It took her two days to face him. Around mid-afternoon, when he was asleep, she tapped on the wall. He woke up at the noise, startled at the sight of her. "Do you need something?"
"Since when do I have to need something to come in here?" She demanded jokingly.
He laughed. "I'm just surprised to see you."
"Well, every once in a while I do venture out of my room."
"What a shock."
"So… can I come in or should I go hide in my room for another three hundred years?"
"Come in." He wasn't surprised to see that she was holding a book, as usual. "Don't start reading just yet."
She gave him a curious look.
"Sit."
She sat down on the bed, resting against the headboard. "What?"
"I know you won't want to hear this, but we need to talk."
Silently, she reached and opened her book. "No, we don't."
He snatched the book from her; this was not a game. "We have to talk."
She knew it was useless to try and take the book back from him, so she didn't bother. It took all of the restraint she had not to get up and walk right out of the room. "What is so important that we need to talk about it this very instant?"
"Cute, Elphaba; very cute. You know exactly what we need to talk about."
"All I have to say about any of this is that I'm sorry."
"You're going to have to say more than that."
"What do you want me to say?" She asked angrily.
"Explain to me why, when I told you that you could tell me if anything was wrong and you said you would, you ended up wrenching away from me when you had more than enough time to say something."
"Why does it matter?"
"If you don't say something, how am I supposed to know what's all right to do with you and what's not?"
"Do it and find out for yourself?"
"I certainly don't feel like getting that reaction again. All you had to do was say something. What's so hard about that?"
She was getting very uneasy and was starting to wish she hadn't left her room. Her shoulders shrugged and she stared at her hands.
"Could you at least tell me what I did wrong that made you react that way so I can try to understand?"
"I really don't want to talk about this."
"Well, if you can't even talk about this, we shouldn't have ended up doing…"
She kissed him, begging out of the conversation.
He didn't push her away, but he didn't pull her close, either. When she broke the kiss, he looked at her and saw that her eyes were pleading with him to drop the subject. "No, Elphaba."
"I said I was sorry for acting the way I did. Can't we just forget about it now?"
"So you can push me away again? I don't think so."
"I won't."
"How do I know that? I don't know what I did wrong."
"You didn't do anything wrong."
"Well, something caused you to walk out on me."
"I haven't been feeling well."
"Bull shit. And you couldn't have just said that?"
Her eyes refused to meet his.
"What was it really? Tell me," he said and took her hand, "I just want to know what not to do, Elle. I don't want to make you upset."
"It's nothing."
"It's more than nothing and you know that as well as I do."
"Please, just let it go."
"I'll let it go as soon as you tell me what was wrong."
"No." She stood up again, yanking her hand out of his.
"Why are you being so unreasonable?"
"I'm being unreasonable? You're the one who can't just forget it and move on."
"It'd be a bit difficult to move on if you keep doing this!"
"Madikien, I'm asking you to forget about it. I promise you I won't do that to you again. I won't, really."
"Then sit back down and tell me why you did it in the first place and what makes you so sure that it won't happen again."
She sat down again, but she didn't speak.
He sighed. "There's no use arguing over this. We're going to have to talk about it sooner or later."
Her eyes blazed, full of bitterness. "Why now? Are you trying to make me uneasy?"
"What do you want me to do, just let it be? There'd be way too much tension."
"There wasn't any tension until you brought it up!" She fumed.
"And what would have happened if I hadn't brought it up? What would have happened if I'd tried to come any nearer to you? You'd shove me away."
"You're paranoid."
"No. I know how you'd react, I'm sure of it. I just don't understand why you couldn't have just told me that you didn't want to…"
"I never said I didn't want to!" She snapped. It took a moment for her to realize what she'd said and her cheeks flushed almost scarlet. Grabbing her book, she got up and left the room.
He wondered how long it would take her to face him again this time, but he didn't have to wonder for more than three hours. She came wandering in as he was debating over eating bread, or trying to make something that required actual cooking skills. When she walked in, he barely glanced at her. "Dinner?"
"Hmmm. Let me guess what complicated meal is on the menu tonight. Could it be bread, perhaps?"
"Gee, how'd you know?" He smiled at her.
"I'm psychic, didn't you know?"
"No, really? Then what am I thinking right now?"
She pretended to think for a moment. "You're thinking that you're sick of eating bread?"
"Nice guess."
"I try."
Motioning to the food and sitting down at the table, he said, "Help yourself." He decided he wouldn't push the conversation they'd had earlier, at least for the time being. She'd only walk away if he did.
After a few minutes, she said, "I might have found a solution to that 'furry little creatures' problem."
"As long as it doesn't involve me having any more contact with the damned things, it's fine with me."
"It doesn't; don't worry."
"Are you going to tell me what the solution is?"
"Well, I opened my window this afternoon because it looked almost warm outside and my room is a little stuffy. So I sat down on my bed to continue reading and, of course, I heard those irritating little things running about. I got up to shoo them away and the strangest noise came from the windowsill."
"What was it?"
"A mouse was struggling to free his tail from the mouth of a while cat. It got away and the cat leapt into the room. So I closed the window. After some time, the mice and rats weren't making nearly as much noise." She grinned.
"Is it friendly?"
"Not to the mice."
"What if it doesn't want to stay?"
"I don't think that'll be a problem. There're enough rats and mice scurrying around here that it should be happy for the rest of its life."
"That's probably true."
"You don't mind cats, do you?"
"Isn't it a bit late to be asking?"
"Better late then never."
"I really don't mind. But it better spend most of its time in your room."
"Why?"
"I've always taken well to cats. It's the cats that don't take well to me."
She laughed. "That might be interesting."
"Don't even think about it," he warned.
"Think about what? I don't know what you're talking about."
He got up and started a fire. It wasn't very cold during the days anymore, but the nights were still bitter and freezing. "About before…"
"Not now, please." She sat next to him near the fire. "If you can't forget about it, at least don't bring it up now."
"All right. I won't bring it up now, but I can't promise you that I won't another time."
"Fair enough."
"You're giving in?"
"Oh, no. I didn't say I would actually cooperate with you next time you try to bring it up."
"You're stubborn."
"Thank you." She elbowed him playfully.
"That was weak."
"You're asking for it," she threatened.
"I dare you."
"I don't like hurting people, so don't make me."
"Oh, so you have a conscience?"
"Not necessarily, my darling. I simply know the difference between right and wrong. I do have some morals, you know.
"You surprise me more and more every day," he laughed, "What next?"
"You'll see." She rested her head on his shoulder.
"About that cat…"
"Yes?"
"It's not diseased or anything, is it?"
"Not that I can tell."
"That's comforting."
"It's fine. Stop worrying."
"Is it male or female, anyway?"
"Male."
"Does he have a name or are you just going to call him 'it' all the time?"
"I like that idea."
"You haven't named it?"
"It's just another animal running around here. It'd be like naming all of the mice and rats."
"That could be fun."
"I'm not laughing. How would you know which rat is which? I wouldn't want to get close enough to be able to tell. You're welcome to try, though."
"I think I'll pass up that opportunity."
She smiled. "That'd be the wise thing to do."
He kissed her softly, holding her close, but not too close. When she moved a little closer, he tried subtly to stop her from doing so.
She noticed this immediately. "You're being too careful. Once again, Madikien, I am not a child!"
"I know that. I'm not treating you like a child."
"Yes, you are. Do you think I don't know anything? Do I seem like I'm incapable of deciding for myself what to do?"
"No. But, Elle, don't you think I have a little justification to act this way because of how you reacted before?"
"I told you, I won't do it again." Her eyes flashed with resentment.
"That's tempting to believe, but I can't."
"You don't believe me?"
"Don't turn this around on me! You know I trust you, but I don't think you know for yourself how you'd react."
"How can you say that? Just because I'm a little younger than you, you're treating me like a baby because you don't think I can handle myself?"
"That's not what I said!" He was getting aggravated.
"Then what are you saying?"
"I'm saying it's probably not in your best interest to…"
"I think I can decide that for myself!"
"You couldn't last time!" His voice rose.
She was speechless for a moment, and angry as ever. "Fine." Livid, she moved away from him and sat as far from him as possible without losing the warmth and heat of the fire.
He moved to touch her, perhaps take her hand, but she flinched and pulled away.
"I'd think you'd know better than to do that." She hissed. "After all, what else am I going to do but push you away?"
"You're not helping your case any by behaving like this."
"Why should you care?"
"Elphaba, could you please just calm down?" He reached for her once again, prepared for her to lash out at him in any moment.
"I don't understand you. How many times do I have to tell you that I'm fine?" She jerked her arm away from him.
He caught her wrist. "I am trying very hard to keep both of us calm enough to talk this out. You are not helping. I am not treating you like a child. I know you can take care of yourself. You got mad at me for pushing you away just a little. Well, you hate that I rejected you. How do you think I felt? Being let down like that. It's not a feeling I'd like to experience every day"
"Live my life." She muttered.
"This isn't about that right now. Stop trying to avoid this."
"Madikien, I'm sorry for how I acted the other day. I told you that."
"I'm not angry about that. What I'm angry about is the fact that you're angry with me for doing the same thing. And it was the same thing at a lesser degree I might add." He dropped her wrist. "Do you see where I'm coming from?"
She did, and she hated that. Grudgingly, she said, "Maybe a little. But I told you I was fine."
"And you told me that the other day, too."
She bit her lip. "That was different."
"True. But you have yet to explain why you did that."
"I don't need to explain myself to you."
"You don't. I'd like to understand, though."
"It's nothing."
He sighed. "You've tried that excuse already."
"I have?"
"Not funny."
"I wasn't trying to be."
"Are we going to talk about this or not?"
"Do I have a choice?"
"Elphaba, just tell me."
"What if I won't?"
"Then there's nothing I can do about it. But it's aggravating."
"It's not important."
"If it's not important, what's the problem with telling me?"
"Because it doesn't matter."
"Then just tell me. If you don't, this is going to become a bigger issue than it already is."
"So be it."
He grabbed her hand, not allowing her the time to wrench away. "I want to be able to touch you without thinking I'll be shoved away. It'd be a lot easier to be told something wasn't right instead of that response."
"I'm not going to run away from you every time you touch me. And I speak my mind when I need to."
"Not always."
"That was once! How many other times have I pushed you away?"
"It wasn't just once, Elphaba. You've pushed me away before."
"Those times I hadn't said it was okay with me. Last time… I'm sorry; can't you just accept that?"
"I already have. This is different then what you did. This is why you did."
"The why doesn't matter. All that matters is what happens and what results from it. Please stop asking; it'll only make it worse."
He pretended to ignore the plea in her eyes. "I'm going to bed. I'll see you in the morning."
She had the strangest urge to beg him to stay with her that night, to make herself forget inexperience and fear and they could both have what they wanted. It would be nice, she thought, to let go of her resolve and just let him have his way. There couldn't be anything wrong with wanting him, not with the strength of her yearning. But she knew the possibility of being rejected was high and she certainly didn't feel like any more rejection was going to do her much good.
She gave him one last bitter look, though he tried to repel the sting of it. Then she got up and left the room. He thought he heard her kick the side of her bed, but he couldn't be sure.