I don't know why I suddenly decided to write this but now that it's written. I guess it wouldn't be bad to post it. I don't think its that good but I hope you guys still enjoy it.
Alexander's POV
Now, she is sound asleep beside me, her breath, slow and peaceful from the passion we shared tonight, our wedding night, but I lie wide awake, my body refusing to find peace, in this cold dark night.
I long to close my eyes and fall into the darkness and awaken in the bright daylight, where I am strong and invincible but my thoughts overpower me tonight, taunting me, and depriving me of peace. It keeps repeating in my head that I am defeated and I can do nothing but accede. In the dark, where no one can see me, I am vulnerable.
The truth sears into my brain. I am defeated. I have sought to conquer. I thought I had conquered my bride and her country, but is it not she who sleeps soundly tonight, while I lie awake painfully defeated?
I have brought this upon me. I have fed my desire to conquer the world and for this I can feel my greed consume me, slowly, intoxicatingly. I live to conquer. I will die if I cannot feed this greed and yet I can feel it consuming me and I cannot resist though I try, to fight my greed, I am not strong enough.
And for this… I will lose him.
I remember feeling his amber eyes glint with immeasurable pain, as he told me the other night that he fears to lose me to the world and I looked back at him trying to hide the fear in my own eyes, trying to radiate, a strength which I knew was no longer there.
I could not fool him as I could not fool myself. He can feel it too that I was being consumed by my desire for the world and that he would have to lose me and yet the only thing I wanted to be consumed by is his love. But I see that he was right for tonight I lay beside another, another which I have pledged to love.
Soon… I will have been lost to him and I can do nothing… nothing to prevent it.
I just wish to hold him, to hold him for as long as I can and savor the moment that could be our last. I want to reassure him… of my love… that even though greed is overpowering my heart… my love is far greater… that I really do love him but am powerless to resist… so foolish.
How can I reassure him of my love? How can I give him peace and strength… if I have none of it to give?
The ring… I will find strength and peace from it. I will have it, when I cannot have him. I will find strength so that when I see him again… I can comfort him.
Those sad, pained eyes… all is lost…
My dear…
Hephaestion…