and all that… okay, I'm starting to hate this chapter again…